Alright guys. I just gotta say. I just gotta. You guys are seriously H-I-L-A-R-I-O-U-S. Seriously. And you could not be more awesome. Thanks, to every single one of you!
"Aw shit, aw shit, aw shit!" Herobrine muttered, trying with all his might to break the bedrock, though it wouldn't budge. "LET ME OUT, LET ME OUT!"
"Calm yourself, fool," Kristina hissed at him, "you're really quite annoying." She came out from the shadows, her outfit simply of what Steve and Herobrine were wearing, but she had long, blonde hair, and red eyes.
"Hey!" Ashley said, putting on the biggest smile that she could. "Um, could we save all this totally weird sibling fight to the death stuff for the future, and focus on our Minecraft Interviews, for the moment?"
"Minecraft Interviews?"
"Um, yeah. To answer questions that people ask about everyone in Minecraft, you guys included. And you don't get to hit anybody. Well, unless they dare you to. Which reminds me..." Ashley glanced at Steve.
"Oh no..." Steve muttered. "I'm really gonna hate this..."
"So, is that okay with you, Kristina? Can I call you that, or do you prefer 'Devourer'?"
"'Devourer' was just what I used to scare him." She jabbed her thumb in the direction of her brother. "Call me Kristina. And yeah, it sounds like fun! Am I aloud to eat everyone afterwards?"
"Um. How about no..." Ashley quickly glanced at her paper. "First question, from Electric Elements, Herobrine, do you have a wife?"
"Hell to the no."
"Come on, Hero, tell them about Jessica!"
"Kristi! Jessica was just a friend. Besides, angels freak me out, anyways."
"Uh huh, sure, sure." She rolled her eyes and mouthed 'liar' at Ashley.
"Alright, I got a question for everyone; what do you guys eat?"
"BRAINZ." Zombie muttered instantly.
"Flowers are pretty...and yummy." Enderman replied.
"Nothing, really...I just explode..." Creeper sighed.
"Gold!" Pigman grinned.
"Marshmallows." Ghast said. "Roasted marshmallows."
"Clay from-y swamps." Slime and Magma said at the same time.
"Um, anything edible?" Steve shrugged.
"Yuck. I remember that time I got to watch you eat my friend's eye." Spider shivered.
"Ew, he what?!" Cave Spider frowned.
"As well as this dude's freaking arm." Skeleton nodded towards Zombie.
"BRAINZ." Zombie muttered.
"I was gonna freaking starve!" Steve defended.
"Yes, and eating rotten flesh really helps with that." Creeper rolled his eyes.
"I eat emeralds...and so does Snow Golem." Iron Golem remarked.
Ashley glanced around a moment. "Um, Herobrine, Kristina, I really don't wanna ask this, and I know I'm gonna regret it, but, what do you guys eat?"
Kristina grinned. "Do you really want to know?"
"No...but it's required that I ask...and that you answer..."
"Hint, I'm called 'The Devourer' for a reason. And souls are pretty darn delicious." Kristina got up and looked around, as if choosing. "Can I demonstrate?"
"Um, no, not- not yet." Ashley said. "Um, Herobrine?"
"My grandma was a vampire." He replied, grinning at Steve. "Grandpa was a demon, Kristi here got that side."
"Guilty as charged." His sister said.
"Alright, now..." She glanced at her paper again.
"Hey, you didn't tell us what your favorite food was!" Steve pointed out.
"Oh, um...mac and cheese." Ashley shrugged. "Now, this is for everybody, again, what if you got sucked into the real world?"
"That would just be a feed fest." Herobrine muttered. "Same with you, Kristi?"
"Pretty much. Although jerks don't taste so good...but it'll do." She shrugged.
"Um, right." Ashley stared at her paper again. "That's all from Electric Elements, next from , Ghast, what's your favorite food?"
"Smores. Marshmallows by themselves come close, though." Ghast replied.
"Alright. Herobrine, what's your favorite animal?"
"A baby sheep..."
"Oh, speaking of which," Kristina let out some kind of roar mixed with a high-pitched scream, with her mouth just about split open, and before you could count to one Baby Sheep was by her side. "Baby Sheep, sit. Stay." The said animal did both, not so much as blinking.
"Kristina, another thing I really don't want to ask, what is the most delicious thing you've devoured so far?" Ashley asked.
"Wow, that's a hard one..." Kristina stared into space. "Well, that Blaze's soul was too hot, Snow Golem's too cold...I'd say, it was probably a Creeper's soul. That wasn't too bad. It was pretty darn small, though. Left a nice scene for the parent."
Creeper's eyes widened and he stopped breathing. "T-That's...that's what happened to Georgia?!"
"Was that her name?" Kristina smirked.
Five minutes later, Kristina was holding an ice pack to her eye, while Creeper still attempted and failed to get himself to stop fizzling, and both Steve and Ashley were still trying to hold him back, in case he lashed out at her again.
"Um, this is a question for Baby Sheep...why do you want to kill everyone?" Ashley asked.
Baby Sheep turned her head to the side and grinned. "For the Devourer."
"She's a little possessed..." Kristina chuckled.
"Enderman, do you like barbecue?" Ashley stared at her paper.
"What's a barbecue?" Enderman asked.
"Oh my gosh, you guys are so missing out." She placed a very real barbecue.
"Whoa...what is this?!" Steve exclaimed, noting how it was round.
"Um, it's a circle."
"What's a circle?" Wither inquired.
"Um, that." Ashley motioned to it, and fired up the grill and placed raw porkchop on it. (Around this time, Pigman fainted.)
While they ate, Ashley looked at her paper again. "That's it from . Next is Blueseas17..."
"Oh no." Steve muttered. "I remember her..."
"Yeah, you should. By the way, she bans you from touching a single cat." Ashley declared.
"She can do that?"
"If I put it in here, heck yes she can." Ashley replied.
"Yes!" Creeper grinned. "I like this lady."
"Herobrine, you have to eat a whole tree, roots, leaves and all. 'YOU NEED TO EAT YOUR VEGETABLES!'" Ashley quoted.
"Vegetables?" Herobrine frowned. "Doesn't sound very pleasant..."
"Here, let's start out with broccoli, it looks like a miniature tree, and then you can eat a whole one." Ashley threw broccoli at him.
He picked it up and stared at it. "What in the heck? It's literally a tiny tree!"
"Just eat it." Kristina rolled her eyes.
The moment he bit into it, Herobrine spat it out. "Ew! What do they make this with?! Poison?!"
"Now, cut down a tree and eat it." Ashley commanded.
Herobrine stared with displeasure at the trees around him. "Yuck." He muttered before he hardly tapped a tree, and it tumbled over. He somehow managed to shove it in his mouth and then ate it, roots and all.
"Now..." Ashley stared at her paper again and grinned. "Another dare. GROUP HUG, EVERYBODY!"
"Dammit." Steve muttered, but everyone did so.
"And I hope that didn't bother ya, Steve, you got more dares coming your way."
"Dang it, why?! Just why?!"
"Um, you can ask that later. The next dare from Blueseas17 is for everyone to hit Steve once with your fist, or whatever it is you have."
"What am I supposed to use?" Creeper asked.
"Yeah!" Ghast agreed.
"Those of you who don't have arms, just kick him in the face or something." Ashley replied.
"Uh, goodbye!" Steve tried to run. But Kristina stopped him and held him down. "I'm not gonna much as flick him, though, because I really don't think the readers could afford for him to die," she whispered in his ear, "not yet, anyway."
So everyone went around hitting poor Steve, but when it was Herobrine's turn, who was aiming his first at his stomach, Ashley just gave him a glare. Herobrine sighed and flicked Steve in the head, who was instantly unconscious.
"Great, Herobrine, just great." Ashley sighed as she tried to slap Steve awake. "I can't imagine what would've happened to him if you had seriously punched him. Alright, Kristina, let him go."
Steve jumped up and turned to run, as he knew there was going to be more dares, but Herobrine and Kristina were both in his way, so he wisely chose to sit down.
"Oooh, Herobrine, we got a dare for you. You wanna be a pretty princess?" Ashley grinned.
"Oh god. No, please no." Herobrine muttered.
"Aw, he'll be so pwretty!" Kristina jabbed him in the stomach, and Herobrine toppled over, moaning. "Oh, whoops, the pwrinncess got hurt!"
"You're just going to enjoy every second of this, aren't you?" Herobrine muttered.
"Did you expect anything else?"
"Herobrine, you have to wear a pink dress and tiara, and you can't take it off afterwards."
"I'd rather burn it and toss the ashes at the sun." Herobrine muttered. But soon, surely enough, he was wearing the biggest, fluffiest dress that Kristina had been able to find, with a sparkling tiara on top.
Steve tried hard not to laugh, but like the others, he often failed.
"Creeper, are you a boy or a girl?" Ashley asked.
"Boy." Creeper replied.
"Yup. That's it from Blueseas17." Ashley said.
"Thanks goodness." Steve muttered.
"Oh, it's not over yet, Steve." Ashley chuckled. "Only just begun. Oh, great." She whispered as she looked at her paper again. "BlackDragon41 says, Kristina, tell us more about yourself..."
Kristina grinned uncontrollably. "Ooh, where to start?" She stared into space. "Well, world domonation is in progress, that is if this bozo will just freaking stay out of my way. But I don't think it's much of a problem, as you can see." She chuckled. "It'll be fun to eat his soul."
"I'm shaking in my ballerina slippers." Herobrine held out a foot. "Which, by the way, was not part of the dare."
"Yes, but it still makes it hilarious."
"Zombie, have you ever considered deodorant, like all over your body?" Ashley asked.
"BRAINZ." Zombie muttered. "So. Screw. That."
"Wow. He knows how to say something else other than 'brains'."
"BRAINZ."
"Right, um, I gotta spawn a wolf real quick," Ashley did so, "Wolf, why do you want so many bones just to be friends?"
Wolf growled. "Don't you dare tell me you're complaining. You guys give me freaking three bones, (which, by the way, you get from killing Skeletons, which just makes it messed up,) so I take the freaking remains of a dead thing and then guard you until I die. So don't complain."
"The guy has a good point." Skeleton remarked.
"Alright, now, I gotta spawn a villager." She did so. "Villager, if you have no Iron Golems to defend your village, why don't you just fight? Why don't you ever fight?"
"Fighting is bad." Villager replied. "We get hurt, and then... our cows turn psycho and jump on us! THEY FEED ON BLOOD, I TELL YOU! THEY'RE VAMPIRE COWS, VAMPIRE COWS!"
"Um, Kristina, I'm probably gonna regret this, but... could you?" Ashley asked.
"It would be my pleasure." Kristina grinned. She ran up to the Villager gracefully, as if dancing, and then snapped his neck. She opened her mouth, and some kind of white smoke came from the Villager and she sucked it up. "Hmm. Too much salt."
"My turn?" Herobrine begged.
"Fine. Just don't get blood on your wovely wittle dwress!" Kristina laughed. "Suck 'em dry, sucker."
Without another word, Herobrine rushed forward, slightly faster than the eye could see, and began sucking blood from the Villager's neck. Steve, and most of the others, looked away, disgusted.
"Alright, ahem," Ashley cleared her throat as Herobrine threw the Villager's body somewhere into the woods. "Herobrine, have you ever had a hug before?"
"Yeah. From Jessica... that weird angel. Her warm little arms made me feel all happy and fuzzy inside. And I hated it. Ew." Herobrine muttered.
"Okay..." Ashley grinned widely. "Oooh...I like this. A lot."
"That can't be good." Enderman muttered.
"I'm gonna quote this person real fast. 'Steve, (grins evilly) You should hug Herobrine. (glares) Do it. You might be less afraid of him afterwards. Might. And it can't be a quick hug, has to be an actual genuine kind of thing. Herobrine, you better hug back otherwise I'll ask Kristina to do me a favor and you might not like it-"
"I like the sound of where this is going." Kristina chuckled.
"-But don't crush Steve to death, no matter how tempting that may be." Ashley finished. "So, go. Like, now. And if you guys even try to run away..." She glanced at Kristina, who smiled.
"Shit." Steve muttered.
"Ughhh. WHY?!" Herobrine growled. So, awkwardly and hesitantly, the two hugged, and Ashley made them stay like that for a moment.
"Dude, please don't kill me. I'm not in the mood to die." Steve muttered.
"Oh, I normally would, but I'm really not in the mood to die either, especially not from my demon sister, so yeah." Herobrine replied. When they were allowed to pull away they both sighed again.
"No! Not again!" Herobrine suddenly doubled over and clenched his chest. "NOT THE HAPPY FUZZIES."
"Give him a moment, he doesn't like sweet moments, at all." Kristina rolled her eyes.
"Alrighty, now two questions from PotionMaster123, and the first is this; what would you guys say if I told you that this world is just a video game, and that really the real world is on earth?" Ashley asked.
"We know that, but here's a thinker; what if your guys's world, is also a video game? To some giants or something? Like playing Sims or something? And what if they are just part of another video game? And the people controlling them are also in a video game? And it could just go on forever..." Snow Golem said.
"That's a really weird thought...Anyway, next question," Ashley looked at her paper again, "If mods were in Minecraft, which would you choose, and what lifestyles would the bosses and mobs have with Steve?" She read aloud. "Um, I'm not that good with mods, but I would certainly have the Mini Map mod, because I am seriously sick of getting lost and losing all my stuff-"
"I hear you there!"
"And then I'd get that space mod...I don't remember the name of it...or I'd just play on the Technic Launcher and play Yogbox. Because really, the animals are so cute on that game!" Ashley grinned. "Especially the turtles. I have one that I named Chloe, and I said, 'come on, Chloe, get on my head, and let's go have an adventure!' and then I forgot she was on my head and it freaked me out when I saw her there." Ashley stared into space. "Anyway, that's it from PotionMaster123...next, from TheAlmightyFireHawk, Enderdragon, if you're the most powerful mob in Minecraft, why are you afraid of Herobrine?"
"Herobrine and his psychopath demon soul-sucking sister. And because they aren't even mobs, they're basically immortal. Still not as powerful as Creative Mode, though." Enderdragon replied.
"Also, do you hate Wither?"
"Um, no? I don't know why I would. He's weird, yes, but hey, it's Minecraft. Who isn't in this game?" Enderdragon rolled his eyes.
"What do you eat in the End?"
"Whatever blocks the dumb Endermen find that their oh-so-precious Ender God doesn't want." Enderdragon replied.
"Insult Enderia and I'll have her cut your head off, again!" Enderman hissed.
"Fine, fine." Enderdragon winced in memory.
"That's it from TheAlmightyFireHawk." Ashley looked back at her paper. "This is from...ElrondlordofImladris. Who says, 'Herobrine, if I ever met you, would you become my friend and we could kill Steve together?'"
"Chances are being my friend are absolutely nothing, but being a servant I wouldn't mind. So yeah. And, trust me, it would be a lot more than just Steve alone." Herobrine replied.
"Another one for you, are you really the God of the Nether and if so who is your most loyal servant?" Ashley asked.
"Eh. The Nether is okay. Not all are totally willing servants, but soon I'll be the God of Everything, so. And well, I guess it might end up being you, but for the moment...I'd probably say...wow, I got nobody." Herobrine chuckled. "That's kinda ironic."
"No kidding." Ashley muttered. She glanced at her paper again. "Enderdragon, have you tried to make friends with Herobrine?"
"Um, no."
"Steve, why do you hate Herobrine?"
"Are you freaking kidding me?" Steve muttered.
"All mobs, why are you scared of Herobrine?"
"Okay. Seriously. Is this person in love with Herobrine or something?!" Wither exclaimed.
"It's strange that you would mention that, because her next quote is 'Herobrine and Enderdragon, I LOVE YOU!'"
"Are you kidding?" Steve glanced at the paper. "She's not kidding."
"Alright, that's it from them, RenThePyro is suggesting an idea though, that I PM everyone the questions I need to know for the story, and then I can put them in it..." Ashley said.
"Please, please, please, please, please no! Especially not the crazy people that made the dares to make them freaking hit me!" Steve got on his knees.
"Chill out. It's a cool idea, but if I did, I would only do like one or two people, because it would just be madness over here..."
"You mean it isn't already?" Kristina asked.
"Oh, trust me, it can get a lot worse." Ashley said. "Anyway, Luna M. Moon says, 'Herobrine, can you go on a killing spree with me? I'm bored.'"
"Oh my gosh, I know. Is this Minecraft Interviews ever gonna end? I just wanna kill everybody for crying out loud. Then again, I'd probably take a few for servants...but yeah." Herobrine replied.
"Alright, everyone, ever heard of Roblox?"
"Yup." They all replied at once.
"Minecraft's better!" Skeleton called out.
"Agreed. However, I still do play Roblox. Guess what my username is! No, seriously, guess. It's ihearthorses6000!" *Winks* "Now, Skeleton, what the heck do you eat that makes your bones such great fertilizer?"
"THAT'S what they freaking do?! Really?!" Skeleton frowned, disgusted. "Sheesh, and I guess that eating nothing is really good for the plants."
"Hey, what about that worm you ate?" Wither asked.
"That was once, once! And I was bored..."
"Alright, that's it from Luna M. Moon, now for Fai And Butter, who asks, Herobrine, are you ticklish?"
"Um, no! Why would I be- hahahaha, Kristi, no, n- haha, -KRISTINA don't- hahahaha! Stop, stop, Kristi-!" Herobrine couldn't stop laughing as his sister tickled him.
"Alright, Steve, what are you afraid of, other than Herobrine?" Ashley asked.
"Um, Kristina...death...um...being haunted for the of my life...being enslaved for the rest of my life...and...that's about it." Steve said. "Next question."
"Not so fast." Herobrine grinned wickedly. "You forgot one."
"No, no, please, Herobrine-"
He whipped out a rose that was dripping in blood. "Remember this?"
"No, Herobrine, don't, please, I'll-"
"Don't you remember that lovely little scene? Wasn't it just...spectacular? Your mother laying on the floor? How beautiful was the blood in her hair, hmm?"
Steve fell back, eyes wide with the memory that he dreaded. "No." He could barely whisper in his hoarse voice. "Please no."
"Ah, I still remember that steady drip of crimson that was on the walls, on her, all around her...wasn't that just beautiful? And do you remember what happened to the rest of that family of yours?"
The images that crossed his mind became to horrible to bare, but there was no way for them to leave. He held his hands over his ears, yet Herobrine's words pierced throw his mind like a sword.
Herobrine leaned closer until his menacing voice was a load whisper. "Do you remember their screams, how they begged for even the tiniest bit of mercy? How all you had left was a bloody rose?"
Steve began shaking.
"I don't know about him, but I remember that night. Man, that was fun." Kristina shook her head.
Herobrine rolled his eyes. "I did all the work, you just sat back and watched."
"I at the time I remember wishing there was some kind of soul-flavored popcorn in Minecraft. But I ended up just having the souls instead."
"Alright, you two, that's enough." Ashley grabbed the shivering Minecraft Player. "Last question, 'Herobrine, how would you feel if you knew I made you the principal of a school in my fic?'"
Herobrine grinned. "It depends, really. Principal is like, the king, am I right? I'd probably get rid of them all, or put them through hell, as I can't do well with a bunch of preschoolers as slaves, the weaklings, and their blood is way too sweet, with all the sugar they eat. Same for high schoolers and college guys and Top Ramen. Yuck. So yeah, those guys are safe. For now."
"Uh huh. Now. All that's left is the two dares from Blueseas17, who says that someone with Herobrine had to fight me. The second is Herobrine and Steve fighting. And I let everybody vote between Steve, Slime, and Baby Sheep, that will be teaming up with Herobrine. So, let's see..." She held up the paper. "If I did my math correctly, it is...STEVE!"
The said Minecraft Player, who moments before had recovered, groaned. "I have to fight beside the guy I freaking hate and fight you?!"
"Yup. At three a clock today. Everybody be there, while I go get ready! Cya then!"
At three a clock, Kristina and Ashley both walked up to their shade, both wearing tanktops and short jean-style shorts. Ashley twisted a diamond knife around between her fingers.
Steve whistled and said "Holy freaking hotness," as they walked by, only to be whacked in the face by Ashley.
"Now, here are the rules. Nobody's gonna die in this thing, (cough cough, Herobrine) and it will end when one side can't get up. Everybody will be in Survival Mode, and the audience is not aloud to fight. Got it? Good. Now, get up, Herobrine and Steve, and let's do this thing!"
"READY!" Skeleton began. "SET! GO!"
"Hey, where'd my powers go?!" Herobrine exclaimed. Kristina giggled and tossed the purple orb of his vampire powers between her hands. "Ugh." He growled and turned towards the quickly-approaching Ashley.
"Um, I take the left, you take the right?" Steve muttered.
"Nah, I want the left." Herobrine replied.
"Ugh. Fine."
Just as Ashley was inches from them, she did a front flip over their heads and threw her diamond knife into Steve's leg.
"Owww!" Steve fell over. "What was that for?!"
"Sorry, taking out the weak ones first!" Ashley replied.
"Now that is just plain rude." Steve muttered.
She looked towards, to find Herobrine rushing towards her. Ashley grabbed her knife from Steve, who yelped in pain, and she began fighting with Herobrine so fast that no one could see anything but blurs.
After multiple long, but boring minutes of staring at the two blurs, Herobrine and Ashley both fell to the ground, gasping for breath.
"I give up." Herobrine said with a breathless gasp.
"Me too." Ashley replied. "Gosh, that was just...ugh."
Tired and weak, they didn't notice the shadow until it was too late.
"Um, Herobrine..." Kristina muttered. "Daddy's back."
I know what you're thinking. 'Really? Are you kidding me right now?' The answer; nope. Yeah. I know. But it gets better from here...so yeah.