The Reality of Dreaming- Chapter 3
Is reality defined as the moment you open your eyes? Don't you open your eyes into a dream too?
When Gokudera awoke, it was to still feel Juudaime's touch tingling along his skin, to still feel calm and peaceful. The world was right again, it was worth living another day, he could take a step forwards towards the future.
Until he lifted his head and looked up at the Devil. The man was smiling in a condescending way, a sharp gleam in his eyes...
"Oya oya, I knew your past was a dark one, little puppy, but I had no idea just how so. It is no wonder you acted like a delinquent so often, against your beloved Tsunayoshi's wishes. Your hate of adult authority is a valid one, considering your prior treatment. Your trust issues are also validated. Your past reminds me of why I hate the Mafia so, and indeed the inherent flaws with the human race. Maybe I'll keep you by my side when I destroy this broken world and create it anew. I think you would like the end result."
...And Reality came crashing down.
"Juudaime won't let you, you know. He'll stop whatever plans you have. He believes that the world is worth saving." Gokudera snapped back, looking up at Mukuro.
"Kufufufu, a good choice of words there, little puppy. I notice that you did not say I, nor we, nor used any term that included yourself in that opinion." Mukuro smirked, looking down haughtily at the puppy by his feet.
All Gokudera could do was to look away; after all that had happened to him, he wasn't sure whether this world was worth saving. But after meeting Juudaime, his opinion had changed. And now Gokudera thought that maybe it was worth saving. Because despite all the muck and filth, inequality and injustice this world held, there were still people and moments that made everything worth it. Juudaime had shown him that.
Seeing the look on Gokudera's face, Mukuro chuckled lightly before waving his hand. "Kufufu, no need to think so hard, just know that the offer is there. Anyway, I do believe it's time for my payment."
Gokudera looked down at the floor, yet nodded his head anyway. It wasn't like Mukuro did anything for free, nor without self-benefit. And his payments so far had been reasonable, usually just information that Mukuro could not access, or couldn't bother to spend effort finding when he knew that Vongola would have it anyway. Yet Gokudera was always afraid of the day when Mukuro would ask for something more, something that could get him into trouble, or might go against Juudaime, or for the day when Mukuro would ask for his participation in something shady.
Mukuro looked at the table beside him and lifted a small piece of paper from its surface. He turned and held it out for Gokudera to take. Although if anyone were to witness this scene, it would be much more reminiscent of a king on his throne handing a kneeling peasant their orders. When the paper is handed to him, Gokudera realised it was a photo.
"Information. I want you to give me all the information Vongola has on this man."
Gokudera nodded, taking the photo from Mukuro and taking a closer look. He vaguely recognised the man, only just, and had the vague feeling that they've met before. At one of his Father's parties, he thinks. And that meant the man was a Rival Boss. Quickly looking up, Gokudera gave Mukuro a sharp appraising look. Just what was Mukuro going to do with that information? Despite being 'family' Gokudera had very little idea of what Mukuro did when not in the mansion (compared to when Mukuro was in the mansion, which was only ever for seeing Juudaime, collecting missions, or for their breathers) and therefore had no idea what the bastard was planning.
Mukuro just smiled back, not at all affected by the look Gokudera was giving him, yet also giving nothing away. "Oya oya, there is no need to look at me so. Do not worry your pretty head over it, little puppy." With a playful smirk Mukuro ruffled his hair like one would a dog, and Gokudera growled in return, bearing teeth. "I will not be allying myself with him in any shape or form. If you really must know, I am planning for his eventual... removal. He is quite influential in the Rival factions, so removing him can only be beneficial for Vongola."
Gokudera still gave him a guarded look, wondering how much of that was true. Mukuro's expression soon turned hard and nasty, a hand harshly grabbing Gokudera's hair and pulling him closer. Gasping, Gokudera was forced to follow the pull or else have his hair tugged out and ended up with a rather close view of Mukuro's red eye. He growled and glared, not liking his treatment, but there wasn't much he could do about it.
"If you want another one of your 'breathers', if you want to see your mother and your beloved again, if you want to stay sane and able to serve the Tenth, then you will get me that information. Understand? I am not obliged to give you anything. I am not obliged to keep your secrets and darkest desires. I do it because I want to. So get me that information. Or else."
It was insane, the fact that Mukuro could hold two people that didn't even exist as hostages over him. It was all due to the fact that he deeply desired that reality. Eyes wide, Gokudera stared back at Mukuro, breath stuck in his chest, his heart beat thumping against his rib cage. He had noticed the intentional wording, using 'beloved' and 'the Tenth' as two different people. And they were. Juudaime would never look at him like the reflection in the dream...
"You're so beautiful Hayato."
... never hold him close endearingly...
"Everything will be okay Hayato. I'll never let you go."
... never treat him like glass...
"You look tired Hayato. Shall I stroke you hair whilst you sleep~?"
...never whisper words of love...
"I love you, my dearest Hayato."
... touch him...
"You're mine, all mine, Hayato, understand?"
... caress him...
"Mmm, Hayato."
... kiss him...
"Hayato!"
Gokudera knew all that, yet he still clung to it anyway.
It was like Gokudera's drug, and Mukuro the dealer, handing out little moments of happiness at a price. And even though it was tearing him up inside, practically killing him to not have Juudaime treat him like the reflection did, he'd still go back, still take the next dose and find his next fleeting moment of happiness. It was not something he wanted to give up, even if the gap between reality and fantasy was too large and hurting him. He would not let it go!
He wanted the reality of those dreams so badly. Badly enough to do as Mukuro asked him. It wasn't like the information was that dangerous. Mukuro couldn't hurt Juudaime with that information- at least not yet, not directly. And if what Mukuro said was true, it would even help Juudaime somewhere along the line. As long as he kept on giving Mukuro information, he could still keep an eye on the other, formulate his own guesses and theories on what Mukuro was doing and planning...
Ha.
Did that line of reasoning really convince anyone? It didn't even convince himself. The reality was that he was a broken selfish bastard who was clinging to a dream that was killing him.
Seeing something in Gokudera's eyes- probably them dulling slightly, or maybe a dark resolve- Mukuro let him go, patting his hair back into place like a dog. Gokudera stood and headed for the door, not once looking at Mukuro.
Gokudera would pay the price, and get Mukuro the information he wanted. He could feel the collar Mukuro had wrapped around his neck pulling on him, heavy around his throat.
"Oh Hayato~ be a good little puppy and bark for me~"
Gritting his teeth, Gokudera collected his resolution to continue this dirty partnership, hating himself for allowing it to continue, and fell.
"Woof."
Chapters for this will be a little slow. I have written the next few, and quite a few for the future too. But I want to get the scene I'm currently on written before I catch back up. Don't worry, it's worth the wait; an extremely long (10,000 words at current count), dark and dirty smexy scene, so long in fact that I'll probably split it into two chapters. So bear with me.
Phantom Hitman 1412
First Published: 18 February 2014