Chapter Seven – Poisonous

(Inspired by: Poison Kiss – The Last Goodnight)

As lovely as it would have been to believe that my secret love would continue effortlessly from that day on, that was such an impractical thought I hadn't even dared to entertain such an inane notion.

I felt somewhere inside of me, I'm assuming around my chest where my heart seemed to give out after that kiss, that we'd crossed a line and the chances of going back were nonexistent. I wondered if that was a good thing before deciding it was ultimately, the worst thing.

Kylie continued to search my mind for the rest of the day. Throughout homework and dinner, from the beginning of some TV show till we crawled in to bed, she kept her mind zeroed in on my thoughts waiting for me to slip up. I knew that she saw through me like a window, but it was as if the window hadn't been cleaned for a while; her unease made it clear she wasn't sure if my story had been a lie, but she also knew it wasn't the complete truth. I kept my true thoughts concealed under a blanket of sugar-coated images, realizing just how good I'd become at lying to everyone; in and out of my head.

I looked in the mirror that night realizing I wasn't the same little girl I'd been just a few months ago. Little Renesmee Carlie Cullen never lied to anyone, never kept secrets, never argued with her family; she was far too perfect for that so it made me wonder… who am I if I'm not Renesmee?

By the next morning, I thought school would carry on as normal until seventh hour when I'd have to deal with my actions from yesterday. I didn't expect Alec to swoop me away as my family and I walked to lunch. He caught me off guard when he tugged me in to the shadows before I realized he'd even grasped my hand.

Mint, earth, and something akin to stale copper flows off of him, igniting my vampire senses in to a full on frenzy. The burn at the back of my throat revs in to a full on flame at that moment; my eyes narrow on his lips realizing how close we are in such a cramped space. A pool of warmth gathers in my lower stomach, pushing the flutters aside with something more intense and he hasn't even kissed me yet. Whoa.

"I'm sorry for kidnapping you like this," he leans his forehead against mine, cool breath wafting against my cheeks. "But I had to see you."

I smirk, nibbling on my lower lip as his lilac eyes glitter in the gray haze that leaks through the blinds of what I realize now is the janitor's closet.

"Of all the places, you couldn't have picked somewhere a little more original?" I tease him as he weaves our fingers together. I don't understand why the gap in my chest suddenly felt full; it was a strange sensation, like holding your breath after a long time and you breathe in. It felt nice, natural, easy.

Alec licks his lips, grinning down at me. "I apologize, but this school is limited on dark corners for health partners to discuss their make out sessions in."

My mouth forms a small 'o', disappointment wilting inside me like a flower that has gone one day too many without water. The dry petals settle in my stomach. My back presses against the wall and for the first time, I smell cleaning products rather than the thirst-inspiring scent he exudes. My fantasy world crumbles as reality bleeds in to my mind. I realize, like a hard slap across the face, the sudden dawning that we're nothing more than health partners. Did I think we were something more? Did I even think at all? As usual, I didn't. I just acted on my stupid, human desires; I'm so weak and even more pathetic.

He seems to see my withdrawal and offers a small grin, concern melting in his eyes. "Everything alright?"

I wave my hand dismissively, feigning the role of an independent woman as I push my hair out of my face. "I'm great, I just uh… my family is probably looking for me. I should go," I tell him. The confusion seeps in to his pores as he blocks the door.

"Did I say something?" he asks, eyes searching my face for any tell I could give away. I shake my head, "You didn't say anything." And that's the problem.

Alec takes in a breath, staring at me in a deep concentration before his eyes widen. Letting out a slow sigh, he shakes his head and pinches the bridge of his nose. "Renesmee," he starts. "I didn't mean it like that, not at all. I'm here to talk about that; I don't want to just be health partners, I never have."

The damage is done and with hurt pride, I wonder if that's what I want. Well, of course it is, but I'm not sure if it's what I need. What would happen if someone found out? I can't lose this. I've kept it to myself for so long and I don't know what'd I do if I lost it. I want something that's for myself and this, Alec, is mine. It needs to stay that way. "Look, I didn't mean to get all girly on you. I'm not looking for a commitment and I just-I don't know, I didn't really think too much about what this was," I say, gesturing between us. "But I can't do a relationship. It's not the right time for me."

Alec stares at me, his mouth slightly parted and eyes blank. "But… yesterday, you said-"

"I wanted every part of this and I do, trust me, I do… but I just-my family… I don't know if you've heard about them or seen them or anything really, but they're not the accepting type. In fact, if they found out about this, we'd leave and I'd never see you again," I say, my voice growing more and more frantic before I cut off completely.

It was in that moment that I remember who I was, staring at this impossibly beautiful being before me with my heart swelling in my chest, I came to the realization that I wasn't like him. I was a hybrid, an imprint; my life was already mapped out and here I was screwing with the plan. I blinked, my vision suddenly blurry with tears and I shook my head, feeling small and pathetic. Alec watched me, his eyes dark with concern.

"Renesmee,"

"I need to go." I whispered, shrugging him off when he tried to stop me. I didn't move too fast as not to draw attention to myself, but once I was beyond the school, beyond the trees, beyond all that cursed me to be a girl I no longer knew, I did the only thing that could soothe the agony of heartache burning through my body.

I ran.

The rain crashed down in sheets, thunder cackled, lightening flashed, and even through the thick dark clouds, the full moon shone like a beacon trying to offer me advice I couldn't hear. I sat high in a tree, sopping wet and broken. It was well in to the night that the rain stopped almost instantly, no longer illuminated in to sparkles by the moon. Instead, the sky cleared and the night stilled in to a silence I'd never experienced before.

Looking down, a pair of jade eyes glowed up at me. Kylie and I stared at one another until she scaled the side of the tree, taking a place beside me on the highest branch. Nothing was said for a long while, instead, she just watched me with a look of knowing on her face. I'd almost began to believe we would remain in the silence until she cleared her throat, looking out at something I couldn't see.

"I told them you weren't feeling well so you went home," she says quietly. "They think you've been up in your room this whole time. They're not very bright, if you ask me."

I smirk slightly, glancing at her. "Thank you."

She nods, "I hope you realize I didn't have to do that, lie for you I mean. There's actually an incredible amount of lying that goes on here, I'll have you know. Now, I'm a part of it because I lied for you even though you lied to me."

My smile falls and I look at her, really seeing her for the first time. She looks deep in to my eyes as I brush my fingers against her wrist, sharing with her my biggest secret and most prized memories. When the images fade from our view, she breaks from my gaze, looking below us as she lets out a breath through her nose.

"He… he isn't who you think he is, Ness," Kylie says. "He's not human."

I glance at her, nodding my head. I swallow the lump in my throat as I admit the truth I've been burying under false thoughts and glorified hopes of this being some passing fad. "Regardless of everything pulling us apart, I still have never felt the need to be with someone so desperately. Shouldn't…" I trail off, "When something seems so wrong, shouldn't it feel wrong? Because when we're together, I can't imagine anything feeling more right." My voice cracks, even in a whisper.

Kylie brought her fingers to her mouth at some point, chewing on her thumb nail as she stares at the damp soil below us. Dropping her hand, she looks at me.

"At the end of the day, it's about how much you can bear, how much you can endure. Being together, we harm nobody; being apart, we extinguish ourselves," Kylie says. "Tabitha Suzuma said that in a novel she wrote, have you ever heard that?"

I shake my head, "No, but those words are beautiful."

"They would be," she agrees. "If they weren't coming from a sister confessing her undying love for her older brother."

My face drops in to utter mortification. Kylie shrugs, "Sometimes, if it feels right, it's just that much more wrong."

Blinking at her, she notices my bewilderment and she smirks, before waving a hand as if to clear the air between us. "Terrible analogy, I know. It was a great read, actually, and I was rooting for them to be together even though that's like, totally fucking weird. It was just, they had each other's back and it was impossible not to see the love they had for each other, but sometimes, love doesn't always mean pursuing that person… sometimes, it means letting them go for the good of one another."

I stare at the ground, rolling her words around my head, tasting them as they seep in to the tissues of my mind. It takes me a few moments to speak, but eventually the words find themselves on my tongue and I don't hold them back. "I remember my mom's story of how she and my father met… it wasn't an ideal situation, y'know? He tried to leave to keep her safe and that didn't go over too well. I don't know what love is, I don't know if I even think I found it with Alec, but what I do know is that I've never wanted to risk the respect of my family for someone I hardly know and for whatever reason, something about him sings to me. It may be the song of a siren, but damn, I rather have a moment of incredible with him than a lifetime of regret."

Kylie nods, "Then go for it."

I smirk at her, shaking my head. "I get this crazy feeling that if I do, something terrible is going to happen."

Kylie let out a loud, high laugh and rested her back against the trunk of the tree. Offering me a challenging look, she put her hands out as if they were a scale. "Let's see here; on one hand, we have the uptight parents that will stop at nothing to keep you their little girl and on the other, we have the angst-driven half-breed daughter swapping salvia with a bad boy. Those odds suck for human teens, but for kicks, lets add in the fact that yours are vampires… where don't you see something terrible happening?"

But even with that weighing on my mind, all I could feel is the way Alec's lips felt against mine and for some reason, that seemed like it was worth it. It was like he was a drug, a poison, and while I know he's no good for me, I can't stop wanting more.

And I want more.

I expected the next day to be something of a catastrophe, but my family made no deal out of my disappearance and assumed I'd been sleeping off whatever illness had taken hold of me the day before. I watched in a daze as they moved around that morning, oblivious to the completely different worlds we were living in. I almost didn't realize my phone had vibrated until all eyes fell on me.

"Who is that?" dad asked, his tone inching on suspicious.

I blink a few times, glancing down at the device in my hand without really looking at it. "It's Jacob." I say, though the sender number is not one from Washington. I slide my finger across the screen, opening the message. Two incredibly peculiar things happened in that moment, the first is my heart stopping dead in my chest. The second… my family didn't even notice.

Come outside. –Alec

How did he get my number? When did he get it? Why is he here? Didn't he listen to me yesterday? Is he stupid? I put on my best poker face and snuck out of the kitchen as quietly as possible. Kylie emerged from the stairs at that moment, catching my eye. I shook my head, motioning her to the kitchen. She blinked before rolling her eyes and continuing on her way. Swallowing hard, I pushed out the front door and almost threw up upon seeing Alec parked directly in front of the house.

"What are you doing here?" I whisper-yelled, eyes wide.

He smiles weakly, "I need to talk to you."

"You couldn't do it at school? If they see you here, oh god… Alec, this is incredibly stupid; you need to leave."

Alec laughs, his eyes wild. For the first time, I really look at him and come to find the perfect boy that stole my heart is a disheveled mess before me. His dark waves are a mess on his head, sticking up in several different directions as if he'd been pulling at it for hours on end. His clothes are rumpled, messy, out of place for such a put-together guy and those eyes; the color is struck a bloody crimson. I stare in to them, watching as the color flickers between the icy blue and the demented red. Shaking my head, I wonder if I'm losing my mind.

"I can't and honestly, I am stupid. When it comes to you, Renesmee, I lose my mind. I don't know up from down. You don't get how crazy I am about you," He says, stepping closer to me. "You can't tell me that you don't feel it, I know you." My breath hitches in my throat, my tongue swelling in my mouth. Alec cups my cheek, staring in to my eyes and that's when his world becomes mine. His fingertips brush my skin, eliciting a bright light that explodes before my eyes. I watch his life from day one till now, but it's not true. I don't know how I know that growing up in a big house with a little sister and a nanny isn't real. I don't know how I know that fixing up his car with his father is a false memory, but I do. Something is out of place, not quite right, and two shades off from being exact.

"But I don't know you." I whisper, tears forming in my eyes. Where did they come from? Squeezing my eyes closed, I bow my head against his chest. Alec sighs, resting his chin atop my head and smoothing my hair down my back, "You will… I promise you will know me. I just, I need you to understand-" he cuts off abruptly and the icy chill wraps around me with his body suddenly gone. I look up and he's vanished in what seems to be thin air. His car, him, and his confession; gone.

"Renesmee?"

Glancing behind me, I see my family emerging from the house and heading to the garage. Alice called me, looking around as if something's missing from this picture; she's not wrong.

"I'm coming." I say, looking away to wipe the wetness away from my eyes before getting in the car. Kylie watches me carefully, but I never feel her mind attach to mine. When she takes my hand, it's not to demand answers or tell me that I screwed up or even to find out what happened.

She takes my hand to offer comfort in a way that words could never express and that's all I needed.

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