A/N: Thanks for all of the reviews for these one shots! I'm glad that you're enjoying them! This one is full of sexy Grey's men being sexy firefighters! Enjoy :)

Disclaimer: I do not own these characters. Also, I don't know much about firefighting so forgive any errors!

Jackson sat in a chair across from his best friend and bounced his right leg up and down nervously. He glanced upwards and looked around the firehouse that had been his workplace for the past fifteen years. He had joined Ladder Company 4 of Fire Station 2 as a rookie straight out of the academy, as a young man of nineteen years of age. He had been a boy going on an adventure. He had taken a huge chance in moving from his hometown of Boston, across the country, to Seattle. He had always been a bit of a risk taker though, it's what had led him to become a firefighter in the first place. It was his calling, and this station was his home, and the men he worked with were his family.

...And yet he had just announced that he was leaving and going back to Boston, which was probably why Matthew refused to make eye contact with him. They had been best friends since Jackson's first day at the station and now he was leaving, and somewhat spontaneously at that. He had thoroughly discussed his decision with Captain Sloan but he hadn't mentioned it to Matthew until today, and it was clear that his best friend was frustrated, angry, and more stoic than usual.

Jackson tilted his head towards the pool table and asked, "Wanna have a game?"

Matthew shook his head and turned his Saint Florian pin between his fingers. He had been obsessive about fiddling with the medallion that represented the patron saint of firefighters early in his career; it had been given to him by his father, who had also been a firefighter, on his first day with the company. The pin had been a little scarcer in recent years but he still brought it out when he was worried about something or had a bad feeling about the day.

The dark-skinned man ran a hand over his smooth-shaven head as he let out a sigh. He glanced at his watch and saw that it was just past five. "Shepherd should have something whipped up for dinner soon. I hope one of my last meals here is a good one," he tried to joke. Matthew remained silent so he tried again. "You haven't laughed at any of my jokes all day. Come on, help a brother out," he chuckled.

Karev, who was standing nearby, spoke in an attempt to lighten the mood. "Where's your loyalty, Taylor?" He jested.

Matthew hopped to his feet and snorted, "Avery doesn't know the first thing about loyalty."

Jackson watched the other man leave the room, and after a moment, decided to follow him. He found him downstairs tidying up one of the trucks. He shoved his hands into his pockets and rocked back on his heels. "You're pissed that I'm leaving," he stated.

"I'm pissed that I was the last guy in the company to know about it," he shot back. "Jesus Christ, even the rookie Ross knew about it!"

Jackson winced at the swear words coming out of Matthew's mouth. In the fifteen years that he and Matthew had known each other, he had probably only heard the guy swear a handful of times. It meant that he was really fucking angry. "I didn't know how to tell you," he explained weakly.

Matthew turned towards him, no longer bothering to pretend that the hoses weren't coiled properly, and threw his hands up in defeat. "How about 'Oh hey Matt, by the way, I'm leaving the company and moving back to Boston. It's been nice knowing ya!'."

Jackson inwardly groaned, he had never heard him sound so sarcastic either.

"So you didn't tell me, did you at least tell April? My kids?" He asked furiously.

Jackson shook his head shamefully. "No, I haven't gotten around to it yet," he mumbled.

"They're gonna be upset too, ya know," he snapped. "We're the only family in Seattle that you have! Or have you forgotten that?"

"No, I know that," Jackson answered in a quiet voice. He didn't have a wife and kids like Matthew, or a girlfriend, or anybody outside of the company that he was particularly close to. His parents still lived in Boston. He had not forgotten who his family was.

Jackson's quiet response seemed to settle Matthew down because when he spoke again, his voice was almost a whisper. "We've been doing this together for a long time. I dunno if I'll be comfortable in a building knowing that you don't have my back."

Fifteen years earlier...

Jackson stood at the kitchen sink in his new uniform and slowly worked his way through a large pile of dirty dishes. He had expected that, as a rookie, he was going to have to prove himself, but he hadn't expected so much housework. He had been in Seattle a week and so far all that he had done was clean. He hadn't even experienced his first fire yet. He was starting to think that he was a jinx.

Thankfully, there was another rookie that was going through the same thing as him.

"Hey man," Matthew Taylor greeted him as he stood beside him and started to dry the dishes that Jackson had placed in the rack.

"Hey, you think we'll get a call today?" Jackson asked eagerly.

Matthew shrugged but couldn't hide the grin on his face. "We'll see."

Matthew Taylor was getting the same treatment as him in terms of the initiation process; however, some of the older guys treated him with a little more respect. Matthew's father had once been the Captain of this very station, and being Captain Taylor's kid meant something to them. They figured that the tall, lanky boy must have it in him to be a great firefighter if his father had once commanded the busiest station in the city. So Jackson had a bit more work ahead of him to earn his place. But he was ready for it, he had finished at the top of his class after all.

They were down to the very last dish in the pile when the alarm sounded. Matthew and Jackson looked at each other with wide eyes before they dropped what was in their hands and ran towards the nearest pole.

They frantically pulled on their gear and jumped into the truck. Jackson could actually feel the blood pumping through his veins as the truck pulled out of the station and sped down the street. He had never experienced an adrenaline rush like this before and he could tell by the look on Matthew Taylor's face that he hadn't either.

It turned out that their first fire was in an abandoned warehouse and it was fairly small and contained. But those details didn't matter to Jackson or Matthew. They would never forget the heat from the fire, ten times hotter than any simulated fire, or the smell, or the sound of the rushing water from the hoses. It was an experience that would stay with them for the rest of their lives.

"I think the rookies handled themselves pretty well," Mark Sloan chirped once they had arrived back at the firehouse.

Jackson smiled to himself as he neatly put away his gear. "Yeah, I think so."

Derek Shepherd breezed past him and gently smacked the back of his head. "Don't get too cocky, Avery. It was just your first."

"The first one always hurts a little," Sloan stated mischievously as he watched Matthew stretch his arms over his head. "Are you a little sore from getting your cherry popped, Taylor?"

"No, sir," Matthew answered as a faint blush spread over his cheeks.

Shepherd laughed as he clapped Matthew on the shoulder. "Come on you two, let's go get a drink, it's tradition."

"Should we shower and change first?" Matthew questioned.

Sloan shook his head with a wide grin. "We're going to a firemen's bar, Taylor. Go as you are. Most women like the 'I just walked out of a burning building' look anyway."

Matthew laughed nervously before he followed the two older men. "Are we in now?" He asked his fellow rookie.

Jackson laughed, "We may need to get a few more fires under our belt first."

"You're going to be fine," Jackson assured him. "You're a great firefighter and there are great guys in this company."

"None of them are as good as you," Matthew responded quickly.

Jackson opened his mouth to respond but Matthew's cell phone interrupted them. He pulled the device out of his pocket and a smile graced his face when he read the caller ID. He answered the call the same way that he always did. "Hey baby."

Jackson felt uncomfortable intentionally eavesdropping on the call from Matthew's wife so he turned around and began to pace. He had no idea what it was like to have someone call you everyday at work just because they missed you, just because they wanted to check in.

"I'll see you when I get home tonight, okay?"

Jackson had no idea what it was like to go home to somebody after a long day at work.

"I love you too," Matthew finished with a smile. "Bye. I'll wake you up when I get home."

Jackson was envious of what Matthew had...for a variety of reasons. He turned back around and laughed at his friend who couldn't stop smiling. Matthew and April had been married for twelve years and yet the guy still looked like a lovesick fool after talking to her. "I should have gotten April to call you when you were yelling at me," he joked.

Matthew laughed as well. "Yeah, maybe you should have."

Jackson opened his mouth to apologize for keeping his impending move from his friend when the alarm began to sound. "I guess I'll have to buy you a drink later," he called as he ran to his gear.

"Yeah, you will!" Matthew yelled back. "Probably more than one!"

They hopped into the truck, like they had thousands of times before, and listened to the familiar sounds of the sirens. The radio was telling them that their call was a six storey apartment building fire on Aurora Avenue. They arrived on site and immediately entered the building to clear it. Sloan, Shepherd, and Karev followed the hoses up to the third floor, where the fire had originated, while Jackson and Matthew started from the bottom up.

It appeared as if everyone on the first few floors had gotten out of the building and they had not received any reports to the contrary.

Matthew stopped for a moment and spoke into his radio. "It's all clear down here."

Shepherd's voice answered in response. "We need a ladder on the east side of the fifth floor."

"On it," Matthew answered quickly. He spun around to face Jackson and said, "Come on, let's get outside."

Jackson watched as the floor beneath them shifted dangerously as Matthew sprinted to the nearest exit. "Matt, wait up!" He yelled. "Don't—"

He abruptly stopped talking as the floor opened up in front of him and his friend fell through. It all happened so fast and yet it felt like Jackson was watching it in slow motion. He dropped onto his stomach and peeked over the edge. He could just make out Matthew in a haze of smoke and dirt. He had fallen from where they were on the second floor, all the way down to the basement. It seemed as if the first floor of the building had caved in as well.

"Matt!" He yelled desperately.

He heard a faint reply minutes later. "Yeah?"

"Thank God," Jackson whispered to himself. "Don't move, man. I'm coming down!"

Jackson considered finding the nearest stairwell and racing down, but it still seemed like it would waste too much time. He had no idea how badly his best friend was hurt and he needed to get down there now. He swore to himself before he stood up and jumped down the hole. He was able to control his landing a little more than Matthew but he still felt incredible pain shoot through his body and he heard a disgusting snapping sound come from his leg. He fell down onto his hands and knees approximately five feet away from his friend.

"What the hell did you just do?" Matthew asked in disbelief as he remained lying on his back. He had lost his helmet in the fall and his head felt like it weighed a hundred pounds. He could still feel his feet but he knew that it was best to move as little as possible.

Jackson forced a laugh. "Oh, you know, just saving your life again." He crawled towards the other man before he sat up and reached for his radio. "It's Avery," he started with a pant. "Matt had a bad fall and I went down after him. We're in the basement. There's no fire down here but there's debris everywhere. I don't see a way out."

Jackson realized that he had really skimped over the details of the situation, but the details were not important right now. What was important was that they needed help.

"Hang in there, Avery," Captain Sloan answered. "We're coming down."

"They're coming," Jackson told him with a sigh of relief.

"That's good," Matthew murmured. It was good that they were coming for Jackson because he didn't see himself getting out of here. He didn't have his wife's medical knowledge but he knew enough, and he knew that his injuries were really serious.

Jackson tried his best to subtly size up his friend's injuries as he looked over his long form. He definitely had two broken legs, by the ragged sounds of his breathing he may be suffering from a collapsed lung as well, and his forehead was bleeding. He was pretty banged up and Jackson knew that if there was an available exit, he would carry him out himself.

"Can we talk?" Matthew asked quietly after a long silence.

"Hey man, just relax," he encouraged. "Try not to talk too much."

Matthew ignored him. He needed to talk now. "I know what's going on," he coughed. "I know why you're moving back to Boston."

Jackson furrowed his brow in confusion. "I got a great job offer. That's why I'm moving."

Matthew laughed until it turned into a cough. "No, you're moving because you're in love with my wife." He had been angry at Jackson earlier because his friend hadn't told him about his move, but he had also been incredibly angry because he hadn't told him the truth behind his move.

Jackson's eyes widened in shock. He thought that he had done a pretty good job of hiding his feelings for April, and he had always seen his friend as rather oblivious. He thought that Matthew had no idea what was going on. He swallowed harshly as he looked his friend over again. His injuries were bad and he didn't deserve to be lied to, not in this situation. "Yeah," he confessed. "I am. I really tried not to be," he explained fiercely. "I didn't want to. I—"

"It's okay," Matthew smiled. "I get it. She's pretty easy to fall in love with. I tried to tell myself that I was seeing things and making stuff up, but I couldn't keep lying to myself about the way you looked at her."

Jackson shifted closer towards him, ignoring the pain shooting through his right leg, and gently touched Matthew's head, trying to staunch the bleeding. "Save your energy, man, and when we get out of here, you can kick my ass for having a thing for your wife."

Matthew gave him a sad smile. "Come on, Avery, we both know I'm not making it out of here. So you might as well let me forgive you for being an ass." If he was going to die in this hole then he wasn't going to do so bitter and angry.

Jackson stubbornly shook his head. "No, no way. I'm gonna get you outta here."

Twelve years earlier...

Matthew nervously slammed back another shot of tequila and Jackson looked at him in concern. "Slow down a little, man. You don't want to be blitzed before she even gets here."

"Sorry," he muttered. He took a deep breath and rubbed his hands over his jeans. "I don't exactly date a lot so I'm really nervous. What's she like?"

Jackson shrugged after taking a sip from his beer. "I'm sure she's great."

"What? You haven't met her?" Matthew started to panic. "What do you know about her?"

"Settle down," the dark-skinned man encouraged. "She's Lexie's friend, they're in nursing school together, so I'm sure she's awesome."

Matthew's eyes widened as he hopped off of his stool. "You've only known Lexie for a week!" Lexie was Jackson's current woman of the moment so he didn't exactly know much about her. His friend was a playboy and he envied his ability to talk to women so easily. But he didn't actually envy his string of girlfriends, he craved a long-term, intimate relationship.

Jackson stared at his friend in disbelief before he turned towards the bartender. "Actually, why don't you give him a couple more shots of tequila."

He had thought that setting Matthew up with a girl would get him to relax a little, but apparently it had the opposite effect. He had never seen his friend so on edge. He could tackle a multiple-alarm fire like it was routine but he couldn't spend a night at a bar with a girl? He really didn't understand the guy sometimes.

Fifteen minutes later, Matthew had grow even more intoxicated and exponentially more nervous. Jackson breathed a sigh of relief when he finally spotted Lexie walking through the door. He approached her quickly and planted a kiss on her cheek. "Hey, how's it going?"

"Great," she smiled. "Sorry we're late. April's just a little nervous," she added quietly.

"Good," he laughed, "so is Matthew." He looked over Lexie's shoulder and watched a cute red-head stumble through the door. "I'm assuming that's her?"

Lexie smiled widely. "Yeah, that's her." She grabbed the red-head's hand and pulled her to her side. "April, this is Jackson."

She smiled, showing off a single dimple, and extended her hand. "It's really nice to meet you."

"You too," he responded before tilting his head backwards. "My friend Matt is at the bar. Follow me."

He walked back towards the bar and saw that already Matthew was unable to take his eyes off of April. He was already infatuated.

Jackson sat at the bar with Lexie and watched with pride as Matthew and April got cozy in the corner. They were engaged in a conversation that Jackson could hear from his position.

"So, do you actually put out the fire or...?" The red-head asked tentatively.

Matthew shook his head. "No, Jackson and I are ladder company so we set up the ladders, sometimes we have to cut open the roof. We go into the buildings for search and rescue and the engine company actually extinguishes the fire."

"Oh, that's so cool," she smiled. "You save people's lives. Do you like it?"

"I love it," Matthew grinned. "Do you love w-what you do?"

Jackson turned to Lexie with a smug grin. "They're totally hitting it off!"

"I think I fell in love with her from the very moment I saw her," Matthew reminisced with a smile. "She was just so so beautiful. A girl that pretty had never given me the time of day before."

Jackson smiled as he leaned back against the nearest wall and listened to his friend. "And she didn't even care that much that you were drunk."

"No, she didn't," he chuckled. "I think she thought my stuttering and uncoordinated stumbles were endearing."

Jackson remembered the early days of their romance very clearly. He had been having the best sex of his life with Lexie Grey and he had been happy that his best had finally found someone that he really liked, and that he had introduced them. They had been inseparable, and it had been clear very early on that they were perfect for each other. They had only dated for three months before Matthew popped the question in a grand, public proposal, and of course April had said yes. Jackson remembered their wedding and how perfect it had been. It had been small and intimate, the ceremony on the beach and the reception in a small hall. He had been the best man and he had delivered a hilarious speech, drank lots of champagne, and danced his ass off. He and Lexie had fooled around in the coat closet that night. He remembered when Matthew had returned to the station after his honeymoon, and had told him and the guys, after much badgering that they hadn't left their hotel room until the very last day because they at least needed a few pictures to show their parents. Apparently, waiting until you were married to have sex was totally worth it.

Jackson also remembered all the times that he had teased April for not being able to chug a beer or throw a dart. She had always been able to get him back, especially during the time of the year when the station's charity calendar was sold. She had gotten in a few good jabs about him being the department's favourite poster boy. He could also remember when he had accidentally discovered that she was pregnant with their first child. She had begged him not to tell Matthew and he had kept his word. His friend had come into work the next day beaming, and had happily announced to everyone that he was going to be a father.

He had hundreds of memories of April Taylor and what stood out to him the most was the memory of feeling not even the tiniest bit jealous of her relationship with Matthew. He hadn't given April a second thought back then, he had been focused on being overwhelmingly happy for his friend. Why couldn't it be that way now?

Something significant had changed.

"I crossed a line," he murmured quietly.

"Yeah, you did," Matthew admitted. "But it was my fault too." His best friend had quite a reputation with women and yet he had encouraged him, pushed him even, to spend time alone with his wife. It wasn't exactly the smartest move.

And April was so perfectly lovable. He should have seen it coming.

"Just tell me how it happened," he requested quietly. "Please."

Jackson furrowed his brow. "Are you sure you wanna hear this?"

Matthew nodded before coughing again. "Yeah, tell me."

"I came over for dinner one night," he began reluctantly.

Six months earlier...

Jackson stepped into the Taylor household with a boisterous greeting and was immediately bombarded by two little people.

"Uncle Jackson!" They cried in unison.

"Hey munchkins!" He laughed as he bent down to lift both little girls into his arms. "Ooh! You guys are getting heavy!" He sometimes forgot that Ivy and Kate weren't babies anymore, they were eight and six respectively, and they were very bright and very aware of the world around them.

And they both looked so much like April that it killed him.

"No, we're not," Ivy argued indignantly. "My doctor said I wasn't big enough at my last checkup!"

He laughed as he carried them towards the kitchen. "You're right, I'm sorry," he apologized.

He stopped in the doorway of the kitchen and gazed at April as she attended to the stove. Her hair was pulled up into a messy ponytail and she was wearing black leggings and an oversized t-shirt, probably one of Matthew's. It was clear that she hadn't put any effort into her appearance for him and she still took his breath away.

He had attended regular dinners at the Taylor household ever since Matthew and April had gotten married. Usually they had him over two to three times a week and he would often bring whoever he was seeing, but for the past few months he had been coming to dinner on Tuesdays and Thursdays alone, and after the kids went to bed, it would just be him and April, and they would sit and talk for hours.

For the first time in their careers, Matthew and Jackson were not on the same shift; new Captain Sloan wanted to created some camaraderie with some of the newer guys so he had split up his experience. At first he had hated it, but he had slowly begun to cherish his time without his best friend. He had started to forget that this wasn't his house...that these weren't his kids...that April wasn't his wife.

He was forced to stop staring when Kate called out. "Mommy! Look who's here!"

April turned around and faced him with a smile. She walked up to him and kissed him softly on the cheek. "Hey Jackson, I just made spaghetti and a salad. I hope that's okay."

"Sounds great," he grinned.

"I love spaghetti," Kate chimed in.

April smiled brightly at her little girl. "I know you do!"

The red-head's smile quickly fell when they heard the unmistakable sound of a crying baby. "Do you want me to go get him?" Jackson asked caringly.

She shook her head. "No, that's okay. Can you watch the stove though?"

"Sure," he nodded with a smile.

He took a step further into the kitchen as he watched April rush to attend to their toddler, Jack. He placed both of the little ladies in his arms back on their feet and guided them to sit down at the kitchen table. He checked the pot of cooking noodles before he gave the spaghetti sauce a stir. He had become way too comfortable with this domestic, family life that wasn't even his. He was used to playing with the girls, and holding Jack when he cried, and helping April cook. He liked this life.

The one that he had always told himself didn't fit him. He was a bachelor. He liked to date, he liked to drink, and he liked to run into burning buildings. Those things didn't fit with a family.

Jackson had a feeling that he had taken to this life because of the woman in it. Over the past few months, he had started to look at April in a way that he never had before. He had always seen her as this intelligent, sweet, adorable woman. He had always thought of her as a little quirky, a little too over the top for his taste, but perfect for Matthew. But lately...

Lately he had gotten to know her in a way that he hadn't before. She talked to him about all of the stress associated with raising three children, about how she wanted to go back to school and get her Masters, about how she worried when he and Matthew were at work, and about how she savoured the simplest moments of silence. He had started to see how delicately sexy she was. The way that she would often run a hand through her auburn hair or bite down on her bottom lip. He had started to notice the exquisite curves of her body that had been shaped by three children and just how soft her skin looked.

He was trying to fight these terrible, awful feelings that he had but they were pretty overwhelming. He had never felt this way about a woman before.

After dinner and putting the kids to bed, Jackson and April sat at the kitchen table and as was customary, he was drinking a beer and she had a glass of wine in front of her.

"So," she began with a mischievous grin, "you haven't brought a girl over in a really long time."

He laughed as he leaned back in his chair. "No, I haven't."

"Why not?" She pressed.

He shrugged as he stared at the label on his beer bottle. "Uhh, I dunno. Maybe I've finally dated all of the single women in Seattle," he joked.

"That's not true," she replied. "Obviously some woman out there is missing the opportunity of a lifetime." She got out of her chair and headed towards the sink. "I'm just going to put these dishes in the dishwasher. Do you want another beer?"

He jumped to his feet and rushed to her side. "Here, let me help."

She fought him off by gently pushing on his chest. "No, go get another beer and sit down."

"I wanna help," he protested.

"Go away," she laughed as she pulled the door to the dishwasher down and tried to bump him away with her hip. "You're my guest."

He laughed as he wrapped one arm around her small waist and lifted her off of the ground. "Come on, I'm way too comfortable in this house to be a guest."

"Jackson, put me down," she demanded through giggles.

He began to place dishes in the machine as he continued to hold her away from him. "What? Sorry, I can't hear what you're saying. I'm too busy loading the dishwasher."

She started to kick her legs in an effort to get him to drop her but it didn't work, he was too strong. "Jackson, put me down," she repeated. "This is ridiculous. You're acting like I weigh five pounds."

"You kinda do," he chuckled.

She sighed in exasperation and blew a strand of hair out of her face. "Jackson," she warned. "Don't make me tickle you."

"Doesn't matter," he shrugged as he continued his chore. "I'm not ticklish."

She grinned devilishly because she knew that statement was a lie. She reached out and brushed her hands along his sides. He flinched and let out a laugh so she did it again. He reacted by finally placing her back on the ground and pinning her against the kitchen counter. She laughed triumphantly until she realized just how close he was to her, practically every inch of the front of his body was pressing against hers, and the smell of his cologne was overpowering and intoxicating. When she raised her eyes to meet his she saw that he was looking at her as if he was seeing her for the first time.

"Jackson." She tried to laugh his proximity, and the slight flutter that it caused in her stomach, off. "What are you doing?"

"I don't know," he breathed before he brought his mouth down to hers.

He kissed her harder, and with more desire, than she had ever been kissed in her life. He placed both of his large hands on her hips and smoothly slipped his tongue into her mouth. She groaned and gripped the front of his t-shirt as he raised one hand to cradle her face. He made her incapable of thought for a long moment.

Finally, she snapped back to reality and pulled away from him with a gasp. She quickly created enough space between them so that she could flee to the other side of the kitchen. "Jackson," she breathed in shock. "What did you do that for?" She gently touched her fingers to her lips as she mulled over what had just happened between them.

What had just happened between them?

The man across from her at least had the decency to look sheepish. "I wish I could blame it on the beer," he muttered. "But I can't."

They just stood looking at each other for what felt like forever before she spoke again. "Maybe you should leave now," she whispered.

"Do you want me to go?" He asked sadly.

"No," she answered honestly. "But I still think you should."

He nodded understandingly. "Okay, yeah, I'll go."

The following night, while Matthew was home with the kids, April showed up at the firehouse to speak to Jackson. The guilt and the shame of what they had done in her kitchen was eating away at her and she needed some answers.

"What's up?" He asked with a casual smile as he led her to the main locker room.

She arched an eyebrow and tilted her head in annoyance. He knew exactly why she was here.

He sighed in frustration and pinched the bridge of his nose. "I don't know what you want me to say."

"Are you serious?" She spat. "We've known each other for twelve years and you have nothing to say to me after last night!" She stepped towards him and angrily pushed on his chest with both hands. "I expected better from you, Jackson. I didn't think you were such a coward."

"What do you want me to say?" He asked through gritted teeth. "Do you want me to tell you that I can't stop thinking about you? Do you want me to tell you that I haven't slept with a woman in over two months because for some ridiculous reason it feels like I'm cheating on you? Do you want me to say that sometimes, when I'm in your house and Matthew's not there, I pretend that that's our life together? Is that what you want me to say?" He asked loudly.

He supposed that he had kept his feelings bottled up for so long that they were finally exploding.

She stared at him in shock before finally whispering, "No." She had convinced herself that he had kissed her for some idiotic, misogynistic, male ego driven, lust induced reason. She had not, under any circumstances, expected him to say any of that. He was in love with her...

He inwardly chastised himself before he turned around and kicked a nearby garbage can across the room. He couldn't believe that he had said all of those things. He was such an idiot. Now he couldn't hide his secret any longer.

April let him vent his frustration physically for a few moments before she carefully approached him and placed both of her hands on his back. "Stop it," she whispered. "Just take a deep breath," she cooed.

Jackson did as he was told and inhaled deeply. He tried to tell himself that her arms around him didn't help, but they did. "Sorry," he apologized after a few minutes. "I'm sorry for putting the moves on you last night and I'm sorry for saying all those things just now."

She spun him around so that they faced each other and gently took his hands in hers. "Don't apologize if that's really how you feel." His eyes filled with hope and she felt bad knowing that she was going to have to break his heart. "But I love Matthew."

Jackson smiled sadly. He knew that. He knew that she would never pick him, and honestly, he didn't want her to. "Yeah, me too."

"She's really freaking in love with you, man," Jackson told him. "So you gotta stay with me."

Matthew nodded slowly as he allowed his eyes to slide closed. "Yeah," he gasped, "I just need to rest for a minute."

"No, you don't," Jackson insisted as he slapped his cheek as gently as he could. "The guys will be here any minute." He was starting to see that things really weren't looking good for Matthew and he needed to get him to a hospital as soon as possible. He grabbed his radio and practically yelled in it. "Sloan! Where are you guys?"

"We can't get in from the basement," his Captain answered. "There's no access, and the first floor is caving in. We're gonna try to haul you guys up from where you fell. How are you doing for air?"

"Matt's tank is busted but I still have some," he replied.

"Okay, hang in there!"

Jackson placed his mask over Matthew's face to give him some much needed oxygen but he quickly pushed it away. "I don't want that," he protested stubbornly. "I wanna talk about the party we had last month. You almost told me then, didn't you? The night Karev brought you home?"

Jackson met his gaze guiltily. He knew exactly what night he was referring to. Jackson had received an award from the city for outstanding service or something or other, he couldn't really remember. The medal was in his sock drawer at home. He had saved a little girl's life and someone had thought that it was necessary to give him an award just for doing his job. He hadn't been crazy about it but the guys had thrown him a party at the bar anyway. Everyone had been there, all the guys from the station and their significant others.

It was supposed to be a proud, happy occasion, but all that it had done was make Jackson realize just how alone he was.

One month earlier...

Jackson slung his arm around the red-head's waist and pulled her into the darkest corner of the bar, near the restrooms.

"What are you doing?" She asked sternly as he pressed her against the wall.

"I-I...uh...I dunno," he admitted.

He didn't have one sweet clue what he was doing. She was Matthew's wife and Matthew was his best friend. They were like brothers. He had introduced him to April. He had been the best man at their wedding. He was the godfather of their eldest daughter. He was the swinging bachelor that they had over for dinner two nights a week and who April was constantly trying to find a girlfriend for. But he was already in love...in was in love with his best friend's wife.

"We had an agreement. We said that wouldn't happen again," she reminded him.

He nodded as he clutched the neck of the beer bottle in his hand. "Yeah, I know we did, but I just need one more kiss or something. I need—"

She interrupted him in an annoyed tone. "You're drunk."

"Yeah," he admitted without a fight. "I'm drunk and I want you." He raised his free hand and tucked her hair behind her ear. "Did you like the way I kissed you?"

"I'm not answering that," she replied quickly.

"Did you like the way I grabbed you?" He rumbled dangerously.

"That's not the point," she spat.

He grinned mischievously. "Then what's the point?"

"The point is that I'm married to your best friend so it doesn't matter how I feel about you!" She had tried to block Jackson Avery out of her thoughts, but it was futile. He was a permanent fixture in her life, almost everything that she had was attached to him in some way, and now she had the memory of him kissing her. And how good it had felt. And how it had made the hairs on the back of her neck stand up. And how it had made her feel like she was in her 20s again.

But she was married to Matthew, and she loved him, and that's what mattered. She had loved him first.

Jackson's expression softened and his voice lowered. "How do you feel about me?"

She sighed heavily. "Don't make me say it. You know I care about you."

"Yeah, but how much? In what way do you care about me?" He asked desperately.

"Jackson, don't," she pleaded.

She placed her hands on his chest, and he savoured the brief touch, before he allowed her to push him away. He sighed and watched her walk away, back to where Matthew was sitting. He finished his beer and gritted his teeth before turning around and coming face to face with Alex Karev.

"Dude," his friend breathed in shock.

"It's not what you think," Jackson tried to correct him.

"So you're not into April Taylor?" Alex asked quickly.

Jackson groaned and smacked his forehead with the palm of his hand. "Is it that obvious?"

"Dude," he repeated. "Another guy's wife? Another firefighter's wife?"

"I know," Jackson groaned again. "I'm a piece of shit."

"Probably because you're drunk," Alex offered in an effort to be supportive.

He sighed with a shake of his head. "I wish. I love her when I'm sober too." His eyes zeroed in on the happy couple and he felt a wave of possessiveness that was completely unwarranted wash over him. He wanted her and he couldn't watch him kiss her any longer. "I'm going to tell him."

Alex's eyes widened. "Tell who what?" He asked carefully.

"Tell Matt that I love her," he answered as if it wasn't the stupidest idea he's ever had.

Alex quickly grabbed his friend and used his strong grip to hold him back. "You really don't want to do that, man. Not tonight, probably not ever. I'm taking you home."

"Karev, get off of me," he muttered angrily.

"Can't do that, sorry," he replied as he continued to drag him towards the door. "Pretty boy's had one too many," he called out to the rest of the bar with a grin. "I'm going to take him home!"

There was a round of cheers and applause that Jackson barely registered as he was forcibly removed from the establishment.

"The next day I decided I needed to move on," he confessed. "I knew I had to leave."

Matthew weakly nodded in understanding. "I get it. I don't know how I'd react if the circumstances were different but right now, I get it."

"I'm sorry," Jackson apologized again, this time with a thick voice. He couldn't hear Sloan and the guys and he knew that Matthew was barely hanging on. He wasn't going to make it.

"You need to promise me a few things," Matthew demanded. "Take care of my little girls. Make sure they don't date guys like you when they're older," he joked.

Jackson laughed at the good-natured jab. "Okay, I won't."

"And teach Jack how to play basketball. I know you're a big football fan but basketball's way better."

Jackson laughed again. "Whatever you say, man."

Matthew swallowed harshly before he thought of his wife. "And tell April..."

"I'll tell her that you love her," Jackson supplied.

"No," he smiled widely. "She already knows that. I want you to tell her that I'm sorry and that I want her to be happy. I don't want her to be a widow forever. I need her to be happy."

Jackson nodded repeatedly as he felt tears sting the back of his eyes. "Okay, I will," he whispered.

"You'll take care of her?" He asked desperately as he struggled to take a deep breath. "You love her so you'll take care of her, right?"

"I will," Jackson promised.

"Good...good," Matthew smiled as he closed his eyes. "You're a good friend, Jackson. A real good guy...you're..."

Jackson opened his eyes to see what else his friend had to say. "Matt?" He asked frantically. His best friend's eyes were closed and his face was so still. He reached forward and placed his hand on Matthew's chest. He couldn't feel him breathing. He then reached upwards and checked for a pulse. Nothing. He clenched his teeth and slammed his fist against the floor. "God dammit!" He swore.

The next few hours were a blur for Jackson. He remembered crying like he had when he had lost his father at the age of ten. He remembered getting pulled out of the hole by Karev and Shepherd, but putting up a fight at the idea of leaving Matthew behind, and he remembered getting taken to the hospital...the hospital where April worked. He knew that a lot of different people had asked him questions, but he couldn't recall them or remember if he had been able to respond to them. He felt completely out of it.

At the hospital, he was fitted for a cast, taken to get X-rays, and given oxygen. It was recommended that he stay overnight but he wouldn't hear of it.

"I need to go tell April what's happened," Sloan stated as he stood at the foot of Jackson's bed.

"Let me do it?" Jackson asked as he pulled his t-shirt over his head. "Please?"

Sloan nodded after a moment of thought. It wasn't proper protocol but at the moment he didn't care about proper protocol. It was probably for the best if it was Jackson who told her.

Jackson grabbed the crutches that he had been given and started to slowly make his way towards the surgical floor. He spotted April at a deserted nurses' station and hobbled towards her. He couldn't stop himself from smiling at her when she spun around to face him.

"Oh my God," she gasped as she rushed towards him. "I was so worried! I was watching the news coverage but they weren't saying anything! What happened to you?" She gently touched his face, shoulders, and chest. Besides the fact that he was on crutches and his right leg was in a cast, he seemed okay. Dirty but okay.

"It's just a small break," he told her. "It's nothing to worry about."

She smiled brightly. "I'm so glad that you're okay because it means that Matthew's okay? Is he still getting checked out?" She knew that Matthew and Jackson looked out for each other; Jackson would never let anything happen to him.

His throat constricted and he did his best not to turn his head away. How was he supposed to tell her this? How was he supposed to just break her heart?

It turned out that he didn't have to say anything, it was written all over his face.

"No," she whispered. "Jackson...no...he didn't..." She couldn't even bring herself to say the word. She had spoken to him just a few hours ago, they had argued about why there was no milk in the fridge! "W-what happened?" She squeaked.

"The floor caved and he...I went down after him...I-I stayed with him but there was nothing I could really do and..." He stopped talking when she broke down into sobs in front of him. He hated to see her this devastated. It made him wish that he had fallen instead. He quickly dropped the crutch that was not supporting his broken leg and pulled her into him. She pressed her face against his chest and cried. He held her as tightly as he could and rubbed her back soothingly. "I'm so so sorry," he whispered.

He wasn't sure how long she cried, but he knew that his leg felt like it was on fire, before she pulled away and wiped her eyes with the collar of her scrub top. She switched back into professional mode when she noticed the grimace on his face. "You should really sit down."

He shook his head. "It's fine, I'm going to go home in a minute anyway."

"Home," the red-head murmured sadly. "Jackson, what am I supposed to tell the kids?"

Jackson's heart sank a little bit more. "I guess you just try to explain it to them the best way you can." He knew what it was like to lose a father young and it was going to be incredibly painful no matter how April told them.

"Can you come home with me?" She asked hopefully. "I know that it's super inappropriate considering everything that's happened between us the past few months, but the kids are so comfortable with you. I know they'll feel better if you're there and honestly, I don't know if I'll sleep in the house by myself."

He considered what she was asking carefully before he gave her a small nod. He couldn't say no, not tonight.

April picked her three children up from daycare and waited until they arrived home to break the news about Daddy. The girls cried and clung to their mother desperately while Jack had no idea what was going on.

When she finally managed to get them to go to sleep, she walked downstairs and spotted Jackson sitting on the sofa. He had turned on the basketball game but he clearly was not paying any attention to it. He was staring at his hands.

"Are you okay?" She asked softly.

He looked up at her and responded, "Are you okay?"

"Jackson," she began as she sat down next to him. "He was your best friend. You loved him and he loved you."

"Yeah, some best friend I was," he scoffed. "I couldn't even keep my hands off his wife." April looked at him sympathetically and reached for his hand. He pulled away and clasped his hands together. "No, don't," he stated sternly. "I feel like a big enough asshole as it is. I didn't have his back today, not like I should have. It was my fault."

"I highly doubt that," she replied passionately. "Matthew told me about all of the times that you saved him. All of the times that he only made it out of buildings because of you." She exhaled heavily and ran a hand through her hair before she spoke again. "I'm glad that you were with him."

"He knew," Jackson confessed. "He knew how I feel about you and he was determined to forgive me."

She smiled fondly. "That sounds like him." Matthew had always been so unbelievably loving. He had never been able to stay mad at someone for more than ten minutes.

Jackson wasn't sure what else to say so he sat beside her in silence until she yawned. "You should probably try to get some sleep. The next week will be hectic."

She nodded in agreement but didn't make a move to get up off of the couch. "I can't go back up to our bed. I can't."

Jackson instantly hopped onto his good leg and started to limp across the room. "Here, you take the couch and I'll sleep in this chair."

"I can't do that," she argued. "What about your leg?"

"My leg is fine," he answered dismissively. "I'm more concerned about you anyway."

April awoke the next morning and despite the discomfort in her neck, she had slept better than she had anticipated. She turned her head to look at Jackson sitting, asleep, in the armchair with his broken leg propped up on the coffee table. What surprised her was that Kate was curled up in his lap, she must have crept downstairs early this morning, unbeknownst to her mother. April slowly sat up and stretched her tired limbs before she stood up and lifted her daughter off of Jackson and into her arms.

"Mommy," the little girl mumbled sleepily. "I was comfy on Uncle Jackson."

April smiled as she smoothed down her hair. "Uncle Jackson's hurt, sweetie. He needs his rest."

"Mommy," Kate spoke again.

"Yeah, honey?" She asked as she started to carry her daughter up over the stairs and back towards her bedroom.

"I miss Daddy already," she whispered as tears filled her big brown eyes.

April kissed her forehead sweetly. "Me too, baby. Me too."

"Will Uncle Jackson take care of us now?" She questioned promptly.

April opened the door to the bedroom that Kate shared with her older sister. She placed her back in her bed, tucked her in, and sat down before she addressed her question. "Uncle Jackson is not going to replace your Dad. Nobody could ever replace your Dad."

"I know that." She furrowed her brow and bit her bottom lip in concentration before she spoke again. "But he loves us."

April smiled, "Yeah, he loves you guys a lot."

Kate yawned as she closed her eyes and buried her face into her pillow. "He loves you too, Mommy," she murmured before she fell asleep.

The red-head sighed as she took a moment to watch her youngest daughter. That's exactly what she was trying not to think about, especially since her husband hadn't even been dead twenty-four hours yet. She couldn't do anything about her feelings for Jackson...ever...it wasn't right. It would be a disrespectful way to honour her husband.

Three years later...

April smiled happily as she watched her children play in the backyard through the kitchen window. Both of the girls were sitting in the swings and Jack was bouncing a basketball, and with Jackson's help, was aiming the ball at the hoop that Jackson had gotten him for his last birthday.

Her children looked really happy and the man that was playing with them was a major part of that. He had helped them through the greatest tragedy of their lives and for that April would always be grateful. Her kids loved him; they worshipped him. He was their hero. Jackson represented the good memories that they had of their father and the new ones that they had created in the past three years.

April would forever be in debt to him, for the past three years and for everything that he had done for her before then. Things immediately following Matthew's death had been difficult. She had put on an act of strength for her children but had spent the majority of her nights crying. She had slept in Matthew's clothes until every one of his t-shirts had lost his scent. It had been hard to adjust to a life without Matthew, they had been together for so long that her life had just felt empty without him. Jackson had had a similar struggle. He had taken two months off work and when he had returned, some of the guys had told her that he had taken a lot of unnecessary risks in fires. He just hadn't been himself for a little while. He had missed his best friend too much.

She shifted her gaze to the man that she was thinking about and grinned when he lifted Jack onto his shoulders. He was the perfect fit for her family. She was happy with the way that they were now. Their relationship was exactly what she wanted and needed in her life.

That's what she repeatedly told herself.

Jackson slipped through the backdoor and smiled at her while she kept an eye on the kids and continued to chop vegetables. "Hey."

"Hey," she smiled back. "Are you leaving now?"

He nodded as he sidled up to her. "Yeah, I should probably go back to my place and shower before I pick Steph up."

"When are you going to bring her here for dinner? You guys have been on like a hundred dates!"

He laughed and joked, "We've only been going out for three months so it hasn't been that many dates."

"And when was the last time that you dated someone for longer than three months?" She knew that Jackson was weary about bringing his new girlfriend around because of her kids. They were much older now than when he had brought a parade of women through this house, so they were more likely to get attached. But he seemed serious enough about her. Stephanie Edwards would probably be sticking around for a long time so it was about time that she saw this part of Jackson's life.

Jackson hesitated before he revealed the most recent piece of news in his life. "She asked me to move in with her."

April halted her steady rhythm on the cutting board and her shoulders tensed. "Oh...uhh...that's great."

He tilted his head and looked at her with a raised eyebrow. That had not been the reaction that he had been expecting. She was always incredibly positive when she forced him to talk about his girlfriend, in fact she was usually annoyingly pushy and encouraging. But now she sounded uncertain...discouraged even.

And he was very confused about it. He had spent the past three years of his life ignoring his feelings for April because she had made it clear that she wanted him in her life for her children, nothing more. He had allowed her the time to grieve her husband with the hope that they would one day be together, but she had shut him down repeatedly. It had taken him a long time to work up the courage to date seriously, and Stephanie was great, but he would end things with her in a heartbeat if April wanted him.

The red-head didn't say much more after that and he left the house feeling terribly conflicted.

April was forced out of sleep in the middle of the night by the ringing of her cell phone. She rolled over and stared at the device in confusion before she reached a hand out and answered it. She mumbled a greeting and hoped that this would be a short conversation.

"Hey, it's me."

She shot up into a sitting position upon hearing Jackson's voice. "What's wrong?"

"I'm outside. Come down and open the door," he requested.

He hung up and she stared at her phone curiously. He had sounded cryptic but angry. She slowly got out of her bed and padded downstairs in her shorts and baggy sweater. She unlocked and opened her front door to face Jackson. "What's wrong?" She asked again.

"You said 'Oh...uhh'."

She furrowed her brow in confusion. "What? What are you talking about?"

He stepped into her house as he continued to air his frustrations. "I told you that Stephanie asked me to move in with her and you hesitated, you said 'Oh...uhh' and I can't stop thinking about it. You've told me time and time again that you don't want to be with me and now that stupid, little 'Oh...uhh' is making me question everything."

He had been ready to move in with Stephanie until he had heard April's response. Steph was a great girl. She was funny, she had a steady job, she was great in bed, and she wasn't his dead best friend's widow.

But April was April...she was amazing.

"Jackson, that's ridiculous. I was just surprised."

He stared at her skeptically. "You sure? Because I think you feel the same way about me as I do about you, you just can't let go of all your guilt." She had told him time and time again that it wasn't right, it didn't feel right because of Matthew. She had made excuses to not allow herself to be happy with him. It was awful.

She shook her head stubbornly. "That's not it," she insisted. "I'm thinking about my kids. I don't want them to get hurt if we don't work."

"That's not what you're worried about."

She narrowed her eyes. "Don't tell me what I'm worried about," she shot back at him with a conscious effort to keep her voice down.

He stepped closer to her and whispered, "You still fee guilty for having feelings for me while Matthew was alive and you're scared that you'll lose me the same way you lost him."

April bit down on her bottom lip as she held back a barrage of tears. "I don't know what I'd do if I lost you," she breathed.

He took another step towards her and gently held her face. "I promised Matthew that I'd take care of you so you're not going to lose me. I also promised him that you'd be happy and I don't think you're very happy."

"I am happy," she argued softly.

"Could you be happier? Would you be happier if I didn't move in with my girlfriend?"

She tentatively rested her hands on his biceps and answered, "Don't make me say it." She had been denying what she wanted for so long, for so many different reasons, and it was true that she didn't want him to move in with Stephanie Edwards. She had tried to convince herself that she was happy that he was settling down, but she really wasn't. She wanted him with her family.

"Please say it," he begged as he brushed his nose along hers. "I need to hear it."

She bit down on her bottom lip before she finally muttered, "I want you. I want you, Jackson."

He sighed in relief before he kissed her passionately. He had waited so long to kiss her again like this. She kissed him back eagerly as she clutched his neck and he couldn't stop himself from lifting her into his arms. She wrapped her legs around his waist and he quickly brought her over to the couch.

"Wait. Wait," she panted as she placed a cautionary hand on his chest. "I can't. I have three kids upstairs."

"Right," he breathed. He smiled understandingly as he sat up and pulled her feet into his lap. "So...we talk?"

"Yeah," she replied with a soft giggle. "We talk. We've always been really good at that."

He nodded in agreement. He loved talking to her, but it didn't make him any less eager to make love to her. But the huge smile on her face that showed off a single dimple made him happy. He hadn't seen that smile in over three years.

It was a good place to start.

A/N: Please leave a review! Let me know if this one hit you in the feels :)