Disclaimer: Harry Potter belongs J.K. Rowling and Warner Bros.
Chapter One: Fine
Dr Remus Lupin looked up from the depressing reading, and looked out through the window. The sun was shining down on the small town not to far away. He would arrive within ten minutes. Remus looked down on the medical journal in his lap. It was almost as thick as a old mans, or as someone who had been abused. He couldn't decide which actually would have been better than the truth. X-ray plates, psych evaluations, an admission to surgery. The fact that the boy in the last couple of years had been admitted to a hospital ten times, five due to drug overdose, hurt him. He hadn't even met the kid, but he already affected him. Maybe he had gotten sensitive since Sirius death. A sad smile flew over his lips as the train arrived at the station.
§§§
The hospital wasn't far from the station, but still Remus had a hard time finding it. In many ways, that annoyed him. He had grew up in London, but even there he had an easy time finding a hospital. Here he was forced to ask an old man that answered "The wolf took my hens, Mrs. Ricker!" and a young mother of two twins that screamed for ice cream before he found it. What annoyed him most, was that he had almost walked around it while searching for it. Finally inside, Remus found out that the elevator was stuck two floors up, and the other visitor elevator had a long line of people waiting in front of it. So he had to take the stairs twice, since the first one of them led him to the completely wrong part of the hospital. But he had made it. Now, he stood in front of Harry Potters door. He looked through the glass. The only person inside was a sleeping, young boy, not older then sixteen. He had the look of someone that hadn't had a good, home cooked meal for years, and the bandages on his arms didn't help. Remus opened the door carefully, so that he wouldn't wake Potter up. The boy moved, and seemed to be on the verge to wake up. Remus watched as the boy returned to dream land. Then he sat down, and continued to study him. The black hair stuck out in every direction, and a pair of glasses that had been fixed by tape hung loosely from his nose. Remus gaze trailed down and stopped at his arms, which were covered by track marks and scars. Scars... he looked up at the boys face again. There, under all the hair, was a scar in the shape of a lightning bolt. According to the journal, he had gained it after a fight with Dudley Dursley, the son of his foster parents. Dudley had apparently banged Potters forehead right on the top of a fence. Remus sighed a little.
"What do you want?" A voice said. Remus looked around, until he noticed that the source was the boy, now awake and glaring at him. Remus suddenly got the feeling that the boy never had been asleep in the first place.
"Talk" He said simply, and the boy snorted.
"Look, doctor Lupin, I've already talked to a doctor. I've already said that it was a mistake" He said, poison in his voice. Remus sat silent for a few seconds, while Potter pointed at his chest.
"Your name is on the badge. Dr Remus Lupin. Where's your brother? And did you get here on a wolf?" Cheeky, Remus thought.
"Sorry to make you disappointed, but I've no brother and neither was I raised by a wolf. And do you really think somebody will believe a person who, according to report, screamed 'Don't touch me, let me die so I can return home to Hell!' when brought to the ER with cut wrists and with more drugs in his system than you can find in pharmacy." Remus sat back to watch the boys reaction. There was silence for a long time, until Potter smiled towards him. Remus immediately thought about a lion who had caught sight of his prey.
"That's right, the drugs. I admit, it was a little too much. But it was a lot of fun." The smile grew wider. Remus sighed and looked up towards the ceiling.
"...What day is it?"
"Sorry?"
"What day is it?"
"I don't know. I'm not even part of this world." Silence. Remus continued to stare up in the ceiling. He could hear Harry move uncomfortably.
"Look, doctor. I know it looks bad, but really. I didn't mean it. I was just so pissed of at someone."
"Do you always do that when you're angry?"
"Do what?"
"Hurt yourself."
"...I don't hurt myself."
"Fine."
"Fine."
"I've always thought that attempting suicide was to hurt yourself."
"I have never attempted suicide."
"What about the second of June, 1994?"
"That was overreacting."
"Really? Cuts to wrist and a drug overdose within two days. Wow. That's amazing. How did you get the cuts then?"
"I was in a fight."
"Is that so?"
"Yes."
"Fine."
"Fine." Silence. Remus had looked up in the ceiling the whole time. He had the feeling that Harry Potter did the same.
"Social services has decided to admit you to a mental hospital." There was a snarling sound, then silence yet again.
"...Why?" The voice was so small, so close to tears that Remus had no heart to not look at the boy. He smiled softly.
"I think you know why, even though you probably won't admit it in a long time" He said gently. Harry looked down at his hands.
"There's no fighting it, is there?" He asked in the same fragile voice. Remus slowly shook his head.
"Not after what I've seen and heard here. If you refuse to go with me... well, then the police will come and get you I guess."
"...Fine."
"Fine."
"I'll need to go back to the Dursleys and get my things." This surprised Remus.
"Haven't they been here with anything?"
"No. Vernon was here when I woke up the first time, but he left after staring at me for a couple of minutes. He hasn't been here since then."
"...I see."
§§§
Privet Drive was that sort of street that was filled with people with to much of a free time. Remus noticed as he got of the bus that several of it's inhabitants looked out through their windows as Harry slowly made his way to number four. As he reached out his hand to ring the door bell(apparently he hadn't a key himself), the door opened and a thin woman with an expression that could only be described as snobbish glared at them. Remus found himself feeling very awkward. A hand with long fingers was stretched forward.
"Petunia Dursley. You here to take him to that wart place?" She said with a 'I couldn't care less'-voice. Remus took it.
"Doctor Remus Lupin. And it's called Hogwarts." He said politely. Harry walked past her without a word and up to the second floor.
"I hope you can give that boy a swift kick to the head, 'cause if he continues like this he will end up dead in the street." Mrs. Dursley screamed after him. After taking off his shoes, thanking no to a cup of tea, Remus made it up to the second floor. There, in the smallest bedroom, he found Harry. The bandages had been ripped away, and Harry sat there with a scissors in his hand. Remus stopped in the door opening. A small giggle came from the boy.
"Fifteen stitches on each wrist. Would be so easy to just cut them open again." The giggle faded away, and Harry threw the scissors in the opposite wall, were they got stuck. He walked over to the wardrobe and pulled a bag out, starting to put clothes in it. Remus stood quiet, waited for Harry to speak.
"I haven't attempted suicide." He muttered at last. Remus said nothing, waiting for him to continue. A deep sigh came from the boy.
"It doesn't count, because I can't remember actually doing it. It can't count then, right?" There was some hope in his voice. Remus looked at Harry thoroughly.
"I'm afraid it does, Harry." Silence. Harry seemed to be finished with packing. He looked through the room again, before putting a small frame with a photo of a dancing couple down on top of everything else.
"Is that your parents?" Remus asked. Silence again for a few seconds.
"...Yes."
"Do you miss them?"
"I don't know. Can't even remember them, can I?"
The goodbye between Harry and his foster family was short. Vernon, a large man that looked like a walrus in the face, muttered something about taking care before returning to the TV in the living room. Petunia said good bye and closed the door before Remus had the time to answer. Dudley was nowhere to be seen. Harry told Remus he was probably out chasing seven year olds to beat up with his friends, while his parents thought he was drinking tea. Remus found this highly amusing.
§§§
Harry had been quiet most of the time on the train. It was a very short journey, it took only about an hour, but he seemed very nervous about something. He looked around all the time, and often seemed on the verge of saying something before closing his mouth again. Remus watched him intently, not really sure id he should say anything or not. It ended with Harry taking out a bottle of blue pills, which forced Remus to speak.
"What's that?" He said sternly. Harry gave him a cold glare.
"Xanax" Before Remus could react, a pill had found it's way to Harry's mouth. Remus sighed.
"Give them to me."
"No."
"We'll take them later anyway."
"They're mine. I can't breath without them. I can barely breath with them."
"Hand them over."
"Fine" Remus was given the bottle, and put it inside his own bag.
"Fine" He whispered.
§§§
These stupid humans will never see. I can't believe that they have survived this long. I'll show them. My Lord said he'll help me. If I follow his commands. And I'll do that. There would be more harm done otherwise. Even though I'm not part of the Human race, I was raised by it. I owe it to them.
I watch the doctor. He's different. I can't help but to wonder, if he's as harmed as I am. If he, too, knows the truth of the universe in his heart. That everything is a diversion from dying.
The screaming gets loader, and my breathe turns into poison. I need more Xanax.