Thank you guys soooo much for reading. I hope that you are all enjoying it. I do address Finn's death in this chapter, but it's only really how it affects Kurt. Please review.

By the next week Finn is gone and Kurt is even more lost then he had been. Rachel is a mess and he holds her for hours a day, usually he's quiet, but sometimes she asks him questions about how much Finn loved her, and it's selfish but he knows that she truly did love Finn and unlike him she's never had to think of anyone but herself, so he reassures her and kisses her hair.

She let's him leave to go back home, which is surprising because she's the type of person that needs someone to lean on, but she's serious about it he can tell. As they say their good byes he hugs her extra tight and his heart aches for her because she's been forced into growing up before she was ready and he knows how that feels.

He doesn't know why he does it, it's a short flight, short enough to not get himself into trouble, but the man next to him is cute and obviously gay, in fact he fits the stereotype so well that Kurt feels animosity towards him. They speak casually about the man's (Brad's) retail job, and it's normal until Brad starts asking the questions.

"Let me guess, you model?" He asks with a smirk. Kurt bursts out laughing and shakes his head and he's ready to tell him that: no, no he is definitely not a model - but that doesn't happen.

"How'd you guess?" He asks.

"Those eyes, tall, thin and toned." Brad lists and although Kurt would be embarrassed to blush at the words, he's scared when the oh so common reaction doesn't come.

"You'd be right." Kurt tells him. "I've modeling since I was eighteen." He goes on, not knowing where all these lies were coming from.

"Wow, and how old are you?" Brad asks.

"23." Kurt answers easily.

"What did you say your name was again? Kurt?"

"No, no. My name is Curtis, with a C. Curtis Christof." Kurt corrects him.

"Ahh, I see. Sorry." Brad chuckles and Kurt smiles softly and shrugs. "I bet you get a lot of work in New York. Everyone must want a piece of you." Kurt raises a brow and smirks, delighted when the man blushes. "That, uh, I didn't mean to sound creepy." He chuckles.

"Do you want a piece me?" Kurt asks and his voice feels like silk as he lets the words out.

"I-uh..." The man trails off and Kurt is too far gone to do anything but palm rufus' cock through his tight fit jeans.

"Curtis." He sputters.

"Shh, baby. Just breath." Kurt shushes him, and he not even really /Kurt/ anymore.

Brad pulls his briefcase into his lap and it hides his erection when Kurt's pulls it out and jerks him to climax just as landing begins.

He feels awful when they land and runs straight to the restroom to wash his hands thoroughly, whatever spell he was under breaking and leaving him to feel awful and sick to his stomach. He doesn't cry though, just slaps himself in the face and goes to see his father, who he desperately feels he needs.

His heart shatters a little when he sees that Burt has brought Blaine with him. He knows he should feel guilty seeing him with all that he's just done, but instead he just feels pissed off at his father for bringing him.

Kurt hugs his father before Blaine and he wants to hit him like he did to himself when he sees him nod and rationalize it with his eyes. He hugs Blaine after and it does feel nice and homie.

"You okay?" Blaine mutters and Kurt's nods.

"You?" He whispers.

"Been better." Blaine responds and Kurt kisses his cheek.

Blaine sleeps over the house that night after Burt insists. He and Carole have been sleeping at a hotel since it happened.

Kurt holds Blaine as he cries and talks softly about how much he regrets the stupid tiffs they had gotten into and Kurt rubs his back and let's him because he's already decided this whole trip home would be about him being there for, and helping his friends with the first serious bullet life has hit them with.

"I-I mean, you don't understand, you were always with the girls. He was such a good friend." And that is what finally gets him.

"He was my brother, Blaine." He says flatly. "We lived together and talked every night, and played music together, and slept on the trampoline in the summer." He tells him, listing the things that no one really knows because he was too afraid to bring them up, not wanting Finn to get picked on for hanging out with his gay step brother.

"I know, sweetie." Is all Blaine says, leaning up to give Kurt a silencing kiss, something he does frequently when Kurt's speaks before Blaine is finished.

"God, Kurt." He sighs. "What's the glee club going to do?"

Kurt's breath hitches and he shoots up into the sitting position, startling Blaine. "I'm not worried about the fucking glee club, Blaine." He says in a low voice. "I'm not worried about any of your stupid high school drama. I'm worried about what Finn missed out on, Carol, my dad, their relationship, Rachel, and yes it's selfish, but I'm worried about me." Blaine's face softens from his angry hurt puppy look at the last part and he reaches out to touch Kurt's cheek but his hand is batted away. "I'm worried that I won't be the same ever again, that I'll never be happy, that life will never stop. . . shitting on me. I'm worried that I'm going to lose my mind, because I already feel myself slipping." He goes on, closing his eyes tightly to keep the tears in and it hurts even worse when he doesn't feel the burn in his eyes. Slowly he opens back up and presses his finger tips to the skin under his right eye, pulling them back to see no shine of moisture.

"Kurt?" Blaine's whine pulls him from his thoughts and he looks up at him. "Kurt, let's just get some sleep. You're tired." He wants to slap Blaine in the face then, but he doesn't. He listens and lays himself beside Blaine, who turns off the light and cuddles into his side.

He leaves the day after Rachel gets there, she has her dads, and his own father told him some alone time would do him good. Blaine takes him to the airport and Kurt can't help but feel that the only reason why is that it's something dramatic that he can cry about to Sam later in hopes of getting one of those strong arms wrapped around him. He looks on the boy with sympathy for a moment, wondering if he has some deep seeded issues of his own, he does know his family is a bit messed up.

His alone time is short lived. He spends two hours to himself until he can't take it anymore, he needs someone to bring out some emotion in him and it would be best if the emotion was something positive.

To Sebastian: Does the offer still stand to take me out?

To Kurt: Are you alright?

To Sebastian: I forget that you're from Ohio. How strange is that? I forgot you were a part of my high school years. A big part too.

To Kurt: Why don't we do it another time.

To Sebastian: Already have another boy to go with then?

To Kurt: are you sure that you're up for it.

To Sebastian: I'm grown man, I can make my own decisions.

To Kurt: Fair enough. Be ready, I'm on my way.

Kurt feels like he should smile at the text, but he still feels-well, he doesn't feel anything actually. He gets changed into tighter clothes, choosing to wear just a fitted jumper rather than anything else so that it's easy to remove, which is not something he should be thinking about, but it is.

Sebastian is in boot cut jeans and a light blue v-neck and doesn't even stop his eyes from moving up and down his body, shrugging when Sebastian gives him an amused look.

"How did it happen?" Sebastian asks.

"It doesn't matter." Kurt tells and even with this strange attraction that he has developed for Sebastian and even though he still desperately wants to be cool in his eyes, he's still extremely annoyed at the question.

Sebastian nods and shuffles on his feet a bit. Kurt raises his brows and is grateful for the distraction because now all that is on his mind is Sebastian's adorable and out-of-character awkwardness.

"I'm sorry." Kurt says. "I just...I..."

"Want to forget?" Sebastian supplies for him and Kurt smiles widely because even he hadn't realized that that was exactly what he needed.

"Yes."

The night is absolutely crazy. He acts like someone who he has never been. He drinks too much and dances with random men, but he's careful to only pick out the creepiest and dirtiest to force himself on.

He has a man's hands tight on his hips, and he thinks that he may be whispering naughty words into his ear, but he can't hear, not only due to the music but now his pesky brain is interfering and reminding himself of who he is and what he wants and what he doesn't.

"I'm sorry, I have to meet my friends at the bar." He yells for the man to hear.

"I'll be your friend." The mans yells back and Kurt stiffens

"My boyfriend." He tries and the man just yanks him in. Kurt is ready to push him off and is sure it won't be too hard, considering how intoxicated the man is, but Sebastian comes out of nowhere and does it for him.

"Are you an idiot?" He shouts back at Kurt as he pulls him through the crowed.

"No, I was-"

"But you didn't, and you are piss drunk, Kurt." He snaps, before he brings them outside in the ally beside the bar where there are two sets of men, one giving the other a blow job, and the other actually fucking up against the wall.

"Is that legal?" He asks, voice high and curious.

"Kurt." Sebastian says steely and takes his face into his hands. Kurt's eyes widen, his skin prickles and his eyes drop to Sebastian's lips, wanting nothing more than to kiss him. "You gotta go home, alright? I'll get you cab and ride with you."

Kurt sighs when it's clear that Sebastian isn't going to kiss him and he lets his shoulders slump. "I'll call." He says.

"Call who?" The other boy asks, dropping his hands and pressing on to his forehead as if it hurts.

"Adam. He'll get me. I can't be alone, 'Bastian." Sebastian's eyes are sympathetic and he caresses Kurt's cheek, Kurt immediately pressing into it.

"Is Adam a good boy like you and Blaine?" He asks and Kurt wants to vomit at the words.

"He's sweet, and you're an idiot." Kurt's responds. "I'm a selfish slut."

Sebastian sighs and pushes and hand through his own hair and he looks wildly uncomfortable and stressed over the words.

"Kurt." He tries but Kurt's already holding his phone to his ear and shushes him before he can try and tell Kurt that he's wrong.

He feels stupid when Adam arrives in a taxi. He assumed that he had a car and he really could have just took a ride by himself to Adam's but Adam doesn't complain. He gets out and motions for the driver to stay before going up to Sebastian and shaking his hands with words that Kurt doesn't care enough to hear. He looks on them, studying the way they interact, and feeling a sense of pride that these boys are his friends - his, who he had made all by himself.

He let's Adam steer him into the taxi and stays motionless for a minute until Adam leans over and presses a kiss to his temple. Kurt turns his head and they look into each other's eyes for what feels like forever.

"I'm sad." Kurt says finally and Adam goes lax with a sad sigh and he mouths 'I know', eyes full of heart break for Kurt.

Kurt scrunched his face and doesn't even care about how ugly he looks. He startles and opens his eyes when he feels Adam's thumb brush over his cheek. He looks at him dumbly for a moment, Adam biting his lip unsurely, he takes Adam's hand in his and looks at his thumb, smiling wide and relieved when he sees it shining with his tears and he can feel again.