Chapter 21- No Place That Far

A few weeks passed, then months, and before I realized it, a year was gone.

And I hadn't heard from Josef a single time.

I tried calling him for the first four or five months, but he would never answer. I even went over there to see him, but he was never there. My dad said that Josef was doing most of his work from the house, and he was rarely in the office anymore. I went by the house one time, but I didn't know the code for the gate, and every time I buzzed in, no one would answer.

The only times I saw him was in my dreams, and those were rare. I told my mom about them, she said Josef probably was just wanting to see if I was okay. Our connection had been minimized by him, so I couldn't feel him anymore. Except for in my occasional dreams. Oh, how I lived for those dreams.

My life had changed a lot since I left Josef that day. I'm moving to New York next week, I earned the role of Maureen in Rent on Broadway. I had the most amazing apartment that I shared with a girl from the show cast. Her and I had become friends over the summer during training for the show. Everything I ever dreamed of was coming true. So why wasn't I happy?

I sighed as I looked around my near empty room at my moms house, I had packed at me and Julie's apartment weeks ago, and I had just finished packing this room. It was hard to believe a year had gone by, it was as if those twelve months were mere minutes. Through those months I was plagued by one thought.

I was an idiot, and that caused me to loose the best thing that ever happened to me. I should have left him a note atleast. I should have called him as soon as I felt that sadness, but I didn't because I was stupid.

I was scared of him, I know that now. I have always tried to keep a wall up, so no one can really get to me, and so far, he was the only one who was able to break down that wall. And that scared me shitless, he affected me in more ways then I ever wanted to admit. So I ran. I was scared that if I would have woken him up I would have stayed with him.

And now? Well, I'm abso-fucking-lutely miserable. I hate myself for what I've done, I hate myself for letting him go.

I've fucked myself over, and there is no way to change it.

Josef had gotten over it, a few months ago I spoke to my dad and he said that Josef had started working in his office again, said that he wasn't so awful to be around anymore. That made me feel better... Yea, right...it's not that I wanted him to be miserable like me, but knowing that he's gotten over me completely makes me feel like shit. Why can't I get over him too? Why can't I move on?

I guess I'll never know.

I don't want to go through eternity being miserable, that would suck ass.

I sighed and fell back onto my bed, I heard my mom step into the room.

"Wow, this place looks empty."

I turned my head and gave her a small smile.

"Yea, creepy isn't it?"

She nodded, she walked over to my bed and sat down.

She patted my leg, so I sat up so I could look at her. "Whats wrong mom?"

"I just wish you were happy that's all..."

I gave her another weak smile. "I am momma."

She shook her head. "Cut the bullshit Toni, it's me you're talking to now."

I bit my lip and just stared at her.

"You are so depressed and miserable, that you haven't even been excited over the fact that you're going to be staring on Broadway in less than a month. You're so miserable you haven't noticed that next week, you'll be in New York, in your new apartment with your new friend, living this amazing life...you haven't been excited at all. There's something wrong with that."

"I just miss him mom, to this day, I miss him, and it's taking me forever to get over it."

She nodded. "Well, forever is a long time to be miserable like you are."

I nodded, she leaned in and kissed my forehead.

"I have to head to the office, I'll see you later okay?"

I smiled, she got up and walked out of my room. I heard the front door slam.

-Toni's Mom's Car-
(Toni's Mom's POV)

I dialed the number on my cellphone and waited impatiently for someone to answer.

"Josef Konstantin's Office."

The perky voice on the other line just pissed me off even more.

"I need to speak to Josef please."

"I'm sorry, may I ask who's speaking?"

"This is Cherie, he knows me."

"Please hold."

She put me on hold and I was relieved that there wasn't any of that annoying music.

"Ma'am?"

"Yes?"

"Can you tell me why you're calling please?"

I took a deep breath. "Tell him that if he doesn't pick up this goddamn phone right now I will fly over there and personally nail his ass to a wall."

The girl was silent for a moment, when she spoke she was real quiet.

"Hold on please."

I waited for nearly a minute before he picked up the phone.

"Well, Cherie, it's been a while, how are you? Still as hostile as ever I see..."

"Listen Josef, I know for a fact that Toni's miserable, and I'm pretty sure you're miserable too, so how about we cut the formal crap."

I heard him take a few deep breaths before responding.

"What's your point."

"My point is, Toni's moving to New York, she's wanting to restart things, she's trying to get over you. And if you're as miserable as I think you are without her, you might want to do something before she moves on."

"Maybe it would be good for her to move on."

"That's bullshit Josef and you know it. Are you happier without her? Because if you are, we can hang up now and I can go back to trying to help her move on."

When he answered his voice was stressed. "It's been a year, and I haven't called her. I avoided her calls, refused to let her in the house...she would be stupid to forgive me."

"Yea, well love makes you stupid."

He sighed. "You wanna hear something funny?"

"Whats that?"

"When Brian found out she was staying with me, he told me I better not hurt her. You know what I told him?"

I smiled. "What?"

"That if I ever hurt her I would kill myself...I just think it's ironic that she hurt me first..."

I sighed, I didn't want to think about that kind of irony...

"Goodbye Josef..."

"Bye Cherie."

We hung up. Hopefully he would be smart enough to call her, or something. I am getting sick of seeing Toni crying.

-3 Day's Later-
(Toni's POV)

I was at the pool hall at LSU, even though I had graduated Julie and Mark were still here, so I would come by and shoot some pool.

We were playing for money as usual, and I was winning...as usual.

"Oh, I think that makes...what...250 won today?"

I said as I took the 100 dollars out of Marks hand. He glared at me.

"I think we should start playing for fun, instead of money." He said as he sat down in one of the big chairs in the corner.

I frowned. "Where's the fun in that? Besides, you two are funding my first months groceries in New York."

Julie laughed, Mark flipped me off.

We played for nearly another 2 hours before they both had to leave for their next classes. I decided to stay behind and play alone. The pool hall was empty, except for the woman who handed out supplies, and she was so busy on the phone that and bomb could go off and she would never notice.

I loved it like this.

This place had been my sanctuary since I started here, I always came here when it was empty to play, or even study. It was my favorite place on campus.

I heard the door open, but I didn't look up, I heard someone walk up behind me, but I paid no mind to them. I just lined up my shot. I was about to hit when the person spoke.

"Mind if I play you?"

My pool stick missed the cue ball by nearly 5 inches. It couldn't be him.

I turned and looked up, it was him.

" Hello mon petit."

"Hi..."

He gave me a small smile. "Hi? That's all I get?

I took a deep breath. "Are you really here?"

He laughed. "Yea, I'm pretty sure that I am."

I nodded, I didn't even know where to begin.

"How...how did you know I was here?"

" I went by your house, your mom told me you were here."

I nodded. "Why?"

"Why what?"

"Are you here? I mean, I called you every day for 4 months, and you never answered."

He gave me a small smile. "How about we play a game?" He asked nodding towards the pool table.

"How about you answer my question."

He ignored me and started racking up the balls.

I sighed."Okay, but every ball I make in you have to answer a question, and you have to answer it honestly."

I was doing my best not to grabbed him and kiss him till he passed out from lack of oxygen.

He smirked at me."Deal, but same to you, I make a ball, you answer."

I nodded.

He broke and two balls went in, that's when I realized I was fucked.

"Well mon petit, that's two questions right there."

"Okay, ask me."

He gave me a serious look. "Why'd you leave without telling me bye?"

"I was scared..."

"Of what?"

"That fact that I had fallen in love with you."

We stared at each other for a while.

"Are you still in love with me?"

I gave him a small smile. "I don't know...make another ball and you can find out."

He glared at me, then lined up to make the shot. He, of course, made it in.

"Answer the question..."

I bit my lip.

"Toni, answer the question."

I looked down, he would know if I was lying to him...but I really didn't want to tell him the real answer.

When I looked back up he was right in front of me. He grabbed my shoulders and looked down at me. His brown eyes bore into mine.

"Do you still love me?"

I sighed and stared up at him.

"Yes..."

He smiled and before I could say anything else, his lips had captured mine in a kiss that was better than any I had ever had before.

When we pulled apart, I looked up at him.

"Is that your way of saying you love me too?"

He smiled again.

"Yes mon petit, it was."