Chapter Eight – Control

(Inspired by: Where Did the Angels Go - Papa Roach)

I don't know why I expected him to be at school, why I had every intention of continuing our conversation from this morning, or why I truly believed all my questions would be answered before they fully formed; no… no, that would be far too easy, too simple in the grand scheme that had become my life in the course of a few weeks. The day posed itself like a messy painting, each class a smear upon the easel that bled in to each other as the hours dragged on until it became one big blur.

I wasn't in it. "It" referring to a number of things, be it my head, the work, the people… reality was more of a distant galaxy I wasn't too fond of reaching today. My mind was far too engrossed in Alec's thoughts, tightly coiling as I tried to reach the base of those lies that haunted his memories. I don't how you can change something so complex as your subconscious, but someone had done it and they'd done a beautiful job. As I wandered deeper in to the trick they'd played on his mind, I found myself with a pounding headache and eventually decided that turning my mind off would be far easier to cope with. In fact, it was working quite well until I arrived home.

"Jacob." I gasp, his scent slapping me across the fact the moment I step out of the car. The tall, dark man emerges from the side of the house with a goofy grin on his face, shaking his head, "I can't surprise you anymore, Ness."

Forcing a smile on to my lips, I cross my arms over my chest before uncrossing them. I'm not really sure what to do with my body as a million things race through my head all at once for the first time all day, the number one question is if Alec's scent is still in the air. As Jake pulls me in for a hug, I assume he doesn't sense anything out of the norm and I relax a bit.

"You haven't called me back," he says in to my hair, "But I'm sure I can find it in my heart to forgive you." His arms swallow me whole, cutting off the cool air from my lungs and all I smell is wet dog. I scrunch my nose, wondering how long he plans on hugging me and thinking I might pass out from the putrid odor lingering off of him. It feels like an eternity before I'm finally in my own space again.

Scratching the side of my head, I tilt my head to the side, "I've been a bit preoccupied here… do you remember that girl you rescued?" At that moment, Kylie rounds the corner only to come to a halting stop when she sees Jacob. Her eyes narrow at him before she slips in to the house without a word. "How could I forget?" He mutters, clearly annoyed.

Before I can ask what the hell just happened, the rest of the family surrounds us and welcome Jacob as if he's been gone for years. I take my opportunity to bow out and disappear in to the house.

At some point during the evening, Kylie locked herself up in my room-or our room, I guess-so I was forced in to the den where I did my homework and for some reason, exhaustion washed over me in a wave I couldn't fight. I knocked out faster than I could really comprehend I was tired, all I know is that I woke up to someone throwing a tantrum.

"… gonna tell me?!" Jake booms, something loud hitting the ground with a crash. I jump up, flashing out of the room and to the source of the ruckus; the kitchen. I wonder where everyone is as I round the corner, only finding Jacob and my mother in the kitchen surrounded by shattered plates.

"What's going on?" I demand, eyes wide as I take in the destruction. Jake whips around, eyes narrowing on me. "You tell me, Renesmee," He bites out through gritted teeth. "Who the hell were you dreaming about?!"

His voice alone sends me back a step, my brain still foggy with sleep, but quickly waking up. I feel the vampire aching to hiss at him, get closer, and tear in to him for so much as raising his tone at me, but the human is far less interested in fighting. I shake my head, the conflicting thoughts pushing me toward the border of disoriented, "What are you… wait, how do you know what I was dreaming about?"

For a moment, his anger falters, replaced with embarrassment, but the fury takes full form again. "I came in to check on you and when I held your hand, I saw everything! Who've you been screwing around with? I'll kill him!" Jake roars, pupils flexing as he stalks toward me. I watch him in slow motion, as his body convulses and wonder if my mom is just going to stand there with that dumbstruck expression.

"Let's go outside, Jacob." I say calmly, moving toward the back door. He starts to argue before realizing I've already moved outside. He huffs, complying with little pleasure as we emerge in to the darkness. "WHO IS HE?!" he demands, stepping in to my space.

"What are we even talking about?" I question, tossing my palms up in surrender. He growls under his breath and hikes his hands through his shaggy hair. He recounts my dream, each word oozing with disdain as he tells me of the incident in the closet with Alec. The fact I was dreaming about it stops my heart, the fact that Jake saw it just by touching me practically knocks me down; anyone could've seen it! I quickly gather my best tall tale together and fire back at him with annoyance, pinning the fault on him. As wrong as it for me to turn this around on him, protecting Alec is more important than keeping the moody puppy at bay. "So… who the hell was it?" he hisses, whipping around to glare at me.

"No one! It was a dream, Jacob! Did you really see anything other than me kissing some guy? It's probably some actor; did you forget I'm a teenager? That I can fantasize about attractive guys I see on TV? Or wait, no, my world is supposed to revolve around the lap dog!" I snap, my tone exasperated. Jake is in my face the next moment. I stumble to the grass, cursing internally at my klutziness. Jake closes in and, gripping my wrists with an uncomfortable amount of pressure, plucks me up from the ground. I wince, but meet his eyes head on.

"It wasn't an actor," he breathes, moving closer to my face. "It wasn't even human."

I keep my face in check, but my racing heart gives me away. "You have no idea-"

Jacob cuts me off, his eyes taking on an malicious glint. "I'd know that bloodsucker anywhere. Do you even know who he is, Nessie? Or are you too wrapped up in your perfect little world to open your goddamn eyes?" I shove against him, but he doesn't budge. "What? Does the princess not like it when someone talks her down to size? Face it, Renesmee, you have it so damn easy; everything is laid out for you, everyone is waiting on you, and you throw it in their face by screwing around with the same leach that came here to kill you."

Whatever strength I had within my body decided to come through at full force, pumping through me with a side adrenaline. I slipped my hand free of Jake's concrete grip and slammed a right hook straight in to his nose. He stumbled back, steam billowing off of him in puffy clouds and only giving me a moment to run before he shifted. The second his russet, wolf form was exposed, something in me snapped. I wanted the fight, I wanted the thrill, I wanted to destroy him for talking about Alec the way he did. The wild craze in his eyes burned in to me and I almost went in for the first blow, but something in my mind identified the violent thoughts as foreign. I didn't have time to dwell on what was happening to me as Jacob sliced at me, his paw catching my left cheek and grazing the soft skin.

I didn't need anyone to tell me twice to run; I bolted in to the trees, scaling the first trunk I came across and leaping branches until the sound of thundering paws was too far below me to hear anymore. I paused, my heart racing in my chest as my breath came in shallow spurts. I brought my fingertips up to my cheek, hissing at the sting that clung to the delicate wound there. As I pulled my hand away, my stomach lurched at how much blood dripped down my palms.

"Crap," I sigh, sliding down the trunk of the tree. Just when I get comfortable, the whole tree begins to shake as if something is ramming in to it. I look down to see Jake pounding his shoulder in to the base of the tree and damn, is he doing a number. He looks up, eyes black with craze, and I realize I'm not dealing with Jacob anymore; this is pure animal rage. Thinking fast, I leap to the next tree, but my foot slips on the wet branch and I plummet to the forest floor. In that moment, I give in to my vampire instincts, knowing my human side would fail me. The balls of my feet take the impact with little difficulty and I sprint off in to the darkness of the forest. I hear Jake behind me, his paws thundering against the soil and his ferocious howl ripping in to my ear drums.

The world is a blur of dulled out colors until I reach a clearing I've never seen before. My heels dig in to the ground, my eyes finding the full moon instantly, and I decide this is where this show down is going to happen. I flip around just as Jake races from the brush. I expect to be terrified, but rather, a soothing calm washes over me accompanied by a hatred for his kind deep from within my core, it startles me back a step, but when the wolf leaps, everything else falls away.

Jacob becomes nothing more than a shifter and I become nothing more than a really pissed off hybrid. As he lunges for me, I kick my leg out at just the right moment to send his ricocheting in the other direction. He hits the soil with a sickening crunch, but he rolls back on all fours and comes at me again. I wait until he leaps again and I cartwheel to my left before pushing off the ground. I fly through the air, pounce on his back, and take his throat in a chokehold. Acting fast, he collapses, but not before I guess his next move and spring off of him. I land fifteen feet away, crouched and ready for his next attack as Jake's back crunches against the grass.

This time, he takes his leisurely time getting to his feet again and levels his eyes with mine. An animalistic growl that I've never heard passes his snout and before I can stop myself, a gnarly hiss passes my lips without my own doing. This time, I'm still in shock from the hiss and don't register he's moved until his paws knock me to the ground, claws piercing through the thin material of my top and in to my shoulders. He snarls in my face, teeth slashing through the air before me. I don't know what happens next, but as my fingers curl in to his throat and fear pulses through me, my hands start to burn. Next thing I know, Jacob is flying across the clearing and when he hits the ground, he doesn't get back up.

"You should be alright," Carlisle says after he's cleaned me up. "You should probably drink some blood if you want to heal faster, but other than that, you'll be as good as new in a few hours. The wounds weren't too deep, they'd started healing before you even got back."

I nod, keeping my mouth shut as he levels a questioning look in my direction. "Would you mind telling me how this whole thing started?"

Keeping my eyes narrowed on the blinding white tile, I shrug. When Carlisle reaches to take my hand, I flinch away from him and the hurt in his eyes shatters my heart. I squeeze my eyes shut, bowing my head and jumping off the examining table. Running for the door, my hand curls around the knob.

"Renesmee," he calls, stopping me dead in my tracks. "If you ever need someone to talk to, you know I'm here, sweetheart."

I don't look back as I throw open the door and saunter up to my room. Kylie is passed out, allowing me all the time necessary for showering and inspecting my battle scars. I strip, ignoring the mirror until I've washed the dirt and grime away. I find myself on the floor of the shower again, steam rising around me as I sit there. This emptiness in my chest longs to shed its tears, but nothing happens. I watch as water beads on the glass walls, as the steam fogs the light above my head, as the water swirls down the drain. If the water hadn't begun to run cold, I might've sat there all night. As I climb out of the shower, I move in front of the mirror and my eyes widen at the sight before me.

Four thick, jagged scars run from my cheekbone to my chin, the farthest to the top just scraping above my upper lip. The pink tissue, from what was bleeding just hours ago, is startling. I skim my fingertips along the tender skin, breathless. At that moment, I remember my shoulders and turn around. That's where the damage really shows; each shoulder has healed to scar tissue as well, but as I touch my fingers to it, the image of what it was before explodes before my eyes. Deep within my muscles, oozing blood, the sight is an inch away from being grotesque.

The toilet is there to capture whatever contents rest in my stomach as bile rises up my throat. I rest my head against the cool seat, feeling my stomach churn. How did I get myself in to this mess?

I don't sleep that night. Rather, sit up and stare at the alarm clock as the hours tick by. It's almost in a daze that I hear tapping at my window, I think I'm hearing things at first before the incessant pattering grows loud. I glance at Kylie before standing and moving to the terrace doors, my heart stopping at the sight of Alec standing there. My jaw goes slack, but I quickly gather my bearings and swiftly move outside. Shaking my head, I'm muttering under my breath as I push him farther out the terrace.

"What are-" my demand is lost on his lips as he pulls me in to his embrace. His hand grips my waist, the other cupping my unmarred cheek as he moves his mouth against mine. All tension depletes from my body and I can't help draping my arms around his neck. He lifts me up, my legs clenching around his hips as his kiss grows passionate. My breath is caught in my chest, heart racing, as he tugs at my lower lip. My body warms considerably, something tingly forming in my lower stomach before he sets me down. Alec rests his forehead against mine and sighs, "I'm so sorry."

"I need answers," I whisper, hating how damn weak I sound. "I need them now."

"The answers you need aren't the answers you want hear." He says, pushing my crazed curls behind my ear as he tilts my chin up toward him. His eyes, the gentle blue I'd grown so fond of, had been replaced with burgundy gems that gleamed with shame and sorrow. In that moment, Jake's words from earlier made sense along with a realization that turned my core to stone, but I still rejected the idea. I refused to believe who he was beyond the façade he'd built around me.

I wanted more than anything for him to be Alec Mason, my health partner with a slick attitude and chilled demeanor; the boy who I hardly knew, but somehow, understood as if he were the missing piece to the puzzle of my life. The boy with a little sister, a car he rebuilt himself, the one who looked at me as if I held the world in my hands and confessed his fear of never being remembered. I needed him to be the man that made me want to be my own person, the one that made me crave something outside of the mold my family had formed me in to. The one who seemed to know exactly what I was thinking, the one who wasn't afraid to show that he was as human as anyone else, but that was just it.

He isn't human… he never was.

"Who are you?"

Just as he opens his mouth to speak, looking as if it physically pains him to do so, his eyes narrow on my cheek. He steps closer, a demented fury swirling in his pupils. The look on his face is so contrasting to the gentle touch he bestows upon me as his thumb strokes the scars on my face.

"Who did this?"

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