Disclaimer: As everyone knows, I do not own the characters from Hana Yori Dango/Boys Over Flowers. However, I do own Neko, my OC. (Yay! I own something! Mine! Don't touch!) It's still not worth suing me; I am but a humble fan.

Thank you, Kamio-sensei!

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AN: This is completely AU. Not canon! Things are different--deal with it! Don't like, don't read!

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Tea and Saké

A Hana Yori Dango FanFic

By Janice Rips

Chapter 10: What's That Under There?

After a mani/pedi, facial, and a rather painful waxing session ("Do people really do this?!?" Tsukushi asked through gritted teeth), Neko finally let them go find the guys.

"You're late," Tsukasa growled without looking up as the girls entered the café. "What the hell could you need to buy that takes two-and-a-half hours, anyw-- Wow."

Tsukushi stood there in an orchid-print wrap dress that accentuated her ('curves? How the hell did she develop curves in two hours?' he thought), and matching dyed snakeskin sandals. She looked better than she did in Atami, better than at his birthday party, probably better than he's ever seen her, with her eyes shining, that enticing blush of embarrassment across her cheeks, and... curves? Tsukasa was smitten again, and absolutely speechless.

Neko pulled up a chair next to Rui. "Rui-san," she leaned over and greeted him in a stage whisper, "would you understand what I meant if I said, 'Elvis has left the building'?"

Rui chuckled. "Yeah, and you're right. So, what did you do to her? She looks fantastic!"

"Just corrected a long-standing mistake. After all, you can't build a brick house on a foundation of sand," she replied.

"Meaning what?" Rui asked, raising an eyebrow.

Ignoring his question, Neko said, "Wanna see if I can make Doumyouji turn red?"

Rui nodded. 'This could be amusing,' he thought.

"Yo, Tsukushi-chan, sit down so that Doumyouji can pick his jaw up off the floor! If he leaves his mouth open like that, he'll start catching flies," Neko called. Tsukushi and Tsukasa both startled and turned pink.

"Good thing I'm not a betting man," Rui whispered to Neko.

She grinned. "Just wait, you ain't seen nothin' yet," she whispered back, then turned to Tsukasa, "So, Doumyouji-san, I want a word with you."

"Yeah? About what?" he asked warily.

"About Makino's underwear," she deadpanned.

"WHAT!??!" he spluttered. That did it-- Tsukasa and Tsukushi both turned bright red, and Rui started laughing so hard his sides ached.

Neko managed to keep a straight face. "Ah-ah, you aren't getting out of this one by throwing a fit," she informed Tsukasa. "What I want to know is, what is the point of buying a girl a designer wardrobe if you're going to let her wear a bargain-basement cotton bra and Badtz-Maru-print underwear beneath it?"

"Neko!" Tsukushi squeaked, as Rui and Tsukasa both choked.

"Don't you 'Neko' me, Tsukushi! Sanrio is so Middle School! Or is it that that stupid penguin reminds you of Doumyouji? After all, they both have the same crazy hair and badass attitude," she commented.

The boys choked again, and Tsukushi turned purple. Neko gave them a minute to recover, then pressed on with Tsukasa. "Let me take a guess. It never occurred to you to check, because one, you would die before you'd ask a girl something like that, two, the appropriate things are always laid out for you by your valet, so you never think about it, and three, because you would never own anything like that anyway, and it wouldn't occur to you that your girlfriend might. Stand up."

"What? No!" Tsukasa objected.

"Chill. I'm not gonna kick you again, I just want to explain something to your girl here. Just stand up. You too, Rui-san," she insisted.

Reluctantly, the boys got to their feet. "Okay, Tsukushi-chan, watch closely. Gentlemen, if you would be so kind, please turn. Slowly, if you please," Neko requested. The guys turned slowly in place. "Now, Tsukushi, observe how their clothes hang. Hmm," she murmured, "wish I had a third guy for comparison, I wasn't counting on this... Okay, what are they wearing underneath?"

Tsukasa looked outraged, Tsukushi blushed again, and Rui chuckled. This was amusing. "How the heck should I know?" Tsukushi fumed.

"You can tell, if you know what to look for. There's a very faint line around Doumyouji's thigh; that says boxers, not briefs, which leave a line closer to the, um, posterior, for your modesty's sake. I'd venture silk, which hangs smooth and feels better than cotton, which can wrinkle. He's probably wearing a matching tank under his shirt, and both are probably black or some other dark color, navy or eggplant, perhaps," she lectured, as Tsukasa grew more and more flustered under her scrutiny. "That's why I insisted that you get some thongs, Makino. That's the surest way to avoid panty lines under your slacks."

Rui looked extremely amused. "So, Neko, what about me?" he smirked.

"I wasn't going to go there, but, if you insist... Hanazawa is a prime example of a man who goes commando, Makino."

"Commando?" Tsukushi looked confused. "What sort of underwear is that?"

"It means he's not wearing any, Baka," Tsukasa grimaced. "Damn you, Rui!" he shouted, as Tsukushi blushed yet again, and Rui and Neko cracked up.

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AN: The correct answer to the question posed by the chapter title is: Under Where? (This was inspired by the Barenaked Ladies' song Pinch Me, which has a line in it: "I could hide out under there; I just made you say 'underwear'." No, I don't own them, either, damn it.) This short but fun chapter seemed like a good farewell to 2007. Hope you enjoyed reading it as much as I did writing it! See you in the new year!