Chapter Three - Say

(Inspired by: Say- John Mayer)

I lay in bed, eyes trained on the smooth, white ceiling as the day's events sink in. A smile rests on my lips, the lips that Alec had kissed not too long ago. My fingers brush against my mouth, wondering what it'd be like to kiss him again. I imagine what a real kiss with him would be like.

Would it be passionate? Would I be left breathless? Would it leave my mind spinning even hours after the initial kiss?

I bite my lower lip, smirking at the thought before my spirits drop. What happened today can never happen again, I realize. I can hear my mother in my head; she would never approve of him nor would anyone else in my family. He's dangerous and reckless and everything I'm supposed to stay away from. He's so impossibly wrong for me, but then, as clichéd as it sounds, why does it feel so natural to be with him?

A draft rips me from my thoughts. My eyes flicker over to the open, terrace doors, my mind still racing with the same question: was it a dream?

Standing, I cautiously approach the doors and run my fingers along the cool handle. Closing my eyes, I open my mind up to the world and search for any sign of another being's presence. I feel my soul shift, taking on the abilities of a vampire. In my mind's eye, I see a sliver of someone's energy, but the moment I try to grab hold of it, a bright light explodes in front of me. My body heats up as I try to fight against the intense force that keeps the energy hidden. Just as I get close to pushing past the shield left behind, a second layer hits me hard like a brick wall. I stumble to the carpet, breathless and achy.

With wide eyes, I stare at the door with a hundred more questions and not a single answer.

I've just finished my AP assignments when the sun begins to sink behind the mountains. The door and its unknown properties leave me frustrated and confused, but what can I do? I'm just a half-breed.

Deciding the worst thing to do is to stay locked up, alone, in this gigantic house, I change in to my running clothes. As soon as I hit the soil, my body buzzes with adrenaline. I don't waste a moment as I shoot off in the direction of the hiking trail. No one really bothers using these old paths so it makes for the perfect backyard for a family of vegetarian vampires.

When the angle of the land begins to tilt upwards, I know I should turn back, but the steady flow of sanity combined with my racing heart encourage me to keep going. I never feel more at peace than when I'm running. It's a feeling of invincibility, freedom and completeness. It's when I'm running that I have a place.

The frigid March air sizzles against my burning skin, caressing my lungs with talons of ice. My muscles beg for more, never wanting to stop as the incline increases. The soles of my shoes grip and un-grip the rocky, dirt path of the mountainside with ease. My heart sends its cries of joy to the heavens as it throbs in my chest. My blood boils through my veins and, as I reach the peak of the mountain, my problems and worries evaporate with the oxygen.

I watch the sunset from the top of the mountain. It's on out-of-body experience as I feel my soul rest for the first time in a lifetime of forevers. It's in this moment, as my body and mind dim, that I feel content in my life. With the sun halfway between the horizon and the moon creeping in to the darkening sky, I descend from my high.

When the sun leaves the moon standing alone, full and bright, I turn back down the side of the mountain. Still in a daze, I stroll down the path as I appreciate the landscape. It's incredible the way the colors seem to become vibrant in the light of the moon. It's not until I reach the hiking trail again that I realize how far I've actually gone.

My father once told me never to stray more than five miles from the house when I'm alone and tonight, I've made it twenty-two, give or take. Crossing my fingers, I race back to the house in hopes of beating my family.

Just as I step foot on the property, I scrunch my nose in distaste. The fowl stench of wolf has spread to the entirety of the air, suffocating all else. I've never really been bothered by the odor that accommodates most shifters, but at the thundering of Jake's paws pounding against the emerald soil, the hairs on my neck stand as if a threat is near. My whole body reacts on edge as if I'm about to go to war.

Out of nowhere, Jake's massive human-form flies through the trees and envelopes in a death-grip hug. He chants words I hardly hear, my ears muffled by his chest and biceps as they flex. I gasp for air, my fragile bones being crushed by his monstrous muscles. He sets me down, beaming like a blind man seeing the sun for the first time as he gazes in to my eyes. I take a step back from him, laughing uncomfortably.

"It's nice to see you too, Jacob."

He nods quickly, his smile widening, "Oh, Jesus, Ness, you had us scared out of our minds! Where did you go? We lost your scent five miles out; what happened?"

I stare at him, at a loss for an explanation as the rest of search party arrives. Everyone seems to be relieved except for my parents; they look royally pissed off. As everyone relaxes, mom and dad pull me aside. The rest of the group take the hint to leave, but Jake hangs around until mom mutters something to him. My knight in shining armor offers no assistance as he turns in the house with the rest of the gang.

"What did I tell you Renesmee? What did I say about running around outside alone?" dad begins, calm and quiet.

I swallow hard, focusing on the grass as my body begins to bow down like a scolded puppy; a pathetic, half-breed puppy. I peek up at my dad through my eyelashes before dropping my gaze.

"Keep to a five-mile radius." I whisper.

He clucks his tongue. Mom stands by, staring at me with a look that I can't even begin to mirror. I remember calling it the mommy glare when I was little; I still can't rebel against it and I probably never will.

"Why didn't you follow that rule?" mom demands, "You could've gotten hurt or worse and no one would know. We came back expecting you to be here."

I sigh, "I just went for a run. I didn't think-"

Dad cuts me off, frustration spiking in my chest. "No, you didn't otherwise you would've kept to a five-mile radius and we'd of heard you on our way back in."

I take a breath, "I didn't mean to-"

Dad ignores my attempt to defend myself and continues on his rant. I feel the annoyance boiling in my blood as he talks over me. "It doesn't matter what you meant to do, Renesmee. All that matters is what you did and you disobeyed us."

I speak up again. "But, I-"

Mom raises a hand, silencing me, "No. I don't want your excuses. After Jake leaves, you're grounded for a month,"

"That's not fa-"

Again, I'm cut off. My parents go on, but I can't hear them anymore. My mind is fogged by the irritation clogging my ears. I see red as it cuffs around my vision as Edward and Bella's lips move, playing tag as they bounce off of each other's lectures. My hands ball in tight fists as I reach my limit.

"…It's completely fair, Renesmee…" "…You're going to and from school, that's it…" "No rides home from friends, no technology, no hunting alone…" "…and you're sitting with us at lunch…" "…You need to learn from your mistakes…" "…We're sick and tired of-"

I cut my mother off mid-sentence, shocking them both in to silence.

"Of what? Of me? My apparent disobedience? I'm sorry I made a mistake, but that's all it was; a mistake. No, I wasn't thinking when I left the five-mile radius. I was feeling. Like a person does? But you two wouldn't know anything about that since you all treat me like some fragile, china doll. Well, newsflash, I'm not a baby in a hot car. I don't need someone watching my every move. Ground me for making a mistake, ground me for rolling my eyes, ground me for talking back, ground me for standing up for myself; you might as well lock me up in a cell for breathing!" I huff.

My parents stare at me, bewildered by my disrespect. Never once in my life have I spoken up for myself and I hate to admit it, but it felt good to say what I felt; it's liberating. As the seconds tick on, my parents still speechless, I turn away and leap up to my bedroom balcony. I glance back to see them whispering to each other. A single cry gets carried through the wind to my ears.

"What's happening to our little girl?"

Once I reach my bedroom, the doors firmly shut and locked, I collapse to the bed with a groan.

My body, still sweaty from the run, aches with exhaustion. My mind, still buzzing from this afternoon's events, is dull with weakness. For the past month, I've been on an emotional roller-coaster evoked by a certain man in my health class and today was no exception, in fact, it was much worse. Any energy still lurking within me had evaporated after my outburst on my parents.

I force myself off the bed, tugging the smelly clothes from my body as I cross the room to my bathroom. I ignore the mirror as I climb in the shower, allowing the burning water to ease my swearing muscles. Steam fogs the glass, obscuring my view of the outside world. Even after the dirt and grime have been scrubbed away, I stay in the shower under the searing water. My fair skin shifts to pink as I find myself on the floor, tears falling uncontrollably and I don't even know why.

Alec stands close to me as we stroll through a meadow. Tall, willow trees tower above the shades of lilac, gold, and emerald that encompass us as we gaze up at the azure sky. His eyes, once mirroring that very sky, reflect dark blood in the moonlight; a vivid crimson. It's scary how well the color suits him. He glances at me, his gaze unnaturally comforting for such a terrifying color lurking in his irises.

"Do you like living there?" he asks quietly.

I meet his eyes, "Define there."

"As in a state or any state you've lived in. Do you enjoy living in places that are so grey? Plain? Boring?"

I surprise myself by the fluid answer, not missing a beat. "No."

Letting out a heavy breath, I realize I probably need to explain that one, but he just nods. I step away from him, his hand dropping from my own. I didn't even realize we were holding hands.

"I mean, I love my family and my friends. It's nice to have so many people to care about you, but I don't like living in a place where seeing the sun is a luxury. I want to live somewhere that's always bright and clear. Here, there's nothing, but average people. I want to go somewhere where the people are just as amazing as the sun and everyday holds another thing that makes you forget about time."

Alec smirks as he steps close to me, tucking some of my hair behind my ear. It's a gentle, subtle movement that curls my stomach in to a ball. "That's something to look forward to then."

I shake my head with a sigh, breaking contact with his eyes. "No, it's not. I wouldn't leave my family for my own selfish desires." I sigh.

"Wouldn't… or can't?" He asks; deliberately giving me a look that tells me he knows more than he should. I ignore the look as I move my gaze to the soft grass beneath my feet, "Both."

"Are you sure about that?" He asks quietly.

My eyes snap up to meet his, my voice stained with defense. "Of course I'm sure."

The darkness that settles over his features gives him a menacing bad-boy look that isn't helping my already crumbling resistance to liking him more then I should.

"If you had the chance to do whatever or go where ever you wanted," He begins; his tone silky and warm.

My heart takes up the challenge to beat faster as he advances closer to me. Unintentionally, I back up until my back meets a tree. His toes become flush with mine. He rests one hand against the tree beside my face and leans in slightly. I bite my lip at the close proximity.

"Would you take it?" He whispers, his burgundy eyes locking with mine.

I shoot up in bed, heart racing in my chest as sweat trickles down my spine. I take in shallow breaths as I process what I just experienced. It felt so… so real.

Shaking my head, I untangle my legs from my sheets. The sun streams in to my room, dust shimmering in the wake of the golden-white rays. I climb out of bed and turn toward the terrace, finding the door locked. My heart sinks a little, but I push it away as I step out on to the balcony. I take in the morning air, finding calm relief from such an exciting dream.

"Renesmee?"

I whip around, startled by the sudden appearance of Carlisle. I smile gently at my grandfather, "Oh, good morning, Carlisle."

"How are you this morning?" he asks, strolling over to join me.

Without looking at him, I tilt my head to the side and lean against the railing. He watches me carefully, waiting for more, but I don't say anything. If there was anybody I would tell about Alec and my dreams and well, everything that's been happening to me lately, I'd probably confine in Carlisle. He's the most reasonable in the my family, the most trustworthy and he could probably give me the best advice on what to do. I almost spill everything to him, but I catch myself. My dad can get in to his head and I can't risk it, no matter how badly I want to tell somebody.

As the minutes tick by, he backs off and forces a smile.

"Esme is making breakfast for you. It should be ready soon," he says.

I nod, "Okay, I'll be down in a second."

Carlisle turns, making his way to my door. He pauses for a moment as he looks back at me. I offer what I hope appears to be a reassuring smile, but he doesn't look convinced. In fact, he looks like he wants to say more, but he doesn't push the matter further. Instead, he leaves me to my sulking.

I tug on a pair of worn jeans and a long-sleeve tee, not putting much effort in to anything as I tie my curls up in a ponytail. I pull on a pair of socks to keep my toes from freezing off today. I saunter down the steps, rubbing my eyes as if it'll wake me up.

The usually sweet aroma of French toast greets my senses when I touchdown in the kitchen, but today, my stomach plummets with nausea at the thought of ingesting solids. Jake has already made himself at home as he snuggles up at the bar. Esme is laughing at something he said when I plop on to a bar stool.

"Good morning, Ness; you hungry, sweetheart?" Esme beams, flipping the toast in her pan.

I shake my head, "Not in the least bit."

She looks over with a downturned expression, but it's not a disappointed frown, more like, concerned. Esme purses her lips and slides the first batch of French toast in front of Jake. He devours it as she presses a cool hand to my forehead, observing me.

"You don't feel any warmer than usual. Is everything okay? Do you want to talk to Carlisle?" she asks, making me feel like a little girl again. It's refreshing, though. I feel important, cared for… loved.

"No, I think," I pause and give myself a moment to feel the burn in my throat before going on, "I think I'm thirsty."

Her eyebrows shoot up and Jake drops his fork to the plate with a clatter. The silence that overtakes the room is deafening. Esme blinks, smiling and nodding as she goes to the sink.

"Carlisle keeps blood for you in his office. Why don't you go ask him for a bottle?"

I nod, "Alright. Thanks, Esme."

I make the trek across the living room where Emmett and Jasper shoot up zombies, past the piano room where my parents have locked themselves away. I tiptoe by Rose and Alice in their room of fashion as I approach Carlisle's study. The door is never fully shut, always just a crack open. I peek through the sliver of space between the frame and door. Carlisle is in a deep concentration as he reads over files, but I misjudge my weight for a second and the floor creeks ever-so-slightly.

His blonde head perks up and he meets my eyes with a warm smile, "Good morning, sweetheart. Come in,"

I bite my lip, peeling the door open as gently as I can and stepping in to Carlisle's space. See, everyone in this family has a room that they call their own. Mine would be my bedroom since it's the only room that no one else really uses... ever.

"How are you?" he asks, shuffling the papers out of sight.

I smile, twiddling my fingers as I take a seat in one of his large leather chairs. "I'm alright."

Carlisle gives me a knowing look. He looks past all my barriers and stops his tidying to look me in the eye.

"You gave your parents quite the scare last night."

I swallow hard, "That's not what I came here for."

"Is it bothering you?"

Squeezing my eyes shut, I bow my head and nod slightly. "But Esme told me you had blood that you kept for me and my parents grounded me from ever leaving the house again so I can't hunt."

Carlisle has a glass of blood in front of me and has sat back down before I can blink. The scent of B-positive reaches my nose a second later. My inner vampire spurs to life, the burn in my throat shifting to a scorching need, but I contain myself. Gently lifting the glass to my mouth, I take a large sip.

It's chilled, not nearly as satisfying as it would be directly from a warm, pulsing neck. The image comes to my mind before I can stop it. I don't have time to feel ashamed before the thought of Alec's cool throat pressed to my lips, begging to be tasted, takes full form before my mind's eye. I gasp and lose my grip on the glass, but vampire reflexes have it in my palm a moment later.

As I place the cup on the desk, I notice Carlisle watching me with quiet curiosity.

"Thank you." I say.

His topaz eyes flicker around my face before he stands and retrieves a leather-bound book. I recognize it a second later as the log he kept my measurements in as a child. He tracked my growing, taking care in each note he took.

"Renesmee, would you please join me in the back room?" he asks as he shuffles around his desk.

I take a breath and move in to the very back of his office. This is Carlisle's mini-hospital room. I hop up on the examining table, twisting a curl around my finger like I did when I was younger. I wait patiently as my grandfather prepares himself for whatever test he wishes to perform this time.

Smiling at me, he takes a seat across from the table. "How've you been feeling lately?"

"Normal." I say in a breath.

He nods before retrieving a needle and I offer my arm without question. Carlisle smirks, takes my blood and puts some on a slide that he then puts under one of his high-tech microscopes. I hear him mutter under his breath as he scribbles in the book. I pull my ringlets over my shoulder, counting each strand as I await his findings.

About twenty minutes later, he turns back to me and checks my eyes. Then my ears, throat, teeth, heart, and does that hammer-to-the-knee thing, scribbling in his book the whole time before finally sitting down again.

"So, you haven't felt any changes? Nothing is different or new?" he asks.

Shaking my head, "No… not that I've noticed at least."

"Well, you are going through another growth spurt. Your blood has higher levels of venom, in fact, I watched it mutate a moment ago. Your heart is still abnormally fast, but it's beginning to slow. By your seventh birthday, you might just become a full-vampire."

I stare at him, mouth agape, "What? Is that even possible?"

"I'm not sure. It's a possibility if your body continues these mutations. See, your body is reacting to the environment your around; adapting to survive, per say. I assume being around vampires all the time is the cause." He smiles, but the sadness in his eyes is clear.

No one in my family wants me to be independent. I know that, I've always known. They want me to be the little half-human child they can coddle, shelter and protect. If Carlisle is right about my change then, by September, I'll be just like them. Carlisle runs a few more tests so he can make a conclusion that he'll share with everyone else. By the time night falls, we break the news to the rest of the family and, unsurprisingly, not a single person it pleased with the idea. Jake storms outside. Mom encourages me to chase after him, implying an or else while they ask if there is any way to stop the change.

I take my time crossing the house, finding Jake fuming in the moonlight. I slide the backdoor shut and approach him quietly, counting each step across the emerald lawn. He stomps back and forth, pacing with something weighing on his mind. I take my last reluctant step, forcing my tongue to form words as he grumbles under his breath.

"Are you okay?" I ask him.

Jake whips around, eyes locking on mine. He rushes over to me, stepping in to my space. I stumble back, uncomfortable with the proximity as he breathes heavily through his nose. Heck, he's breathing my oxygen when he's this close. I bite my lip and lean away from him. I debate for a moment whether or not I should leave him to his peace, but he starts talking.

"Have you ever loved someone so much to the point you were willing to die for them only to learn they would die regardless?" he demands, storming away from me. He begins pacing again. I look away from him for a moment, confused by his statement.

"Um..."

"It seems to happen to me a lot," he pauses, craning his head in my direction and stares me down."See, I fall in love and then right when I get close to finding my own happiness, something has to go and fuck it all up. Some said that happens once in a lifetime, but maybe I'm just that unlucky bastard that karma enjoys playing for a fool," he turns away, cursing and swearing to the wind.

I glance down, remembering his history with my mom. Sometimes, I wonder what would've happened if she choose him instead of my dad. I may not have happened, but… would they grow old and happy together back in Forks? The thought makes me smiles just a little, but it falls away as I look to my broken best friend.

"No… I-I haven't." I whisper.

Jake gazes at me, "Well, I have… and I still do. At this point, I don't care if her heart stops beating. I'm willing to use every second we have left to make the world feel right, even if it's only for a few months."

"Jake, I don't-" and that's when my best friend presses his lips against mine.

For a second, I'm completely lost. I stand there, his hands gripping me too tightly and his mouth too rough on my own, in a shocked daze. I come back to my senses a moment later. Where my strength comes from, I don't know, but it's enough to shove him off of me. Before I can stop myself, my fist slams in to his face. I hear a crack, but it's not my hand.

And, like the little girl I am, I runaway up to my room where I proceed to die of mortification.

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