Disclaimer: This ain't mine c: (see I can say ain't with good reason too, I'm southern.)

Chapter 13

Beck was silent for about three and a half minutes. He didn't know what to say to Cat. What were you supposed to say when your best friend just told you she liked chicks? Yay? Can you hook me up with one? Can I watch? Like…what?

He opened his mouth to say something, anything, but no words escaped. He was at a loss.

Cat remained silent too, letting him process what he had just heard.

He heard her words in his mind, but he just wouldn't comprehend them. I like girls. I'm not in love with you because I like girls. Girls. Cat liked girls. Cat was… gay.

"I…" He began speaking without even realizing it and it came out squeaky and embarrassing, reminiscent of his per-pubescent days.

Still she stayed silent, watching his face for a reaction.

He swallowed the lump in his throat. He wanted answers. "You like girls. So, you're…gay?" He whispers and clears his throat, still looking away at his feet.

"Yes. No. Yes and no." She says calmly.

"What?" He furrows his brow. Now is not the time for paradoxical answers. He needed all of it spelled out for him.

"I like girls, yeah. But I'm attracted to guys, too." She states as if it were nothing.

"So you're… bi?" He asks, speaking clearly this time.

She pauses. "I don't like labels."

"I still don't understand, Cat." Beck admits, getting a little frustrated.

"I like girls. I'm into girls. That is true. But I also can appreciate a good looking boy, such as yourself. I don't hate men. I'll even flirt if I want to. I'm a people person." She laughs a little at the end.

He considers this. It wasn't a compete shock. Well, initially yeah, but now that he thinks about it, there were some obvious clues he was missing before that were kind of making sense now.

"So, how does Jade factor into all of this?" He wonders in a firm tone of voice. He wants answers to this thing between Jade and Cat, and he wants them now.

She sighs. "Beck…" She sounds resigned.

"No, Cat. Don't make excuses. Tell me the situation between you two. Tell me what's going on, what went on, whatever. I think I deserve to know, seeing as you're my best friend and she's my ex-girlfriend." It came out a little harshly, but at this point he just doesn't care. He turns and gives her a sharp stare.

She swallows and a shadow crosses her face. "Fine. You want to know the situation? I'll tell you." She halts there and takes a calming breath that seemingly took a lot of effort. "Okay… it all kind of came into fruition last year, maybe the year before. I always kind of noticed that I was a little different than other girls. I had never had a boyfriend, and it didn't bother me like it probably should have. I would see pretty girls and get these weird feelings. It was strange, but not necessarily in a bad way. It took me a while to figure out that girls were… appealing to me. So, I thought I was a… lesbian. I thought I had it figured out. It was a little hard to swallow, but eventually I welcomed it. At this point, Jade and I had become pretty good friends. Remember when we all used to hang out so much? You and Andre were so close—" She smiles fondly a little. "But anyways, I considered myself playing for that team, you know. I felt especially… happy around Jade. She was different." Cat pauses again and closes her eyes briefly but continues on with her long, complicated story.

"She would actually put up with me. More than she put up with any one of you. I began to kind of… crave her approval. I wouldn't say I had a crush on her exactly then, but she was definitely more than a friend. She was Jade." The corners of her mouth turned up the smallest bit, barely noticeable. Beck had angled his body towards Cat while she spoke, fully engaged in her story. "I knew she didn't like me like that… and that was… acceptable, I guess. But then she started dating you." Her voice took on a new edge and she glanced at him. Her stare wasn't quite resentful, but there was definitely a less than pleasant quality to it. He did nothing. "I buried my… thoughts. Once I realized that you guys were getting pretty serious, I almost fooled myself into believing that it was just a phase; that they all went away. I even opened my eyes to other people. I actually began to see guys in a more than platonic light. I thought it was gone. I believed it was gone." I hoped it was gone. Her unspoken words hung in the air like a thick, humid fog.

"It was about three or four months before you guys broke up this last time. It was kind of cold out. She invited me over to help her with 'a project'. I didn't buy that, but I went anyways because it must have been pretty important that she had to make up an excuse. I looked forward to it, because I still lived for the alone time I got to spend with her, and I'll admit to that. I began to have the feelings again. The only thing I wasn't looking forward to was her complaints about you. She had begun to spend every conversation just sounding off about how she was upset with you. Every time we talked about anything, she would just steer the conversation to you guys' relationship and I listened, like a friend should.

"Anyways, we were sitting in her room on her bed. She was ranting, as usual. I was kind of tuning it out, but then she said something. She said, 'Sometimes, if it's not there, it's not there.' And then she got quieter so I looked at her. And then she goes, 'Cat, I don't know what I want.' And then she kissed me." Cat's voice grew low as she continued. "From then on it got messy. Right after she kissed me she like jumped up, apologized a bunch, and then she said I should leave. So I left. I didn't know what it meant, if she saw me that way, or what. We didn't talk about it for the longest time until one night you guys had a bad fight and she came to me. She was pretty upset. She didn't cry, though. Duh. But, she told me about how she was scared. And how she loved you but she had a soft spot for me and she wanted to know what it all meant. I told her about how I liked girls and stuff, and she got kind of weird." She took a breath. Beck was completely enraptured with the story at this point because it was all so weird.

"And then after that, she kissed me again. And a few days later, she did it again. We never really talked about it. From then on, periodically when she was with me alone, she'd kiss me. A lot. Then, I don't even know. She didn't really explain when she did it each time. She'd just go, 'I need to forget for a while' and then I'd just kind of, make her forget. I wasn't too sure what she was trying to forget, but she was my friend, and I wanted to help her. She needed me." Cat looked over at Beck who was still listening aptly. "It went on like that for a while."

Beck took a moment to digest everything, because damn she talked a lot.

A thought occurs to him. "What happened that one night? The night Jade and I broke up and then you came to talk to me." He asked.

She purses her lips and exhales slowly. "Well, that was the night I had finally had enough. I didn't just want to be someone she just blew off steam with. I wanted more than that. She was real upset with you, and about breaking up with you, so she called me over and you know what she did? She said she wanted to sleep with me. Like, can you believe that? I was just kind of like, pissed off. But then she was saying all this stuff about how she was supposed to love you but still wanted me and it was just all so complicated. So, I turned her down, told her I'd always be there for her if she ever wanted something serious in the future, and then… and then I told her she should get back with you. Because, it hurt like hell having to reject her. And I didn't want her to be unhappy. And I didn't want her to be alone. So, I was pretty adamant that she get back together with you. That's why I went to talk to you. I was really upset, I wasn't thinking clearly. That night was pretty terrible… but one good thing did come out of it." She finishes in a rush.

"What's that?" He asks, almost trance-like, as he was still processing.

"I got you out of it." She breathes, and looks at him with stormy eyes.

He reaches out a hand and squeezes her shoulder.

His mind is racing all the while. So… Jade used Cat to blow off some steam while she was still dating him? That just made him angry. Not just because she technically cheated on him (that was bullshit in itself), but because of how she just toyed with Cat's emotions like that. She was fragile enough, she didn't need her best friend slash the girl she loved to be messing with her head like that. It wasn't fair. He should know.

"She used you…" He says quietly, but meaningful.

Cat sniffed. "I guess."

"That's really not okay, Cat. I don't appreciate that, on your behalf, and you were the person my girlfriend cheated on me with."

Cat laughs weakly. "I'm sorry about that. I feel bad." She says and lets out a sigh. "It's nothing, Beck. Nothing at all."

He sighs himself. "Why'd you let her use you like that?"

"I just wanted her in whatever way I could. I'd have preferred a relationship towards the end, but I would have taken what I could get." She says sadly. "But, now it's all screwed to hell and I just don't know anything anymore."

"She's not a healthy person to love." He says.

"I know."

"I know, too."

They're quiet for a moment considering yet another thing that they had in common. They had both loved the same twisted girl, and gotten screwed over in the end because of it.

"Do you still have feelings for her?" He asked.

"Do you?" She countered.

"That's not fair."

"Exactly." She states, glancing at a young couple walking by holding hands.

He considers that.

"So, what's the deal with guys then?" Beck asks.

"What about them?"

"You said you still can be attracted to them."

"Right." She affirms.

"So…"

"So, what?"

He swallows. "I don't know."

"Okay…" She replies, but it sounds more like a question.

"Got your eye on any one in particular?"

She looks at him again and makes a strange face. "You're peculiar sometimes, Becky…"

He grins a white smile. "Aren't we all?" He lays back in the sand on his back and she stays sitting up, watching the waves crash against the shore, and watching the little kids collect seashells and giggle and make castles, and watching the drunken college kids have an enthusiastic tailgate party, and watching an older couple sitting under a large umbrella together talking happily, and just watching everything and everyone. Why is it that strangers look like they have everything figured out? She thinks to herself. Her eyes start to burn as her throat itches tightly.

Beck's relaxing to the sound of the waves for a bit until he hears her sniffling in quick succession. He knows that sound. Uh-oh. "Kitten, are you crying?" He asks softly, looking up at her small back. He scoots forward so he can see her profile.

Sniff. "No…" She says stubbornly, and wipes her face quickly.

He chuckles and raises his arm to put around her waist in a comforting gesture. "Hey, it's okay… why are you crying?"

Sniff. "I just… I was expecting you to judge me. To hate me. To yell at me, something terrible. I never thought you'd still want to be my friend," She admits and looks down at him and her face is so innocently sad that it makes his chest constrict. He motions her to lie down with him. She does. His arm is still around her.

She's facing up towards the perfect blue sky and he turns his face towards hers. "You don't need to be sad, Cat. I don't judge you or hate you. You're my best friend and nothing you could say or do would make me think any less of you." He says quietly. It's kind of hard for him to communicate this much like, emotional shit, but he knows she needs it.

"You say that now." She says, and closes her eyes as more tears run down her face.

"Hey, look at me." He urges, and wipes a tear with his thumb.

Slowly, she opens her eyes and looks up at him.

"I'm here for you, Cat." He says, and he really does mean it. "I'm here."

Her eyes swim again and she smiles as she buries her face in his chest. "Thank you," She whispers against his shirt.

He tenses a little at first because quite frankly, it feels a little odd to be this close to her. But, he knows she's showing her vulnerability by telling her story and by letting him in. She is a broken, fragile person, with too many falsely happy façades. He relaxes a bit.

After a little while, the tears begin to subside and he can feel the wet spot on his shirt.

She draws away a little to look up at him. Her eyes are still red and wet and her eye makeup is the smallest bit smudged, but Beck is suddenly struck by how tragically beautiful she looks right then. She opens her mouth to speak and he's suddenly really aware of how close they are, and how this particular position they are in must look to the other beachgoers. He clears his throat awkwardly and scoots away gently to draw them both up to a sitting position. He removes his arm.

He rubs the back of his neck and looks over at her to find her staring at his face. And not at his eyes, either.

"Cat?" He has to clear his suddenly dry throat again.

She jerks back to attention and then smiles sheepishly at him. "We have a colorful friendship, Beckett."

"That we do, Kitten. That we do."

A/N: Howdy. Sooo you know what's funny? I've been writing this on and off for like five and a half hours and I should be asleep right now, lolz. But I really wanted to get a chapter out. I hope it's not too disappointing.

We get Cat's confession! Finally. She's goes both ways, just to clarify.

Oh and another thing, this story took a direction that I wasn't aware of happening until I just edited. So, I have a whole nother plot point that may or may not be used.

Keep in mind, Bori is my Victorious OTP. Just sayin'.

More beck/tori interaction next. We've had two chapters of Bat with Jat undertones, so if you hate it and are in this for the Bori? Then hang tight. Should be next chappy.

love you all to death,

-pp.