Hey, guys, Wensleydale here. Sorry for the prolonged break, fortunately the exams are over and I can now concentrate on what's really important in life - writing fanfiction! Thanks for all your reviews, I hope you'll like what's coming next for Stan, Sparky, Jimbo and Randy... Whoa, this episode is kind of a sausage fest, isn't it? Aaaanyway, response portion!
RESPONSE PORTION:
Rhi Rhi: Oh, hell yeah. One Piece is making me more of an action writer every day… But seriously, I recommend One Piece. The best mainstream manga out there. Also, totally unrelated, but I love how you abbreviate my nickname: "WCD". I guess I'm Wensleycale Deddar now, you guys! …"Deddar" sounds like some sort of a hippie dwarf…
Coyote: You talk to your dog? Haven't tried going as far as Randy to understand him, have you? I know "Kidpanning" is a misspelling, but it sounds awesome, I'm totally making that a fantasy character's surname in a larp or something! Phew, thanks for that Mariokart trivia, now I can continue living the lie that my headcanon makes sense!
Demonlord5000: Huh… So now the question remains, how do you make money out of a gay dog?
The QAS: What? I heard of midterms before the winter break, but AFTER? It defeats the purpose of a winter break, as if anyone would want to study during it! Ridiculous. Oh, thanks, I was worried I kinda underplayed him back in "People Spouting Howdy Neighbour" so hearing he's fine here is a great relief to me.
Nicky: Weeell, kinda, but only if the episodes were 2,5 hours long… And took their sweet time establishing the plot in endless group scenes, consequently delivering an unsatisfying conclusion… In all seriousness, great to have you here and I'm glad you like it. Pity you came in right at the time when I announced a hiatus, but I hope you come back sometime!
ConnietheShaymin: You have Shaymin in your avatar. This, my friend, is awesome.
IHMSSM: Naw, he can't be eaten, we see him later, in quite a prominent role in Stick of Truth if you ask me! You know, Mexicans would probably be the best option, except there aren't quite as many of them here in Poland… I guess Belarusians might be the next-best? Come to think of it, you have a lot of Mexicans in Oireland?
Kansas: You won't be disappointed, as far as the girls are concerned. They will appear, I mean. I can't speak for the quality, I can still fuck this up!
John: Hah, give everyone a voice! It's funny, because Ned's got a voicebox… Oh, God, I could imagine that drawing… Wouldn't top your Lorde pic, though. Yah yah yah.
God, such a long A/N. And a short chapter at that. It's difficult to find scenes to end the chapter with, really. Sorry about that. Enjoy it!
[We cut to Kyle's house. He and Cartman are playing Mariokart in the living room]
CARTMAN: [thrusting his console] Aw, god-dammit! [pause] ...Sweet... [pause] God-dammit! [pause] ...Sweet...
[Kyle begins to glare. As Cartman goes on like this, Kyle grits his teeth in frustration]
CARTMAN: God-dammit! ...Sweet... Godda-
KYLE: [closes his eyes in a rage and throws his console on the floor] Cartman, what the hell are you doing?!
CARTMAN: [snickers] Now, Kahl, if I were you, I wouldn't be so high and mighty right now. My, my, twelfth place again? Are you feeling well, or are you suffering from kosher cold?
KYLE: You know perfectly well I'm losing because you keep distracting me with your idiocies!
[Stan enters through the front door]
STAN: Hey, dudes.
CARTMAN: Ah, Stan, could you tell this Jew here that he's a sore loser?
STAN: No, no, no, I haven't got time for this. Look, you guys, Sparky's run away and I don't know where. Could you guys help me find him?
CARTMAN: As if we cared about your stupid gay dog!
STAN: Dude, if it were your cat, I'd help you!
CARTMAN: Cats don't run away, hippie! You should know that!
KYLE: Stan, maybe Cartman's right. You can always get a new dog, what's the big deal?
STAN: Dude! I'd expect this kind of crap from Cartman, but you? If it were your brother who had run away, I'd help you, not tell you you can just get a new one!
KYLE: My brother is not a pet!
CARTMAN: Okay, let me get this clear. [Hops down from the couch and faces Stan] We! Don't! Care! About your stupid dog! Now if you're gonna be a stick-in-the-mud-about-it, then screw you, Stan, you're goin' home!
STAN: [frowns] Fine! That's friends for you! And don't you worry about the tortures Sparky might be going through at the moment!
KYLE: Aren't you exaggerating a bit? What's the worst that can happen?
[We see Sparky inside a closed crate. He squeales as his surrounding experience some turbulence, thrashing him about from one side to the other. When is settles down, Sparky decides to take a look through the single breathing hole]
BEARDED ASIAN GUY: Will that be all the shipments, Vladimir?
VLADIMIR STOLFSKI: [Russian mercenary from "The Snuke"] Yeah, dat's about eet.
[The ground starts shaking under Sparky again]
VLADIMIR: Don't touch dat one. Dat's boss' special deleevery.
[The man approaches the crate and holds it up. Sparky barks as the crate is loaded into a van. There are sounds of barking everywhere and we hear the van take off]
[Outside Jimbo's house. We see Ned loading his weapons onto the truck and Jimbo standing at the door with his arms folded]
NED: Mmm, you sure you don't want to come and just watch, mmm?
JIMBO: [angrily] Yeah, I'm sure! Just go away already! I am in no way in denial about my want to hunt and my license being taken away and don't want you to take me to the mountains to shoot something up illegally because we are clearly too righteous to do so!
NED: [hesitates for a second] Mmmmkay then.
[Ned enters the car, starts the engine and drives off, leaving Jimbo alone. Stan's uncle sighs and sits down on the footstep outside, resting his head on his palm. He sighs and then we see Wendy walk by. She approaches him cautiously]
WENDY: Mr. Kern? What happened?
JIMBO: Wh- [confused for a second] Oh, you're Stan's lil' girlfriend, aren't you?
WENDY: Ex. Why are you so sad? I mean, I heard what happened, but it can't be that bad. At least the animals in the forest are finally safe...
JIMBO: Yeah, that's the problem, gal. You know, after the war ended, huntin' was the... The only thing that would make me fully happy. I don't know if it's a good thing or a bad thing...
WENDY: Bad.
JIMBO: Oh. [looks down]
[Wendy looks guilty for a second, then seems to have an idea]
WENDY: ...Look, Mr. Kern, are you a religious man?
JIMBO: [looks up, confused] I like to think so, yeah. Why are you askin'?
WENDY: Don't you think that all of this might be happening for a reason?
JIMBO: Huh?
WENDY: Look, all your life you have been murdering God's innocent creations-
JIMBO: Well, I wouldn't go that far-
WENDY: God's innocent creations, Mr. Kern! That's the truth! Don't you think your license being taken away might be a punishment from God for that?
[There is a moment of silence]
JIMBO: Well… I still don't know about that. How d'you even suggest I atone for all the huntin' and killin' I've done?
WENDY: [after a pause] ...I know how.
[We cut to a montage of Jimbo performing various environmentalist tasks to Eric Cartman singing "Make it Right" as he did earlier in the same season. As the music starts playing, we see Wendy and Jimbo carrying over a handful of sheets of paper each over to Jimbo's house. Wendy is grinning all the time, as the song progresses Jimbo also gets into the mood of things]
CARTMAN:
I'm gonna make make it right,
I'm gonna take a little time and set things straight!
[We see Jimbo and Wendy drawing at printing out some posters at home]
CARTMAN:
Make make it right,
I'm paying for my sins and it sure feels great.
[We cut to the two pinning up the aforementioned posters in the Community Centre and in front of the City Hall]
CARTMAN:
Feels so good to be making up for all the things I've done wrong...
I know now what the good Lord in heaven wanted from me all along...
[We see Jimbo and Wendy handing out flyers. Sarah Valmer, walking by, takes one from Jimbo and reads it. It says "SAVE THE TREES! (Don't print out flyers!)". She raises her eyebrow and glances at Jimbo. He gives her a thumbs-up]
CARTMAN:
All along!
I'm gonna make make it right,
Cuz Jesus wants me to have a clean slate.
Not fakin' it, I'm makin' it right!
Paying for my sins and it sure feels great!
[The Marshes' backyard. Randy is still in his kennel. Jimbo gives him a handful of ecological dog snacks. Randy eats it happily. Wendy pats him on the head and gives Jimbo a high-five. The three grin while Shelly, observing everything from inside the house, pinches the bridge of her nose]
CARTMAN:
Make make it right!
Make make it right!
[Kenny sees two pick up random trash from the street while beaming. He raises an eyebrow and glares at Wendy, but walks away]
CARTMAN:
Gonna make it right girl, I gotta have your lovin' tonight!
[Jimbo and Wendy start skipping with their trash bags up the street into the sunset. At the end of the song they jump and there is a freeze frame]
CHORUS:
Make make it right!
Make make it right!
[The Marshes' kitchen. We see Randy and Marvin eating dinner. Marvin just stares at him having a bowl full of dog food]
MARVIN: Howard, isn't this gonna give you explosive diarrhea?
RANDY: Don't worry, dad, I know what I'm doing!
[Randy buries his head in the dog food. Marvin sighs. We cut to the living room, where we see the Stan come through the front door, irritated]
SHARON: [approaches her son with her hands behind her back] Hello, Stanley, what have you been up to?
STAN: Oh, nothing, just discovering my friends will always abandon me when I'm in need of help, what about you?
SHARON: [smiles slyly] Me? Well, I just bumped into a friend of mine and I think you might know him t- AAARGH!
[Sharon's eyes widen. She shrieks and proceeds to suck on her bitten finger. We see a small dog jumping about and barking behind Sharon. It runs up to Stan]
STAN: Sparky! I've missed you so much! Oh, you've lost your ribbon, I'll get you another one. [Tries to tie down a pink ribbon to his collar, but the dog bites him instead] AAAGH! ...Wait a minute! You're not Sparky! He loved his stereotypically gay pink ribbons! [Fake Sparky runs upstairs, Stan faces his mother] Why did you lie to me?
SHARON: [nervously] N-naw, come on, don't you recognise your own pet? He's obviously Sparky! Yes, that's it, the same Sparky. Not a completely different one, no. Out of the question. Just ridiculous. [There is a moment of silence, Stan glares at his mother with his arms folded. Sharon rolls her eyes] ...Oh, for crying out loud, Stanley, I just didn't want you moping around because of your dog! Why don't you give the new Sparky a chance, maybe you'll like him?
SHELLY: [from afar] AAAAARRRGH!
[There is a moment of silence in the living room]
STAN: Mom, there isn't gonna be a new Sparky! He isn't someone you can replace!
SHARON: It's just a dog, Stan! Grow up!
SHELLY: He'sh eating my ear! HE'SH EATING MY EAR!
STAN: [glancing upstairs] Shelly, please! We're trying to have a conversation here!
[Another pause. Suddenly, we hear a news report introduction music and see the Channel 4 News anchor appear on screen]
TOM PUSSILICKER: And if Hillary Clinton's ass gets any bigger, the government is prepared to raise the security level to lemon curry. In other news, large numbers of dogs have been reported missing in the state of Colorado. Similar piece of news was reported from Alaska, but there seem to be more dogs instead of less. This is just a small hunch, but scientists say these two cases might be connected. But how? [dramatic pause] If only we knew... IF ONLY WE KNEW!
[We cut back to the Marsh living room. Stan looks determined]
STAN: That's it! If I go to Alaska, I'll definitely find Sparky!
SHARON: ...Who turned on the TV?
STAN: [to himself] But I can't go alone... I'd better convince some guys to go with me... I know, I'll use the same method Kyle did in the Canadian War!
SHARON: Seriously, there was no real reason for it spontaneously turning itself on, other than it being a convenient plot device!
STAN: There's no time to lose! [runs upstairs]
SHELLY: AAAAGH! [continues to scream in pain as her mother keeps glaring at the TV set]
Jimbo becoming concerned with the environment was an idea I or someone else suggested in a SPU forum thread called Manatee Ball. The description of the thread was "Ideas too stupid to make into fics". So naturally, I turned it into a fic.
This chapter is quite short. Rest assured, when the action actually kicks in, I'll make up for it more than enough. Or do you actually prefer shorter chapters, like this one? If you do, please let me know in the comments!
God, I hope I did that Russian accent correctly. Vladimir appears in "The Snuke" and dies in the said episode, but that takes place after Season 9! Neat-o, huh? Continuity is the new God in all the fandoms this day and age.
Just a heads-up, this is the last we're probably gonna see of Kyle and Cartman in this fic. As much as I love their rivalry, I needed a break from them and focusing on Stan and his potential rescue team is the perfect way to do it! ...Well, perfect for me, I guess. I didn't mean to brag, I just wanted you to know that now Stan will be- you know, never mind, you know what I mean. I hope. I certainly don't want to impose any thoughts on you or anything- I should just shut up.
Thanks a lot for reading and as always – please leave reviews!
Cheers,
WDC
PS: For those of your who follow my Ask Craig comic on DeviantART, I'll try to do a shitload of pages of 50LoC for tomorrow.
PPS: Who's excited for the new Gravity Falls episode? I know I am!