Hi all
here is another chapter, sorry it took me so long but i was visiting my grandparents in liscannor but i meet someone who unintentionally gave me so many idea for this story :)
so please read and review as i like to hear what everyone thinks
Chapter 7
I watched Stephen walked past me and into the room; my heart pounding so hard, I thought it might actually leap from my chest. Trying to steady my heart back into a normal rhythm, I closed my eyes and took a deep breath but once I looked at Stephen standing by the balcony doors; I knew it was hopeless.
Finally closing the door, I made my way into the room; suddenly feeling the need to stay a safe distance away from the big Irishman. I didn't fear that he would hurt me but I knew this was the only way I could keep my emotions and body under controlled.
I stood there nervously, as he stared at me with those intense blue eyes.
"Ya not changed lass" he drawled but I noticed how his eyes roamed up and down my body.
Immediately I felt the temperature of the room rise and I began to wish that I had chosen more than boy shorts and cami for bed. Giving my head a little shake I tried to stop the thoughts of what he could do and how he could make me feel.
I crossed my arms and leaned back against the counter that held the TV; trying to appear confident "is that what ya hear to tell me" I questioned trying to avoid looking directly into his eyes again.
I watched nervously as he moved around the room, inching closer towards me "so ya married" he asked glancing down at my left hand that was gripping the side of the counter so tight my knuckles had turned white.
"No, I guess I never found the right man" I answered not liking the smug smile that appeared on his face. "But that's not the reason ya here, so what do ya want Stephen?"I questioned, raising my voice a little and taking a step closer while crossing my arms again in defiance.
"Don't treat me like am stupid lass, ya know damn well why am here" he suddenly snapped moving quicker than I expected, until his face was mere inches from me own.
"Ah know his mine, jaysus I would have ta be blind not ta know. Why'd ya never tell meh?" he almost growled, the look in his blue eyes daring me to lie to him.
I knew Stephen had a red hot temper that matched his fiery hair but seeing the blazing anger in his eyes, my body trembled as fear rose inside me. Swallowing the lump that had formed in my throat I managed to stutter out an answer "I... I couldn't. I didn't have ya number and I... I contacted Paul and h...he laughed. I felt so embarrassed; I mean I gave meself to ya without thinking about any consequences so I raised him meself".
I watched with trepidation as he moved away from me, sighing loudly as he run his fingers roughly through his hair.
I knew myself I should have tried harder but if I was truthful with myself, I was afraid that he wouldn't want me or Cian; I knew wrestlers went through a lot of woman on the road. The thought that I was just another ride for Stephen made me feel physically sick so I choose to stay away.
"Am sorry Stephen" I whispered looking down at the floor, unable to look at the pained expression on his face.
"Sorry eh... SORRY AINT GONNA GIVE ME BACK DA LAST 6 YEARS OF ME SONS LIFE AH MISSED. YA ROBBED ME OF THE CHANCE TO BE HIS FATHER!" he shouted
As I looked up at him, his face was contorted in anger but suddenly all his anger seemed to disappear; his attention now focused on something behind me.
Turning I found Cian standing in the doorway of his room, his gaze going back and forth between me and Stephen; the hurt look on his face.
"Your me daddy?"He asked, tears in his eyes as he looked at Stephen.
"Cian sweetheart, I should have told ya" I said as I went to touch him and he flinched away from me.
He looked at me, a blazing fire in his eyes just liked Stephens only moments ago "Ya should have told me!" he shouted, his fist clenched tight and I could see he was shaking with anger.
He quickly turned and ran back into his room, the door slamming echoed in my ears as tears started to fall from my eyes. Slowly I started to go to Cian but feeling Stephens hand on my shoulder I stopped.
"Let me talk to him, lass" he asked his eyes almost pleading with me.
Not trusting my voice, I nodded and watched him disappear into the room. Without realising what I was doing, I found myself standing outside the bedroom door listening to the conversation happening inside.
"do you want to be me daddy?" Cian asked through his tears
"I want to be ya father more than anything son" Stephen answered the word SON voiced with pride. "But ya need to forgive ya mammy, she was only trying to do what she thought was best" he told the boy pulling him into his arms.
Feeling so disheartened, I walked out onto the balcony; looking out at the Dublin skyline, the cold wind whipped at any uncovered flesh. Shivering I leaned against the railing, I couldn't believe that after keeping Cian a secret from Stephen; there he was encouraging him to forgive me.
I could only hope that he would forgive me too.
I didn't hear Stephen come out until I felt his large arms around me, gripping the railing; keeping me trapped in the spot I stood. Feeling his hard body against mine, I could feel my own body reacting.
His head came down, his chin was almost resting on my shoulder "why did ya leave?" he whispered in my ear, sending a shiver of excitement down my spine.
"Ah was afraid" I answered him, keeping my eyes on the view in front of me.
Pressing his forehead to the side of my head "ah would have protected ya lass" he stated.
Feeling his breathe on the side of my face, my body temperature rose; I didn't even feel the cold November wind anymore.
Taking a deep breath "ah wasn't afraid of Brock...ah was afraid ya wouldn't want me" I finally admitted
His right hand came to me cheek, turning my head so I was looking straight into his blue eyes "why wouldn't ah have wanted ya?" a questioning look on his face.
Not being able to look away with him holding my face, I closed my eyes before answering.
"I gave meself to ya like a common tramp, ya could do better for than me" I told him, that thought had been haunting me for over 6 years.
"Don't talk about yaself like that Aoife, that night meant something to me" he told me his lips moving to my ear "and I know it meant something to you too, ah should have came after ya" he added before he standing up straight.
Looking up at him in shock but as I opened my mouth to speak, he placed his index finger against my lips "inside before ya catch ya death" he spoke in a no nonsense tone.
I found myself complying with him and walking back into the main room, I moved over to the couch and sat down; looking at the door to Cian's room. I longed to go in there and hold my little boy but I knew he was too angry at me.
While I was staring at the door, Stephen sat down beside me "give him time Aoife and it'll be grand" he said putting a comforting hand on my shoulder.
Feeling his hand on my shoulder, it didn't seem to have the comforting effect it was meant to but inside seemed to set my whole body alight with desire. Desire, I hadn't felt in a long time; putting my head down, I wanted to tell him the truth about how much that night really meant to me but my brain screamed "he won't believe ya".
"We need to talk about what we're gonna do" he stated breaking me away from my own thoughts and I turned to look at him "now I know about him... I'm gonna be a big part of his life" he said the last bit, in a tone that dared me to argue with him.
"I know" I answered trying my best not to let my fears interfere with Cian getting to know his father.
Looking at Stephen, I could see the doubt in his face "ya deserve to be a father to him Stephen. I won't interfere" I told him, hoping to ease some of that doubt.
"Well how about we meet for lunch, that way I can get to know Cian" he asked standing and looking down at me waiting for a response.
I nodded my head not trusting my voice at this minute, I knew he was about to leave and I suddenly didn't want to be alone and felt like begging him to stay. I knew I couldn't so I keeping my mouth shut seemed to be the best idea, as I watched him head for the door.
When he reached the door he stopped, his hand on the handle before looked back at me; I could help the feeling of hope that rose inside.
"I'll see ya tomorrow at 12, down in the lobby" he said before he turned the handle and walked out.
Staring at the door he had just walk out off, tears immediately falling from my eyes as I buried my head in my hands. I sat there for what seemed like an eternity until the tears stopped falling; calm enough to move, I started towards my own room.
Closing the door behind me, nothing but complete darkness greeted me as I shuffled my feet, moving further into the room. Feeling my shins against the bed, I quickly climbed in; pulling the duvet tight around me.
Laying there in the dark, my mind drifted back to that night with Stephen; like so many nights before, the truth was I had fallen in love with him that night. There had never been anyone else since him; I couldn't bring myself to give myself to someone else when Stephen had been the only man to ever touch me. I wanted more than anything to tell him but the fear of him not believing or wanting me stopped me each time.