Ahhh well i don't know where that week went ! Sorry this is late ! Enjoy Thanks to my beta CallistoHK you're a star !

Chapter 10

Finding his way back to consciousness was more difficult than it should have been.

The fact that he had to do it was surprising in the first place, since when had he lost it?

The last thing he remembered was...

Oh god

His attempt to move was thwarted by large hands and a booming voice.

"Kelly, calm down." He heard the Chief order.

"I have to..." Kelly pushed himself up to a sitting position.

Stinging in his hands made him look down briefly. That was when he saw it...

Blood.

It smeared around him in a disturbing pattern as he twisted around, looking for his friend.

"Casey!"

His own shout pounded around his head, causing him to wince.

Then the Chief was talking to him again but he couldn't listen, the sound was muffled in the dizziness for a few moments.

Once the spinning had settled he tried to move again, awakening all the pains that hitting the ground would cause but he pushed past it because he needed to...

"Kelly, stop."

And the Chief's voice was all wrong, it was too low and too calm. Almost as if it was lost in what had happened in here.

Severide balled up his hands into fists, the nails digging hard and blew out deep painful breaths. He needed to be able to move, he needed to see, needed to know what had happened. The only reason the Chief would be stopping him was because...

No!

But it had happened before, he'd wanted to go to Andy but he'd been stopped.

And he needed to see then too, to believe it, but at the end of it all.

He'd wished he hadn't.

Damn it Matt!

This wasn't happening again, it just wasn't.

It couldn't, not when they'd almost fixed the damage he'd done.

Taking one final, calming breath he looked around the room again, slower this time, taking in the devastation.

Wires, white sheets stained with blood, shards of glass and bullet casings were strewn across the floor. Bullet holes denting the image of safety that intensive care had once been. Then there was the one little pond of blood that had been where Casey was and he couldn't look away.

Solely focused on the small puddle and Casey not being there anymore, he missed the medical professionals and police officers in the room.

Almost missed Voight's body lying there, eyes unseeing and lifeless.

The man that had hurt Matt was dead, they'd done it, they'd won.

But, where was Matt?

They say revenge was best served cold but...

...that didn't mean a god damn thing if Voight's actions had killed Matt.

"Chief." Kelly knew that his voice was rough under the strain of trying to piece together the parts that he remembered, but he needed to know now.

So, with all the strength he had, ignoring the dizziness, he launched himself up off the ground and out of the room before anyone could really do anything.

He thought he heard the chief calling him back but he couldn't stop, he needed to find Matt and he needed to do it now.

"Casey!" he started calling out his name not caring if he sounded desperate nor if he shocked everyone who was watching.

And that was how Shay found him as she entered the floor of the hospital which held one of their own. She heard about what had happened and like the others, needed to be here. She rushed over to Kelly and stopped his frantic calls, the chief was looking sadly towards them. Frowning she took in Kelly's appearance; he was haggard and exhausted, a dark bruise forming on the left side of his face, his eyes slightly lost, slightly confused.

But it was his voice that made her place her hands gently on either side of his face. He stopped, stock still, eyes looking around in desperation before settling on her.

"I can't find him."

And damn it, if didn't he sound like a young child having lost something important.

And between Kelly's demeanour and the Chief's forlorn expression she found her blood running cold, the fear that they'd lost another one sending ice through her veins.

"Well then, let's ask someone. "

It came out a lot stronger than she felt and for that, she was immensely happy about because Kelly Severide seemed to have placed all his hope in her, and she'd be damned if she was going to ruin that. She took a step towards the nurse's desk and hoped.

"Matt..." She stopped and practically felt Kelly tense up beside her, she had to do this but didn't if it meant...

"Matthew Casey, where..." And the question died on her lips as the young nurse in front of her had that look.

The one of unspeakable sadness.

And Shay hated it because they were all professionals and she knew what it meant.

She grabbed hold of Kelly, turning away from the desk, and almost ran, to take him away from having to hear it.

"Wait, he's in room four."

Her heart skipped a beat and she knew Kelly's had too, but the ice in her veins wasn't thawing because of 'that' look. But she remembered that sometimes to live was worse and once people had found out a situation someone had been put in, what had happened, especially in this place could force that look as well.

And even with the hope seeping in through the ice, like light through the clouds, Kelly refused to believe in the hope. It wasn't that he didn't want to, by god he did, he couldn't. He couldn't because he had left Matt open and unprotected, practically allowing all this to happen because he couldn't face his friend in a coma. So no, it wasn't that he didn't want to believe in the hope, it was because he didn't deserve to.

"Come on, Kelly," She pushed him along and saw the thoughts running through his mind and sighed, "Don't do this to yourself, let's go and see what we can find out."

Arriving at Casey's room, they noticed a few things, as they'd been lost in regrets and thoughts of Casey having not made it through this latest ordeal, the Chief was waiting just outside the closed door to room four, almost as if guarding it. People were milling around going about the business of a hospital, the chaos from earlier now seemed like nothing more than a room covered in blood and blocked by crime scene tape and it was wrong on many levels but everyone knew that life had to continue, even in the face of such actions.

He looked towards the Chief and more than anything wanted some news.

"The doctors are with him."

As if that was an answer, but thats all they had at the moment. They had to wait, to wait without knowing anything, and the not knowing was far worse than anything. His memory was treacherous and he knew that even if he had seen Matt Casey healthy in it that it would be a lie, a lie created to keep him going and safely in the land of denial.

But damn it...

"Why are you hear."

Shay snapped her head around, Kelly's voice was glacial, she had never heard that sort of hate burn through so little words and especially not from Kelly Severide.

When she saw who it was though, she wanted to say something much worse, but then it wasn't her fight.

Hallie.

They had all been shocked all them weeks ago when she'd admitted to what she'd done; it had felt like a betrayal to them all. They'd all been invested in her relationship with Casey, they all cared. She made Casey happy, everything he deserved to be. They knew how hard it was for him to trust and if you asked him in the best part of their relationship; he would have said she was the best part of him.

She had been everything to him.

Even when they'd separated earlier in the year, she had still been everything.

And it broke everyone's heart that eventually he would know what she had done and they didn't know how he would react. They wanted to keep him from the devastation that it would create.

It was too much, too hard, too sad...

"I needed to..." But the stumbling words stalled in her throat and it seemed that Kelly wanted to finish for her.

"Needed to what, betray him some more, use his good nature for your own good knowing that he would do anything for you, especially you."

Especially you.

That hurt.

And she knew he was right, of course she did, but he wasn't completely blameless in all this.

"And you weren't just as bad when Andy died."

And that hurt because she was right too.

And they were both staring guiltily towards the room now not wanting to say another thing, none of this was fair.

Hallie shouldn't have gotten away with anything she'd done and she knew it but it had been classified as she had done it under duress and ultimately it was up to Casey if he wanted to press charges.

And Kelly knew that he would never do that to Hallie because he would still care what happened to her, even if she didn't deserve it just like he hadn't deserved Casey's good heart and attempts to fix what HE shouldn't have broken.

That was when the Doctor opened the door looking exhausted, he looked up into the faces standing by the door and sighed deeply, this had been a dark day for the hospital. His patient though, he shook his head softly, his patient was a protector of the people of the city and they couldn't even manage to protect him within these walls.

He knew he was worrying his audience but he didn't know how to start the conversation with them, it was a testament to the day they'd had that he didn't know anything to say that could make any of it better.

"Is he alive?" It was more a demand from the person who was his patient's boss.

The chief had asked, knowing that being the leader he had to be strong for his house but also needing to know. There was only so much hope without knowing the answer a person could deal with and they would only be able to get past it or start to deal with it if they knew what had happened.

"He's alive," But there was that sigh again and they were all growing to hate it.

Severide thought that he'd feel relieved when he heard that Matt was alive but this wasn't relief, but he also, didn't know what it was.

"He's breathing on his own and is conscious."

Everyone could hear the unspoken 'but'.

But Kelly didn't care, there was the blessed relief he'd been waiting for, Matthew Casey, his brother, his best friend was breathing on his own and not in a coma and he needed to see him now.

And a few moments after stepping into the room he understood all of the doctors sighs and the lingering doubt of the unspoken 'but'.

Because while it was Matt Casey's now freshly bruised face he was staring at, and while Casey was awake and breathing on his own. And while the name and the fact that the man in front of him looked completely like his friend it also didn't.

In was in the eyes, normally calm and caring and strong, always strong and when having a particularly bad day could be shut down and not wanting to share any emotion with anyone because he never wanted to burden anyone.

And while he could see his friend behind the fresh terror in the normally clear and strong blue eyes, he could also see the lost little boy who missed the life his mother destroyed, the betrayal and he knew.

Matthew Casey remembered every single second of what had happened.

And it was cruel, it was wrong and he couldn't save him from it.

And the look was too far away and lost to continue to look.

This was horrible and tragic and wrong, so wrong.

And he knew, knew that he sounded like a child in denial because this wasn't really his friend sitting there and he wanted, needed his friend.

But he was lost, lost to the torment, lost to the betrayal and he hoped that the faraway look would disappear the longer he was here stood right in front of him.

But the eyes.

They stared right on through him, just lost, floating in a sea of pain and death and betrayal.

And for one unforgiveable minute he wished that Matt Casey, his best friend, his brother hadn't lived because sometimes to live with what had happened was worse and at least he wouldn't have to suffer.

But he disregarded that thought because he was here now and he would stay here until Matt could find his way through and not stare through him unseeing.

TBC

I know there are still bits to explain and i will i promise ! Please enjoy ! And i am sorry for the late update !