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Chapter 12: Some Soul Searching Fun

"Better run fast," A male voice sang. Thick foliage surrounded me with large brown trunks reaching high above the sky, blocking out the weak light. I started to run north.

"Better hurry up," he taunted. My breath came quick and heavy as my heart drummed in my chest. My hand flew out to my right to grab at a tree before I crashed into the moist ground. Rough bark gouged at my hand, the pain barely noticeable due to the adrenaline pumping through my body.

"Better hide yourself before I find you," he teased. I whipped my head around, trying to find the voice. I remember that voice, but I couldn't figure out the face. Fear started to freeze me as the forest slowly became darker.

"Because when I find you, we are going to have so much fun," he purred. A shadow moved around a tree on my left. I quickly moved to look at the person. Bloody red eyes stared back at me on a black wispy face. Slowly the outline of a mouth appeared and pearl white teeth sat wide on his face. Soon blood dripped from his mouth, bright ruby against coal black. For a second the image shifted, became colorful, but then he was gone. Taken in by the shadows of the forest leaving me alone and terrified.

I jolted away, breathing quick and feeling sticky. I laid there for a second. I glanced around at the cream walls and small wooded furniture in the room, trying to remember where I was. I sighed as I slowly started to remember.

We made it to Phoenix last night. Jasper checked us in while Edward took our suitcases up to our new room. Alice stayed with me as we headed up to room 32.

Edward had been driving for 2 days straight, only stopping for gas and food for me. After we had left, no one spoke. We had all been on edge with this new threat. I was feeling down and guilty for putting this kind family in danger just because I was abnormal. Edward had slipped his hand under mine and held on tight to my hand.

It was reassuring.

The ride was silent and I mainly slept or watched the passing scenery, but I didn't talk.

I didn't know what to say.

Or how to make it better.

So I stayed silent. Stewed in my thoughts and ignored the chattering souls in the car.

Jasper would try to send me reassuring waves of calm, but I buried them inside me, needing to feel my own emotions for the time being. After that I put a clamp on my emotions so I didn't really feel anything.

We pulled up to a small hotel on the outskirts of phoenix where there wasn't a lot of buildings. The hotel was nicely kept and relatively clean too. They provided room service or there was a small dining hall that a person could eat in.

So here I am now, rolled onto my side, picking at the bed sheets, and having nightmares. Once again I felt pathetic. I should be strong. I should be out doing something instead of lying in bed terrified of wispy shadows.

I felt cold arms snake around my waist before being pulled back into a hard chest. I buried my head in the stiff mattress as Edward entwined our bodies, resting his head on top of my shoulder.

"Are you alright?" he asked. I groaned in reply, giving neither a positive answer nor a negative answer.

I felt him nuzzle my shoulder. I rested my hands over top of his on my stomach and gave a small squeeze. I kept my head buried, not wanting to fully focus on the souls I could hear in the background.

"is this about Charlie?" a kiss to my shoulder and rub on the back of my hand made me cave a little.

"Edward, I said horrible things to him. I said almost the exact same thing my mom said when she left him," I pressed myself into the mattress, wishing the world would swallow me whole.

"Bella you did the right thing. I'm sure Charlie would have followed you no matter what and he would have freaked out if you just disappeared. Just think, soon you can go back to him and apologize. Say you overreacted or something," Edward kissed the side of my head.

I moved my head so I was looking up at him. He stared down at me with warm butter scotch eyes and a soft crooked smile.

"How did I get so lucky to be with you?" I breathed. I threaded my fingers into his messy hair pulling his head down so we were a hairs breath away.

"I could ask the same thing," Edward molded his lips to mind pushing me further into the stiff mattress that was starting to give me sore muscles. The night was cool and the hotel was quiet to human ears. I still had a lot of guilt with Charlie and I could hear Edward dying to ask me what my 'it' is, but for right now everything melted away in the soft caress of our lips meeting.

Holed up in a dingy hotel room in Phoenix, Arizona with three vampires that can't go out unless it is night is never fun, especially when they know you are being chased by a psycho vampire that just wants to kill you. I blew a piece of my hair out of my face as I sat crisscrossed on the stiff couch of the hotel room. I stared moodily at the flickering TV screen that was turned down to gentle murmurs so my weak hearing could only pick up a word that was spoken louder than normal. Edward, Jasper, and Alice were staring intently at the screen, looking for any abnormal deaths to indicate our pursuer was getting close.

I sighed loudly, making sure they knew I was bored of not talking and being left out of the loop. All three heads snapped in my direction and I refrained from rolling my eyes. Edward came over to sit next to me, wrapping an arm around my shoulders and kissing my temple.

"It's going to be fine love. Don't worry, we'll make sure you are safe," Edward said. I ignored his reassurances as I thought about James coming after us. He was intent on killing me and he didn't want to let me get away like Alice did. That thought disturbed me to know end. He knew Alice, sweet, fox like Alice. I looked over at Alice to see her looking back at me with Jasper's arm wrapped around her shoulder.

"Alice, do you know why James knew you?" Alice and Jasper both tensed at my question and I had no clue why. I was getting better at staying out of their souls and for the most part I could ignore them too, but it always made me curious to know what kind of secret the Cullens had that they have yet to tell me. I knew parts of Edwards past and the history of Carlisle, but the other Cullens remain a mystery to me.

Alice was the one to answer me first. "I don't know my past Bella, so I really don't know how he could have known me." That peaks my interest. I had thought that all vampires had the perfect memory, including their human memory. Jasper spoke up next. "The venom that enters our system when we are changed erases most of our human memories, leaving blurry images that are hard to focus on. Alice seems to have lost her memories completely during her change." A growl went off besides me and I gave Edward a sharp look that made him stop. I got up off the bed to sit in front of Alice on the opposite sofa. I took her hands gently in mind, the coldness not even fazing me anymore and spoke, "Do you want me to tell you you're past?"

Alice's eyes widened along with Jasper's eyes. I was a bit surprised that this idea has never entered her mind when I told them I could look into people's souls and see their past. Alice nodded eagerly while Edward gave me a hard look, probably remembering what happened to me in the cafeteria when I first told him. I kissed his cheek in reassurance that everything would be fine before turning back to Alice.

I looked up into the quirky soul that had the short spiky hair and brownish gold eyes. Her human eyes were brown and her skin was peachy instead of the alabaster pale. Her soul smiled wide as it started to list off basic information like her favorite shopping places and her style of clothing. I smiled at it amused that it seems to think I wanted this kind of information first. "Please start at the very beginning of her life," I whispered softly to it, taking in its slightly surprised look before its huff of annoyance.

"Alright, my name is Mary Alice Brandon and I was born in 1901 in Biloxi, Mississippi to Aaron Brandon and Delia Brandon. My father was a jeweler and pearl trader. My mother was a stay at home mom because my father traveled a lot. I have had premonitions since I was a child, but I didn't speak of it often since some didn't come true. I wasn't sure what I was seeing half the time and honestly sometimes they scared me.

The first people I told were my cousin and my best friend. At first I was going to firmly keep my mouth shut about my gift, but then I saw my cousin get her hand crushed by a wagon because she tripped and fell and the wagon had no time to stop for her. The vision about my friend hit me right after my cousin's vision. My friend got hit in the head by a ball kicked by the local boys. I told both of them on what was going to happen to them, but they didn't believe me.

When the accidents did happen to them, the villagers were horrified at the fact that I knew and insisted that I cursed them. Soon I was known as a witch. The next vision I had that I told someone was about my mother. I saw her being killed. I warned her, completely freaked out and crying my eyes out. She soothed me and told me she believed me, so she kept her guard up. After a while with nothing happening she let her guard down and then she was killed before my eyes. I tried to tell people that she was murdered, but my father silenced me and people naturally didn't believe me.

I started to get blamed for a lot of misfortunes that happened in my village and then six months later, my father got married to a blonde Yankee from Illinois named Charlotte whose father was a generous customer of my father's. My new step mother shunned me while treating my baby sister, Cynthia, like a pet. I had started to suspect that my mother's murder and this new marriage was all part of a plan that my father carried out. My father got extremely angry and told me I was just jealous since she was my new mother," Alice's soul told me. I had my eyes closed, seeing the memories slowly play out in my mind as my mouth said word for word to the three vampires sitting the room.

Soon the memories enveloped me with their dark tendrils, wrapping around my body until I became the one seeing the memories. The soul was still talking to me, but it almost seemed like it was narrating to the others and I was the actress who played out in the scene.

I felt rage and betrayal bubble from my being as I was pulled out of a vision of stepmother and father planning to kill me just like they killed mother. Soon I became terrified as I raced out of the house to my aunt's house. I pleaded with them to hide me, claiming my father was going to kill me. I was shaking and I could feel tears blurring my vision as I clutched at my aunt's dress. I was pushed harshly to the ground then screamed at for being the cause of her son's death even though I never saw him dying.

I hoped that the marshal would help me as I got up and raced straight towards town hall. My heart pounded in time with my thudding footsteps as I panted harshly through my mouth. I felt like I was flying at the same time I was sinking into mud patches and wet grass. My dress fluttered around my legs and constricted my full stride and I sorely wished I had pants like the men. My long black hair trailed behind me in the wind like a black cape.

Soon I saw the white church that also served for town hall and meetings. Joy leapt in my heart as I pushed myself farther to reach the doors. I grasped the cool metal of the handles and threw the doors open only to freeze in horror as I saw my father with a heartbroken face talking to the marshal. The council was gathering around them as one word rang in my head that left my father's mouth.

Mad.

Mary Alice Brandon had gone mad.

The memories blurred together as I felt people restraining me as I screamed and kicked, screaming at the top of my lungs and watching the smug looks on my father and stepmother. I screamed that they were murders and I yelled that they were going to go to Hell for what they had done. Little Cynthia was crying and standing away from stepmother and father.

I was thrown in the back of a white van that had glass windows with meshed wires that crisscrossed inside the glass. I continuously threw my body at the locked doors, screaming and crying at my fate. Snot streamed down my face and throat, causing me to choke and cough as I literally started to drown in tears. I strained my arms against the straight jacket, feeling stiff and uncomfortable as it kept my arms tight against my chest.

For a long time I cried. I cried until I got sick and slowly I felt my world crumbling. Gone was the happy girl who liked to dress in her mother's dresses and gave flowers to the people she cared about. Replacing her was a depressed 18 year old girl who didn't care anymore. For weeks we traveled across seas and trains carried me until I was brought to a huge gray building that almost looked like a hospital. This asylum was my new home.

I had lost weight until my bones were almost clearly seen and my long hair lay limp against my tiny frame. I was led into the building, strapped to a chair and a razor buzzed to life behind me. I stared in horror as cool metal grazed my skull and a large clump of my hair fell to the ground. In a few minutes all of my hair lay on the ground and a skinny bald doctor stepped in front of me with a long white coat. Glasses that glinted in the dim lighting protected cold blue eyes and rested on a crooked nose that bent slightly down. A thick accented voice told me this was a requirement to prevent against the typhoid outbreak.

I was given my own room that looked like a cell with only a bed and an area to go to the bathroom. I was patient 02305 and that became my new name. My clothes were taken to be replaced with a stiff cotton gray top and pants with my number printed on a white label over my right breast.

A day later began my treatment which consisted of pills, injections, electroshock treatment, and a variety of different torture methods that they were testing out. A doctor with light brown hair and red eyes soon took a liking to me and took over my case. After the first electroshock treatment, all of my memories were erased and around this doctor I was happy and felt safe. He was fascinated about my visions and did mini experiments to see how far my visions went. This man brought me various objects including sweets that were popular among the people. He almost felt like a father figure to me.

His voice was warm and rich with a heavy accent that was most likely from where I was at. He told me my name was Alice and called me that whenever we spent time together.

One morning I had a vision about another man with blonde hair and red eyes. He was coming for me and I faintly caught his name. James. I told my doctor friend about him, terrified since I knew he was coming to kill me. He offered option after option, but I told him the vision still hadn't changed. Soon he was called away to take care of another patient, but he reassured me he would come back and we would leave that night.

While he was gone, a particularly cruel doctor showed up and whisked me away, strapping me down with the leather restraints to a hard chair. Little suction cups were placed on my body and I closed my eyes tight because I knew I was going to be electrocuted again.

Hot sparks of electricity raced through my system at lightning fast paces as shock after shock was administered into my body. I wanted to scream, but my throat wasn't working even though my mouth was hanging open as wide as it could go. I wanted to run away, but the restraints kept me molded to the chair as if my thrashing around was nothing but a subtle movement. I wanted this pain to end, but the torture seemed to last a lifetime.

I got little reprieve before the next torture session began.

I didn't even feel myself moving before I was enveloped in icy cold water. My eyes grew wide as my mouth closed shut, trying to prevent the freezing water to enter my mouth and constrict my lungs even further than what they are doing now. Tiny ice pricks replaced the zinging hot sparks in my system as I sunk deeper into the freezing water. My lungs strained from air that I couldn't give and I prayed this wouldn't last much longer.

I heaved a deep breath of air, coughing and sputtering, as my body was yanked out of the water, still strapped into the chair that I began in. My body convulsed in shivers as I clenched my teeth hard to stop the chattering. I felt my damp hair cling to whatever piece of skin it could find and my cloths hung heavy on my emaciated frame. I cracked my eyes open a bit as the noise from the scientists buzzed about behind me. My fingers were turning purple and blue as my skin took on a deathly pale white.

I wanted this to end.

I wanted for one of their experiments to kill me.

I wanted to be free.

Empty brown eyes lifted to stare out of the bars in front of me at the vampire doctor with the warm red eyes standing before me with a worried look on his face.

I didn't care anymore, not even the little hope that this doctor has shown me by bringing me some outside worldly pleasures like chocolate and flowers. I had lost my will to live and hope to make it out of here someday.

I closed my eyes, barely listening as my door creaked open and I was hoisted into cold, stone like arms. Air whipped at my face before it stopped a moment later. Grass parted underneath the weight of my body. Teeth lightly touched the skin of my neck. And the whispered words 'I'm sorry,' was all I heard before fire consumed me.

I gasped as my eyes shot open and I recoiled into a strong chest. Worried words were being franticly whispered in my ear as steady hands rubbed my quivering clothed arms. I looked at Alice and Jasper, who were still in front of me, to see their horrified expressions. Jasper was clutching on tightly to Alice, as if she would slip away with the fire that had consumed her.

I belatedly realized I still had Alice's hands in my own and I slowly released them. I felt completely drained from the soul searching I just experienced. I could faintly feel the sparks and pricks of fire and ice in my system before the roaring fire took control of every sense, demanding the pain to focus on it and it alone.

I leaned back into the cold stone body that was holding me as if I, myself, would vanish in that same fire that had consumed Alice in her memories. I gave a weak smile at him and gently squeezed one of his hands on my arms to let him know I was fine. I closed my eyes briefly, letting the memories of Alice wash over me once again in a brief second before I opened them again.

Alice's soul was quiet and looked ashamed and depressed like most souls are when they relive bad memories that they try not to dwell on. A soul never looks on the past and always sees ahead at the future. It just wasn't in a soul's nature to stay on bad things or keep to the past.

With what little energy I had left I spoke to Alice. "Your past was definitely not one of the bests, but your future is definitely a lot better. I'm sorry that you had to go through with that."

Alice shook her head and gave me a small smile. "It's fine Bella. Thank you for telling me about who I was that made me into who I am today. I'm just sorry it hurt you so much." She reached out and gently squeezed my hand before I passed out from exhaustion.

Waking up was easier said than done for me this morning. My mouth felt dry and filled with cotton, my eyes were crusted with goop that hurt when I scrubbed it off, and my body felt exhausted from everything. My body wanted to go back to sleep, but my mind reasoned that I had to get up incase anything happens.

I finally convinced my body after fifteen more minutes of laying here. I trudged through my morning routine with barely any thought. After showering and towel-drying my hair I headed out to the living room where I saw Alice and Jasper on the couch. Edward was nowhere to be seen. I glanced at the clock that hung on the wall next to the door to see it had been a few hours since I helped uncover Alice's past.

I sat down on the couch across from Jasper and Alice noticing that the news was on low volume, barely even audible to me.

I glanced at Alice's soul to see how she was coping. I sighed as her nervous voice rambled on about her past. Now that I've unlocked that door in her mind it seems the memories are flooding back to her.

"Alice," I accidently whispered. So much had been on my mind and a few things had been about her, but I didn't notice my own voice when it slipped out. My voice sounded unsure, but full of answers or reasons that I feel compelled to give her.

Both Jasper and Alice gave me their full attention.

I reached out to take Alice's small cold hand like I had done when I first delved into her past. I stared straight into her topaz eyes that held so many emotions that there were too many to even decipher.

"Everyone is made up of three different components. Like what people learn in health, there is the mind, body, and soul or in health class' case, emotional. Each component cannot act independently so they rely on each other to make a human. The body takes over the physical state of being, becoming the perfect host for the mind and soul and adapting to its surroundings. The mind is the intellectual part of the being, giving said host the ability to think things through and regulate how the functions of the body are and storing information. The soul is the heart or emotional state of the being. Some people disregard this part, finding it silly or unnecessary, but the emotional state makes a person who they are. The soul is always looking towards the future; it strives to be positive and happy. The only way a soul can become evil and bad is through the temptations in the mind. The mind is what controls the impulses of the body and the soul just goes along with it. Alice, sometimes a soul is born with a special gift, like you, Edward, Jasper, and I. What we do with our gifts is up to us. You use your gift for good and that doesn't make you a bad person at all. The only reason you were locked up was because people were scared and made bad choices in life. It's time to move on from that," I exhaled, not used to speaking that much. I hope my message got through to her since I wasn't good at speaking on how I feel.

Alice's soul was depressed at the new knowledge and I could tell she was down. I want to cheer her up by letting her know that her soul is special in a good way.

"I hate myself," I honestly told her. Jasper and Alice looked at me in shock, completely caught off guard by my admission. I felt a little self-conscious about the truth in my words, but I knew Alice needed to hear this.

"Bella," Alice's breathy voice spoke volumes to me and the unsure tone clearly stated she wasn't sure where to start to reassure me.

I continued on, squaring my shoulders, and locked eyes with Alice.

"It's true. I honestly hate myself, because of my gift. It is a huge burden on me, especially because I'm human. I can't stand hospitals or nursing homes. I hate animal shelters. And I abhor the idea of having children. It takes a lot of effort to be around people in general now. TV and graveyards creep me out. Standing on tall buildings looking down overwhelm me and I can never go to concerts because I pass out due to too many voices. I'm abnormal no matter how you look at it. And if I'm being completely honest with myself I can't wait until I die," I told her. I wasn't ashamed of admitting this to them. I have to make Alice see that being unnatural, having a gift is a special thing, no matter the burden.

I glanced at their souls. Alice was in tears, wanting to give me a hug and be a sister figure. She wanted so bad to reassure me that I was completely normal compared to them. Jasper on the other hand was highly concerned because he could feel the total honesty that my words carried. He was worried that I was depressed and suicidal.

"I wont kill myself. The thought never really crossed my mind. Over time though I realized that my gift was just that: a gift. I'm not always thrilled with it, but I do love and respect it because I can help some people with it. I helped people that were in bad situations by making anonymous calls. I also met you guys. I have a pseudo family that I fit right into. I'm loved by Edward and I'm loved by you so I'm content with my life. In some ways I'll always hate myself, but that is just part of being a person," I smiled at them.

I got up and sat next to Alice, moving my hand away from hers to wrap her in a tight hug.

"You are loved Alice and you are special," I softly told her. I felt her shoulders quiver and jump under my arms before a pair of cold arms wrapped around her from the other side. Jasper smiled at me over Alice's head and his soul told me how grateful he was for my speech.

Alice was feeling better about herself and soon she would become a new and stronger version of her old self. She'll have her down days, but I have a feeling those would be few and far in between.

I sat back and noticed that Edward was standing at the door with a tray of food in his hands. He gave me a small smile and a nod before coming over to me. He sat down the tray of food before lifting me up to sit on the stiff couch that I was sitting on previously. He positioned me on his lap, tucking my head under his chin before laying a lingering kiss on the crown of my head.

"I love you so, so much," he breathed. I nuzzled into him, smiling against his chest before placing my own lingering kiss against the base of his throat.

"I love you more," I teased. His chest rumbled under my body in a chuckle. We all sat there for what felt like hours, just holding onto our loved ones. I finally pulled away and glanced out the window, noting the sky was slowly darkening.

A soft chirping sound went off in the quiet room. It took me a moment to realize that my phone was ringing. I got up from my comfy position to quickly head into the bedroom. I snatched my phone up, not even looking at caller ID before answering.

"Hello?"

"Bella!? Bella!?" a woman's voice frantically said.

I gripped the phone tighter in my hand, realizing that the woman was my mom.

"Mom?" I questioned. Out of the corner of my eye I saw Edward walk in the room.

"Bella!? Where are you?" her frantic voice was increasing in its worry.

"Mom! Calm down, its okay," I tried to reassure her.

"Aww poor mom. Left alone with little old me," James' voice floated over the phone. I could still faintly here my mom's voice repeating my name.

I stiffened at his voice.

"What have you done?" I demanded.

"Are you alone?" he purred.

"What-"

"Ah, ah, ah. It's yes mom or no mom," he emphasized the no, leaving me little room to his actual meaning. I took a inhaled a deep breath, glancing over at Edward only to see he was joined with Alice and Jasper. Alice nodded her head, motioning for me to continue the conversation.

"Of course mom. They have really lovely balconies with a wonderful view here," I replied with false pleasantries.

"That's a good girl. Now I want you to come alone to a building that is close to your home and gives lessons on balance. I'm sure you know the place," he said. I felt confused for a moment, not really getting where he wanted me to go. The only place that was close to my old home that gave lessons was Pirouette Beauty.

It dawned on me then. He is hiding at my old ballet studio.

Alice's eyes got a glassy look to them and her hand started to move. Jasper looked concerned as he directed her back to the couch and grabbed a pencil and a sheet of paper.

"Sure, I can come over to spend some time with you. We can move some old boxes around and eat a pizza or something," I looked up at Edward, silently telling him to stay quiet a little longer. I could tell it was hard for him to not growl at the phone.

"Or something," James purred before he disconnected the phone. I breathed a sigh of relief before I was enveloped in Edward's arms. I burrowed into his chest, seeking silent comfort that I knew I would always get in these arms.

"You'll follow me there right?" I asked. I felt him stiffen against me. I pulled away to look into his darkening eyes. They were now a dark gold with small fleck of onyx.

"You shouldn't even go," he growled.

I rubbed my thumb under a bruising eye trying to calm him down a little.

"I'll call my mom real quick to just make certain that he has her and if he doesn't then we can catch him. As far as I know the rest of your family lands tonight," I told him. It made me feel sick to think that James got a hold of my mom and was now using her as an incentive to draw me out. I sorely hope that he was bluffing about having my mom, but I don't really know another way he could use her voice like that.

I pulled out my cell phone and dialed my mom's cell number. She normally keeps her phone on hand.

"Hello?" my mom picked up in a happy, healthy tone.

"Hey mom, I was just calling to see how you and Phil were doing," I rocked back on my heels, feeling a bit silly for not having an actual excuse. I couldn't just tell her I was calling to see that a psychotic vampire that is dead set on killing me just called to tell me he had my mother hostage in an old ballet studio.

It would sound crazy to any normal person out there.

"Oh honey, you wouldn't believe what happened to Phil! He got a scholarship and they are now doing a tour around the US to play baseball! This is so exciting! When are you going to come down to visit us? We miss you," She gushed. I could hear the undertone of the last question, wondering if I would come back to live with them again.

I looked up at Edward who was still holding me close. I leaned up a little to give him a quick peck as I started to hear his soul panicking that I would leave them.

"I really like Forks mom. It's growing on me. Hey listen, I have to go. I have a really hot date that I just cant miss so I'll call you later alright?" I said. I locked eyes with Edward who quirked his brow at what I said. I didn't wait for her to reply before I hung up.

I leaned up to Edward again, sealing our lips together for a few short minutes before pulling back.

"A hot date huh?" he teased.

I giggled, resting my chin on his chest and looking up at him.

"Oh you know, the usual kind of psychotic stranger who just wants a girl for her blood," I joked. He snorted, shaking his head before laying a kiss on my forehead.

We headed out of the bedroom to see Jasper and Alice holding a sketched version of the ballet studio that I remembered.

"What is this place?" Alice questioned.

"It's a ballet studio. My mom was going through a phase where she thought learning ballet was going to cure my clumsiness. It's about a block from my old house in a wooden two-story building. It's the place James said he wanted us to meet."

Alice looked up at me just as Jasper's phone chirped.

"The plane will be landing in two hours. Bella we are going to take care of James together as a family," Jasper said. He gave me waves of confidence and reassurance. I felt a bit relieved to know that by tomorrow night my problem with James would be resolved.

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