Chapter Four - Anybody

(Inspired by: Is There Anybody Out There? -Secondhand Serenade)

Heart racing, head swirling, vision blurry. The confusion has become a physical barrier between reality and I as my legs buckle, knees crashing in to the carpet. The world tilts to the side, my mind unable to pinpoint any detail as the only thing in my head is a single, blaring sentence. It bounces off the walls of my brain and influences a ringing in my ears.

Jake just kissed me.

I feel sick. I feel violated. I feel betrayed and I'm so confused. I can't feel my hand, but I don't focus on that as I crawl to my bathroom, slamming the door and locking the knob. I rest my head between my knees, breathing in and out. Just when I find my sanity again, a knock startles me in to the fetal position.

"Renesmee? Honey, open the door!" mom cries out, her fists pounding against the cherry wood.

Swallowing hard, I force myself on to wobbly legs and lean against the panels. I hear her press an ear to the other side. I feel warm tears on cheeks as I let out another shaky breath.

"He kissed me, mom. Why would he do that? I-I thought we were friends. Why would he kiss me?" I demand, my heart constricting in my chest.

She sighs, "I don't know, baby, but please, open the door. Talk to me."

Backing away from the door, I unlock the knob. She bursts through the threshold, pulling me in to her arms and stroking my curls. Mom guides me in to my bed, holding my hands in hers and begging to know what happened. I tell her the story, the horrific tale, in vivid detail as I press my hand to her cheek. When I pull away, mom looks crestfallen.

"Sweetheart, don't you understand? He loves you."

I shake my head, my patience bursting. "No! He's in love with me; there's a huge difference. He's supposed to be my friend, my best friend, and he's trying to ruin that. The imprint- it's supposed to tell him how I feel. He should know I don't feel that way toward him!"

"Renesmee, you're being too harsh. Jake is a great guy, he'll take care of you."

I stare at her, looking for any trace of humor in her expression, but as always, she stares at me and bites her lip. I jump up from the bed, my hands shaking.

"I need to be alone." I say.

She looks surprised, smirking slightly, "You need to talk to someone."

"I think you misunderstood me; I want to be alone."

Mom's eyebrows shoot to her hairline, mouth falling open. She shakes her head, mumbling out incoherent things about needing a parent or friend or someone to talk to about your problems, bottling it up causes problems and other mumbo jumbo, but I zone her out and stand my ground.

"Just go away… please," I beg, bringing my eyes up to meet hers. Bella stands from my bed and pauses at the door. When I don't say anything, she leaves. The door shuts with a quiet thud.

I lay in bed, eyes trained on the smooth, white ceiling as the night's events sink in. My lips feel sore, my stomach churning. I frown, questioning why Jake would kiss me. I've always known Jake loved me, but I thought it was strictly platonic. When did that change? I close my eyes and rub my hands down my face.

The real question is, when did life get so confusing?

I wake up the next morning, unsure when I first fell asleep, but hearing the commotion downstairs stirs me from the fitful slumber. Normally, we whisper. There's no need for talking simply because everyone can hear it. I, especially, shouldn't be able to hear them considering I'm on the farthest end of the house, but this isn't a normal day.

I decide to prolong the inevitable by jumping in the shower and taking my sweet time pulling on a pair of jeans. I brush my teeth three times, then proceeding to take about half-an-hour to comb the tangles from my curls. After a couple minutes of staring in to the mirror, I turn out of the bathroom with my game-face on. It's time to face the music.

I apprehensively make my way downstairs, though I find no trace of wolf in the air. I find my family conversing in the kitchen. Each couple is near one another, clutching their mate as they exchange comments. When I arrive, they pause and glance at me. I swallow hard, pretending not to notice as I cross the room to the fridge. They start talking again.

My throat burns with desire for blood. I need another fix, but I'm unwilling to ask Carlisle for more. When I open the refrigerator doors, however, I find bottles upon bottles of blood lining the shelves in neat, little, army lines. I gasp, my mouth watering with a mix of saliva and venom. The room has fallen silent once more before Carlisle calls out to me.

"Those are for you, Renesmee. Feel free to have as many as you'd like."

I blink, glancing over at him before nodding quietly. I snatch up a bottle and twist the cap off, not bothering to heat it up. Warm blood has caused a few problems for me in the past, like trying to drain anything with blood in a five mile vicinity. I sip at the frothy liquid, careful not to give in fully to my need.

"So, what'd I miss?" I ask, casually saddling up at the bar.

Everyone exchanges secret glances and, in my own home, I feel like an outcast. My dad looks to Carlisle, everyone following suit. He stands taller, almost proud that everyone turns to him in times of confusion.

"Well, last night, you and Jake had a… miscommunication," I drop my eyes from Carlisle's, hearing Emmett snicker in the background.

"Anyhow, after you hit him, I had to reset his nose. The force was hard enough to cause a nasal fracture, but luckily, it was a clean break and Jake's nose healed nicely. He decided to go out for the day, to give you some space after last night."

I shake my head, hiding my face in my hands. Everything just keeps getting worse and worse; how had I even had the strength to punch a shifter in the face and walk away without a scratch, yet they get a broken nose?

"That's the same thing we're wondering. When your mother punched him, she broke her hand. We were expecting at least a sprain on your part," dad says.

I feel violated by his intrusion in my mind, but I swipe it away. It's the least of my worries right now. I lift my left hand, inspecting it and stretching my fingers. No pain, no bruise, no anything. It's like I totally hadn't just nailed Jake in the nose.

"None the less, I would like to continue my examination today, Renesmee. The force inflicted on Jake's nose was far more than I'd expect from you. Would you mind spending the rest of your Sunday cooped up in my office?" Carlisle asks, the twinkle of a smirk on his face.

I shrug, coming to glance up from my hand. I find Carlisle and Edward whispering to each other. Their heads are bowed toward and they talk hardly above a whisper, lips moving frantically. Dad shakes his head, mumbling about I deserve a punishment . They break apart and dad motions for me to follow him. Reluctantly rising, I follow him outside.

"Punching Jake was out of line; I hope you realize that," he says, glaring at me as if I murdered his puppy.

I blink a few times, contemplating my words carefully. Just the other night we'd gotten in to a huge fight over them controlling me and he starts on this now? Do they even hear me when I speak?

"Oh, we hear you, Renesmee. Loud and clear, I assure you. The other night was very disrespectful to walk away without a word. I don't know what has gotten in to you, but I'm not going to put up with it. You need to start taking responsibilities for your actions, young lady. You've become a very selfish, over-dramatic, spoiled girl."

I choke on the absurdity of his accusation, "How have I become any of those things? Because I've stood up for myself? Defended myself? That's spoiled?"

"You smart mouth the very people who support you." he throws back.

"You're wrong." I state, my tone level.

Edward stares at me, eyes wide. "Excuse me?"

"You are wrong. I'm not being selfish or over-dramatic or spoiled. I'm speaking out against your and mom's cruelty. I've taken punishment after punishment for things I didn't even do wrong. I didn't accept Ana's apology because she doesn't mean it, she never meant it and she's not a real friend. I went past your stupid boundary line because I wasn't paying attention to the distance, just the fact that for once, I was enjoying my life,"

I pause for a moment, taking in a breath. Dad tries to argue, but I cut him off.

"And, for the record, I punched Jake in the face because he violated not just my body, but my trust. Kissing someone without their consent is wrong and if you say I'm a bad person for doing so, then I'll proudly accept that title. I'm sick of you treating my like I'm a bad, little girl who stole a cookie from the cookie jar. I'm not a child anymore that doesn't understand what she does has consequences. I'm growing up; accept that."

He stares at me, mouth agape. For the second time in three days, I leave my father stunned by my defiance. I wander back in to the house, following Carlisle's scent to his study where he clicks away at his computer. I knock before walking in. My grandfather's caring, golden eyes watch me with sympathy as I take a seat before him.

"It's been quite the week," he states.

I tilt my head to the side, agreeing to disagree. I don't want to make my parental situation any worse and anything I say to Carlisle will be able to be heard by my father. I sigh, staring out the window and am able to find the exact spot where Jake kissed me in the backyard. Dried blood, just a tiny drop, resides on a blade of lush, emerald grass. My eyes narrow in on it, my heart dropping. I can't believe Jake would do something like that; I just simply cannot wrap my head around it.

"Let's just get these tests done." Carlisle suggests, dragging my attention back to him.

So, we begin. He checks my bones and wrist and a bunch of other things. I'm not breakable, at least, not as breakable as I once was. He thinks I may be as invincible as a vampire by my birthday which adds to his conclusion of my becoming a vampire, but he proceeds to explain why it seems illogical. The first reason being that Nahuel is a hybrid and has retained a hybrid form for more than a hundred years. Second, my blood remains human, just some strange version of it and, last, it simply doesn't make sense for me to change my species.

We classify these... abilities... as part of my maturing in to a full-fledged hybrid.

As Carlisle and I finish up, I roam the house in search of someone to talk to, but come to find my family has mysteriously disappeared. I trudge up to my room, loneliness seeping in to my heart. I remember as a child that I couldn't get a moment of alone time and now, it's like I carry some sort of disease.

I guess I don't mind, but isn't there anybody out there?

The next morning, I rise well before the sun and don't have a second thought about going for a run. I dress in the usual running attire, leaping over the balcony and plugging in my headphones for once. I've never been one to race the hills to hard-core rock. The outdoors is about embracing the environment and I do so wholeheartedly. The whispers of life in the woods has always been a comfort for me, allowed me to drift through my thoughts, but at the moment, I rather lose myself in the music. I don't want to think.

I just want to run.

I blast my tunes, feeling the cool air whipping my cheeks, but not hearing the whisper of speed as I race through the brush. I focus on the bass in each song, running to its beat and feeling it in my bones. The soles of my shoes move against the ground as if air is nonexistent, each movement fluid and swift. My heart fights to be heard over the music, thundering in my chest with it's own erratic rhythm. Sweat drips down my neck, the burn stinging through my muscles.

I could go for so much longer, but the golden light gleaming from between the trees alerts me of the day beginning. I slow, making a U-turn back toward the house. I abandon thoughts of school, family, life in general as I take a moment to appreciate the silence of an empty mind. Just as I reach the edge of the trees, the scent of wolf stings my nose. I stop dead in place, frozen almost, ripping the headphones from my ears. Jake emerges from behind a large-bodied tree, smiling gently at me.

"Hey, Ness."

My heart pauses, breath uneven. While it's pure unease stemming from the discomfort that lives on from Saturday, I'm able to play it off as exhaustion from a run. I clear my throat, not able to conjure up a smile, "Jake… um, hi."

"Ho-How um, how are you?" he stumbles as he scratches his neck.

I look down to the ground and crossing my arms over my stomach. I never expect to run in to anyone when I go out running, my attire being rather slight. A sports bra and spandex shorts are about as much cover as I get. My stomach clenches with embarrassment.

"I'm alright," I nod. "How's your nose?"

The tension shatters, Jake smirking brightly as he absentmindedly rubs the bridge of his nose. He laughs and tilts his head to the side, "Fine now; you've got a killer right-hook."

"Yeah, well, I was raised by wolves." I smile, half-joking.

A moment of silence passes before my iPod beeps with an alarm to let me know that six thirty has arrived. If I'm going to be ready for school in the next half hour, I've got to a get a move on.

"Jake, I-" He cuts me off, "I really need to talk to you, Ness."

I sigh gently, sure not to give-away my dismay. I start walking toward the house, wrapping my headphones around my little device. I glance over at Jake as he watches me expectantly.

"If you drive me to school, we'll talk then or you can wait till I get home." I offer.

He beams, "I'll see you at the car."

Jake races off in another direction as I leap up to the railing of my bedroom. I peel off my sweaty clothes, leaving a trail as I cross the carpet to my bathroom. I flip the shower on, brushing my teeth as the water heats up. Once my pearly whites shimmer back at me, I'm scrubbing shampoo in to my curls and bubbling the dirt from my pores.

I emerge from the shower to a steamy bathroom and a fluffy towel. My clothing choice lasts half a second as I slip in to a pair of dark skinny-jeans. I pull a black tank-top the same moment I'm tying the laces on my favorite pair of high-top converse. I return to the bathroom to fix my hair just as I yank a dark-maroon sweatshirt over my head.

I'm reluctant to stray from my room in fear of what Jake's discussion will pertain to, but I have no choice. As I shimmy out excuses from my rear-end, my fingers find a smooth surface. I glance down to see the sleek, silver hair straightener Alice bought for me last year. It was a joke since everyone in my family is obsessed with the curls, but I can't help myself as I plug the cord in the outlet.

The little blue light flashes until it stops, staring solidly back at me. I shimmy around the cabinet to find a few heat-protectants that came with the package. About fifteen minutes later, I've become a whole new person.

The glossy, pin-straight waves of copper gleam in the harsh florescent of the bathroom. I've gone from maybe seventeen to at least nineteen. I look mature, fierce… dare I say, immortal? I grin at my reflection, even reaching for some makeup to touch-up the appearance. When I finish, I see the Renesmee that I've been looking for staring back at me.

I don't pass any family as I make the trek downstairs. I find a note with some excuse about hunting before school. I crumple the yellow paper, tossing it the trash with expert precision. I swing open the fridge for a bottle of blood, savoring the B positive as it pours down my throat. I feel empowered by such a slight change as small as a different hairstyle.

Is this what being an individual feels like?

I snatch up my backpack, meeting Jake out front. As usual, he rode his bike down from Forks. He gapes at my new appearance, startled almost. I pry the helmet from his bear paw, pulling it over my silky locks. He just sits there, jaw to the floor. I huff, withholding a glare as I hop on the bike.

"I can't be late, Jacob."

As if waking up, he nods quickly and shifts around. We peel off down the road, whipping around curves and turns with slick ease. It makes me long for a vehicle of my own, but that won't happen anytime soon. Especially not after all that's happened this week.

We pull in to the parking lot at school, eyes drawn to us like bees to honey. I keep my back to them, not wanting nor needing any more publicity on the Cullen family.

"So, you've got ten minutes; shoot." I say, handing him the helmet back.

Jake nods, eyes like saucers as he stares at me.

"I-I-I just wanted to tell you that I'm so sorry about the other night; it was stupid and impulsive and I shouldn't have done it. I just-I really care about you, Renesmee, and I want to be more than friends. It's going to be weird, tuff, crazy; all of that and I'm more than willing to wait until you feel the same way. I needed to get that out there. I apologize for things having gone down the way they did," He says it all on one breath, though not fast enough for me to miss a single word.

"Please, just… consider 'us", or at the very least, the possibility of it."

I want to tell him everything that I feel in that moment. It starts with "us" being friends and ends with that never changing, but I can't bring myself to destroy the hope in his eyes. My weaker, caring side knows that Jake means well. Perhaps this is a phase and it'll pass in time, but then again, he's never been one to change his mind about something like this.

I let out a sigh and pull Jake in to a hug, "I'll get back to you."

Backing away, I smile and wave. He looks iffy, but still hopeful. I walk away, silently praying that Jake goes home today. I don't know if I can handle any more of his apparent "feelings" for me.

As surprising as it is, I'm dreading the moment when I run in to Alec.

After Friday, I have no idea where that leaves things with us. Are we friends? More than friends? Less than friends? God, this is so stupid. I may be thinking too much in to the whole thing. It was hardly even a real kiss… not that I've ever been really kissed by anyone. I don't even count Jake since most first kisses hardly ever end with a knuckle to the nose. I skip lunch, my family texts me wildly as I hide away in the library, but I simply do not want to face Alec until I absolutely have to.

I dip my nose in a book, trying to distract myself when a familiar cologne whispers toward me. I've never noticed before, but Alec smells like mint… and earth. It's a strange combination, however, fitting and attractive. I'm so enticed by the scent that I lose my opportunity to run away as he rounds the corner.

"Renesmee," he questions, surprise ringing in his tone, "Is that you?"

My head shoots up, eyes wide. My sassy side emerges from out of the blue and I cock my hip, smirking slightly.

"Do I look like anyone else?"

Alec grins, but his astonished expression washes out the effect. His eyes take me in, leaving nothing behind as he eats away at the transformed girl before him. I guess the hair really does make a difference.

"Actually, yeah, you kind of do."

I smile, flipping the soft waves over my shoulder, "I guess. I wanted to try something new."

"You look really nice," he says.

"Thanks." I wink, bewildering my internal socially-awkward self. How can I be so forward? I couldn't possibly flirting with my insanely attractive health partner, am I? I could die right here and now, but Alec somehow doesn't laugh in my face at the sight of my subtle wink. Instead, his grin turns seductive.

"So, about Friday," he begins.

Sorry to leave you guys on a cliff-hanger, especially on a short chapter, but I promise its worth it!

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