Disclaimer: No. Just no.

Chapter 4

He drives and drives until he finds himself at the beach, one of his favorite places to go and think. He pulls up to a stop on the sand and gets out to sit on the hood of his car.

He always liked to just watch the ocean. Especially at sunrise. He loved to see the waves and the jumping fish and to imagine all of the life teaming just below the surface. But as it was midday right now, so he settled for sitting in the hot sun and people watching.

There weren't that many people on the beach that afternoon, so he quickly gave that up after watching a fat guy try to put suntan lotion on his big, hairy back for about 45 minutes. He grimaced and turned back toward the water. And now he was alone with his thoughts.

What the hell was wrong with him? Tori was a great girl and he was obviously so very much into her. So why did he stand there like a douchebag ignoring the hopeful look that was on her face and act like he couldn't care less about her aside from checking her out like a cheap piece of meat? She deserved so much better than that. So much better than him. Maybe Andre was right. Maybe he would just end up hurting her. He really didn't want to, but he had the problem of pushing people away. His dad for one, and he tried to push Jade away but Jade had the problem of inserting herself where she wasn't wanted, and maybe that's why they worked out so well (horribly).

He gave that girl two good years of his life, and what did he have to show for it? She insulted him all the time, constantly grated on his nerves, and she clearly didn't care for him that much. He guesses there was a time in his relationship where it was fine. Good, even. Before it all went to crap. But he honestly can't really even remember that. And that's kind of sad, he thinks.

He wants to remember when he didn't completely despise the girl. But it's hard.

He guesses he should give her more credit. Obviously there was something about her that he found intriguing enough to want to stay with her for so long. And immediately it comes to his mind.

She pushed him. Constantly. She called him on his crap. Always. She was blunt. Extremely. She told him the truth, even when he didn't want to hear it. She was very much twisted for no good reason. She had a decent life with parents that were around. Sure, her dad didn't agree with her lifestyle, but hey, neither did his dad. And he guesses they identified on that level to some degree. I mean, I live in a trailer, for god's sake. He sort of even got together with her as a sort of 'screw you' to the old man. Jade was exactly the type of girl that his parents didn't approve of. And at the time he was all about rebelling, so when he brought Jade home, it was the last straw with his dad.

He didn't love Jade anymore- that much was for sure. He doesn't know if he ever did, as cruel as that sounded. He rethinks that. He guesses he did love her for a while at the beginning. In any case, he feels it should have ended on a better note. He feels, and this thought almost makes him sick, he feels as if their time together wasn't completely over.

He had an intuition for this type of thing.

He doesn't want to get back together with her. He really doesn't. But he might have to. It's just the way that they are. Being alone sucks. And they are each others' placeholder. It's sort of unspoken agreement that they are just using each other. They are using each other for the other's company.

But then there's Tori. Beautiful, wonderful Tori. If there's anything in his life that he is sure of, it's that the sun sets and he wants Tori Vega. But he knows he can't have her. And that sucks some major ass. She deserves someone that is worthy of her. Someone that her parents would love and someone that is going places and someone that gets her and someone that is content to be a friend when she needs one. Someone like Andre. And that thought kills him. Andre deserves Tori so much more than he does.

He remembers a time when he and Andre were pretty close friends. They'd hang out and chill from time to time and it was just so easy with him. Andre was one of those people where friendship is effortless. But then Vega comes to school and she's like a magnet. Andre immediately was infatuated with her and gladly took up the spot as her best friend if that guaranteed time with her alone. And he and Andre grew apart. Yes, they al still hung out but he knows it's because of Tori. She's the glue that holds the group together.

Because, that first day that he met her, he looked in her eyes, and he seriously didn't care that she just ruined his favorite shirt with coffee. He remembers just being like wow. This chick is for real.

He literally wants her so bad that it hurts. But Beck knows you can't always get what you want. There are like a million stupid songs about that. Goddammit. Why couldn't he just choose the safe path at lunch? The one where he denies everything and pretty much ignores Tori's existence and stays with Jade.

Because he knows he couldn't do that. Ignore her, that is. Or stay with Jade. Because maybe he loves her back. Yes, he sighs, Beck loves Tori back.

But he's never going to have her. So he might as well get used to ignoring his feelings.

He curses himself. Since when did he turn into such a fucking girl? It kind of pisses him off. He lies back on his car and watches the horizon. He stays there for hours, trying not to think. He He stays there until sunset. He watches people pack up their beach stuff and go home. He watches fat guy bumble around for a while and lug his lawn chair to his truck. He watches the lone towel on the sand that someone forgot to pack up. He watches the big fiery ball of orange and pink and red and yellow fire in the sky dip below the blue sea. If he were more poetic, he'd be smoking a cigarette or something and comparing sunsets to life and change.

But as it turns out, he hates smoking and he's had enough of analyzing his own pathetic life.

The sun set. And he wants Tori. The two constants.

He gets back in his car and drives home slowly. He pays extra attention to the road just so he doesn't have time to think about anything else. He's pretty hungry, because he made a royal mess of his lunch today so he drives through some fast food joint he remembers going to as a kid with his family and eats his greasy burger in the parking lot of the rundown place. He's still slurping down the rest of his milkshake as he turns down his street. He doesn't notice a familiar car parked a few houses down from his. He turns into his driveway, seeing someone standing by his trailer. He can't quite make out who it was because of his headlights. He cuts the engine and gets out of his car, locking it up.

He turns the empty paper to-go cup in his hand around and around and furrows his brow as a familiar redhead came bouncing over. "Cat?" He asks, confusion evident in his tone. "What are you doing here?"

For once, the usually bubbly girl looked around nervously before she said as quiet as she could, "I'm here for Jade."

Well, fuck. He just can't win.

Haha. Beck's a beach creepster. Checkin' out hairy men. Lolz. I kid. This chapter was sort of lame and on the short side, but I needed little Beckett to think things over and set up for next chapter.

Next up: Beck and Cat have a very interesting talk. The next few chapters will be a little angst-ridden and dramatic and such, but hey, they're teenagers. Everything is the end of the world. On a side note, I have big plans in store for Lil' B over here. It will take some time for Beck to come to senses about Tor-Tor but I assure you lovelies, this is a Bori.

And finally,

THANKS A BUNCHES TO EVERYONE WHO REVIEWED LAST CHAPTER AND ALL THE STORY ALERTS/FAVORITES. I LOVE YOU ALL :) 3