Chapter 2: Something about food

Ike woke up that morning feeling pretty good about himself. He felt as though he could punch a wall, but wouldn't because that would be kind of dumb. Remembering to both brush and floss his teeth, Ike prepared for the day ahead, putting on the same exact outfit from the previous day. You would think it would smell, being the same clothes he wears every single day, but the dimensional qualities of the Smash Universe defy many norms that some would expect in relation to the actual world. In simpler terms, It don't work like that.

After almost forgetting Link existed, Ike woke up his compatriot, who was muttering something about bacon. Link ran towards the door, awaiting his breakfast. Link, of course, forgot how doors worked and slammed into it, nearly knocking himself out.

"Link, how many times do I have to tell you about doors?", shouted Ike, who was losing patience with Link. This was the third time in the last 24 hours Link had a mishap with doors.

"Sorry Ike. Anyways, I had a strange dream last night", replied Link.

"Tell me all about it."

"Well, it was really strange. We were all cats for some reason! It made no sense whatsoever but we just acted like it was normal!"

"Link, I think you need to lay off the Red Potion. It's not healthy to take that stuff if you use it every time you so much as stub a toe."

"But Ike, it makes me feeeeeel good."

Once Link was ready, our breakfast-apprecitating heroes went to the Fooding Room. They both knew that fooding was not a real word, but did not care about it at the moment. Arriving in the room, they started to notice some of their old friends getting some food. Ike and Link went to see Captain Falcon, a good pal of theirs. Link had spent a lot of close time with Captain Falcon discussing the hardships that the Brawl tournament brought upon them, as they were both made weaker for no good reason.

Link greeted Captain Falcon by saying, "Well, if it isn't everybody's favorite Captain!" Captain Olimar overheard this, and left the room to go cry in a corner.

Captain Falcon noticed his old pal and said, "Hey, if it isn't Link. I heard about what happened between you and Zelda, and I just wanted to say that I will do everything I can do help you."

Ike was confused by this, and asked Link, "Wait, what happened with you and Zelda?"

"Oh you haven't heard?", said Captain Falcon. "Shortly after the Brawl Tournament, Zelda ended her relationship with Link. She's been dating Pit ever since."

Ike was shocked. "That communist whelp! I can't believe he acted all chummy with Link yesterday, despite that! Why, I'll teach him a thing or two..."

Link was more confused than Ike. "Captain Falcon, I think you are mistaken. Zelda and I never broke up. Heck, I took her out to dinner a week ago. We had some Grilled Octorock. It was delicious. Here, I even have the receipt from that dinner." Both Ike and Captain Falcon wondered why Link carried a restaurant receipt with him.

Captain Falcon was rather confused by this information. "Huh, this looks pretty accurate. I wonder why Snake and Mario would have told me that. Don't think I don't believe you, Link. I'm just a bit confused at why I would be told that."

With that matter settled, they all had breakfast. Link and Captain Falcon talked about what they had been doing with their time. Link told Captain Falcon of all of his journeys, and Captain Falcon told Link about how he had taken time off from racing to explore the many worlds they all came from, and had gotten rather buff in the process. Ike didn't talk much, because he was too busy studying the other Smashers he saw. Not to learn strategies or weaknesses, but to see if it would help ease his fears. Ike noticed a one thing in particular that seemed very odd to him. Lucas and Ness seemed really close to each other. They were feeding each other food, and it was really awkward to watch. Ike felt as if he was over-examining the situation, and figured it was a kind of brotherly love. Except, it wasn't. Ike remembered that the three brothers he was around his whole life never did anything like that. Oscar, Boyd, and Rolf were very close, but not like that.

As they finished their food, Link noticed something that made him rather excited. Zelda had finally arrived. Link went up to her and said something that was really cheesy. It was cheesier than a pizza with Extra Cheese. In fact, Extra Cheese doesn't even begin to describe how dopey Link's words were.

"Oh Zelda, I am so glad to be the presence of your beauty once more. I was feeling disheartened by some rumors, but I am glad to see that you have come to see your loyal and faithful knight once more and bless me with your company."

Zelda seemed unaware of what Link said. She then told Link, "Hey, would you mind going elsewhere? You are okay and all, but Pit doesn't like it when I'm around other guys. Especially people like you."

In that moment, Link was flabbergasted. "Zelda, what do you mean?"

Link then heard a familiar voice, "You still don't get it, do you Link?" Pit then walked in and gave Zelda a smooch. Link was literally rolling around on the floor at this point.

"BUT I-YOU-WE-WHAT IS HAPPENING?" shouted a very distressed Link.

Pit decided to be a dick to Link and rub it in. "I know you have been in denial for a while, but this is just pathetic. Perhaps you should take some time to think, and read a good book. Might I recommend the Communist Manifesto? Zelda, let's go elsewhere." The two left without another word, and Captain Falcon and Ike went over to comfort their pal.

"Link! Link! Get it together!", said Ike, who was already starting to think of how he should kill Pit.

"Hold on Link, you need to calm down!", said Captain Falcon.

Link could not think. His mind was lost in despair. It was as his whole life got twist-turned upside down. Nothing could make him feel good anymore. Nothing cou-

"Link, I got you some more bacon, if it would make you feel better." After saying this, Ike threw some bacon at Link. He instantly snapped out of his sadness and ate it.

"Thanks Ike, I really needed that. It's official at this point, something is wrong here."

Captain Falcon wasn't as convinced. "Link, I know you are really sad and confused, but that doesn't mean there is some conspiracy going on. I mean, there would have to be a whole lot more strangeness to classify this situation as something like that."

Just then, Ganondorf rolled in. He literally rolled in. Ganon was really fat for some reason. He made Wario look like Marth. There was a 50% chance he was having a heart attack.

"I gotta...get some grub...I need about...600 fried chickens." mumbled Ganondorf, who was likely to have a stroke.

"Link, I think you are on to something. Ganon is way too fat.", Captain Falcon said.

The three then thought of a plan. They needed some answers to the odd happenings. They agreed to split up, and explore different areas of the mansion. They needed to collect as much info as possible, and find out who seemed normal, and who did not. With the terms agreed, Ike, Link, and Captain Falcon went off to solve the mystery of the mansion.

Will the plan work, or will something go wrong?

Is there something seriously wrong in the world of Smash?

How is Yoshi going to pay off his student loans?

Find out next time!