A/N: Well shit, this has taken forever hasn't it? I'm sorry. But Im constantly putting out 6-9000 word chapters, and that's a lot of fucking work. I'm trying to stay afloat in school and I've also been working on Vids alot. Fran has been very bush with school as well, so this is all of my work, I hope you all aren't disappointed and I hope it satisfies. There are a few scenes in this chapter that I am very proud of and have been thinking about since before I started this story. I will maybe work on a few one shots but I'd like to finish up my story 'Cant fight alone' and try to get another chapter of 'Anchor down' out but it will all depend on my inspiration. So maybe go leave me some love on those stories as well and maybe I will get some inspiration. This still is my favorite thing I have ever written though. I will stand by it and I won't tolerate any hate against this fic because I love it so goddamn much. So I really hope that you guys love it as much as I do. I never get a ton of traffic on it. I wanna hear how much you loved it, i don't want to read 'Please update, update soon,' etc etc etc because I update when I can and when the story comes to me. I really hope that you guys understand that and can respect that because this isn't my job(yet), its a hobby and only one of my hobbies on top of me being in school and constantly in pain. Anyways, on a lighter note I really think you guys will enjoy this chapter.I use inspiration from several TV shows and so if you see a storyline or a scene that you recognize i do not own it I just simply thought it would fit in this story and I hope that you think that too! :) Please enjoy! 3
Sometime during the night, Jay is shaken awake lightly. As the thoughts rush back to him, he jerks himself upward causing him to wince in pain. "What happened?" He asks concerned, rubbing a hand over his tired face.
"Shhhh," Erin answers rubbing his hand lightly as she watches his pulse slowly come back down on his heart monitor, "Everything is fine. I snuck up to check on Ollie. There's no change, which is good I guess. He needs that rest to heal."
Jay sighs sadly and nods in recognition.
"But," Erin says with a smile. "There is something you need to see." She reaches up and mutes the monitor he's connected to before snaking a hand into the hospital gown he's wearing to unhook the leads.
Jay looks up her quizzically through sleep heavy eyes, "What is it?"
"You'll see," She murmurs, grabbing his hand. He takes her hand but still looks at her with a confused expression. She shoots him a smile. "Lets go for a walk."
They walk slowly through the halls of the hospital due to Jay's battered body. Erin's hand is resting on his bicep for support, both physically and emotionally. Jay glances out of the large picture windows that lead up to the doors of the ICU. He pauses and his gaze lands on the light slowly creeping into the dark, cloudy sky. He presumes that it's about five in the morning and he lets out a sigh. Only 15 hours had passed since it happened, yet Jay felt like he'd been stuck in this hell for weeks. He lets out a shaky sigh as his feet come to a halt.
"Can we stop for a minute?" He asks, his voice gritty. Erin looks over at him concerned.
"Is everything okay? Does something hurt?" She asks, her concerned hand gently rubbing his back.
Jay squeezes his eyes shut and shakes his head as he leans against the windowsill. He grips it tight, holding on until his knuckles whiten. The images of Ollie bleeding out in his arms flash behind his eyes and he snaps them back open. Instead he stares blankly out into the distance, watching the orange sunlight slowly saturates the billowy clouds.
Erin runs a hand through her hair as her eyes bore into her friend. She's concerned, she wants to know what's going through his mind. She had nearly lost it herself yesterday, and she couldn't imagine the turmoil her best friend is feeling right now.
"He doesn't look that bad," Erin comments sofly. His head snaps towards her. His eyes run over her, questioning her as if to ask 'How did you know?'. She simply shrugs, "After I found out Ollie was okay yesterday? I walked straight out of the waiting room, ran down the hall, and out into the courtyard where I puked my guts out." She lets out a sigh before continuing. "He has quite a few bandages, and a lot of tubes coming out of him, but for the most part he looks like our Ollie." Her hand lands on his shoulder and she squeezes it gently, "He's a little paler than usual but don't tell him I said that, he'll kill me." They both let out sad chuckles before letting silence hang in the air for a minute. "I know it's hard but he's our best friend, he needs us right now more than ever."
Jay glances over at her. She looks exhausted, there are dark circles under her eyes and her hair is slightly askew. Ollie wasn't the only one who needed him, he realizes suddenly. She was feeling everything he's feeling, all the pain and hurt and worry, and they were going to need each other to get through all of this. Until Ollie gets better, all they have is each other. A confused look crosses her face as his gaze lingers. He shakes his head, snapping himself out of his current state of mind.
"Yeah." He says as steadily as he can manage, "Yeah, lets go."
A smile crosses Erin lips and she quickly walks over to the ICU doors, hitting the buzzer before Jay can change his mind. "Technically, there aren't suppose to be two visitors per person," She says as she waits for a response from the intercom. When prompted she quickly gives Ollies room number. "But apparently," she says as the automatic doors start to slowly open, "the nurses have a soft spot for Ollie already."
Jay's brows knit together as he looks down on his best friend. She nods in front of her and he slowly lifts his gaze. It momentarily takes his breath away to see the hallway in front of him; lined with his fully uniformed co-workers. Some of them he recognized as acquaintances and friends, others were total strangers to him. It blew him away; he never expected that anyone would go out of their way like this to show their support. Erin looked at him through glassy eyes, having felt the same way when she saw it for the first time.
"They all heard what happened and came as soon as their shifts were over." Erin murmurs and nods towards the room to her left, "This one is Ollie's." Jay exhales as they slowly walk towards the door. She reaches for the handle and Jay reaches out to stop her before dragging his hand over the back of his neck.
"I don't know if I can do this Er," He admits with a shaky voice, searching her amber eyes for encouragement. Instead of giving him a pep talk she simply swings the door open. For the first time since the accident, Jay lays eyes on his best friend.
Erin hears the sharp intake of breath from her best friend, it almost mirrors her own from last night. She slides her hand down his arm and intertwines their fingers.
"You don't have to do this alone Jay. I'm right here." She reassure softly.
Tears prick his eyes and he bites the inside of his lip; anything to keep himself from crying. Erin guides them into the room, closer to Ollie. Jay watches his best friend's chest rise and fall mechanically. It's reassuring yet gut wrenching to know that it's the only thing keeping him alive. Jay's hand lands on Ollie's leg, and he squeezes it hoping that on some level he knows that they're here.
They pull the two chairs in the room close together by the head of the bed. Jay reaches over to take Erin's hand again, needing the support. They sit quietly for quite a while before he clears his throat.
"You were right," Jay comments nonchalantly , "He does look pale." And with that, Erin throws her head back in laughter.
They spend the majority of the day in Olivers room reminiscing about their favorite 'Classic Ollie' stories. One of the ICU nurses brings Jay his belongings and his discharge papers from the ER. He sloppily signs his name, and takes the bag of his stuff and stuffs it under the chair he's been occupying the majority of the day. As the nurse goes over his discharge orders with him, Erin excuses herself.
Once he assures the nurse that he understands, she tells him to find her if he needs anything and quietly exits the room. For the first time, Jay was alone with Ollie. He takes a deep breath and grabs his limp hand before he starts to speak.
"I called your mom today. She's going to be here tomorrow, since she couldn't get off work. But I told her i'd be taking care of you, and she believed me because I'm her favorite." He chuckles to himself before his smile falls. "Listen. That goodbye is not going to be the last thing you say to me, do you understand me?" He squeezes Ollies hand, hoping that on some level he was comprehending. "Me and Er are going to be here for you, and for each other, but we need you to come back to us. You're our family. I'm going to tell your mama to do some of that Jamaican Voodoo on you and heal you up because we need you back, Ollie. We need the squad back together. We need you. " Jay sets down Olivers hand and rubs his own over his weary face before collapsing back into his chair with a loud exhale. He turned his head when he heard the door open and hopped to his feet when he saw Erin juggling coffees and a large bag of food.
"Whoa there speedy, you're not superwoman. What made you think you could carry all of this by yourself?" He teased with a faint smile teasing his lips.
Erin sticks her tongue out at him. "See, I knew I shouldn't have gotten you that onion bagel. You're an ass."
"Aw but you love me," He quips snatching the bag from her and grabbing the warm bagel. Onion was his favorite, and it made him happy that she went out of her way to get it for him. "Why are we eating breakfast at 4pm anyways?"
"Because I figured we'd probably enjoy it more than the mystery meatloaf the hospital cafeteria was serving and there is a Dunkin Doughnuts in the lobby. So breakfast it is. " She says through a mouthful of sesame bagel.
He takes a long sip of the warm coffee and lets it seep into his veins. "Thank you," he motions to her, "I needed this."
"I know," She says, sesame seeds flying from her mouth.
Jay can't help but laugh when several of them stick to her lips, "You've got-" He motions to her face but she's too busy enjoying the only food she's probably had in 48 hours. Instead of telling her, he simply leans over and brushes them off of her lip with the pad of his thumb. He tries to ignore the electricity that shoots through him and he can't help but wonder how it would feel to touch her lips with his. She must feel it too, because she stops mid-bite and swallows hard. He can't help but hear Ollie's words in his head, "Grow some balls and go for it bro." That shakes him out of it and he reaches for the bag reaching in and handing Erin a stack of napkins. "You're a mess, Er."
"Yeah but you love me," She smiles up at him as she wipes off her mouth before stuffing their garbage into the bag. She hands it to Jay who is standing sipping on his rapidly cooling coffee. Jay carries the bag over to the garbage. He thinks about making a smart ass comment back at her but before he can speak his heart drops into his stomach as alarms sound behind him. He hears the scrape of the chair as Erin jumps to her feet, and he slowly turns. His world seems to slow to a halt, time no longer exists and the only thing he can focus on is the alarms blaring in his ears. As his eyes land on his friend, he sees Ollie's chest is no longer moving and his hand shakes so violently that his coffee slowly falls from his hand and hits the floor, exploding everywhere. He can see Erin yelling at him, yelling for help, but the only thing Jay can hear is his own rapid heartbeat in his ears as he watches his best friend slip away from him, again.
Time speeds up again as a team of people rush into the room pushing a crash cart. Erin moves to the side, her hands fisted in her hair as she watches the doctors and nurses work, repeatedly asking if Ollie is okay. When he can finally move again, Jay stumbles backwards until he hits the wall. He holds onto it for support as he moves towards the door. Among all of the chaos, it goes unnoticed as he slips out of the room.
Erin's heart rate finally settles down once the doctors stabilize Oliver. They explain that there was a small kink in his intubation tube that caused the machine to malfunction and it simply had to be replaced. Still she sat holding his hand for quite a few minutes until she convinced herself that he was okay. Once she can breathe evenly again, she decides to go seek out the other man that needs her. The one that disappeared during the chaotic code blue that probably took ten years off both of their lives. She leans down kissing Ollie on the forehead before making her way out of his room. She slips her hands into her back pockets as she thinks about where Jay may have gone if he was upset. She remembers the St. Michael medal that hangs from the rear view mirror of his truck and suddenly she knows exactly where to find him.
Jay isn't very religious, but he'd go to church once a year on Christmas or Easter, just to make his mother smile. Right now though, he was praying with all his heart that Ollie would be okay. He hears the chapel doors softly close behind him and he doesn't have to turn around to know who it is. He rubs his hand over his face, wiping away the tear stains from his cheeks. Erin sits right next to him, not saying a word.
He looks over at her, trying to read her, not having the willpower to ask if he was alive or not.
"He's fine." She confirms, and Jay lets out the breath he'd been unconsciously holding. Her hand runs up and down his back as he breathes steadily. "He had a kink in his intubation tube, which caused the machines to stop working. All they had to do was re-intubate him. He's completely fine."
"No he's not," Jay says seriously, looking over at Erin and her hand halts on his back. "We could still lose him Er. Anything could happen."
"Okay he's not fine," She agrees, "Be he will be. We all will be." It comes out more like an order than a statement, but Jay nods, trying his best to believe in her newfound optimism. They sit in silence for a while, watching the candles flicker on the altar in front of them. It's almost soothing. Erin's head falls onto his shoulder, and they both get lost in their thoughts.
Eventually Jay is the one that speaks, "How did you find me?" He asks curiously, not taking his eyes off of the hypnotic lighting in front of him. Erin picks her head up off of his shoulder and looks directly at him.
"You may think you're dark and mysterious, but I know you Jay Halstead." Her hand tangled with the hairs at the nape of his neck. "You're my best friend, I'll always know where to find you. I'll always have your back."
He smiled over at her, "Always." He confirmed, his large hand landing on her thigh, giving it a squeeze.
Erin was very aware of the placement of his hand, and since they were sitting in a chapel, she decided to speak before her thoughts got away from her.
"So what do you say?" She breaks the tension hanging in the air between them, "You're discharged, Ollie is stable and resting. What do you say we get out of here and go shower and get some sleep in our own beds?" She suggests enthusiastically.
He mulls it over for a moment before he nods, "A shower and sleep actually sounds perfect. Let's go."
They gather up Jay's belongings and say their goodbyes to Oliver, promising to return the following day fully rested and smelling a lot better than they do currently.
One of the remaining officers at Lakeshore offers to relay them back to the station and they gladly accept. The bullpen is buzzing and everyone is keeping busy as they make their way through the precinct. Jay had felt trapped in the hospital bubble for the last day and he forgot how easy it was for the world to just keep going. They stopped at their lockers to grab anything else they may need at home and then met back together a few moments later.
The pair walked out into the chilly Chicago evening and Jay saw Erin shiver several times before he threw an arm around her and pulled her into his side. They walk in silence through the lot until they near his truck. As they get closer, Jay can feel his heart rate pick up. As they reach the Silver Dodge Ram, Jay comes to a halt as Erin heads towards the passenger side.
"Actually Er," He calls out with a shaky voice, "I'm feeling a little sore, do you think you can-" He holds up the keys, insinuating she should drive.
Her eyes travel over him for a moment. She's sure that he's sore, but that doesn't seem like the only reason. It was very out of character for Jay to let her drive 'his baby'; he never let her drive, ever. "Uh, Yeah. Sure." She looks him over as he rounds over to the passenger side, "You sure you're okay?" She asks as she slides into the drivers side and starts the engine.
Jay lets out a deep breath before nodding, "Yeah, I just really can't wait to take a shower. Lets go home."
The moment they step into their apartment, both Jay and Erin feel the change. Its quiet, too quiet, eerily quiet. They can almost hear Ollie's voice booming through the living room giving the apartment life. Now it just felt dull and lifeless and the silence felt heavy on their shoulders. Erin swiftly walks across the room and grabs the speaker, presses a few buttons, and the room suddenly comes to life. Music softly oozes through the air, filling the gap that neither of them could ignore.
Jay leans against the back of the couch as Erin veres into the kitchen. She leans into the fridge, reaching for two of their favorite beers. Jay is so distracted by his thoughts that he barely hears Erin when she speaks.
"Jay Ryan Halstead!" Erin bellows from the kitchen in a motherly tone that makes him cringe.
He shakes his head, snapping himself out of it, "Yeah?" He asks, running his hand over the back of his neck.
"Stop checking out my ass." She quips before spinning around to face him, bottles clinking together as she kicks her foot up to close the refrigerator. His lips curve into a smile as she walks over to him and hands him the cold beer. They both clink their bottles together before each taking a long drink. Erin lets out a satisfied moan as the bubbly amber liquid passes her lips. Jay knits his eyebrows as he takes a pull, and looks down at the bottle before looking to Erin.
"Why does this taste so damn good?" He wonders, before bringing the bottle back to his lips.
"I don't think it tastes any different, I just think we both really needed a drink." She offers as an explanation, leaning her elbows on the counter behind her.
Jay snorts, "Ain't that the fucking truth."
They stand in silence for a few minutes, silently enjoying their drinks and each others company. Erin finishes off her beer before setting the bottle on the the counter beside her.
"Why don't you take the shower first," She offers, taking their empty bottles and dropping them into the recycle bin. Jay raises his eyebrows at her.
"What?" She shrugs before collapsing into his favorite chair, "You smell."
Jay chuckles as he kicks off his shoes, "Well just for that, I'm using all of the hot water."
"Screw you, Halstead." Erin groans and throws her head back against the large armrest.
"Anytime, Sweetheart." He offers, before pulling off his shirt and making his way into the bathroom.
As Jay goes to shower Erin hops up out of the chair, shaking her head at his ridiculousness. But she couldn't help but smile, and after the last day that was a damn near miracle. She grabbed another beer from the fridge, popping the top off and tossing it on the counter before padding back to the living room and collapsing back into her spot.
She flips through her spotify, trying to find some soothing music to fit her mood. Erin loves music, thats why she bought the Bose mini, she could take it anywhere and the quality was literally mind blowing. But the type of music always depended on her mood. Right now, she didn't feel much of anything other than exhaustion. She settles on 'If It Hurts' by Gallant. She lays her head back and closes her eyes as she absorbs the music into her soul. For the first time in 32 hours she could finally relax. She lets her playlist run, occasionally lifting her head to take a drink from her bottle before settling back into the plush cushions. She's not sure how long Jay is in the shower but eventually she hears it stop and his wet feet crossing the kitchen floor. Erin pulls herself up grabbing her phone and her speaker, planning on taking a long, hot shower.
"I saved you some hot water," Jay says into the fridge.
She rolls her eyes as she looks over at Jay standing in nothing but a towel with his head in the fridge and a puddle of water at his feet. "Well make sure to wipe up that puddle of water you're creating over there too."
"Yes ma'am." He says distractedly, and Erin just rolls her eyes and heads to the bathroom. She sets down her stuff on the counter. She pulls her hair down out of the sloppy ponytail she had thrown it up in that morning, and she peels off the uniform pants she'd been wearing for nearly 24 hours. She reaches her hand down absent mindedly to grab her beer and comes up empty handed.
"Shit," She mutters to herself before slipping back out of the door, pulling down her shirt over her bare thighs as she sneaks down the hallway, hoping to escape ridicule from her friend. She tiptoes into the living room and grabs the bottle and spins around, hoping to make a quick escape. She runs head on right into solid chest.
"Oh my god!" She gasps, squeezing her eyes shut. "Did I hurt you. Oh my God." She repeats.
Jay laughs at her reaction and takes a pull of his beer, "I'm fine, really. Don't worry."
She pops one eye open, not sure whether or not to believe him. Erin's face falls instantly as she examines him. He'd been clothed before and now standing here in a towel, she could see how battered his body was. A lump formed in her throat as her eyes traveled over healing lacerations. Tears prick her eyes as they land on the deep purple and yellow bruises covering the majority of his torso. Her mouth hangs slightly ajar as she reaches out her hand and runs her fingertips over the large bruise on his ribs.
Jay notices the change in her mood. "I'm fine, I promise." He reassures her. She only nods her head as her fingertips brush over his wounds.
"I'm gonna-" She motions towards the bathroom and tries making a quick getaway. She fails miserably as Jay grabs her arm and spins her around pulling her close to him.
He looks worriedly down at his friend, "Er, are you okay?" He knows that she can't lie to him about anything, so he looks intently at her, demanding an answer.
She nods her head furiously, "Yeah of course I am," She tries brushing him off, "Like I said, I should be the one asking you that." She says with a shaky voice.
Jay grabs her hand and brings it to his chest; so she can feel his heartbeat under his hand. She looks up at him, her eyes still glassy. "I'm fine. I'm okay, Everything is gonna be okay." He soothes, echoing her own words.
Squeezing her eyes shut, Erin nods again. Jay slides his hand up, cupping her cheek and she can't help but lean into it for a moment. Swallowing hard, she wills the lump in her throat to go away. She captures his hand and brings it to her lips, kissing his palm, holding it there for a moment. She doesn't want him to see her cry, so before the tears can fall she releases his hand, turns on her heel and narrowly escapes to the bathroom.
Jay sighs as she closes the door behind her. He thinks about following her, but instead goes to his room to pull on a pair of sweatpants before heading back into the living room. When he hears music start to blast from the bathroom he lets out another sigh before downing the rest of his beer.
Erin barely makes it to the bathroom before the tears start falling. She leans up against the door and her hand flies to her mouth, barely stifling the sob that is caught in her throat. She absent mindedly turns on the shower and grabs her phone, letting the music blast through her speakers again. If she was going to cry, Jay wasn't going to hear it.
She was hoping the music would calm her down, but instead it just fuels the pressure building in her chest. She peels off the rest of her clothes and tries to take deep breaths to slow the impending emotional storm, but it's no use as her breath hitches. She climbs under the hot spray and the moment the water touches her skin, the pressure finally cracks in her chest as if her heart is literally breaking. It is too much to take, and the sobs break free; Erin finally lets everything go. She crumples to the floor as loud, uncontrollable sobs over take her. Her shoulders shake and she brings her knees to her chest as the emotions wash over her.
Jay had planned on vegging out in front of the Television, to try and decompress from the past few days. But as sport center flashes over the TV, he cannot seem to sit still; not when he can hear Erin crying from the bathroom. Her music is doing a pretty good job at drowning it out , but he's trained to have a good ear and can hear the heart wrenching sobs as they echo on the tile walls of their bathroom.
Ever since Jay has known her, Erin has been the positive one, the strong one. She was the one always looking out for Ollie and himself, always making sure they were okay, the one looking on the bright side whenever something went wrong. The entire time they had been at Chicago Med Erin hadn't shed a tear. So he stuffed his hands into his pockets and leaned against the door frame to Ollie's room, deciding to let her cry for a few moments. But as one sad song turns into four, the sobbing doesn't slow. He starts to get antsy. He drags a hand over his unshaven jaw, trying to make a decision on what he should do. He wants to help, but he doesn't want to invade her privacy. Yet the naked thing wasn't an issue as any one who knows her knows that Erin Lindsay is not a shy person. She is also a very fun drunk who likes to lose her clothes around the apartment whenever she's had one too many.
Jay nods his head as he makes his decision. He opens the door, not bothering to knock because of the loud bass coming from the speaker. Steam bellows out in puffy clouds around him as he enters the bathroom. He looks through the hazy steam and when his eyes land on a sobbing Erin sitting on the floor with her knees drawn to her chest, it feels like a punch to the gut.
Without even thinking, Jay walks over to the shower, pulls the door open, and steps in fully clothed. With no regard for his own aching body, he lowers himself to the floor behind her. He wraps his arms protectively around her, pulling her small frame against his chest. Erin shakes her head fiercely as she tries to fight against his hold and against the sobs still aching in her chest. Jay simply shifts her weight, pulling her further onto his lap. She finally gives in, wrapping an arm around his neck and burying her face against his sopping wet t-shirt. Her nails dig into his neck as sobs wrack her body. Jay runs a hand up and down her back, whispering soothing words into her wet hair. He holds her until her sobs turn to whimpers, and whimpers into hiccups. He holds her until the water runs cold. He holds her until the only thing left echoing against the tiled walls are the melodramatic lyrics of someone who clearly doesn't understand what heartache looks like; because this was it.
Erin sits blankly on her bed, the towel Jay wrapped around her loosening with every breath. Jay makes his way into her room, pulling a dry pair of sweatpants over his narrow hips. He walks over to the bed, and Erin looks up at him blankly. He runs a hand over her wet hair before turning to her dresser and pulling out some clothes for her. He grabs her a pair of shorts and his Army T-shirt, because he knows it's her favorite. He sets them on the bed beside her. He grabs her hand, running his thumb over her soft skin.
"Er, why don't you get dressed and I'll make you some chamomile tea. How's that sound?" Jay asks delicately.
She nods and after he's through her door she lets out a sigh. She should feel embarrassed about what happened. No one ever saw her cry, yet somehow she couldn't bring herself to feel ashamed. She couldn't bring herself to feel anything, truthfully. She numbly pulls on her clothes, and she wants to smile when she sees that Jay had picked out her favorite shirt, his shirt. But she can't seem to make her lips move. Instead she grabs her towel and runs it over her wet hair, soaking up some of the moisture. She sits back on the bed and thinks about what triggered her breakdown as she dries her hair. It wasn't simply about Ollie. Her hand falls to her leg as she thinks deeply, trying to figure out why she had such an intense reaction.
It takes her a moment before she puts all the pieces together. It's Jay. It was Jay's bruised body that triggered it. It was the fact that Jay could just as easily be the one in a coma right now; or even worse. As the thought crosses her mind, she feels the same aching in her chest.
'Oh God', she thinks to herself, bringing a hand to her mouth as realization washes over her. She loves him. But hasn't she always loved him? He's her best friend, one of the most important people in her life.
Just then Jay walks into the room, he's carrying her tea in her favorite mug.
"Hey," He says, and flashes her his signature grin.
No, she discerns, she doesn't love him; she's in love with him.
She can't help but smile weakly at him as he approaches her.
"Hi," She murmurs, hoping the astonishment of her revelation doesn't show in her voice.
"Your tea," He offers her the warm mug and sits on the bed beside her.
She takes a sip and lets out a sigh of contentment. She is hyper aware when he places his hand on her leg, rubbing circles with his thumb.
"You okay?" He asks lightly. He treads lightly, not wanting to upset her any further. He's hoping that the tea may help her to sleep, she needs it; they both do.
Erin can still see the concern in his blue eyes as he looks her over. "I'm fine." She answers sincerely before bringing the the cup in her hands back to her mouth to take a hearty gulp. "Thank you for the tea."
He squeezes her leg in response, before grabbing the remote and laying back onto her bed. "You wanna watch 'Friends'?" He asks, clicking buttons on the remote.
"Yes please," She answers as she gets up and sets the remainder of her tea on the dresser. She walks around to the other side of the bed, pulling her hair up into a ponytail before climbing onto the bed.
Jay outstretches his arm and Erin curls into his side, pulling the covers over the both of them. She settles in just in time for them to clap in sync with the theme song. As they watch, Jay absentmindedly rubs his hand up and down her arm. She chuckles a few times, but before the ending credits roll, her breathing evens out and Jay knows she's asleep. He sits through another episode and a half before he decides he needs to get up and go to bed himself. He looks down at Erin, snuggled into his chest, sleeping peacefully and he's afraid to wake her. He presses a gentle kiss on her forehead, lingering for a moment longer than he usually would. He reluctantly pulls his arm out from under her and untangles himself from the blankets. Just as he's about to get up he feels a hand on his arm,
"Stay," She murmurs, her eyes still closed.
He smiles down at her as Erin sleepily yawns and turns onto her side, curling into a ball. Jay lays back down on his side, pulling the blankets back up over them. He drapes his hand over her waist, pulling her into him protectively. As he closes his eyes he takes a deep breath, and drifts off into a peaceful, dreamless sleep.
The next few days pass in a blur. Because they were on mandatory leave, thanks to Captain Stiles, they spend their days with Ollie and their nights bingeing on take out and Netflix. On Friday, they are both so exhausted that they drop into Erin's bed relatively early and both instantly fall asleep.
Erin wakes to blood chilling screams. It takes her a moment to orient herself, pushing her sweaty hair off her forehead, she sits upright. When she registers Jay thrashing beside her, she immediately pulls herself up, and kneels next to him. She gently tries to wake him , shaking him lightly; but he's in the throes of what appears to be a very intense nightmare. She makes her way in front of him, sitting on her feet as she tries to gently pull him from the hell inside of his head. After a moment his eyes snap open and he clutches at his chest as he tries to find his bearings.
Erin runs a soothing hand over his arm as he tries to settle down.
"Why- Why can't I-," He stops as he struggles to find his breath.
"I think you're having a panic attack, you need to breath," She urges, cupping his cheek " Just breathe."
He nods and tries to take deep breaths but he continues to struggle to hold air. Erin runs her hands down his arms and her worried eyes lock on him as he struggles to hold on to reality. She racks her sleep fogged brain for something, anything, that would help him breathe. Something she read ages ago clicks in her brain. 'It wouldn't mean anything' she tells herself, as she wrestles with the weight of the decision. Jay's fingers dig into her thigh, ripping her from her thoughts. When his eyes connect with hers they are full of fear, pleading for help.
'Fuck it,' Erin thinks to herself. She rises up on her knees and takes a deep breath before pulling his face towards hers. The moment their lips collide she feels the surprise run through his body, and the shock run through her own. She holds the kiss for a moment longer before breaking it and sitting back on her heels. She can't help but smile slightly as she watches Jay take a few deep breaths as he regains his bearings.
As his breathing slows, Jay runs a hand over his neck as he tries to process both his nightmare and the fact that his best friend had just kissed him. He doesn't particularly want to think about the shit that had been running through his mind, so he focuses on the other thing that has his heart racing.
Jay clears his throat, "How...how did you know that would work?" He stammers as his heart races in his chest.
Erin looks up from the spot she had been focusing on and nervously wrings her hands in her lap. "I dunno," she shrugs and bites her lip slightly, "I read somewhere that holding your breath can uh, help stop a panic attack." She licks her lip slightly, taking a deep breath before she continues. "So when I kissed you, you held your breath."
"Oh," Jay breathes, nodding his head. He tries to think about how logical the idea is but instead all he can think about is how much he wants to feel her lips on his again.
They sit in a tension filled silence for a moment before Erin decides to speak again.
"So yeah, I read it somewhere. And you couldn't breathe. Im sorry if it made you uncomfortable, I wasn't sure what else to do and so I just went for it -" Her words are cut off by his lips pressing against hers, his hand coming up to cup her cheek. She is stunned for a moment, but she eventually melts into the heat of his lips, kissing him back.
Erin whimpers as he breaks the kiss, resting his forehead on hers as their chests heave from the lack of oxygen. The only noise in the room is their heavy breathing until Jay decides to speak.
He swallows hard, "You were rambling." He states simply as he draws back so he can read her.
Her eyebrow shoots up at his playful response as her heart swells in her chest. She was hooked, she had it bad. She silently scans his features, trying to figure out what he's thinking. "I'm sorry," She says a little breathlessly as her eyes lock with his.
"Don't be." He says easily before his lips crash against hers. He grips her hips, pulling her to straddle his lap as he deepens the kiss. Erins fingers weave their way into his short hair as their tongues fight for dominance. She hums in approval against his lips.
They break the kiss and Jay's lips automatically find Erin's neck, making her head fall back in response. His hand fists in her hair, pulling gently giving him even more access to the softness of her neck. Erin lets out a moan as his teeth graze over her skin, shooting waves of pleasure through her veins. When his lips find hers again, he kisses her as if his life depends on it. As if she is pure oxygen and he's dying to breathe.
As the kiss deepens and hands roam, Erin presses against him, needing to be closer. Her hips grind on his, eliciting a groan from him. His hand slips between them, rubbing against her barely clothed core, eliciting the same pleasurable moan from her. In retaliation, she deliciously rolls her hips against his arousal causing him to gasp into her mouth. He grips her ass as she undulates against him in a hypnotizing rhythm.
When his teeth bite into her lip, she can't help the moan that escapes from her throat. She breaks their kiss reluctantly and places her hands on his chest. She aggressively pushes Jay onto the bed beneath her before stripping off her shirt and throwing it across the room. Jay smiles up at her, her boldness arousing him even more. She leans down, her hair pooling over his chest as she places an intricate line of kisses down his chest. As her lips move further south, he groans and reluctantly pulls her lips back up to his, gently shaking his head no; which causes Erin to smile into the kiss. Taking her by surprise, he swiftly flips them over and pins her hands above her head as he assaults her lips. He reaches down ripping the cloth from between her legs before removing his own pants, leaving no barrier between them. He locks eyes with her, silently asking for consent; instead of verbally answering him she pulls him down to her lips, kissing him passionately. He intertwines their fingers as he simultaneously plunges into her and they moan in unison. Suddenly all of the pain and trauma and heartbreak melt away, and they drown in each other.
A while later they both lay side by side, sideways on the bed; their legs intertwined. The only thing filling the room is panting as they try to catch their breath. Unasked questions and feelings hang in the air between them. When Erin can't take the silence anymore she rolls over, folding her arms on his chest and resting her chin on her hands.
She locks eyes with him, feeling the electricity as soon as their eyes meet. Her fingers trace patterns on his chest and her lips curve into a small smile as she murmurs, "Now what?"
A/N: SO?! THey did it. I couldn't stand the tension anymore. But don't worry, the angst isn't over yet. ;) PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE leave me a review and let me know how you liked it(not when ill update it) and let me know if you have any suggestions or requests for scenes from next chapter. PLEASE. Reviews are crackspiration. They can be flash backs or couply linstead or angsty linstead or anything. Just please let me know in a review here or on tumblr :3 Thank you sooooo much for reading and I really hope you enjoyed. 3