Disclaimer: I do not own Vampire Knight. I only own my characters and ideas.

Not my Time
A Vampire Knight Fanfiction

Chapter Nineteen: Diarmaid

My eyelids felt heavier than lead when I attempted to open them in order to see my surroundings. Wherever I was, it was frigid and absolutely silent. The atmosphere was dark, but it was not foreboding like the atmosphere surrounding the Night Class. For a horrible moment, I worried that I had died, but in the next moment, my eyes fluttered open, and I saw a familiar gray-stone ceiling.

The infirmary… I thought, heaving a sigh of relief, as I relaxed. I'm back at Cross Academy…

Shivering, I pulled the sheet tighter around myself. When that didn't seem to be enough, I reluctantly forced myself to lean over the side of the bed in order to collect the top blanket that had fallen as I had slept. As my fingers wrapped around the delicate fabric of the cover that lay on the floor, I suddenly realized that even a prestigious boarding school would not go to the expense of supplying its infirmary with silken sheets and coverlets.

Frightened by the notion of resting in an unfamiliar location, I sat up in order to survey my surroundings more carefully. Although I could recall being attacked by the level E, my body did not register any pain in response to my sudden movements, and it was with an air of disbelief that I felt for any indication that I had been bitten. Just as the time I had encountered the God of the Underworld, my injuries appeared to have healed within moments.

Still running a hand over my neck in disbelief, I surveyed the immense chamber I had been resting in. To my left was a stone fireplace that had intricate carvings adorning its mantle. On either side of the fireplace were ornate tapestries that seemed to depict a scene from ancient times. Upon further scrutiny, I realized that the event appeared incredibly familiar, but foreign to me – as if I had heard its tale so many times that I had forgotten its significance. Turning my attention away from the tapestries, I studied the wall on my right. This wall contained a short mahogany dresser that was topped with a mirror. Various toiletries littered the top of the dresser, displaying a system of organized chaos.

Glancing out a diamond-paned, arched window located in an alcove, I realized that it was still night-time wherever I was. Despite having a clear view of the stars, the constellations were unrecognizable.

Where am I? I wondered, frantically. How did I get here? Did I really die?

Hastily, I thrust the sheet away from me, then proceeded to stumble out of the enormous four-poster bed. Crossing the short distance to the window, I felt as if I were in some bizarre dream that I couldn't wake from.

The only explanation is that this is a dream… a very strange dream…

Staring out at the sky, I confirmed that I was unfamiliar with these constellations. Nervously, I surveyed the surroundings of the building I was in, and noticed that it appeared to be a deserted fortress. Despite the lack of life, the gardens below were immaculately cared for, and images of Goddess Sadb entered my mind, as if she herself had planted and tended this garden.

When I lifted the latch, I anticipated that the window would be sealed; however, I discovered that it opened easily. Immediately, a warm breeze entered the chamber, and the scent of the flowers outside overwhelmed me momentarily. For a few minutes, I observed the desolate, but beautiful night, while wondering whether or not I were in a dream.

The more I considered the notion that this fortress existed in reality, panic steadily took over my thoughts. Despite the probability that this entire place was a dream-world, something about this location was incredibly familiar to me. More than that, I had the odd sensation that I had not only been here before, but that I had been here on several occasions. It alarmed me that I could not recall how or why I was in such a surreal world, and suddenly my mental capacities became overwhelmed with the desire to escape.

It is impossible for a world to be both real and unreal! However, this fortress is always present in the back of my mind; I don't understand how I could have gotten here, and I'm even less certain how to return to Cross Academy… I know I've been here before… How did I get away then?

Shaking from both the frigidness of the room and my own terror, I turned my attention back to examining the chamber. Across from the bed were two wooden doors, each with a carved image of an apple blossom tree. Without hesitation, I ran across the room, hardly daring to hope that the doors would be unlocked. I turned the handle while holding my breath, and as I heard the soft click resonate down the silent halls, I heaved a sigh of relief.

I wasn't trapped inside that room – that must mean leaving this place was not impossible.

Glancing down the endless corridor, I considered how I would be able to navigate this abandoned fortress without becoming hopelessly lost. From viewing the world outside my window, I knew that I was at least two stories off the ground; my first task was to locate a staircase, then I could worry about navigating the lower levels.

The corridor was colder than the chamber where I had awakened. While I searched for a staircase, I wrapped my arms around myself in an attempt to seal in what little warmth I still possessed. Of course, the cold of the corridor was not as difficult to overcome as the profound darkness. The corridor was lit only by a few torches, and at times the darkness gave me the terrible suspicion that I wasn't alone.

After wandering about aimlessly, I arrived at the first doorway since leaving my chamber. Like the doors of my chamber, this door was flanked by a torch on either side, as if to designate this chamber as important. Curiously, I decided that I would break temporarily from my endeavors to escape, and I entered.

My first thought was that I had entered my worst nightmare.

Just as the chamber in which I had awakened, this room was lit predominately by strategically placed torches; however, it was infinitely larger. In fact, I could not make out the room's boundaries. Across from me, several windows were positioned in order to give better lighting, but in the darkness of the night they provided no aid. Even so, in the flickering torchlight, I could make out countless small beds whose only adornment were carven headboards indicating to whom the bed belonged. To the sides of each bed, various gifts had been placed, and many bedsides contained bouquets of fresh flowers.

At first glance, the room appeared incredibly similar to Cross Academy's infirmary; although, this chamber was significantly bigger. Perhaps when this fortress had been inhabited, this chamber had been a hospital ward. The simplicity of the beds, as well as the efficient method in which they had been positioned indicated that at one period in time, this chamber must have been teeming with activity. I could visualize the numerous nurses and doctors who might have strode amongst their patients, as they recuperated from their illnesses and injuries; however, the silence and stillness of the ward alerted me to the fact that all that life had long since passed from this world.

That must mean that…

With extreme trepidation, I forced myself to walk amongst the beds. As I did so, I was possessed by the same sensation I had when I walked amongst the graves of the dead. In my mind, I understood that the occupants of the beds were merely sleeping; however, viewing the people resting filled me with a harrowing sense of confusion.

Instinctively, I understood that unlike myself, these people could not be permitted to awaken. Although I could not completely fathom why, I realized that this world was not ready to be inhabited once more. Despite this knowledge, part of myself was sympathetic to these people, and I was filled with the desire to ensure that they could once again participate in life.

Just not now… I reminded myself, as if my thoughts could console those who were impatient to begin life once more.

The ward was endless, but I continued moving amongst the beds, as if I were searching for something (or someone). Until I saw her, I hadn't realized that it was her I needed to see; however, as soon as I recognized her dark curls, I raced across the stone floor with reckless abandon.

Kneeling beside the bed, I shook my mother's arm in an attempt to awaken her from her slumber. When she did not stir, I whispered imploringly, "Mama… Wake up… It's me… It's Lily…"

Her voice was incredibly soft, but I was still startled by the fact that she seemed to be awakening. Groggily, my mother whispered, "Lily…" She paused a moment, then her eyes fluttered open, and she gazed at me. A gentle smile graced her lips, as she commented, "You grew up quickly; you've become so beautiful."

I blushed, and smiled a little awkwardly in response to her compliment. At the same moment, I felt my eyes water, and I blinked hard in order to prevent tears from falling. Despite my best efforts, my voice broke when I replied, "I really missed you… There was so much that you never… Why weren't you honest with me? Didn't you think that I deserved…" Trailing off, I wiped my eyes quickly, then shook my head to clear my thoughts. "I'm sorry…" I whispered, finally.

My mother surprised me by whispering back, "No; I'm sorry." After a moment, she explained, "We were only beginning to correct our mistakes when the car accident occurred. So much needed to be re-established that we put priority on our obligation to the animal charmer society; although, sometimes it seemed as if we were avoiding the topic of your heritage due to shame. We were afraid that you wouldn't love us if you realized that our decisions had caused you to be hurt. I'm sorry that I wasn't honest from the beginning, but I loved you very much… I still do…" Tears trickled down my mother's cheeks, as she apologized once more, "I'm sorry that I couldn't be with you."

Even without my mother stating it, I understood that she did not realize how her death had affected my father. From the way she worded her response, I knew she assumed that my father had continued to instruct me in our family's heritage; she was merely offering me the explanation she had never been able to give me herself.

"How are things at the farm?" my mother asked, studying me intently. "Your father always made such absurd decisions… It took me a while to settle into my slumber; I kept thinking about all the transactions that needed to be completed…"

I attempted to smile, as I assured her, "The farm is fine; still intact. Kit took over all business transactions, and he taught me how to manage the farm – you know, just in case something happened… He decided to attend school in Germany, so it ended up being just Dad and me…"

Unable to continue, I cast my eyes away. Despite wanting to spare my mother the truth, I also did not wish to deceive her. Finally, I admitted, "It would have been easier if you had been there…"

My mother smiled at me fondly, then replied in an almost inaudible whisper, "I know."

A hand rested gently upon my shoulder, and I jolted slightly before recognizing the God of the Underworld. Although he appeared fearsome, his presence calmed me somewhat. Now that he was with me, I knew that I wouldn't have to wander through the fortress aimlessly searching for a way back to reality.

"Come on, Lily," he instructed, calmly. "She's gone back to sleep."

I nodded slowly, and watched my mother rest a moment longer before turning away from her bed.

Without speaking, Diarmaid led me back toward the ward's entrance, and down the torch lit corridor. Eventually, we arrived at the staircase I had not been able to locate, and we descended to the floor below. On this floor, the halls were wider and better lit, and an endless exhibit of tapestries and oil paintings lined the stone walls.

As we passed an oil painting depicting a group of wolves protecting a young child, I paused. The scene appeared incredibly familiar to me, and the longer I studied the image, the more I was reminded of the ten days that I had forgotten.

It's the forest and pond from that dream… I finally realized. The one where I attempt to rescue the wolf.

"Lily," Diarmaid called from further down the hall.

Hastily, I caught up to him, then followed him into a comfortable sitting room. Unlike the room where I had awakened, this room was pleasantly warm, and lit brightly by several candelabrum, as well as a fire that was crackling in a hearth near to a small grouping of chairs and cushions. The walls were covered in bookshelves, which contained various objects besides books. Amongst the items, my eye caught a small, beautifully crafted mirror that had been placed upon a stand. Within this mirror I could see multiple images overlapping each other, and I walked closer in order to see precisely what the mirror depicted.

"You see them, too?" Diarmaid asked, watching me passively.

I nodded, still studying the mirror intently. "What is it that I'm seeing?" I wondered. "Does this device depict people who are dying?"

"It does depict death; however, that is not the device's true purpose," Diarmaid answered. "Using this device once made it possible to give aid to those who needed it, and death could be averted. Now there is too much strife to prevent it all."

Turning away from the mirror, I walked to the hearth where Diarmaid was awaiting me. "How did I get here?" I asked. "I know that I'm not like those others… but I don't understand why I am permitted to continue my life while they must sleep. Unless… this place is simply part of an outrageous dream…"

"It isn't," Diarmaid assured me. He indicated a comfortable chair draped with a soft throw, and I sat down. "Lily, I told you before that you are different from the rest, and the truth is far more complicated than that. I didn't wish to discuss such a delicate topic in the presence of mortals."

Momentarily, I became distracted by Diarmaid pouring two cups of tea from a delicate teapot adorned with a cluster of three violet colored roses shrouded within a layer of leaves. Somehow it seemed ironic that the God of the Underworld would choose such a teapot, but most ironic of all was the fact that the many cracks in the teapot's porcelain betrayed the fact that he hadn't simply chosen this teapot due to my presence. Accepting the cup and saucer offered to me, I traced the curvature of the porcelain, and admired its simplistic beauty.

"How is… the truth more complicated?" I questioned, focusing on the tea cup resting in my hand.

Although I attempted to remain cool and collected, part of myself was almost terrified to learn the truth Diarmaid understood. If he had not felt it appropriate to discuss in the mortal world, then this truth must possess the ability to shock me in some capacity, or perhaps it took the presence of the immortal world to make me aware that the truth was, in fact, true.

Diarmaid took a sip of tea before beginning his explanation. "Certainly you've realized that this visit is not your first to this world," he stated, matter-of-factly. "I've been attempting to bring you here for months, but you haven't been able to relax enough to come here for more than a few moments. I would have been present when you awakened; however, I was called away temporarily."

He paused, and stared into the flames dancing to the crackling of the embers. As he studied the fire in search for the words with which to properly explain the truth he needed me to know, I examined Diarmaid's visage.

For so long, I had attempted to draw the God of the Underworld, and I had always assumed that the reason I could not recollect his features was due to some sort of enchantment he had placed on me; however, in that moment, I realized that my inability to depict Diarmaid accurately was due to no spell. Simple as it was, the agelessness of his eyes were difficult – if not impossible – for me to fathom even as I stared into their depths. His eyes possessed so much anguish that, skilled as I was as an artist, I knew it could not be depicted in a portrait.

"You wear a cloak," I commented, thoughtlessly. Despite the absurdity of my statement, I spoke without feeling embarrassed. "I think – I think I understand why."

Diarmaid returned his attention to me, but he did not interrupt, so I continued, "Humanity has forgotten your compassion; they have forgotten that it is not your true purpose to take away the ones they love. Even now, you are not taking them away forever. By bringing them to this place, you are permitting them to be protected until it is possible for them to live new lives in a place where death does not exist." Before finishing, I paused in order to ensure my thoughts were in order. "You wear a cloak in order to spare yourself the betrayal you feel whenever you are viewed by humanity, and when you are not gathering souls, you remain here alone because even you have lost sight of who you used to be."

Now that my diatribe had come to a close, I worried that I should not have attempted to analyze the god's decision-making. Certainly a god would take offense at a mere mortal's attempt to rationalize the actions of gods; beings who had roamed the earth for centuries must understand themselves better than any outsider, yet I had just implied that Diarmaid was unaware of his own purpose in life.

"Don't apologize," Diarmaid instructed, gently. "I appreciate your honesty and perception. Truth is a complicated enough discussion without attempting to ingratiate yourself to the one whom you wish to bring understanding. You have less difficulty with providing your own view – because you have never considered deceit to be fruitful. I, on the other hand, have – as you stated – denied myself the company of others, so I have not been in the practice of informing others of my knowledge and view."

Closing his eyes briefly, Diarmaid finally arrived at the topic that seemed so difficult for him to discuss. "I mentioned that you have been to this place before, and I am certain that by now you have realized this location is merely a place of eternal rest for mortals. It is not possible for them to remain alert here; only those who are capable of existing outside of time are able to remain active within this world." He paused in order to let the truth of his words sink in fully.

Frowning, I attempted to deny the truth I was beginning to realize. "But I… I can't be…" I trailed off, uncertain of whether I had even understood Diarmaid's implication. "I am a mortal; I was born to an animal charmer family, and they are mortals. I wasn't even aware that I was an animal charmer until a vampire kindly explained my own heritage to me!"

Very calmly, Diarmaid assured me, "You were born a mortal; that is true. However, your life changed when you decided to rescue a creature at the risk of losing your own life. You had no way of realizing that the wolf had been drowning for centuries, and that by attempting to release it from the ice, you were ensuring your own destruction." Diarmaid paused before continuing his explanation, "That pond was placed under an enchantment. It is one of the cruel trials gods create in order to view the reactions of mortals. Until you arrived at the pond, we had grown accustomed to mortals who lacked the resolve necessary to attempt such a hopeless task, or who lacked the compassion to rescue a creature associated with malice.

"Your commitment to saving the wolf pleased us; although, we did not initially decide that it warranted a reward to be given to you." Diarmaid's expression seemed conflicted, as if he still were pained by the memory of my death. His regret over this decision caused him to explain, "At the time, your family had blasphemed against the Fair Folk, and your entire existence was meant to be a mockery to us; your parents believed they were capable of raising a child who could be ignorant of her connection to the gods, as well as her own people. When you drowned, many of the gods found it an appropriate consequence for your parents – they lost a child who sacrificed herself based on her animal charmer instincts."

To hide my own conflicted feelings, I took a sip of my tea. In spite of my neutral opinion of the Fair Folk, I could not help feeling betrayed by their willingness to punish someone innocent – just so they could torment a family who had lost their sense of loyalty.

But I really can't blame them; they didn't force me to save the wolf… When it comes down to the facts, I chose to sacrifice myself. The fact that the lake happened to be under an enchantment is almost irrelevant.

After remaining silent for a few minutes, I stammered, "B-But I have… I've been living a normal life. Wh-Whatever happened… If I – died – it wasn't… permanent…" At the end of my distorted statement, I released a short breath, then promptly interrupted Diarmaid's attempt to speak. "Un-Unless it was all a dream! None of it was real! It was absurd anyway; a school filled with vampires… Although… not nearly as absurd as discovering…"

I trailed off, and Diarmaid took his opportunity to speak. "Lily, your death was not permanent," he stated, softly. "When you drowned, you absorbed part of the enchantment, and you became incredibly powerful. You became powerful enough to remain alert in this place; just as the Fair Folk are able. Over the course a few days, it became apparent that.."

"I am not a goddess," I informed Diarmaid, bluntly. "I – I don't even want to be whatever I am."

"You are not a goddess," Diarmaid replied. "You merely have the ability of a goddess. I'm certain you've become aware of these abilities; they typically manifest in events or actions which cannot be explained."

Memories flashed before my eyes briefly, as I recalled the various inexplicable occurrences which had plagued me recently at Cross Academy. These occurrences seemed to begin with my possession of Coimirceoir, and had steadily increased during the last few months. Although many odd events appeared innocuous in hindsight, I recalled losing my temper a few times and causing damage to the school building. Now that I considered the vast array of unexplained, even dangerous, accidents that I may or may not have caused, it was no wonder that Kaname had insisted that I join the Night Class.

"So, my abilities recently surfaced?" I asked. "I mean, I must have had some before, and then over time they grew."

Diarmaid nodded slightly, but then seemed to contradict this action. "Your abilities were geared toward working alongside animals. When you arrived at Cross Academy, you lost your main outlet," he told me. "It is true that abilities grow over time, because abilities are based on experience, but you were never properly instructed in using your abilities, and at times your power ignites based on your emotion."

Guiltily, I defended myself, "I try very hard to keep my emotions under-control. I don't mean to do anything wrong. Why didn't someone tell me all this? Why would my parents hide something like this from me?"

"Those are questions you must ask your family," Diarmaid reminded me. "I could not possibly explain their reasoning to you."

I nodded, slowly. "They aren't aware of what happened when I disappeared," I admitted. "What will I tell them?"

"The truth," Diarmaid answered, easily. "There is no need to be frightened of what occurred. Your family would understand; they are aware of how cruelly your father treated you, and they know from your loyalty that you are not cruel-hearted."

"And what about the people at Cross Academy?" I wondered. "They're beginning to realize that there is something odd about me. I don't want to lie to them; they've been honest with their identities; however, they…"

Diarmaid interrupted, "In your world, a priority is placed upon protecting oneself against those who do not profess a belief in the Fair Folk. If you believe the truth might cause you to be persecuted, then you have a right to deny it. Considering that the vampires also follow this code, you will not be committing a grave sin by lying to them." He paused a moment before adding, "Of course, you may choose whatever you think is best."

At Diarmaid's words, I set my cup and saucer on the small table between us, then I inquired, "Will I be able to travel between these two worlds? I'm not completely certain how I managed to access this place, and I'm even more uncertain how I can return to Cross Academy."

Setting his own cup and saucer onto the table, Diarmaid advised me, "Crossing between these two worlds requires an immense amount of focus. You will find that going into a meditative state helps; just recall a significant location in the world you wish to enter, and you will be able to return."

Closing my eyes, I focused on a memory powerful enough to draw me back into the world from which I originated. Choosing which memory would permit me to return to Cross Academy was not difficult. As soon as I shut my eyes, the image of my farm appeared. It was not an image of an empty barn, but it was also not of one of the chaotic mornings where I scrambled to feed and groom without stopping for breath.

Winter on Apple Blossom Acres was simultaneously the most peaceful and hectic time of the year. Frigid days and long nights meant that I was rushing around the barn to ensure that all the horses had hay and water that wasn't iced over. Most days, at least a foot of snow covered the ground, and ice coated every smooth surface, which caused the world to appear as if it were a scene from a fairytale.

Because every morning I awakened to either the gusting of the wind, or the exuberant neighing of the horses, when I awoke one morning to the sound of complete silence, I felt as if I were in a dream. With an air of disbelief, awe, and fear, I quietly tip-toed around my room as I changed into my barn clothes. The morning was so silent and still that I didn't want to risk initiating an eruption of noise.

Descending into the barn, I was careful not to let even one stair creak. At the door, I pressed my ear to the wood in an attempt to hear the sound of rustling and pacing; however, the silence remained unbroken.

Mesmerized and bewildered by the oddness of the morning, I entered the main aisle of the barn, and my breath caught in my chest. After a cursory glance up-and-down the aisle, it appeared as if all the horses were gone. The only reason I did not immediately panic was due to the fact that all the stall doors were bolted securely, and nothing appeared out of place.

Approaching the nearest stall, I glanced over the half-door and was startled to find the mare inside was kneeling. As if nothing at all were odd about this situation, she flicked her ears forward, and gave me a tranquil stare of her own.

Shaking my head, I continued on to the stall next to hers – certain that its occupant would at least be lying on his side. However, after looking over the top of this stall, I discovered that this horse too was kneeling. Unable to fathom the notion that all the horses had chosen to kneel at the same time, I hastily continued throughout the entire barn until I finally was forced to admit.

All the horses were kneeling, as if in prayer.

Chapter nineteen completed! I hope it's coherent, and enjoyable; it took me a while to write this one, but I was really excited to change the setting from Cross Academy to somewhere new... I hope I didn't end up butchering my story instead... :/

It'll be back to Cross Academy with the next chapter, in any case.

Notes:
Diarmaid: pronounced: dJEER-medj: it's from Irish mythology (I read it in something; can't recall what. XD)
I based the final part of this chapter off Thomas Hardy's poem "The Oxen."

Please, review to let me know of errors or thoughts. :)

Thanks,
Mango