NB: Sensitive readers tread lightly.
Story Warnings: Incest, Language, Sensitive Religious Content, MalexMale
Movie Verse: First Movie; Pre Canon - Canon / Canon Deviation
Authors Note: This is my attempt at a Boondock Saints incest story between Conner and Murphy MacManus, I won't say it's realistically portrayed because that depends on the readers views.
NB: THIS CHAPTER HAS BEEN EDITED TO REMOVE CERTAIN EXPLICIT CONTENT, to read the full chapter visit my AO3 page. The link is available on my FF profile.
- I'd like to thank Lyson (who has drawn for my fanfiction before) for the artwork they've done for Deartháir, it can be viewed via the link on my profile or on AO3, chapter seven of Deartháir.
Sub note: The AO3 upload has additional images.
Chapter Eight
My love, my life, my work, my time
I give them all to you
Your hand in mine, we walk, we talk in rhyme
We go the whole night through...
I wanna be with you
I just wanna be with you
As promised, Connor woke up a few short hours later when dawn had just broken –Murphy only a minute after him- and he got Rocco up and told him to drive them into Back Bay, to a church.
Rocco grumbled about it but an hour later they were all dressed, refreshed –as much as Rocco could be with a hangover- and they were driving out of South Boston. After doing some discussing and deciding in the car they found a church to go to, fairly large but also not a busy one considering the time of morning.
As they were pulling up along the curb, Connor got out of the car before it came to a complete stop, he hadn't smoked yet which made him irritable and restless, plus he was feeling a little too unsettled and anxious to smoke at the moment.
The night before had been a huge deal to Connor and yet Murphy was acting normal, unaffected, as if nothing had happened.
Now, Connor knew Murphy had been sober the night before since neither of them had been drinking and the antibiotics and pain meds they'd taken had not been enough to impair Murphy's cognizance. So he couldn't assume that Murphy didn't remember kissing him, especially for the fact that they'd kissed for a few minutes…
…really, properly kissed. Connor would have called it 'making out' if he'd still been a teenager.
But Murphy had woken up that morning, looked at him as per usual and Connor had held his gaze, nervously, and he'd received no bad vibes, no confusion, no tension. And he and Murphy had aligned mentally with ease they hadn't felt in days before Murphy had announced that he needed to take a piss and he'd left the bedroom without another word.
They'd all skipped breakfast, no coffee or sodas or beers and Rocco and Murphy had talked about missing fingers, headaches and the necessity of church during the drive into Back Bay…
…all the while Connor kept quiet, guilty thoughts tripping over themselves in his chaotic, stressed mind.
Presently, he'd stopped walking at the church doors to glance back, Rocco had said something to Murphy as they'd exited the car and Connor watched Murphy pat Rocco's cheek lightly after saying something before he left the car and approached the church doors.
Connor pulled the door open and stepped inside, Murphy only a few steps behind and then they walked as they'd done many times, side by side down the aisle toward the back of the church.
They reached the very back pew of the blessedly empty church and Murphy stepped into it as he pulled his rosary out of his shirt. Connor removed his sunglasses and then took his rosary out of his shirt as well whilst Murphy glanced around before getting down on his knees, bowing his head, closing his eyes and sinking into prayer.
Connor sat down low in his seat beside where his twin knelt, it seemed Murphy wasn't expecting him to pray with him and since he didn't particularly feel like he was ready to ask for forgiveness yet, felt as though he wouldn't truly mean it, Connor chose not to.
The important thing was that he was there with Murphy, within reaching and hearing and feeling distance. That was what Murphy had needed and after what he'd given Connor the night before, Connor would do anything he could for his twin because he was quite certain he would never be able to give Murphy back as much as that single kiss –along with its volumes of trust and love- had given Connor.
Murphy had accepted his confession, he'd soothed Connor's vulnerability, reconnected their bond…
It had been beautiful, sinful, but beautiful.
He only hoped Murphy was really okay.
Connor watched his twin as his lips, those finely shaped lips, moved in quiet prayer and Murphy's hands moved over the beads of his rosary. Connor was tempted to reach out and pet the back of his head but he knew better and he would not touch his brother with such wrongful intent during prayer and even worse, in a church. Speaking of which, he shook his head slightly to clear his impure and unholy thoughts for that moment and instead fingered his rosary, considering maybe doing some praying.
He could still pray, he could always pray, even if he wouldn't have the gall to ask for forgiveness just yet.
Before he could decide though, he glanced up when the church doors opened. Ever cautious, Connor remained seated but bowed his head to hide himself until he and Murphy could get out of the church if need be.
After a few seconds he heard some noises at the front of the church but when he glanced up he didn't see anyone. Connor looked around the pews to confirm that the place was still empty and then he frowned but he felt relieved.
That was, until the church doors opened again and that time Connor kept an eye on the front of the church and when he spotted Rocco walking in and looking distinctly suspicious about something, Connor tensed.
He watched as a priest walked by Rocco toward the confessionals and when Connor saw Rocco grab and shove the priest into the confessional, closing the door behind them, Connor's eyes widened in silent shock,
'…the fuck is he doing?' he moved to get up, not in a hurry since he didn't want to disturb Murphy.
Connor didn't believe even Rocco was stupid enough to walk into a church and threaten a priest, especially with himself and Murphy so close by, did he have a fucking death wish? Connor would oblige if it came down to that.
He glanced back at Murphy's praying form when he reached the front of the church and when he saw his twin still oblivious, Connor went to open the first confessional door on the left side, but he stopped and listened when he heard snoring coming from inside of it. So Connor moved on and past the middle door that he knew the priest and Rocco were on the other side of and he entered the empty right side confessional quietly.
As soon as he was inside, Connor could hear Rocco's voice through the wood partition telling the priest to 'shut the fuck up' and Connor immediately pushed his fingers through the material lattice, into the hollowed out cross of the partition. He began slowly pushing it open, listening as Rocco told the priest to open the left side partition and then threaten to shoot the priest if he didn't listen.
Connor clenched his jaw as he quietly opened the slide and then when he had it nearly right out of the way he pulled his gun out and looked at the back of Rocco's head as it was becoming more and more visible. He heard the priest ask Rocco if he had no fear of God and Rocco claimed he was doing it for God.
Connor humorlessly thought that Rocco should have a fear of what he would do to the dumb Italian himself if he hurt the priest…and he absently wondered just what Murphy had told Rocco about their new 'job' if Rocco claimed to be doing this for God.
In the next second, the priest opened the left sliding partition as Rocco had instructed and Connor quickly thrust his hand through the lattice and grabbed a firm, painful handful of Rocco's hair and yanked his head all the way back into the right side confessional before he pressed his gun firmly to Rocco's temple.
He was pissed off, Rocco was acting so fucking stupid it was making it hard to allow him to stick around,
"You fuckin' let him go, or I will drop yeh' right fuckin' now." Connor threatened as quietly as he could but he knew the priest had probably heard him and he could see that Rocco still had his hands on the priest and his gun rested against the holy man's head.
Rocco had the nerve to tell him to calm down so Connor cocked the hammer of his gun back to make a point that that was as calm as he was going to get.
"He could hurt us brother, he could ruin the whole thing." Rocco whispered.
Calling Connor brother was bad enough on its own, sure Rocco was like family but not like a brother, but what was worse was that he said it while holding a gun to a priest's head and claiming that the priest could hurt them.
Connor gripped Rocco's hair tighter and pressed his gun sorely against the Italian's head,
"You let him go or I will deliver you right fuckin' here." Connor threatened and he meant it.
"You won't do it…" Rocco was trying his patience, "…you won't Connor, you love me man…"
It only made him angrier that Rocco would use the fact that he cared about him as a bargaining chip, but it changed nothing, Connor would shoot him, because killing a priest was not going to go unpunished, ever.
He was just about to let Rocco know with a sworn word to God that he would, when a garbled 'Hello' came from the left end confessional. Connor paused and stared through the lattice at the back of the priest's head. He knew it hadn't been the priest who spoke and he'd also known there was some guy sleeping in the other confessional, so it had to be him that had spoken.
He breathed quietly but heavily as he held Rocco's head at the awkward, painful angle and he listened.
The priest started talking when the other man asked if he was there and then Rocco whispered to the priest not to fuck up. Connor frowned, glancing from Rocco to the priest as he wondered just what the fuck he'd missed. And as the priest continued talking to the man in the other confessional, Connor's eyes widened when he recognized the voice.
It was Paul Smecker, the FBI agent.
Connor realized then that Rocco must have seen the man come into the church and had followed him, probably intending to kill him. Yet another reason to get pissed off at Rocco, because just the evening before both he and Murphy had told Rocco that Smecker was a good man, he was off limits.
Smecker sounded groggy and slurred and Connor could only assume the man was probably drunk, no other reason for wandering into a church when you're an unreligious man who isn't seeking salvation. But Connor listened to the agent as he spoke to the priest, drunk or not, while holding onto Rocco and after a short while what Smecker had to say got interesting.
The FBI agent was apparently on their side. Smecker believed in what the twins were doing, he believed it was righteous and justified. And when Smecker stated that Rocco, the Italian guy, was an idiot after the priest asked about them, Connor couldn't help tugging on Rocco's hair just to make him wince in pain.
Connor felt bad for the priest when he was forced to say what Smecker needed to hear, in a way the priest was giving approval, stating that Connor and Murphy's actions would be condoned and accepted by God, when Connor knew they wouldn't be and so did the priest. Connor did believe that God had entrusted them with the duty of getting rid of evil, but he also knew they'd taken to it too easily, enjoyed it too much and while they were doing a good deed, their hearts were not pure.
Especially Connor's.
Connor had hope though, that Murphy would still be able to receive absolution from God in the end, when their time to die inevitably came, but Connor didn't believe in it for himself.
Especially not after kissing Murphy the night before and having felt the true depth of his emotional and sexual feelings for his brother. Connor knew he would never see heaven…at least not the Almighty's heaven.
But Murphy was like his own private heaven. And somehow there was no competition. He would choose Murphy. Every time.
Connor refocused when Smecker said definitively that he would help them.
It would be invaluable to have a police agent, especially an FBI one, on their side and he felt a sense of relief from hearing those words, and the second he heard Smecker stumble out of the left end confessional Connor de-cocked his gun and shoved Rocco's head back through the partition roughly. Connor walked out quickly, slamming the confessional door behind him, relieved because of Smecker but pissed at Rocco's continued stupidity.
Connor walked out of the church, glancing down the street both ways and when he saw Smecker staggering off into the distance he sighed and dug into his coat pockets for his cigarettes and lighter, feeling the need for one right then, urgently.
Connor lit up and inhaled deeply from the cigarette as he stood on the sidewalk, glancing up at the church doors when they opened and Rocco walked out with Murphy's shoulders under his arm, grinning like a fucking idiot.
As soon as Rocco was near enough Connor clouted him upside his head, hard, uncaring of the passersby watching and he ignored Rocco's following complaint and grunt at the pain as Connor grabbed him by his coat lapel with his free hand and he looked him straight in the face, glaring,
"Yeh' try any schupid shit like that again and I will fuckin' shoot you, don't test me, Rocco." He said very seriously, jaw clenched.
Murphy stood by with a light frown, looking between them,
"What the fuck just happened?" He asked in a confused tone.
Rocco was nodding at Connor,
"Alright, alright man…" he conceded, hands raised and Connor shoved him back when he let go of his coat, returning to smoking his cigarette as Rocco glanced around uncomfortably and Murphy continued to look confused but suspiciously at Rocco.
After a beat of silence Connor glanced down the street to see that Smecker was out of sight,
"Where'd yeh' park the fuckin' car, Roc, let's go." he looked at the slightly taller man and when Rocco gestured up the street, the three of them started walking.
Sore, bored, and I'm lost, cost, cold
Getting older
Buy the book then rip it up now, have it sold
They went to a breakfast restaurant down some street in Back Bay, deciding to get something to eat because while Connor said he'd wanted coffee, Murphy had said he was hungry.
Presently Murphy was finishing up his plate of food, which had consisted of toast, sausage, eggs, potato wedges, bacon and beans. Connor hadn't ordered anything besides coffee for himself but he'd stolen a few morsels off Murphy's plate, receiving a look of annoyance from his hungry twin each time, to which Connor reacted by just taking another piece of food. After the third potato wedge and two bites of toast Murphy had just started ignoring him.
But it wasn't done in an upset way, in fact, Murphy seemed to be in a good mood after having been to church.
Rocco had eaten too, while he relayed to Murphy around half chewed mouthfuls of food, what had transpired inside the confessionals. Murphy hadn't been even remotely impressed with Rocco's tale of how he held up the priest, in fact, he'd gripped his fork so tightly Connor noticed it was slightly bent.
Connor was sipping on his second coffee by the time Murphy was fully informed and done eating, and he grabbed Murphy's cigarette box where it sat next to his twin's coffee cup to take one for himself. They'd smoked all of Connor's already, the three of them, since sitting down and now they were starting on Murphy's pack.
He was sitting beside Murphy on one side of the booth in the back of the restaurant, Rocco was opposite them. Connor was close enough to Murphy that if he leaned to his side a bit their shoulders would bump and their knees kept touching under the table. At first Connor had kept moving his leg away, but when he realized that Murphy barely seemed to notice, he just let it be.
It wasn't strange to sit close, in fact, before his feelings had surfaced, he and Murphy had sat closer than that for various reasons like being in tight spaces, or just for personal comforts.
Connor pulled a cigarette out of the box and Murphy gestured that he wanted it after wiping the back of his hand over his mouth, his plate empty but for scraps and crumbs of food. Connor nearly stared when Murphy licked his tongue over his bottom lip a few times, but he quickly averted his attention to passing the cigarette to Murphy instead. Murphy noticed, Connor saw how he slowly put his tongue back in his mouth and then he pursed his lips and he took the cigarette Connor held out.
Connor took another one out and placed it between his lips at the same time as Murphy did, and then he offered his hand with the lighter and when Murphy tilted his head at the right angle, Connor flicked the lighter on and he watched as Murphy's cheeks hollowed slightly when he inhaled on the cigarette until it was lit.
Their eyes met for a second before Connor brought the lighter to his own cigarette and lit it.
They both removed the cigarettes from their lips, exhaled and sat back in near perfect synchronicity, not even realizing it until Rocco pointed it out,
"You know that twin thing you do is pretty weird, man, I mean…" Rocco laughed awkwardly when the twins looked at him with questioning gazes at the same time, "…it's neat and all, but it's weird, how you just do it without even thinking." He finished.
They looked at each other for a few seconds, eyes meeting, gazes serious and they both knew what had to come next, so Connor sat forward and took another drag on his smoke before he broached the subject,
"We're going to contact Smecker." He stated, telling Rocco since he wouldn't just know.
Rocco frowned,
"What, why? Look I know he said he'd help us but I think we should take that as a reason to just stay away from the guy, he's still a cop, man."
Connor chewed the inside of his lip, waiting as Murphy exhaled smoke, for his twin to speak,
"We told yeh', Roc, he's a good man, if he says he'll help us, he means et'."
Connor nodded in complete agreement. It felt good to be so in sync with Murphy again after how things had been recently, they hadn't been so on par in a while. He only hoped it would last.
Rocco sighed, ran a hand through his unkempt hair and leaned forward on the table,
"Okay, so we ask this guy for help how?"
Connor frowned,
"Well, we don't really ask him fer' help, Roc…"
"…so much as we let him know our plans an' then he helps us." Murphy finished, smirk tugging at his lips and his eyebrow twitching up as he sat forward, leaning his forearms on the table before raising his smoke to his mouth.
Connor nodded again and Rocco did too after a moment,
"Oh I get it, he's gonna be like, the guy, the guy who covers shit up for us, that guy, right?"
"Aye, Roc, he's that guy." Connor smiled at him, amused and Murphy did too, laughing out some smoke as he ashed his cigarette.
"Nice, nice, so we'll have like…an inside man, yeah, that's what I'm fucking talking about." Rocco said enthusiastically but quietly enough that Connor didn't have to tell him to shut it.
Connor finished his coffee in another gulp before Rocco asked,
"So what's next…" he looked from Connor to Murphy, "…I mean, we got the guy on the inside now right, so we should go ahead and whack the next asshole on the list."
Connor made a face at Rocco,
"Don't say whack, Rocco, this is not the mafia…"
"…aye, an' we aren't hit men." Murphy pointed what was left of his cigarette at Rocco as he said that, serious about it.
Rocco nodded,
"Right, shepherds…" he paused and then went on when Connor and Murphy just stared at him, "…so who are we gonna deliver next?"
"Much better, Roc." Murphy said with teasing approval and a smirk,
"Aye, now yeh' gettin' et'." Connor added.
"You'll be herding yer' very own sheep real soon."
"Shoveling shit with the best of them." Connor followed his twin's joking.
"Ah, fuck you guys, come on." Rocco huffed as Connor and Murphy tried not to snicker too loudly.
When they settled into silence again Murphy spoke,
"I think we should go after Yakavetta himself." He said and looked at Connor, wanting to know if they were in agreement. Connor looked at him, he got momentarily lost in the depth and clarity in those blue, blue eyes before he considered it.
It seemed like a good idea, the quickest plan of action for putting the Italian mafia out of commission for at least a little while.
Connor nodded and looked away at his nearly finished cigarette,
"Aye, he won't expect us te' come after him directly, not so soon." Connor kept nodding, staring at his cigarette as Murphy rubbed his fingers over his mouth distractedly and Rocco waited on Connor's next words, "D'ya know where he lives, Roc?" Connor asked, looking Rocco directly in the eye.
Rocco grinned,
"Hell fucking yeah, I know where that shit stain lives." He nodded, looking between the twins with enthusiasm.
"Good." Connor decided, that was what they were going to do.
"When should we hit- uh…deliver him?" Rocco corrected himself quickly.
Connor and Murphy tried to smother their amused smirks and Murphy managed first,
"I say tonight…" he had stubbed his cigarette out in the ashtray and he tapped his finger into the table as he said this, "…sooner we put that motherfucker in the ground, the better." He said quietly.
Rocco nodded and Connor agreed too, glancing at Murphy with a single nod of agreement and his twin nodded back.
They called for the bill and after they'd paid they walked out of the restaurant into the late morning sunlight. Connor put his sunglasses on just a second after Murphy and Rocco followed suit.
Murphy and Connor glanced both ways along the street and Connor spotted what he'd been looking for, he reached back and patted Murphy's chest with the back of his hand before gesturing across the street once he had his twin's attention.
Murphy nodded when he spotted the payphone they'd need to call Smecker from and Rocco glanced last before they all fell into step, making their way toward it,
"Listen guys, the heat's gonna be really bad after we take out Papa Joe Yakavetta…" Rocco was walking just behind the twins and somewhat between them, so he leaned in to speak quietly as they crossed the street.
Connor hadn't thought of that and once they reached the opposite curb side they stopped walking and he glanced at Murphy, his twin's subtle nod affirmed that whatever Connor decided, Murphy would support. Connor's chest warmed at the vote of confidence and the thought to kiss Murphy came to his mind, making his lips tingle so he pursed them briefly and looked at Rocco,
"We'll leave Boston right after, we can head te' New York, best city te' get lost in." he suggested, having heard that somewhere before, in a movie maybe, but he wouldn't say that.
Murphy smirked, apparently pleased by that decision,
"Plus the fuckin' crime rate is so high, we can really clean up." He pointed out.
Connor nodded and they continued to the payphone whilst Connor took his wallet out to find Paul Smecker's card.
After calling Smecker's cellphone, the special agent had called back on a payphone five minutes later and the conversation had been quick and to the point. And surprisingly, for a man who'd been drunk and stumbling just three hours earlier, Smecker had sounded sober and extremely alert on the phone.
Connor hadn't given Smecker any details about why he was calling and choosing to involve him, or about why they suddenly trusted him, but when he said it had felt like the right thing to do –and Murphy and Rocco had snickered- Smecker had sounded amazed.
Connor could only imagine that the man probably thought it was divine intervention…and who knew, maybe it was.
After that they returned to the apartment and decided they'd go to Yakavetta's at nine PM. Rocco said that Papa Joe would definitely be at home since all nighttime business meetings took place at Papa Joe's house for security reasons, so that was where Yakavetta would be, guaranteed. Rocco also said that Yakavetta had at least two 'bodyguards' with him at any given time and the twins knew that'd be easy to get by, so long as they had the element of surprise, which they did.
They'd finished Rocco's pack of cigarettes as they cleaned and loaded their guns, packed everything they'd need, preparing themselves for the job, and in the late afternoon when they were done Connor sent Rocco to get more smokes.
He hadn't realized it until after Rocco had left, that he was completely alone with Murphy in the apartment and suddenly he felt uncertain and worried. He had no idea where they stood after the night before, sure, Murphy seemed fine, but that was in public and around Rocco, so would he be different now that they were alone…would it be awkward? Would he let Connor kiss him again?
Or would he have been waiting for a moment to tell Connor it wouldn't happen again after having been to church?
'Whatever he wants…' Connor nodded to himself as he stared at the exit door through which Rocco had just left.
He estimated that since the store was a short drive away from where they currently lived, they had at least ten minutes to talk…if Murphy just wanted to talk.
Connor licked his lips, craving a cigarette since it'd been a half hour since his last, and then he turned and walked toward the kitchen where he'd left Murphy to finish up the packing of the weapons bag.
It was just after five PM, so maybe Rocco would get caught up in Boston's shitty traffic and he'd take a half an hour, Connor hoped he would.
When he entered the kitchen Murphy was putting pop tarts into the toaster and he glanced at Connor,
"Yeh' want one?" he offered as he fiddled with the box.
Connor bobbed his eyebrows and stopped to stand behind a kitchen chair, leaning on it,
"Which flavor is et'?"
Murphy looked at the box more closely, turning it over to find the flavor,
"Chocolate fudge." He made a bit of a face at the sweet flavor, apparently he hadn't bothered to check what Rocco had previously bought from the convenience store and had just now discovered the pop tarts in the cupboard.
Connor shrugged, he hadn't been drinking so something sweet wouldn't hurt,
"Aye, I'll try one."
"Fuckin' Rocco an' his sweet tooth, did yeh' see all the chocolate bars an' candy in the cupboard…" Murphy said sounding grossed out, "…and the cereal, et's sugar frosted flakes." He shook his head as he dropped the pop tart box on the counter and leaned against it.
He was behaving so normally Connor felt like maybe it was best not to bring anything up.
"Yer' fault fer' letting him buy the groceries." Connor smiled and squeezed the chair back under his hands,
"Maybe you should have gone." Murphy quipped with a sarcastic tip of his head.
"Aye, maybe I should have." He agreed, amused…and feeling slightly sad.
Murphy made a face at him, his expression said 'whatever, shut up', before he uselessly checked the empty cigarette pack on the table and then he tossed it across the kitchen at the bin, where it missed and landed on the floor.
Connor laughed quietly when he saw the crumpled pack land at the side of the bin and he only noticed when he looked back to his twin that Murphy was looking at him. Murphy was rubbing a hand over his mouth and chin as he stared at Connor and said twin couldn't figure out what Murphy was thinking, so he asked –nervously- but with faked confidence,
"What?"
Murphy sniffed as he lowered his hand and then he looked down at the table,
"Yeh' didn't pray today." He folded his arms across his chest.
Connor thought about making up an excuse, using Rocco's debacle at the church as a reason, but then he remembered that they'd made a weird, intimate breakthrough the night before and he decided not to lie,
"Aye, I didn't feel like I should…I'm not ready, Murph." He said honestly.
"Ready fer' what?" Murphy asked just when the pop tarts sprung out.
They stared at each other, neither worried about the toaster treats,
"Te' ask Him fer' forgiveness." Connor said evenly.
Murphy glanced to the side, knowing what Connor was talking about needing forgiveness for and then he sighed,
"Yeh' can still pray."
"I know." Connor said honestly, because he knew that, he could always pray.
They lapsed into silence for a moment before Connor felt a compulsion to ask,
"Yeh' alright Murph, after…" he looked at his twin and Murphy looked at him, eyebrow raising, "…after last night?"
Murphy's gaze shifted around briefly before he looked at Connor again and chewed the inside of his lip,
"Aye." He nodded.
Connor nodded as well,
"S'good. Good…I'm glad te' hear et'." He said somewhat awkwardly and then decided to drop it since Murphy was just standing there, looking at him. So he nodded again and he turned around to leave for the lounge.
"Conn." Murphy's voice stopped him, quiet and curious.
Connor turned around and looked at him, raising his chin slightly in question and Murphy sighed and uncrossed his arms, raising them before dropping them again, "Don't keep et' to yerself."
Connor raised an eyebrow,
"Keep what, exactly?" he honestly wasn't sure what Murphy was referring to.
"Whatever yer' thinking…" Murphy sighed as he walked around the table so he wasn't more than a foot away, "…you look like yeh' want te' say something…" he paused, swiped his tongue along the seam of his lips absently as his eyes focused on Connor's, "…or is et' that yeh' want something?" he asked quietly and with a small smile as he cocked his eyebrow.
Connor felt his ears get hot at Murphy's straightforwardness and he looked at his twin with relief and deep affection,
"Jesus Christ, Murph…" he breathed and then reached out, his hands settled on either side of Murphy's neck and he pulled his twin into a kiss.
It was rough but just lips, just for a moment, to reaffirm the incredible sensation from the night before.
And then he drew back just enough to exhale shakily and Murphy did likewise, though his breathing was softer and his eyes followed Connor's, his gaze honest and accepting, trusting. So Connor went ahead, because Murphy was still okay with it, and he closed the small gap between their lips, puckering his own and feeling Murphy do the same.
Every positive response Connor got from his twin only made the sensations and feelings more overwhelming.
It took only seconds before he found Murphy's mouth yielding, lips parting, tasting bitter from nicotine. Connor kissed him confidently, pressing against and pushing Murphy back slightly, so their chests touched, their waists, so they were just about flush and they bumped against the table making it scrape against the linoleum loudly in the silence.
Murphy was kissing back and it wasn't hesitant, but it wasn't urgent or desperate, not like Connor's mouth was over and against his. But Murphy did respond more than he had the night before, tilting his head to accommodate Connor, opening his mouth that much wider when necessary…breathing slowly, steadily through his nose so they didn't need to pull apart too soon.
Connor's body was hot everywhere and his senses were on fire at the taste, smell and feel of Murphy's mouth, his skin and the firm length of his body. Connor found himself driven to touch and so his hands caressed downward from Murphy's neck to his broad shoulders as Connor broke off the kiss, with great regret but desperate curiosity, so he could begin tracing wet kisses over Murphy's jaw, to his ear and down the pale column of his neck as his hands slid lower.
He tasted traces of salt, his twin's sweat mixed with Murphy's natural skin taste and Connor was certain that's what tasted so good. And Murphy smelled so good too and his skin felt just the right amount of textured and smooth under Connor's lips.
"Dochreidte..." (Incredible) Connor breathed against the underside of Murphy's jaw before he kissed his twin's chin, feeling the roughness of the hair on his brother's skin against his lips.
Connor's hands moved down over Murphy's chest and Murphy inhaled sharply at the caress. Connor's eager hands continued, sliding over Murphy's flanks and then around to his lower back where Connor firmly pulled his twin closer against him at their hips, so their bodies and even their heights were lined up succinctly.
The pleasurable pressure against his crotch when their bodies pressed together made Connor move his hands those few inches further down onto Murphy's firm backside to squeeze and press him closer still.
But he paused, lips parted in an open mouth kiss to Murphy's neck, when he felt said twin tense and Connor heard his name mumbled uncertainly as Murphy's hands settled on his forearms to still his touches.
Connor completed the kiss and then he inhaled along Murphy's neck as he raised his head again and leveled their gazes, he felt high on the overwhelming quintessence of Murphy,
"Aye…?" Connor asked absently, licking his lips and then he remembered himself, the situation, when Murphy's uncertain expression became clear. Connor quickly eased his grip on his twin and put a few inches of space between their fronts, "…is et' too much?" he asked in a quiet rasp, his emotions –guilt, lust, insecurity- and his arousal thrumming through him, skin burning hot but sweat now cold from the shock of his possible fuck up.
Murphy swallowed visibly, licked his kiss-red lips and averted his gaze,
"Fer' right now, aye, we're in the kitchen…an' Roc could walk in, Connor." He said quietly and only then looked at Connor again, his hands releasing their grip on Connor's forearms to fall at his sides.
Connor could see and sense the tension in Murphy's body and he suspected Murphy's reason might be partly an excuse to stop, to breath. So Connor obliged, nodding as he gave his twin proper space and let him go completely, rubbing a hand over his mouth just when Murphy did the same with the back of his fingers.
Connor glanced around the kitchen, then toward the lounge while trying to get his various feelings under control and honestly, ignoring that he was hard was near impossible, so Connor needed to distract himself from it. He figured it would be best to move away from the source of his desire so he turned to walk away but again was stopped by Murphy's quiet statement of his name, and Murphy looked guilty and…shy, when Connor looked at him again.
It was the strangest thing, Connor had never seen Murphy's ears so red.
"Murph, what is et'?" he frowned.
His twin's eyes wandered the kitchen aimlessly for a few seconds before he spoke very quietly,
"I didn't say te' stop, just don't get carried away…"
Connor was stunned.
Instantly his stomach did a lightweight flip and his heart rate sped right back up before he smiled and huffed in disbelief and Murphy smiled back at him in a way that was just gorgeous, sweet and knowing.
So Murphy wasn't making an excuse, or if it was, it was only a small one not to go too far.
Connor searched Murphy's face for a moment to look for discomfort, to see if he was forcing himself to go on in order to please Connor. But there was none and Connor didn't feel any weird vibes coming off his twin, so he took that one step closer again and he pressed his smiling lips to Murphy's.
When they kissed that time it was slow and almost experimental.
Connor didn't move his mouth with desperation, he took it slow, all nervousness and uncertainty gone and the lack of hurry seemed to give Murphy room to do more, to test and taste and kiss in ways that Connor felt in every fucking nerve, in every good way there possibly was under heaven.
He couldn't even think straight as Murphy kissed him.
A minute of uninterrupted kissing, just their mouths and breaths, established a rhythm.
Connor tended to kiss with more movement, his head, his hands, his mouth…tilting, caressing and nibbling. Whereas Murphy focused on using his mouth, on working their mouths together thoroughly and so they fell into an ebb and flow, as with everything between them, they balanced each other.
For every shift of their heads and deep kiss on Connor's part, Murphy obliged before he steadied the kiss with his hands at the sides of Connor's face and his mouth slowly driving Connor crazy with sexily applied firmness and with unexpected deftness.
How in the fuck Murphy was such a good kisser Connor had no idea. Then again, maybe something could be said for learning how to kiss one person properly as opposed to just kissing many people as Connor had once done.
Whatever it was, Connor was having trouble swallowing his moans of appreciation for it.
Murphy kissed a little rougher at some points and eased back at others but it was consistently slow, personal and intimate as his thumbs moved in steady caresses along Connor's jaw. And hearing the soft smacking sounds between their mouths, feeling the light brushing of their fronts in the so small space between them, getting lost in the taste and texture of Murphy's mouth and his softly hitching breaths merging with Connor's quiet moans…
…it left Connor in a mess of incredible feelings, all manifesting physically and making him ache with need.
Never once in recent weeks…never in his life, had Connor ever thought he would get to kiss Murphy that way…yet…
He frowned as the question of what Murphy might really be feeling occurred to him, interrupting his elation and he forced himself to stop kissing those deceptively skilled and soft, wet lips. Because how Murphy felt about all of this was important and Connor needed to know.
His hands had been moving between Murphy's neck and shoulders and Connor shifted them up to hold his twin's face as he drew back from the kiss with a soft smack and after licking his lips Connor asked,
"D'ya feel anythin', Murph?" he asked quietly.
Murphy had opened his eyes just after Connor did and they stared at each other for a few seconds before Murphy nodded once, his hands settling on Connor's forearms and squeezing lightly.
"What Murph, what do yeh' feel, is et' good or bad?" Connor asked as calmly, as evenly as possible.
Murphy inhaled slowly, licked his bottom lip a few times over –his lips red and swollen from kissing- and then he swallowed and clenched his jaw lightly,
"I feel…like I can't breathe…" Connor's stomach felt cold instantly but he forced a smile, forced a light tone of voice,
"Would that be the suffocating, yeh' can't breathe, or the good sort of breathless, yeh' can't breathe?" he slid his hands up into Murphy's hair and pressed his fingers into his twin's scalp in a firm caress.
Murphy's eyes closed briefly at the sensation before he gave Connor one of his intense looks and cocked his eyebrow, about to answer when they heard the rattle of the door handle from the hall and then the sound of it opening.
Connor stepped back quickly but with relative calm, removing all contact from Murphy and then he quickly pulled a chair out at the table and sat down, knowing that'd be a good enough way to hide his painful hard on from Rocco.
Murphy didn't panic either and Connor noticed –with hurt disappointment- that Murphy made no move to hide himself since there was no visible reason that Connor could see for him to do so. What he did do was wipe his hand across his reddened mouth a few times more than usual, run a hand through his hair to flatten it and he sniffed somewhat loudly just when Rocco walked into the kitchen complaining about assholes who can't drive.
Murphy immediately gestured to him for the cigarettes and Connor sat staring at the table top with a pain in his chest.
Until Murphy told him, Connor would continue to wonder exactly what Murphy felt when they kissed.
Even if it wasn't arousal enough to get him hard, Connor hoped it was something more than just breathlessness due to the overwhelming significance of their closeness, if that was even the reason. He only assumed that because it was how he described his own emotional overwhelm…since being that close to Murphy was the most intense and amazing feeling he'd ever experienced, the sexual desire aside.
It was obvious that Murphy wasn't sexually affected by it like Connor was, not in a physically visible way at least.
Connor stifled a sigh and he looked up as Rocco tossed a pack of smokes to Murphy and then he just managed to catch the one tossed to him. After that Rocco went on to bitch and moan about his outing to the store and Connor smoked silently while Murphy fell back into normalcy like it was effortless for him, laughing and joking with Rocco minutes later and eating the cold pop tarts.
And so the evening drew on, as though nothing had happened between him and Murphy, until it finally got late enough to go after Yakavetta, and after suiting up, they left the apartment.
My will, my mind, my lips, my lines
I've got them all over you
Your taste combined with all the years of wasting time
I gotta hold onto something new
But I don't wanna pray for what is not right
And I don't wanna beg for what is not mine
I don't wanna run the road between dreams and worthy things