A/N: I own nothing. This belongs to Greenwool, whose works will literally change your life.
It isn't until he sees a map while unloading school supplies for the Community Home that he remembers there is a world outside of Twelve.
Katniss' decade long 'district arrest' ended years ago, but they have never left Twelve - or even considered it - as far as he knows. Now he wonders, why not? It eats at him for weeks, making him silent and moody. Katniss once asks if something is bothering him, but doesn't push when he says no. For her part, the cold and miserable winter prevents her from wandering deep into the woods where she is happiest, keeping her trapped in all the areas where she once hunted with Gale. It takes all of her will not to sink below the surface of her own dejection; she doesn't have the energy to go fishing in his thoughts as well.
Winter reminds Peeta of his brothers, both of whom had birthdays in this season. As a distraction, he uses the skills he acquired during the Rebuilding to start designing an extension to the community home. But despite his long hours at the drawing board and Katniss' disappearances into the woods, silence starts to permeate their lives, chilling them even when they are locked in each other's arms. Sometimes it seems Twelve is overrun with the souls they've lost, and he thinks, what if they just went away?
The idea takes root and flourishes in his mind. He realizes that before now the timing was never right. Initially they were both so fragile that an unnecessary change in routine or environment seemed irresponsible. There was also the fact that they were highly recognizable and not universally loved. There remained those that viewed him as a Capitol elitist despite President Paylor's early media campaign to dispel this myth. Also, there were groups who suffered greatly from the war and blamed the MockingJay for their problems. Free media allowed for the proliferation of some of these ideas; it's something they were aware of, though the two of them never watched the news. In the early days after the rebellion, Gale had been in the media almost constantly and it had taken Katniss only three weeks to destroy the television screen. It had not been replaced.
He still worries about the media frenzy going somewhere in Panem may cause, though he supposes they could both travel under military protection. But when he starts to think about where to go, he begins to doubt there is a place they could travel to and still be happy. Three, where Beetee is in wheelchair after a suicide attempt following the debacle with the civilian bombings in the Capitol? Seven, where Johanna is currently getting treatment for her morphling addiction? Four? Between Finnick and Katniss' mother, neither of them can think of that place without shuddering.
But now the idea of leaving will not let him be. He watches as Katniss gets paler and thinner, and he starts having flashbacks of the Victory Tour. No place feels safe, no land is untouched by the hurricane of their past. Then, as he stares at maps it hits him: why do they have to stay in Panem at all?
Their second post-rebellion president was serving her third year. With the economy more stable, it seemed like the military presence that had dominated life in Panem for years was dying down. Now the nation's security forces had other interests besides weapons and population control. Peeta was aware of this, as he followed current events through his regular contact with Capitol doctors. His travel needed to be secure and this required military involvement, which is why he knows how to reach Lieutenant General Hawthorne, though he never has in the decade plus since their time together in the Battle of Coin. But he sends him a letter now, which take him five days to write. He scraps eleven drafts before settling on something simple:
Can we travel outside of Panem?
For two months he hears nothing and figures it was a stupid question. Even if there were places outside of Panem how would they get there? Surely there were other governments to contend with, maybe even other languages. It was a silly idea.
But finally, in early spring, he receives a thick manila envelope embossed with an official military seal. It has about one hundred and fifty pages of documents that require their signatures, two wrist identification fingerprint scanners and a detailed military clearance. The last page is a list of phone numbers, some of which are circled hastily.
At the bottom is a handwritten note in barely legible script that reads, "Take her some place nice."
Peeta's a little resentful. Of course he'll take her some place nice. But now by doing so he'll be following the orders of Gale Hawthorne. Ugh. The nineteen year old in him can't help but think it's intentional.
To his credit, the phone numbers paired with the security clearances are direct lines to people who confirm, yes, there is a world outside of Panem and yes there are ways to get there.
Several more phone calls, holographic projections, and military checks later he has an itinerary and a tentative departure date.
He hasn't told Katniss.
Finally at dinner one night he brings it up.
"So…" he trails off uselessly. At her cocked eyebrow he tries again.
"So. Technically your 'district arrest' ended three years ago."
Silence.
"Have you ever thought about leaving Twelve? I mean, for a little bit?"
Her fork stills mid bite and she looks at him like he's lost his mind. She gets up from the table and leaves.
He knows better than to follow her.
Four days later in bed one night, just as he is bringing his arm around her narrow waist she mutters, "There isn't a place in Panem without some kind of ghost that haunts me."
"What if it wasn't in Panem at all," he answers slowly. "What if we went some place new?"
She turns abruptly in his arms and stares at him again. Her gaze makes him uncomfortable but he doesn't look away. She turns around and gathers herself to the edge of the bed, like his body is burning her. He sighs. He's not sure what response he expected, but withdrawal is always the hardest for him to handle. Tomorrow, he decides, he will table his work on the expansion for the community home and paint instead. He's learned the hard way that some days he must be kind to himself or else everyone pays for it in the end.
They don't discuss it again, but a week later he comes home from a meeting with the builders to find five beautiful silvertip badger hair paintbrushes newly made sitting on the kitchen table. Next to them are all one hundred and fifty pages of documents signed, initialed and dated by one Katniss Everdeen, though she is no where to be found. He spends the evening filling out his portion of the paperwork and marvels that she had the patience to complete it all without throwing something.
Later he finds two broken plates on the dining room floor.
That's how they find themselves on a rocky beach some place far to the north of District Twelve. They took a train to the military base in Seven, then a hovercraft across the sea. They stopped at an island where they met a group of people in leather bomber suits and fur-collared coats despite being in the middle of summer. They were deeply tanned with dark hair, almost with a Seam look to them. They spoke quietly and quickly in what sounded like a variation of Panamese but with a strange accent. Fingerprint scanners and security clearances later, they were in another hovercraft, this one small and for only three people. It dropped them on an island about two hours from the first. It had apparently been abandoned in a nuclear fall out nearly a century earlier, but the plant life had returned though the people hadn't.
They arrive around noon. The pilot tells them he'll be back in eight to nine hours. Then the hovercraft takes off and they are alone on a pebbled beach surrounded by dense forest.
For a moment they are both quiet, in awe of the calm waves rolling up to the shore, the glistening rocks and the fresh sea breeze the remained crisp in the height of summer. Then Katniss is stripping off clothing and running towards the water. Peeta feels a little affronted: he thought he was the only thing she would strip so fast for.
Hours pass.
She is on her back, floating with the current, and hasn't looked to the shore once. He's happy but his body is humming with nervous energy. He considers joining her, but decides against it, remembering the times he sought oblivion in the absolute solitude of the sea. He tries to take it in, the indigo waves lined with a lacework of sea foam, the endless horizon stretching out before him, but all he can see is the tiny naked body of a woman swimming further and further away from him. The longer he sits on the beach the more nervous he gets until the sun on the water makes everything look shiny and threatening. He shakes his head angrily. He - will not - have an episode here, today, goddamit. If only the sea wasn't so calm like it had been in the Quarter Quell. Or the rocks didn't remind him of the cave...
It becomes harder and harder until even the clear blue sky looks sinister.
Sometimes he is so tired of being crazy.
He stands quickly and paces the beach before he starts climbing the rocks. They are slick and sharp, and he recognizes too late that doing this barefoot was probably not a smart decision, as his feet are soon cut and bleeding. But then the salt on the rocks enters the cuts and he's blinded briefly by a soothing bolt of pain. It steadies him as he pushes himself forward over the rocks looking out to the sea. As he climbs he remembers the first time he kissed Katniss when their lives were not in danger. And the night she stayed up decorated cookies for the Community Home with him until three in the morning. And the time he spent a day in bed with her doing nothing but listening to her tell stories about Prim while she both laughed and cried. It occurs to him that in the last twelve or thirteen years, they've created enough memories that the shiny ones are drowned out in comparison. When he reaches the top of the small sea cliff, he realizes he is standing in a new land, unscathed by his past life. He's bleeding and in pain, his love is floating away on the tide, and it's all right.
It has to be.
When he returns, she's still in the water but he's not looking for her. Instead he finds fruit in a knapsack left with them by the pilot. While he eats an apple, he lays down at the water's edge and lets the sea foam wash the sand from his wounded feet. The sun feels warm and good.
He closes his eyes.
"Peeta?"
Her voice sounds very far away.
"Peeta?" she tries again.
He cracks an eye to see the sun is low over the water and Katniss is shivering next to him on the beach.
"You came back," he murmurs sleepily, not fully awake.
"Are you surprised?" she asks, looking at him incredulously.
He sits up and stares at her for a moment, all glowing and healthy in the afternoon sun, salt crystallizing on her skin. The woman in front of him is both identical to and nothing like the girl he fell in love with all those years ago.
"No," he answers. "Hungry?"
When she nods, he tries to feed her an apple, but it seems she has an appetite for other things.
Later, when they are both sticky and uncomfortable on the rapidly cooling beach, with sand in places they would rather not imagine, she drags him into the water. He's cold and shivering but all of a sudden she's in his arms, her head buried in his neck.
"You found a place with no Games," she whispers.
An affirmation rumbles in his chest as he holds her tightly to him.
"Imagine - someone's kids could come here one day and be in a place where there were no Games. Ever."
Their eyes meet as he nods silently.
Then together they look out over the sea and say nothing else until the hovercraft comes for them.