Hey, guys, Wensleydale here. You're probably wondering how Life Without Chef is going… It's coming. Slowly, but surely coming. You'll understand later, but it's a difficult fic to wrap my head around, and that's not just the drama angle (although there's no doubt that's not my specialty). I'll have to see if there's really enough material for seven chapters without drawing it out too long. If it turns out to be that much of a stretch, I may have to take a little break (hopefully a shorter one) to figure out a few things. Maybe I will make a longer Season 10 fic, who knows? Anyway, thanks for all your support and please, enjoy the chapter!
RESPONSE PORTION:
Coyote: Well… I still don't see how it prevents you in any way for waiting for Monday or just any other day of the week to read and comments, since the chapters aren't going anywhere, but I guess we all have our schedules. Okay, guys, I promise I won't ever be early with a chapter and won't ever make up for the days I was absent! You can count on me when it comes to disappointing you! ...Wait.
ConnietheCoyote (it just came to my mind, couldn't resist it): Yyyeah, basically what usually happens when Randy's trousers come down.
Demonlord5000: Then joke's on Wendy, she won't get her ten bucks if she wins!
IHMSSM: Jason indeed got himself a friend, it seems. Well, at least until he doesn't start sharing his secrets with Powder. I've been struggling with what to do with Milly for a while, since I wanted to maintain her accent and at the same time include some of my forum friends' headcanons about her (like the drama geek thing). So OF COURSE everyone thinks she's a redneck and she desperately tries to prove them wrong. Note to self: smoking also has to come later into play...
[Inside Jimbo's house. Jimbo is seen sneaking around. He shuts all the windows, then opens a cupboard where he finds a rifle bullet. After checking if there's really no-one there beside him, he opens the bullet and slowly sniffs the gunpowder out, savouring every second of it]
KENNY'S VOICE: [from outside the house] (Uncle Jimbo! Are you there?)
[Jimbo throws the bullet away in panic, closes the cupboard and opens the front door]
JIMBO: [trying to retain a straight face] Hi-Kenny-I-was-just-standing-there-conveniently-cause-I-didn't-expect-you-here-what's-up?
KENNY: [a bit confused] (Uh... I've got good news! Your license is back!)
JIMBO: What?
KENNY: (There is a letter, it fell out of your mailbox. Why's it so full, anyway?) [hands him the letter]
JIMBO: [opening the letter, absent-minded] Oh... I-I decided not to open it to protest cutting trees down.
KENNY: (Oh.)
JIMBO: So that means... I can go back to huntin' now?
KENNY: (Yeah! Isn't that awesome?)
WENDY'S VOICE: What?!
[We see Wendy appearing behind Kenny and entering through the front door]
WENDY: I can't believe what I'm hearing! How dare you scheme behind my back and tempt Mr. Kern?! [theatrically] Have you no soul?! [points her index finger at him]
KENNY: (Hey, don't go around suggesting I'm ginger!)
[There is a moment of silence]
KENNY: (...Okay, it wasn't that funny.)
WENDY: Mr. Kern, can't you remember? We had big plans, we were supposed to free enslaved animals, this was our great goal! Will you let all this go to waste? You're not a person who can easily be swayed by others' opinions!
KENNY: (Uncle Jimbo... Please... Just stay yourself.)
[We see Jimbo glancing at Kenny and Wendy repeatedly. He finally sighs]
JIMBO: I'm sorry, Kenny, but she's right. I'm a whole new person now. I can't turn back.
KENNY: (Goddammit!)
[We cut to an underground, barely lit office where we see Stan and Bebe splashed with buckets of water. Tied up to two chairs and up till now unconcious, they wake up, Stan being confused while Bebe gives out an exclamation of shock]
BEBE: Ah! My hair!
STAN: Where... Where are we?
BEBE: The question is... when are- Oh, wait, it's not.
[The two hear an evil chuckle]
VOICE: Well, well, well... It seems tresspassing has become your actual hobby, Stan Marsh... But of course you were going to follow your dog... Exactly as I had predicted.
STAN: You... know my name?
BEBE: You ruined my hair, bastard! Show yourself! [tries to stand up while still tied down]
VOICE: Hold her down, boys!
[Bill and Fosse rush in and grab Bebe and Stan]
STAN: Ow! I'm not moving!
[Meanwhile, the revolving chair slowly turns by 180 degrees, revealing the voice to be Terrance Mephesto behind a desk]
TERRANCE: [with a smug smirk on his face] After all, we can't allow you to cause any fuss.
STAN: Y-you!
TERRANCE: Yes!
BEBE: You!
TERRANCE: Yes!
STAN: You...
TERRANCE: Yes!
[There is a moment of silence]
STAN: You... Who are you?
TERRANCE: ...What do you mean, who am I? I'm Terrance!
STAN: Who?
BEBE: Wait, you live in South Park or something?
TERRANCE: Yes! I'm Doctor Mephesto's son!
STAN: That creepy monkey guy?
TERRANCE: No! That's my brother, Kevin!
BILL: [pointing at his scientist friend] He's the other creepy monkey guy.
FOSSE: [chuckles] Uhuhuhuhuh...
TERRANCE: Be quiet, Bill! Now, Stan Marsh, you probably already know that your canine friend is going to play a part in my great experiment and I assure you, I will not let you ruin it! You have no idea how much trouble I had to go through to finally bestow my revenge upon you!
BEBE: Of course! You were so amazed by my hair that you became jellous and decided to ruin it out of spite! I should have known, you look like the kind of guy who doesn't know where to buy a proper shampoo!
[There is a moment of silence. Terrance raises his eyebrow]
TERRANCE: ...Whaaa?
STAN: Pay no attention to her, she's in her own little world... Look, kid, I don't wanna ruin your grand plan or anything, I don't care about that stuff. I just want my dog back.
TERRANCE: Oh, but if it only were that simple... You see, it's not a coincidence my people focused on animals from Colorado. For genetic modification, there would be no better candidate than the pet of my archenemy!
STAN: Archenemy? Kid, I don't even know you!
TERRANCE: I'm Terrance! I used to go to your class! I made you a fucking clone!
[There is a moment of silence]
STAN: ...No, still doesn't ring a bell, sorry...
TERRANCE: Urgh! ...Well, it doesn't matter now. [Approaches the two from the desk, all while holding a shoe in his hand] Soon, your dog will become part of my beast army and my revenge on you shall be complete!
STAN: You don't need Sparky for this, asshole! If it weren't for these tight pants, I'd beat you up right now!
BEBE: Hey, that's my shoe! Give it back!
TERRANCE: [spins the shoe around on his finger] Oh, and I almost forgot about you, Bebe Stevens... Perhaps you remember how a year ago you rejected my romantic advances?
BEBE: Wait... Were you... Heidi's brother?
TERRANCE: No! That's Tommy Turner! I'm Terrance Mephesto!
BEBE: How should I remember? I turned down a lot of guys...
TERRANCE: Never mind! If you don't recall now, I'll make you remember!
STAN: Dude, this is pretty fucked up right here.
TERRANCE: Stop that! I hate that phrase! Just as I hate everything else about you, Stan Marsh! Soon, everyone, but especially you, shall know of my might... Starting from NOW! [Throws Bebe's shoe on the floor and stomps it with disgust]
BEBE: You... bastard...
STAN: Bebe, it's okay, we'll get out somehow-
BEBE: [yells] HOW DARE YOU?! DON'T YOU FUCKIN' DARE STEP ON MY FUCKIN' SHOES!
[Bebe suddenly forces her way out of the ropes by sheer willpower and launches herself at Terrance]
STAN: [raises an eyebrow] Oh… kay… Not exactly the kind of reaction I was expecting…
BEBE: [in a rage] AAAAAAAH!
TERRANCE: [in fear] AAAAAAAH!
BILL & FOSSE: [in surprise] That's gay!
BEBE: I'LL GET YOU FOR THIS! I'LL KILL YOU TO DEATH!
TERRANCE: Now wait a minute! H-hold her down, boys!
[Terrance runs out of the office, Bebe after him, screaming, and Bill with Fosse after her. Stan is left alone in silence]
STAN: I'm... I'm just gonna wait over here, shall I?
[We cut to the lab, where we see Dr Vosknocker ordering his henchmen to inject the dogs he received with some substance]
VOSKNOCKER: That fool Mephesto wasted a great opportunities! All this work put into his genetic experiments and all he did was create animals with multiple arses! Well, sometimes you need the right person to make proper use of what you have! With these research papers I shall create an army of monsters and unleash them upon-
ASSISTANT: We know, sir. You keep talking to yourself like that every day.
VOSKNOCKER: Oh. Have I ever told you about the time I invented the V-chip…
ASSISTANT: Yes, sir.
VOSKNOCKER: It's a pity animals can't swear, we'd be able to use it in our plans…
ASSISTANT: Yes, sir. That too. And then you always proceed to tell us it's all for science and humanity should be proud to have you as its lead researcher and a man of progress. You keep repeating this formula over and over again.
VOSKNOCKER: Oh. You seem to have quite a memory, Agnes. Did you undergo some genetic enhancing yourself?
AGNES: No, sir. Just doing my job as the designated straight woman to your mad scientist. It's all I'm here for.
VOSKNOCKER: Oh, cheer up, at least you're not the fanservice character. I used to be one back in my day.
AGNES: This style of animation doesn't allow it anyway. Weren't we…
VOSKNOCKER: Right! Continue with the injections! Oh, and bring the new ones in, too!
[We see a several crates opened, a few of the South Park dads inside for some reason, Stan's father among them. Sparky, already in the pit, seems to be raising an eyebrow somehow.]
RANDY: Woof!
AGNES: Are those really…?
VOSKNOCKER: Yes, quite large specimens, aren't they? Put the first ten into the pit after you're done with the injections, we need to select the strongest!
[We cut to Milly hiding behind some other crates and observing this whole situation with confusion]
MILLY: Let me tell you somethin', Red, Ah don't like this here one bit… Where in tarnation do we find… Uh, Red?
[She looks around, but sees no-one in her vicinity. Then we see Rebecca actually left her hiding place in order to flirt with the asian man from before, who seems to be holding a poodle in his hand]
RED: Hey… So, what do you think about the other guys you work with?
[The henchman looks confused. We cut back to Milly, who slaps her forehead]
[Back in the entrance of the warehouse, Vladimir and his grunts seem to be barricading the door for some reason. Terrance runs out of the underground hallway and approaches them]
TERRANCE: Ah! Idiot henchmen! Protect me with your lives!
VLADIMIR: Zere's a problem, Mr Mephesto!
TERRANCE: Oh, do tell, what could possibly be worse from a nine-year-old girl trying to beat me up because I stepped on her shoe?! Tell me!
[But the Russian mercenary instead decides to show him the impending danger through the barred window. Through it we see Wendy, Kenny and Jimbo in front of a crowd of cardboard cutouts of protesters. Jimbo's still in his flowery robe and Kenny's frowning]
TERRANCE: [raises an eyebrow] What the fuck…?
[We cut outside, where we take a closer look at the "crowd"]
WENDY: [through a megaphone] The time for animal oppression is now over! We will storm your wretched base and bring it down to the ground!
JIMBO: Hear, hear!
[Jimbo operates a recording machine, we now hear the "crowd" chanting various slogans, not necessarily related to the situation in question. Heidi approaches them from the side]
HEIDI: Oh. Perfect. Wendy's here.
WENDY: [through the megaphone, in her face] HEIDI? [Heidi flinches, Wendy turns the megaphone off] Oh, sorry. Heidi? What are you doing in Alaska?
HEIDI: [rolls her eyes] Your former boyfriend took us on a stupid mission to save his dog.
WENDY: Token had a dog?
KENNY: [surprised] (Stan's here?)
HEIDI: Yeah, why are you here? How did you learn of the dog thing?
WENDY: [raises an eyebrow] I… just watched the news. An information leaked that genetic experiments might be conducted in this building and we put two and two together.
[There is a moment of silence. Heidi looks away]
HEIDI: Oh. We should probably have thought this through.
KENNY: (Well, where is Stan?)
HEIDI: Inside. I was there, too, but I couldn't stand the smell, so I left.
JIMBO: You were inside? How did you get there?
HEIDI: We used the back door. It was kinda weird they left it open, really.
[There is a moment of silence. Wendy glances at the door]
WENDY: Oh. We should probably have thought this through.
Yes, the mastermind behind all this is none other than Terrance! Hah! Didn't expect that, did you? ...Oh, you did? You're saying that usually in fanfics, it it's not Cartman and someone remembers the Mephesto kid, it's him? And that I needlessly introduced two mad scientists in the Five-Bad Band? Well, screw you, anonymous and probably imaginary reader!
Also, Heidi, Powder and Tommy are confirmed to be siblings. They don't look like triplets, so that's even more confusing. Well, I guess they might be fraternal triplets. What are the odds of that? I DON'T CARE WHAT IT IS! ...But seriously, I'll touch up more on the Turners in a later fic. Also, Heidi has a keen sense of smell. All the trivia to absorb, eh?
Thanks a ton for reading, and while you're at it, leave a review, why don't you? Thank you for sticking with me!
Cheers,
WDC