Once the car took off through the city she closed her eyes taking in the quiet before she arrived back at the office. Truth be told she was nervous about going into the office. Sending both Mike B and Blake texts - letting them know she would be coming back into the office. Neither on of them questioned her decision or tried to talk her out of it.
She took a deep breath as they pulled up in front of the building, having cleared security, she tried to slow her breathing as she entered the elevator.
Blake and Mike B were standing right outside the elevator when its doors opened.
"Welcome back ma'am," Blake greeted her just like he did everyday and for this she was grateful.
"M Sec, nice to have you back." Mike B kept his voice normal.
Walking thru the inner office she was greeted with well wishes by well meaning staffers. She didn't want a big deal made out of what had happened, she just wanted to get back to work.
"Welcome back ma'am," One staff greeted her.
"Thanks Laura," she smiled back at the young lady.
Walking toward the conference she tried to concentrate on what Mike B was saying about their meeting with Owen.
Standing in the middle of the outer office with Blake and Mike her mind went back - back to that horrible day in Iran playing like a loop on replay. She wished she could control the flashback's and figure out their triggers.
"Excuse me I will be right back," She quickly made her escape into her office. Tightly closing the door behind her.
Mike and Blake just watched her walk away shutting the door behind her. Blake knew something was wrong, standing their dumfounded neither one said a word. Blake was the first one to speak.
"Mike could you go see if Nadine is free to take the meeting with Owen." Blake strongly suggested.
Mike walked off quietly in search of Nadine, but he knew that something was not right with the Secretary but for once he kept his mouth shut.
Holding the phone in one hand she used the other to guide herself down the wall into a sitting position with her knees pulled tightly up to her chest. She was barely holding her self together, tears streaming freely down her face. It seemed like forever before the person she was waiting on picked up the phone.
Henry was just getting his coat off after returning home from the hospital, he had really hoped she would come home with him but he knew her too well and knew she would go back to work to show everyone she was fine. Henry jumped at the sound of his ringing phone, the number from the caller id flashed Elizabeth's private office number. His heart raced just a little faster, given the last phone call he had gotten from someone in her office he sent up a prayer she was okay. He whole heartily hoped that she had changed her mind and was coming home. He wasn't prepared for what he heard on the other side of the line, his wife so small and broken.
"Henry," It came out so quietly he barely heard her.
"Babe are you okay? Talk to me Liz," He encouraged.
"You were right, I can't do this. I can't make the tears stop." She choked out between sobs.
"Oh babe! I'm on my way. Just hang on. I will be there in a few minutes." He grabbed his keys, making his way toward the car. He knew he should have fought harder to take her home but she was set in her ways and sometimes there was no talking her down.
Grabbing his keys he ran out the door. He had to get to her. He had to protect to her at no cost, to hell with the job. He didn't care what others said - she was his first priority.
"I'm coming sweetheart just hold on, I will be there soon."
It was all he could do not to speed thru the streets of DC to get to her, but he knew if he got stopped it would delay him from getting there so he kept his speed as close to the limit as he could.
Blake didn't even knock, opening the door quietly. Stepping just inches inside the room he didn't see his boss anywhere at first. Scanning the room, he finally saw her small form sitting on the floor next to her desk - with her knee's pulled tightly against her chest holding tightly onto the phone. Not sure of how to help her or what to do, he knew he needed to call the one person who would. Backing out of the room just as quietly as he entered, he pulled out his phone and dialed Henry McCord's number.
"Sir we have a situation," Blake did even let him say hello. "How quickly can you get here?"
"I'm on my way, she was talking to me from the office phone." Henry tried to keep his voice calm. "I will be there shortly. Could you stay with her until I do."
"Yes sir, see you soon." Blake hung up his phone.
Silently he entered her office again, closing the door quietly behind him standing mere feet inside the room. By staying close to that door he could ensure her privacy and protect her from anyone wanting to intruding. He had never seen her like this, it scared him.
What had she seen in Iran Blake thought to himself.
He stood there for what seemed like forever not saying a word until he heard foot steps coming toward the door. Opening the door slightly he hoped it wasn't another staffer wanting a moment of her time or even that mean Russell Jackson. He came face to face with a concerned Henry McCord.
Oh thank god he thought to himself.
He opened the door a little more letting Henry into the room, nodding at him then slipping out.
Elizabeth McCord sat on the floor of her office scared and alone. What she really wanted to do was find a hole and hide. She had never felt so alone even though she wasn't really alone. One minute she was angry, one minute she was numb and the next guilty about why she lived and Fred Cole and others on her detail didn't. Why did Zahed Javani have to die? Her tears flowed down her face she wished she could make them stop. She was scared of what she was doing to her husband and kids. Her behavior had been so erratic lately. Some days just wanted nothing to do with them and others she missed them like crazy. The one thing she did know was that she needed Henry.
Walking quickly thru the door of the State Department Henry hoped the line for security wasn't going to be an issue. Luckily, Blake had called downstairs and he was cleared to go directly up to his wife's office. He pushed the elevator button over and over try to get the doors to close. Once the elevator started moving he willed it to move faster, arriving on the seventh floor he casually made his way toward his wife's office. He wanted to seem like every other time he had made a visit to see her.
He didn't see Blake at his desk. He didn't figured he would if he knew his boss was in trouble. Walking up to her office door it opened and he came face to face with Blake, holding the door open Henry entered the quiet office. Blake backed out the door closing it behind him.
Like Blake - Henry scanned the room twice before he saw her - sitting on the floor next to her desk with her knee's up to her chest holding the phone in her hand. Slowly he sat down next to her, taking the phone from her hand and hung it up. She laid her head on his shoulder, and taking his hand in hers holding on to it tightly.
"Henry," Her voice was hoarse from crying.
"Babe, let's get you home." He kept his voice gentle, trying to hide the sadness he felt.
"Ok," She said quietly.
After helping her off the floor, he sat her down on her couch. Turning he opened the door slightly finding Blake standing on the other side standing guard. Stepping right outside the door he needed to speak with Blake, leaving the door ajar so he could keep an eye on her.
"She is going home for the day and if I get my way a couple of days." Henry curtly told Blake. "Were going to have to figure out a way how to get her downstairs without a lot of fanfare.
"I have already spoken to her detail and alerted them that she would be leaving for the day. I have also formulated a plan, but I will need to discuss with Nadine because we will need her help. I will need a few minutes to get it all together, can you give me a little bit." Blake told a grateful Henry.
Blake walked away to find Nadine, Henry went back in and found his wife staring out her office window deep in thought. Walking up to her he wrapped his arms around her shoulders, turning into him she fell into his arms. It felt good to hold her. They needed each other.
Blake went in search of Nadine he knew she had been in a meeting with Mike B but didn't know if she still was. He would pull her out if he needed to, Blake opened the door to the conference room and quietly asked Nadine to join him in the hall.
"Blake, this better be good," Nadine scolded the young man.
"We have a situation, the Secretary isn't feeling well."
Emphasizing the word feeling hoping she would catch on. Blake replied.
"Oh," Nadine's simply replied.
"Dr. McCord is here to get her. We need to get her downstairs without a scene." He quickly told Nadine.
Blake explained to Nadine about his plan for her to hold a impromptu mandatory staff meeting in conference room C. This room is out of view of both the Secretary's office and the stairwell and everybody would be in there. If that wouldn't work then he was willing to pull the fire alarm - that would clear the room and nobody would think of her going downstairs. Nadine nixed that idea quickly saying something about it being against the law. They would go with the meeting idea.
Nadine headed back to her office to grab her phone and sent out the mass text.
Blake headed back to his boss office wanting to let Henry know the plan was in motion. Stopping at the door of the office he took a deep breath giving a little knock he stuck his head in and got Henry's attention.
Looking over his shoulder Henry saw Blake standing just inside the door, unwrapping his arms from around his wife he walked to the door.
"Sorry," He whispered not wanting to interrupt the couple. We need a few more minutes, I let you know when its clear." Blake told to him.
"Thank you Blake," Henry was grateful to his wife's assistant. "For taking sure great care of her, I really appreciate it."
Blake Moran smiled at the man and backed out the door.
Walking back out to his desk the office was abuzz about what this impromptu meeting was all about. Daisy and Matt were throwing out all kinds of speculation as they made their way to the conference room.
"Now what have we done," Matt asked as he walked past Blake's desk.
"Who knows Nadine probably lost her pen again." Daisy answered back.
"We had better get in there hate to leave the queen waiting." Matt made his way to the conference room.
Blake sat down at his desk faking work while he waited. Once the last staffer sat down in the conference room Nadine closed the doors. Blake knocked gentle on his boss's office door indicating that they were ready to move.
Henry stood close to his wife as they waited for the signal to get his wife out of the office.
Hearing the knock on the door he picked up Elizabeth's purse, and grabbing her coat her placed his arm around her shoulders.
Henry gentle guided his emotionally drained wife toward the door of her office and down the hall toward the elevator. Frank stood holding the door open for them, Blake was stationed on the other side of the Secretary walking quietly with them.
Reaching the parking garage Blake helped Henry get her into the front seat of the car. Walking around to the other side Henry stopped and shook Blake's hand.
"Thank you for everything Blake." Henry told him.
Blake nodded his head and stepped back on the curb.
"We will meet you at home Frank," Henry told the new agent.
"There will be a car in front of you and one behind you. Remember, please stay close to both." Scott told him.
She was quiet on the ride home, looking out the window watching the scenery with tears streaming down her cheeks. Henry didn't try to speak he just let her be alone with her thoughts, reaching over he took her hand in his and held tightly onto it.
Arriving at their house, she didn't wait for anyone to open the door for her, she dashed out of the car and directly into the house - directly up to the safety of her bedroom
Henry laid her purse and coat on the chair near the front door, and headed upstairs to check on his wife.
Stopping at the door of the bedroom he took out his phone and sent a text to Stevie. -could you pick up Ali and Jason this afternoon? Take them to dinner and movie, mom's home rough day. Love dad.-
His hope was that she would get some rest without any disruptions, but knew his wife all too well, and that would not be an easy task.
Entering the bedroom he didn't expect to find her asleep on top of their bed rolled on her side in a fetal position - clothes and shoes still on. He gently took her shoes off and grabbed a blanket off the chaise and placed it over her hoping and praying she would sleep with no nightmares. After making sure she was settled he grabbed his book and made himself comfortable on the chaise across the room. Wanting to make sure he was close if her nightmares returned.
Stevie was getting into her car when her phone buzzed indicating she had a new text. Grabbing her phone she read the message from her dad. She had been at the hospital when her dad tried hard to convince her mom not to return to work. She stayed quiet during the exchange between her parents but silently hoped her mom would just go home and relax.
Glancing at her watch she had only 15 minutes the end of her siblings' school day. Grabbing her phone she sent them a text. Hey nerds I am picking you up from school wait for me, then how about dinner and a movie? Be there soon.
If asked, she had planned on just telling me that her parents were wanting some adult time. She hated lying but didn't want to worry them.
Henry glanced over at his sleeping wife, he couldn't help noticed that they worry was gone from her face and she was actually sleeping soundly. Glancing down at his watch he noticed she had been asleep a little over an hour - he sent up a prayer she would sleep a little while longer and went back to reading his book.
He was deep into the chapter of his book when he heard he heard it - the rustle of the sheets. Looking over at his sleeping wife he could see the panic on her face. Jumping up off the chaise where he had been perched, he leapt over the bed to her side. He crawled in bed next to her trying not to startle her, he positioned he body close to her but barely touching her. Rubbing her arm he spoke quietly in her ear.
"Babe, you're safe. Wake up, sweetheart. I'm right here." He hoped that the sound of his voice would bring her back to reality. "Come on babe. You're safe. Just wake up, for me." He prayed he could get her to wake before the screaming began.
"That's it. Wake up, sweetie you're safe." He moved his body so it was as close as he could get to her, he hoped that the comfort from his body would help. He took her hand rubbing circles on her knuckles.
Elizabeth woke with a start. This time the dream was different than before. It was still very vivid starting out just like all others but the outcome was worse than the actual event. She was standing in Zahed Javani's living room watching him interact with his son. They were working on a math problem he had gotten stuck on, next thing she knew all hell was breaking lose the glass behind her breaking. Shots were being fired. She watched Fred as he jumped in front of her and seeing Javani's get murdered in cold blood. The difference in this nightmare is Zahed Javani's son Abdol who was hiding behind the chair got up to check on his father despite her yelling for him to stay down and he was also shot and killed. Right in front of her eyes, this poor child was murdered and there was nothing she could do!
She was grateful that she awoke before the screaming started. She had awoken that way once already, which lead to the Secret Service coming into the room. She was embarrassed by it and would do anything for it not to happen again. She could hear Henry's calming voice as she came out of her nightmare, telling her she was safe. She so loved this sweet, patient man. He was her world. He could always say the right thing, help her to see more clearly when things life got cloudy, and show her the error of her ways when she was being defiant. What she hated was how she had been treating him lately but didn't know what to do with her emotions, she couldn't control them. Rolling over toward him she snuggled deep into his side.
"Just hold me," She pleaded.
Hold her was exactly what he did. No words were exchanged and they didn't need to be. He knew what she needed and did as she asked.
Henry hoped beyond hope this would be a turning point for them, while he knew she would struggle from time to time. He hoped that she would open up to him, and let him help her. It broke his heart to see such a strong woman so broken. Her moods were everywhere. But she was his wife, his best friend and his lover; he would stand beside her.
Not wanting to lose his connection with her, he readjusted so he could look at her beautiful face. Her stomach growled making them both chuckle.
"Guess we had better get some food in you," But he wasn't ready to let go of her yet.
Henry ordered Chinese, too reluctant to let go of her long enough to cook any actual food.
She grabbed some forks out of the drawer and two bottles of water and waited for the food to arrive.
Once the food had arrived they made themselves comfortable on the couch, the feast laid out in front of them She managed to eat more than half of it before deciding she was done. Henry watched her eat, he hated monitoring her food intake noticed that she had actually eaten most of her food. He got up and put the leftover's in the frig, just as he was returning to the couch there was a knock at the door he walked into the foyer.
"I just want to talk to her," Russell stood in the open doorway.
"She's in the kitchen," Henry opened the door wider letting him enter into their private domain.
Elizabeth was shocked when she saw Russell Jackson walking into her kitchen, She worried he had come to tell her to pack up her office and get out she was being fired. She had not asked for this job it was thrown in her lap. He wasn't there to chastise her, he was there as a friend.
"Good job on the Ecuador issue." Russell was the first one to speak.
"Thanks," her voice quiet.
"Also wanted to let you know that Nadine smoothed over Prime Minister Chen, all is good with China." He hoped that would help her relax a little.
The room got silent again, it was Russell once again who broke that silence, "When I was about 12 my father took my brother and I fishing at a lake near our house. We had stopped at a gas station for gas and more snack's, when a man came into the store wielding a gun. He demanded my father give him all his money, and his wedding ring, I stood there frozen behind a display. Before my dad could get his wallet out he killed him. I have learned how to avoid my triggers, and found someone who can keep their mouth shut." He sounded broken telling her that story.
She took the card he pulled out of his wallet. Before she could say anything he was already out the door. Had she just seen a sweet side of the rough edged Russell Jackson?
It wasn't long after Russell Jackson left the house that this kids arrived home, chatting about the movie they had just seen.
"Hello children," she tried to sound happy but she really wasn't. "How was the movie?"
"It was great," Jason answered her first.
"What about you two?" She asked her daughters who were in search of a snack.
"It was good," Stevie answered her back.
"I would have rather seen a romantic comedy," Ali finally answered peeling herself an orange.
After finishing their snacks and telling their parents about the movie and the day they said good night and headed upstairs.
"Hey you," Henry stepped into the kitchen after saying good night to his children. "You ready for bed?"
"No, I want to stay up a while but you can go up," Secretly hoping he would stay with her.
They returned to that familiar nightly ritual of sitting side by side on the couch, playing a video game she had never shown interest in before Iran. After three nights of playing it seemed like she was getting better at it.
Henry hoped that since it was just the two of them and they were safe at home she would finally open up. It seemed though that the wall she had put up was slowly coming down. Sitting there for what seemed like hours she finally spoke.
"Fred Cole died because I went to Iran," it came out quietly. "He died because of me, if I hadn't gone to Iran he would still be alive." She didn't even realize she had said it until it was out of her mouth.
Henry knew she wore the weight of the world on her shoulders, the guilt from losing Fred and the other members of her detail but particular Fred and her still being alive. Survivor's guilt they called it, he wished he could take it from her, and ease her pain. He remained quiet and listened to her tell him about that horrible night. He couldn't imagine the heartbreak she was trying to handle alone.
"Abdol had come into the room, needing help with his math," she took in a deep breath. "Next thing I know I'm on the ground, and Fred is on top of me." I could hear glass breaking and gunfire, I could see Zahed Javani's laying on the floor next to us. Abdol was behind the chair not far from him, screaming for his father. I barely remember yelling at Abdol to stay down, I wanted so bad to get to him to protect him. But I couldn't, Fred was to heavy on my body." She couldn't stop the tears from flowing, she had not told anyone about Abdol being in the room and seeing his father murdered."
Henry rubbed her back gently, he knew she needed to get this out. Fighting back the tears that were pulling in his eyes he remained quiet.
"Henry what have I done to our sweet children?" She asked him, "I wanted to bad to protect Abdol but I couldn't. How will I be able to protect our own children if I couldn't protect him?"
After finishing her story she turn to look at him, she needed him to love her. She fell into his body her's wracked with sobs.
Henry tightly "I'm right her, babe just let it out."
After holding her for what seemed like forever, she finally stopped crying, her sad eyes meeting his as she pulled away from him just a little still safe in his arms.
"Thank you," she whispered. He said nothing, just smiled at her. She quietly got up after a few more minutes in his warm embrace, and without saying a word disappeared up the stairs.
He knew she needed time to process her thoughts, so he didn't follow her upstairs. But when she didn't come back down after 30 minutes, he turned off the TV and went up stairs he hoped that he would find her fast asleep in their bed or even taking a nice warm bath. Walking into the room he did not see her, the bathroom door was open and the light was off. He tried to keep himself from worrying but given what had gone on in the last 24 hours he couldn't help himself. He knew she didn't come back downstairs he would have seen her given both staircases are visible from the kitchen. He had made sure the doors were locked and coffee maker set from the morning so he would have seen her. His worry was building, heading downstairs to check with her detail, he didn't want to alarm them but he couldn't find his wife.
It was as he was hurrying down the stairs, that he saw it. Jason's bedroom door was open, That's odd, He thought. Jason always closes his door when he goes to bed. Looking in the from the open door he saw it. His beautiful wife snuggled in next to their son sleeping peacefully, he sighed a breath of relief. Walking back into their room, he grabbed the extra blanket off their bed. He quietly covered her sleeping body sending up a prayer she would sleep the rest of the night. Standing there a few more minutes, he watched them sleep. Giving her a kiss on her head, he headed back into his own room leaving both doors open. Just in case she woke needing him, he wouldn't be far.
Wandering from room to room Elizabeth found herself at the door of her youngest child. Opening the door she saw his sleeping form. He was always a sound sleeper, peacefully dreaming about the world around him. Walking into the room she gently laid down beside him, playing with his hair, as she watched him sleep. She knew tomorrow was going to be a big day and she said a prayer. She prayed that her nightmares would stay at bay and finally letting sleep take her, she felt content and safe.
Sometime in the middle of the night unsure why she woke up disoriented - confused why she was in Jason's bed and not her own. Looking down at her sleeping child she remembered the events of the day, her fake heart attack, her trip to the ER, a meltdown at work. Russell's visit and finally opening up to Henry about Iran. She gave Jason one final kiss before quietly getting out of his bed, she heading to her own closing his door behind her. Getting into bed snuggling up close to Henry trying not to wake her sleeping husband. He looked so peaceful, not a care in the world, at least one of them was at peace. Sending a prayer asking for strength to get through tomorrow's interview with Bob Schaffer. After only a few minutes sleep finally took over her body and she drifted off, at least if a nightmare reared it ugly head she would be safe in Henry's arms.