Hey, guys, Wensleydale here. Again, a day late. Dammit. Next week, SPA's most likely going to be on Wednesday and after that, Monday and back to the usual schedule.
RESPONSE PORTION:
Coyote: Clyde/Bebe is actually on again, as she confirmed in the last chapter! They break up and come back together on a regular basis, which is something a healthy relationship totally needs, right? ...Right?
Rhi Rhi: I do like myself a Randy & Shelly moment not resulting in him killing her boyfriend. Actually, Randy killing Shelly's boyfriends every time they interact would be a hilarious running gag!
Demonlord5000: You're right, I am an idiot. And just the month Littlekuriboh started doing let's plays of it. And, well, only the girls showed up because it's a coincidence. Five kids from Stan's class appeared and they just happened to be girls, I guess.
John: Yeeeah, no matter what I do, the main plot always has to start in chapter 3, doesn't it? I'm going to hell for writing paedophilia jokes. And not being Mormon. The former was worth it, though.
IHMSSM: Someone here needs to have a good listen to Yakko's World, doesn't he? I wouldn't risk that, though. If you watch too much of the Warner Brothers, Romper Stomper and his buddies from the juvie are gonna fucking kill you!
Thank you all for your feedback and enjoy the next chapter!
[The Marshes' backyard. We see Randy trying to dig his way to Walter's garden with his legs. His neighbour looks over the wooden fence and raises an eyebrow]
WALTER: Randy, what on earth are you doing?
RANDY: Oh, Darling!
WALTER: Don't call me Darling!
RANDY: Would you mind throwing me my chew toy back?
WALTER: You mean this thing? [picks it up] Why didn't you just come over instead of bathing in dirt like the lowlife that you are?
RANDY: You don't understand, Darling! I gotta do it like a dog would!
WALTER: You're… trying to become a dog?
RANDY: Shut up, Darling, you wouldn't understand!
WALTER: On the contrary, I understand perfectly! Every man has his call to wilderness every once in a while and it's only natural to succumb to those leanings. The problem is, you're not doing it right!
RANDY: I'm not?
WALTER: Of course not! First of all, you talk too much instead of barking! If you want to understand a dog's mind, you have to completely behave like one! Starting from taking your clothes off!
RANDY: Oh. I guess they don't normally wear clothes.
WALTER: Here, I'll show you! You've got a lot to learn, Randy.
[As they both undress themselves, we cut to the next scene]
[The Marsh living room. We see Stan and his Sparky rescue team gathered round the table]
BEBE: So let me get this straight. You think your dog's been sent to Alaska?
STAN: Yeah. You heard the news, it can't be a coincidence.
LOLA: [enthusiastically] Okay then, let's go there!
HEIDI: Hold up, what do we do then? Alaska's huge!
LOLA: Okay then, let's stay!
STAN: Dude, it's the only clue we have so far.
LOLA: Then let's go!
MILLY: Maybe we should be lookin' fer more clues roun' here before goin' so far away.
LOLA: Let's stay, then! [Red, nudges her, a tankōbon volume of One Piece in her hand]
BEBE: Let's back up a little, okay?
[Lola stands up, takes a step back and falls off the couch]
BEBE: ...Right. When did you last see Sparky?
STAN: It was just last morning, when I went to the mall with the guys... I think mom said he ran after us. But what's that got to do with-
BEBE: Wait, so you don't know where you lost him?
STAN: Not the particular moment, no. I thought he stayed at home. Why do we need this information? We already know the basic area where he might be.
BEBE: You know, we might find out if he went on his own or if... [theatrically] someone took him!
RED: You think he was kidnapped?
BEBE: [scratches her chin, getting into the detective mood] We cannot rule out this possibility, my dear Rebecca!
STAN: [folds his arms] And exactly how do you suggest we find out about that without going to Alaska?
LOLA: Oooh! Oooh! I know! I know!
HEIDI: [rolls her eyes] Oh, what this time? You think we should collect twenty radishes and shove them into an oboe?
LOLA: Naw, that'd just be crazy! I was thinking we'd ask my uncle to see the street monitoring recordings and see where your dog went! If we're lucky, you might recognize someone and ask them!
RED:...That's actually a pretty good idea.
BEBE: So, what are we waiting for? Let's go to Barbrady!
STAN: Uh, wait, could you guys hold up? I'll ask my mom for some food while we're here.
[He starts heading to the kitchen, but Randy appears, crouching while naked as earlier, with only a collar around his neck. He drops a fish from his mouth on the floor]
RANDY: Hey, Stan, could you tell mom to fry this fish some more? It's getting cold.
[There is a moment of silence. Stan turns around]
STAN: You know, on second thoughts let's go now.
[The woods nearby the volcano. We see Jimbo chained to a pine tree and Wendy sitting on one of the branches. Opposite to them, we see a group of lumberjacks, led by Darryl Weathers and Mayor McDaniels who seems to have recently arrived]
JIMBO: Clear off, ya mindless barbarians!
DARRYL: Mayor, this fella is on the verge of takin' our jerbs!
THOMAS TUCKER: Takin' ur jerbs!
MAYOR: [using the megaphone, with a clearly irritated voice] Okay, Jimbo, please clear the area! Don't bother the workers!
JIMBO: Never! I will protect these trees until the very end!
WENDY: That's right! Don't you know that trees produce oxygen necessary for human life to exist, whereas...
[While she gives her lecture to the workers, the mayor gives the sign and start the engines. The lumberjacks shrug and drive their vehicles through the forest and rapidly cut down all the trees except the one occupied by Jimbo and Wendy]
WENDY: [opening her eyes again when the sounds of the engines die down] And that's exactly why the woods shouldn't be cut down.
[Wendy looks around her. There is a moment of silence]
WENDY: ...Oh, shit.
[The South Park police station. We see the Stan, Red and Bebe in front of a computer screen and Barbrady behind them]
BARBRADY: I don't know what you kids wanna find here, there's nothing to see here!
STAN: Yeah, whatever you say, Buttbaby. Anything interesting, Bebe?
BEBE: Well, actually, yeah. I saw Patty Nelson walking down with the same shoes as me. She has always tried to imitate my sense of fashion, but this just doesn't suit-
STAN: Anything related! Please!
RED: Try Stan's house, yesterday morning.
BEBE: Okay, that also works... Avenue des los Mexicanos, westernmost side... Hey, here it is! Nine o'clock, right? Look at this!
[We cut to the slightly distorted screen. We see the boys entering and leaving the Marsh residence and after that, Sparky running out and being thrown into a sack by the kidnapper. We get a good enough glimpse of him to notice that he's a young, somewhat good-looking asian male wearing a Russian furry hat]
RED: There! Rewind and pause!
STAN: He actually WAS kidnapped?
RED: By a Japanese guy?
STAN: [raises an eyebrow] How do you know he's Japanese?
RED: Oh, trust me, I can tell. And he's pretty cute, too. Just look at these dimples...
STAN: [while Red takes a picture of the screen and walks out of the room] Never mind about that! Let's see where he went! He must've gone either to the forest or to Bonanza Street, check the other cameras!
BEBE: [puts a hand over his shoulder] Wait. We don't need to.
STAN: What do you mean? The entire purpose of this is to find out who took Sparky, we have to catch him!
BEBE: That's what I'm saying. Look.
[Bebe points at Red, who has already managed to walk outside the building. She seems to be on the phone with somebody]
STAN: ...What's she doing?
BEBE: You know, they say there are legends about a nine-year-old girl who attends all anime conventions... Apart from this and excelling in every bit of knowledge about yaoi and slash doujinshi... she gained fame by being a perfect stalker.
STAN: Huh?
BEBE: Out of thousands of fangirls accross the globe, she is the one who successfully managed to stalk all asian men in the world. They say nothing can stop her, whether it's distance, natural conditions or force. Using all her means, the incredible army of her otaku allies and sheer determination, she will hunt down pretty asians... And then gush over them for no adequately explained reason. And that girl... is Red Tucker.
[There is a moment of silence while Stan and Bebe stare at Red steal some kid's bicycle and then ride it quickly across the street]
STAN: That's... kinda sick.
BEBE: I know, right?
[We cut to Randy, Walter, Stuart McCormick and Gerald Broflovski barking and running around the town on their hands and knees, naked (albeit with collars around their necks). They come across Stephen Stotch, who is seen walking home with a newspaper in his hand]
STEPHEN: Randy? Gerald? Fellas? What are you up to?
GERALD: You have to try this, Chris! Randy showed us an amazing way to let out your stress! All you have to do is listen to your true call of nature!
STEPHEN: Wait… You mean you all like to be naked in other men's company? And you completely embrace it?
STUART: Yeah, why wouldn't we? It's only natural!
RANDY: So, what d'ya say, Chris? Wanna join us?
STEPHEN: Huh… Well… If everybody's doing it… I think I could get into it!
WALTER: He's one of us!
[Stephen undresses himself and the entire "pack" howls in unison]
[We cut to Seattle, Washington. It is obviously raining (because why not?). We see a sign with "Seattle – We like to pretend we're still a small town!" written on it. Stan, Bebe, Lola, Milly and Heidi get off the bus. The station they're in is right next to a port]
STAN: You sure Red called you from here? How is it even possible she got here on a fucking bicycle?
BEBE: Oh, she'd manage. You'd better believe it.
RED: [from afar] Hey, guys!
STAN: Oh, that was convenient...
LOLA: Oooh! Hey! Did you find the turkey?
RED: Uh... No, aren't we looking for a dog?
LOLA: Whatcha mean, "shrew?" Don't be silly!
RED: [confused for a second] Wha- Anyway, I managed to hunt the guy until here, but the smell ends right at this footprint.
STAN: All right, that's something- Wait, you smelled him out?
HEIDI: Well, good work for once, Red. Thank the Lord we have such a fetishist in our team!
RED: [gives her a thumbs-up] Always glad to help!
MILLY: There's just one problem, fellas, this here footprint don't tell us anythin' if it's solitary. We still don't know where to go.
HEIDI: Milly's right! I'll give it to you, although you're simple and uneducated, your redneck wisdom sometimes shines through.
MILLY: [frowns] ...Hahdee, Ah have better grades than you.
STAN: Right... Maybe let's all take pics of that, then look around for similar ones, everyone.
BEBE: You don't have to. I know exactly what this is.
RED: Huh?
BEBE: [kneeling beside the footprint] Regular, but sharp shape of the soles, also stiff shanks. The insoles were probably uneven, which is why the front part of the footprint is more clear. These are Dewford Hiking Boots, most likely the steel-toed variety. Shoes produced in a company called ShuzyQ, located in Suite C of 737 West Avenue in Anchorage, Alaska!
[Lola starts clapping, but when she sees no-one else is, she stops]
STAN: Wow... So now we know that we have to go to Alaska... Which is completely different from what we've known before. Impressive.
BEBE: [not quite getting Stan's sarcasm] Yeah! You should know that nobody likes shoes more than me!
LOLA: That's true, y'know? I like Bebe more than shoes!
STAN: Wh-
BEBE: No, no, I didn't mean it that way! I meant I'm the biggest shoe lover!
[There is a moment of silence]
RED: [half-whispers, to Heidi] And you call me a fetishist...
BEBE: NOT THAT WAY!
Does Red this chapter seem a little too over-the-top to you? Well, her gimmick is actually based on a real-life girl I met at a convention and a bloke I knew went out with for a while. Apparently, during one of their dates, she noticed a couple of Asian tourists and proceeded to stalk them during the whole evening and force my friend to accompany her. Hey, if that's not makings of a South Park character, I don't know what is!
Ah, haven't had Darling in a major role since "People Spouting Howdy Neighbour". If you're new to SPA and wondering who the bloody OC is, go read that story. All I can tell you is he's Fiona's very, very English dad.
Lola's hammy inecisive bit is actually a reference to One Piece. At a certain point early on the main character was wondering whether a certain antagonist was bad or not and kept thinking one way or the other… Out loud. Also, Red's reading One Piece. She may be a slasher, but at least she's got good taste! *cough* Go read One Piece *cough*
As for Gravity Falls, although I was hyped up as hell, they delivered beautifully. I love this show now. John, thanks a ton for introducing me to it! ...Although considering the trend of you hating stuff I'm just starting to like, you probably detest the show at this point.
Thanks for reading and please leave reviews if your fingers are in the state to type at all. I don't want you to hurt yourself trying to give me feedback. I CARE ABOUT YOU!
...Yeah, that's gonna do it, bye!
Cheers,
WDC