I do not own the twilight saga! All of it belongs to Stephanie Meyer. Without her, this story would not have been written.
Chapter 6
EPOV
"Edward, you got a tape in the mail!" Esme was constantly trying to get me to stop counting the leaves, the trees, the bugs and even the blades of grass in the backyard of our Ithaca house.
Son, we miss you, please come back to us. You're hurting Esme, by acting this way. (Carlisle)
She was just a human! Get over her already! (Rosalie)
"Okay Mom. I'm coming." I slowly got up and walked away from my private-would be servant quarters bedroom window and walked downstairs to get my tape.
"Who sent you a video?"
"Rosalie, hasn't anyone ever told you that if you didn't have anything nice to say don't say anything at all?" Alice smirked.
Rosalie shrugged. "Go put it in! I want to see what it is!"
"Fine Emmett, we'll watch it, but I get the best seat!" Everyone loved our black leather lazy boy recliner. We had one in almost every house. I mean, we didn't have to sit; standing is just as natural for us. Just, if we were going to sit, we wanted the best seat. Needless to say, we fought over it constantly when it was in the house. Just because I'm rock hard doesn't mean I want to sit on something that is for the rest of eternity!
"Ugh. You got the seat last time! Let somebody else have a turn! Please?!" Emmett typically begged for a turn in the seat as if he never grew up. Oh wait. He didn't. Anyways, I got the seat!
The movie was horrendous. It was clearly of our house in Forks, but what made me watch it was Bella was unconscious on the floor. What was she doing in the house?! And who the hell is filming her?!
Oh what if. What if. What if. Those two words will haunt me for as long as my family requires me to live. What if we hadn't thrown her a party against her wishes? What if I had helped her open her gifts? What if Jasper had gone hunting before that fateful day? Worst of all-What if I never told her the lie that forced us to leave? Would she still have found herself unconscious on the floor of the only home that would ever feel like home to me?
It was Victoria. She was there, in the house, waiting for my Bella to wake up. I felt like crying. I didn't want to be here. I wanted Bella. My Bella. I broke into vampire tears as she kicked and broke Bella. I couldn't watch this, but I couldn't look away. These were the last moments of my brave Isabella's life. I let her down. And Victoria took her chance. The screen went to black and I noticed that I wasn't the only member of my family stuck in a bout vampire tears: the agony where your eyes burn but there is no real relief. Everyone was crying. Even Rosalie.
If only I had stayed to make sure that she got home safe. Her guardian vampire was left without his angel. What was I supposed to do now? I wish I could see her, just one more time…
BPOV
I didn't really know where to go. Jacob had fallen asleep around midnight the day that we left after switching to me driving his "precious" car. He snored lightly in the passenger seat. Oh how I longed to sleep. To avoid the realities of my new life, without Charlie, without Renee, without Him. A line from Shakespeare entered my head in a poor imitation of His voice.
To be, or not to be—that is the question:
Whether 'tis nobler in the mind to suffer
The slings and arrows of outrageous fortune
Or to take arms against a sea of troubles
And by opposing end them. To die, to sleep-
No more-and by a sleep to say we end
The heartache, and the thousand natural shocks
That flesh is heir to. 'Tis a consummation
Devoutly to be wished. To die, to sleep-
To sleep-perchance to dream: ay, there's the rub,
For in that sleep of death what dreams may come
When we have shuffled off this mortal coil,
Must give us pause. There's the respect
That makes calamity of so long life.
For who would bear the whips and scorns of time,
Th' oppressor's wrong, the proud man's contumely
The pangs of despised love, the law's delay,
The insolence of office, and the spurns
That patient merit of th' unworthy takes,
When he himself might his quietus make
With a bare bodkin? Who would fardels bear,
To grunt and sweat under a weary life,
But that the dread of something after death,
The undiscovered country, from whose bourn
No traveller returns, puzzles the will,
And makes us rather bear those ills we have
Than fly to others that we know not of?
Thus conscience does make cowards of us all,
And thus the native hue of resolution
Is sicklied o'er with the pale cast of thought,
And enterprise of great pitch and moment
With this regard their currents turn awry
And lose the name of action. - Soft you now,
The fair Ophelia! - Nymph, in thy orisons
Be all my sins remembered.
Oh Edward. I will love you forever. Will you think of me, in your days gone by, when the moon is glowing in the dark night sky? With all the extra room that's inside my head I don't think that I will be able to avoid thinking of you. Of where you are, of who you're with. I wish I could see you, just one more time. It feels as if it is you who has taken my heart. Look after it for me? No doubt I will come looking for you in the future. My one true love.
"Are you tired? Do you need me to drive?"
Jacob had been constantly quizzing me after he woke up. I know that he didn't know a ton about vampires; just that they sucked blood and were inherently evil, at least he'd like to think so, but he really needs to understand and learn to listen to what I'm saying so that he doesn't twist it in his mind. He seems to have diluted himself into thinking that me not putting up a fight about him coming with me is me telling him that I'm ready to jump into a relationship with him. Honestly, I just didn't want to be alone. A familiar face does a lot to help stop the depressing loneliness that appears to have captivated me in the past week.
"Jacob, what did Charlie decide to put on my tombstone?"
"Why? That's kinda extremely random Bella." Jacob raised his eyebrow. If I didn't know any better I would think he was trying to read my mind. A pang of despair thrashed its way through my heart at the thought of Edward.
"I just want to know. It's been ten years. I just want to feel closer to Charlie." I miss my life, my loving father.
"Oh. It said something about being in peace forever." How fitting. sigh. Maybe some travel will do me good. I had decided while driving in the night, that I wanted to see some of the places that would bring me closer to the Cullens. To Edward really. We were starting in Chicago.
As we got into town I looked up which the oldest neighborhoods were, took a few tours through the city and then called it a night-for Jacob at least at a local hotel hotspot. The windy city was brilliant at night the local young adults went to bars or clubs and just partied it up. I didn't really party. It would have been too tempting to let my instincts take over. So I took a little bit of my time trying to sort through my memories of what Edward had told me from his human life. I continued afterwards in the city library. Researching the hospitals that took the most patients during the epidemic and then searched for records of hospital workers. Surely Carlisle would be mentioned with his striking good looks and unmatched skill. I should have known better. It took close to an hour to scour every hospital document from the time period and just when I thought about giving up, voila! A patient's registry! It didn't take long after that to find the Masen's as well as death dates next to each name. My hand hesitated next to Edward Anthony Masen Jr I couldn't look at the death date, he was alive, he was singlehandedly the most important person in my life. I wasn't living right now; I was simply existing. "If all else perished yet he remained, I would live another day; but if he died and everything else had endured, the world would become a mighty stranger." The registry held one other bit of information that I did find useful: a room number. Now I could go to exactly the last place he had been completely human and hopefully feel a little bit closer to him. I know that I was becoming obsessive, if life gives you a dream so far beyond any of your wildest expectations, you weren't supposed to grieve when it came to an end. Right? But I was Edward's mate. I would not give up on him. I would walk through hell to find him again in necessary.
**AN-That was the longest chapter ever!
So clearly everyone decided that I should continue writing this story. I'm actually glad that you did! :) But, I have decided on an incentive for all of you: IF YOU REVIEW, I WILL SEND YOU A PREVIEW OF THE NEXT CHAPTER!
So. Please, Review. I would love to hear what you thought, felt, ideas of what might happen next, suggestions. ANYTHING! ~Rachel