Eren was dragged down two more hallways and shoved into a rickety elevator; Hanji chatted the whole way.
"I've read so much, Eren, whole libraries full, but I've never actually met a living human before." She said. "Well, that's not really true. I've seen them, just couldn't speak to them, language barriers and all that, you know? But I've spoken to plenty of dead ones!"
"Really?" Eren staggered as the elevator began rising with a lurch. He leaned over the railing, trying to get a look at where they were heading, but Hanji tugged him back.
"Of course." She grinned. "We're all spirits eventually, right? I just don't get all that anthropophobia. A lot of the guys here, the ones born into the after-life, they're always going on about how stupid human spirits are. As if! So what if it takes you lot a few generations to get the hang of things? I'd like to see them adapt to a non-corporal existence. Besides, anyone who loses all semblance of self control over roasted newts can't talk."
Eren nodded, trying to look like he'd understood any of that.
"And, and—!" Hanji gushed. "You humans have such diversity. Is it true none of you are exactly alike?"
"I guess so." Back in the village when Eren had still thought he'd be living there his whole life, Grisha had played midwife during the birth of Mrs. Soya's identical twins. Eren had helped his father bring food to the family a few weeks later and he'd marveled at just how similar the babes looked, even as infants. Still, Grisha had assured him that looks were just that—superficial. Everything that made them them was unique.
"Aren't spirits different?" he asked.
"Sure, you'd never guess it though. Hive mind half the time, I swear." Hanji huffed and cranked the elevator's lever. They began rising even faster. "You've got your toad spirits and your forest spirits and your transformed spirits—that's me! River spirits, faceless spirits, the ethereal, the waifs. And ghosts of course; spirits that lived in the human world for a time. That's why it's so sad." Hanji crossed her arms over her apron, looking as if she was trying to hug herself. "You humans, you're so diverse! But then you loose all that when you die. Well, at least for a while. It comes back eventually." She patted Eren roughly on the back. "Don't worry! Most are only mindless blobs for a couple decades or so. Then you get your mojo back and you can move chains around and stuff. That's always a big riot with the tourists."
"Blobs…" Eren swallowed, thinking back to the mass of black ghosts that had swarmed the restaurants below. "The ones outside. Below the bathhouse. They're…?"
"Human spirits? You betcha. See? Smart!" Hanji went to turn the backrub into a full-blown hug when she glanced down at their feet. Pressed against his side Eren could feel her shaking with silent laugher. "Eren. Haven't you ever worked in a bathhouse before? You don't need your shoes, silly. Or your socks."
"Uh…"
"Here."
"Hey!"
Eren was nearly tipped backwards out of the elevator when Hanji grabbed at his feet. Within seconds his footwear was gone and she was cradling his smelly shoes in her arms.
"Can I keep them?" Hanji whispered.
"No!"
"Aww. Then I'll just keep them for a while." She stuffed his muddy sneakers into her apron pocket and really, what was Eren supposed to do to stop her?
They continued to rise and as they did Eren sneaked into the corner, leaning his head against the wood. The vibration of the elevator was soothing. Sometimes, when there was too much housework for just one woman, Eren's mom would make a list of anything and everything that needed doing. Now, Eren pictured their scratched kitchen table and started writing a list of his own:
To Do
Save Mom.
Save Dad.
Save Mikasa.
Get home.
Optional
Beat the ever-loving crap out of this Irwin guy.
Try to forget that he'd ever learned about the after-life from a human-obsessed spirit.
Eren thumped his head lightly against the elevator's frame. Numbers one through five seemed impossible and number six wasn't happening anytime soon. He kicked the elevator as well, just for good measure, and hissed when he toes crunched.
"Hey, kid. You okay?"
"Leave me alone," Eren muttered. "And I'm not a kid," he said directly to the wood. Still, Eren found himself turning back towards Hanji.
"Just… dying," he said. "Spirits and all that. Does the 'how' matter?"
Hanji tilted her head to the side. Eren rushed to explain. "I mean, you know, dying. How you die, Hanji. Does that matter?"
"Well yeah." She glanced upwards in thought, missing Eren's flinch. "You mean with humans right? Sometimes if people die, um… badly, it takes them longer to get the hang of their new existence. They're kinda thrown for a bit, you know?"
"Like if someone drowns?" Eren pressed.
"Uh… maybe." Hanji spluttered, waving her arms. "But no one's drowning, Eren!"
"I know. Whatever. Just…" It had all been a bit much, hadn't it? Eren had been fooling himself into thinking that his stupid little freak out on the bridge had been forgotten, but even the heat of Sasha's boiler room couldn't wipe it away completely. Now he was supposed to just stand here and chat about dying? How humans lost themselves in death? What if that had been Mikasa—pulled roughly below the sea, water filling her lungs, spending generations wandering aimlessly because of the 'how'? What if that had been him?
"You sure you're okay?"
What if it happened anyway? His parents, Mikasa… they were still missing.
"Yeah." Eren lied. "I'm fine."
"Great!" With a happy shriek Hanji pulled him from his corner and flipped the lever on the wall. They ground to an abrupt halt.
"Right. This elevator doesn't go all the way to the top, so we need to—oh. Hi, Jean."
The elevator opened to show a lanky boy wearing what looked like a permanent scowl. His mouth dropped the second he got a look at Eren.
"You!" He cried. "You're the—"
Hanji slapped a hand over his mouth. "Ah, ah, ah. He's nothing. Nothing at all. Not unless you want me telling the Corporal who cleaned the tubs in the south wing last week." Hanji paused and Eren saw the whites of Jean's eyes. "Or, you know, didn't clean as the case may be."
"Got it." Jean growled, slapping her hand away. He turned to Eren and huffed. "Jeez. Just don't let Irwin catch you taking in strays, Hanji. We'll all be done for."
"Actually, we're heading to see him now." Hanji pushed past as Jean's mouth dropped. After a second he turned and started trotting after them.
"That was a joke," he hissed.
"Nuh uh."
"You can't take him…" Jean's eyes strayed towards Eren. He pulled himself over Hanji's shoulder, still walking briskly, and whispered in a manner he probably thought was secretive.
"He'll eat the kid alive, Hanji."
Eren was about to protest—despite the sick churning that had started in the pit of his stomach—but Hanji beat him to it. She shoved him off her, far more roughly than Eren would have thought possible.
"Eren needs a job." She said and Jean stiffened. "Got it? So are you going to help us or not?"
He didn't say anything but Jean's gait evened out to match their own. The three of them kept silent as they continued through the labyrinth of hallways.
It wasn't until they'd come out fully onto a balcony—one overlooking at least twenty different tubs—that Eren realized how little of the bathhouse he'd actually seen. There'd been a brief glimpse of the entrance when he'd crossed the bridge… but that memory was overshadowed by the image of water. He'd seen the boiler room of course, and one elevator, but other than that…
It was, in a word, spectacular, far more colorful than Eren would have ever guessed. Everywhere sprits ran to and fro, many of them looking human, even more resembling animals, some looking like nothing Eren had ever seen before. They were filling the steaming baths or scrubbing them down, carrying food and chatting together in the corners. Bracing himself over the railing Eren took a deep breath and caught the sent of lavender in the air. Despite the chaos, the entire scene was calming. The atmosphere was soothing. Warmer than the night outside, but not oppressive like Sasha's domain—the perfect bath temperature.
Hanji pulled him along. Jean moved to her right, the two of them effectively blocking Eren from view.
"Marco." Jean said.
"Polo." Eren responded, the blushed under the confused look he got. "Oops. Um, it's a game…"
"A human game?" Hanji squealed.
"Well yeah…"
"Later," Jean said. He shook his head at Eren. "Who are you anyway? No, never-mind. The less I know the better. Hanji, have you seen Marco?"
"Can't say I have." She twirled a little, nearly hitting a spirit carrying a tray of mugs. "That why you were heading downstairs? He's not with Connie."
Jean scrubbed a hand over his face. "Damn. I thought he might be sneaking Sasha extras again."
"Nope. Check the laundry?"
"Yeah."
"Kitchens?"
"They nudged him out."
"Spirit kiddie pool?"
"Irwin's really going to fire him if he gets caught playing with the kids again…"
Tired of being ignored Eren pushed between the two adults. "What?" He sniped. "Lost your boyfriend?"
Jean blinked down at him. "Yeah. You seen him?"
"Oh… No. Sorry." Pulling back Eren noticed something frantic going on below. A spirit with cat ears was being yelled at by a creature nearly indistinguishable from bubble bath it was lounging in. She had two tokens in her paws and another one balanced on her tail. The poor thing seemed to be trying to calm her client and get them in the wall at the same time.
"Hey…" Eren peered closer. Those tokens looked an awful lot like the ones Sasha had been receiving. Sure enough he watched Ms. Cat succeeded, hooking the tokens to ribbons where they plunged down into the walls before bouncing back up, no doubt heading to the boiler room. And when Sasha had received five of those things…
"Hey!" Eren said again. He grabbed apron strings to slow Jean and Hanji down. "I have heard of Marco. Sasha got a bunch of those wooden things before. She said Marco was probably 'spoiling the clientele.' Do you know…?"
Jean froze, snapping his fingers. A grin fought its way onto his face and Eren was shocked by how kind it made him look. Like that scowling boy from before was just a mirage. Even stranger was that it was all directed Eren's way.
"The palace room," Jean said. "That's right. Marco's entertaining a group of woodland spirits today. He always pulls out all the stops for them."
Hanji knelt down and gave Eren a congratulatory pat. "Some memory you've got there. Wow! I've heard that sometimes humans use medicines to enhance their recollections. Have you ever…?"
"No." Eren imbued the word with as much force as he could, hoping it would derail Hanji's questions. "Woodland spirits?" he asked instead.
"Nymphs, fairies, dryads, the like. All mischievous. All very sexy. If you like that kind of thing." Hanji shivered deliciously and winked.
"And you trust your boyfriend with them?" Eren croaked. He felt his cheeks heating as he pictured a group of wet… naked… yeah.
"Absolutely," and there was nothing in that answer that Eren could doubt.
"Ah, speaking of trust, boys…"
They'd arrived at another elevator, one significantly larger than the one from before. Rising from her crouch Hanji tugged Eren behind her while Jean slotted against her side. They effectively created a shield between Eren and the rest of the bathhouse. A good thing too, considering that from the elevator spilled a gaggle of spirits and one very vocal toad.
"Right this way, right this way, ladies, gentlemen, the undecided, and the in-between. Watch your step now! We don't want anyone tripping. There we are. Yes, yes, lovely to see you, Nila. Ah, Hanji!"
The toad scurried forward, abandoning his group. His green skin was oozing out of a white robe and at the sight of it Eren pressed himself more firmly against Hanji's back. He was only half serious at first—honestly, he'd seen ickier things in his mom's garden—but then the smell hit: stagnant water overlaid with onion weeds. It was far more prominent than the odor the frog on the bridge had carried, but still effectively the same. A second after hitting his nose Eren felt the touch of waves on his skin and gave up, fisting his hands into Hanji's shirt. When a small, stupid cry escaped Jean peaked back worriedly.
"Hanji." The toad was right in front of them now. His rolling eyes bugged. "Jean, you, you…human. You both smell like humans!"
Jean crossed his arms. It didn't escape Eren's notice that this further helped to hide the top of his head. "Is that so?" he drawled. "What exactly are you implying, wart-face?"
"C'mon now, Jean. You can't lie to me. There's a human running around here, I've heard the rumors. Where is it? Huh? Out with it."
"Right here." Hanji piped up. She began rummaging in her apron and as she did her hips nudged Eren towards the elevator. Dismissing the toad Jean took the hint and started edging backwards with as much nonchalance as one being could generate. Eren changed his hand-hold just as Hanji gave a triumphant cry.
"Here!"
For a split, horrifying second Eren thought Hanji really was as stupid as she sometimes seemed… that she was going to show the toad his shoes…. but then her hand only came up with lint. Shaking her head in exaggerated frustration she began digging again with renewed fervor. By now Jean had shuffled them into the lift, his hand hesitating over a bronze lever.
"I know it's here somewhere." Hanji muttered. "Fantastic stuff. Amazing! Did you know they make human perfume?"
"Ah…" the toad backed up a step. "Perfume?"
"Yes, yes! It's astounding. This adorable little bottle with an essence that smells just like living human. Can you imagine? Oh, I just have to share it with everyone. I already gave Jean a drop on his wrists and he adores it; off to show Irwin, isn't that right, Jean? Top floor?"
"Absolutely. I'm on my way now." Jean smirked. He cranked the lever and the doors began to close with a satisfying creak.
"Here it is!"
At the last second Eren peeked from behind Jean's back and saw Hanji pull absolutely nothing from her apron. The toad didn't know that though. He was already scurrying away.
"Way to go, Hanji…"
As the lift began to rise Jean's chuckles tapered off. He stared down at Eren, that hint of a smile beginning to drop from his lips
"Top floor, huh?" he asked.
"Yeah." Shuffling a bit, Eren cringed as his parents' voices flooded his head. With a whispered sigh he said, "Thank you very much for helping me" and then slipped to the other side of the elevator. There. Now no one could say that he hadn't been grateful. Didn't mean he wanted to press against the guy's ass all day.
But Jean had other plans. He whistled a little, rocking back on his heels and inching closer. Eren scowled as he was crowded back into a corner.
"Top floor, top floor… only thing up there is Irwin. You know what you're getting into, kid?"
"Yes." Eren snapped. He tossed his head. "He's a bastard. A… a fucking bastard. And don't call me 'kid!'"
Jean nodded, though whether at the description or the command, Eren couldn't tell.
"Right," he said. "Got it. You're not a kid. No really, I get it. You're just a human in a non-human realm, trying to avoid detection, heading upstairs to confront the boss who, as you accurately put it, is a fucking bastard. A powerful fucking bastard. You've got it all under control." Jean tipped a sideways look at him. "It's not like I saw you shaking a few moments ago or anything."
Eren pressed his back harder against the lift's wall. "… That was just 'cause of the smell."
"The smell? I know those swampy guys aren't bathing in roses but why…? You know what. Never mind. Just listen to me a sec, Mr. Grownup. You've got all of thirty seconds before you're facing your worst nightmare." Eren glanced up and, yes, they were nearly out of floors now. He resolutely told himself that the carved numbers weren't blurring.
"All I've really got to go on is two things," Jean said. "The first is that for all your mouthing off you're not half bad, and you found my boyfriend to boot. Let me tell you, when Marco's off on a mission to help and support, he's not easy to find. Seriously. Think of a puppy with a shorter attention span and a higher hero complex. He'd love you. Probably to death." Despite himself, Eren smiled. "Second is that, if rumors are to be believed, you snuck in here with the help of the Corporal. Good thing for you, I like that guy. If he trusts you then who the hell am I to say nay?"
"What about Hanji?" Eren pressed. Just a little. "Sasha and Connie? They trust me too."
"Uh huh. Those nut jobs? Can't say that's a glowing recommendation." Jean's voice was warm though, and unexpectedly sincere.
With a ding that didn't seem nearly dramatic enough the elevator stopped. Leaning against the doors Jean lifted his shoulders helplessly. "What I'm trying to say is that I don't want you getting eaten alive in there. So my advice? Don't." Jean's eyes muted down to a sharper, harder gold. "You want a job? Fucking get one. Don't walk out of that office until you're satisfied. I don't know what your business here is but don't let that—" Jean's mouth worked a moment before he finally just hissed out a breath. "We've got our own history, alright? All in all I wouldn't mind seeing that guy brought down a peg. Or two."
"Or three." Eren said, thinking of family. "Thanks, Jean."
"Don't mention it. Hey—" He stopped the doors as they began to close. Eren locked his knees, forcing himself not to dive back through them. "Come find me later. I'll introduce you to Marco." Jean stared him down. "You will still be here later, right?"
"Right." Eren said, with a whole lot more confidence than he felt. It seemed like enough for Jean though. He gave a curt nod and finally let the doors slip close. Eren stood, rooted to the carpet, watching the numbers fall away.
After a few minutes Eren turned and started down the hallway. He kept his eyes fixed on the carpet, his bare toes digging between the strands. Every time his right foot swung forward Eren whispered harshly to himself, again and again, to keep himself going. The corridor, otherwise silent, began to fill with his steady mantra: "Right, right, right, right."