"LILY!" "WAKE UP!" "LILY!"
Lily blinked groggily as she sat up. A sopping wet Crystal was sitting next to her, wringing her
hair out with a concerned look on her face.
"Whuttecrahp happened?"
Crystal adjusted her glasses and explained in the loudest and most professional way possible, that
she had NO FREAKING IDEA.
They looked around, trying for the millionth time that day to work out where they were.
This time, it appeared to be some kind of beach. Their umbrella-boat was washed up a few meters away and beyond that there were no noticeable surroundings.
"This is all your fault you know." Lily remarked.
"HOW IS THIS MY FAULT?!"
"You're the one that wanted to bloody go adventuring and abusing dormice."
"SHUT UP."
"A-AYEE!"
They walked along the beach in silence searching for some other poor creature to inflict their
strangeness upon in the hopes of getting out of there (and getting that chocolate milk).
Lily pulled a telescope out of her bag and looked in the distance.
"KSNHDJSJJJAJAJAOHMAHGAADDDDOHMAGAAADDDDADA JOY OH JOY YEYEYEYEYEYAYYZZZZZZZZZ!"
"WHAT IS YOUR PROBLEM NOW CHILD?!" Screamed Crystal, who was fast losing her patience with this idiot.
Lily made some flapping gestures, waving her arms about and flailing trying to convey some kind of message but ultimately failing due to having a seizure at the same time. Eventually she fell to the ground giggling and Crystal just looked really concerned.
Finally when she was coherent again, Lily was able to explain that she had seen people further down the beach and that they could go and ask for help. And tea.
The girls walked at a faster pace now, the group getting closer and closer until finally they reached their goal.
It was a rather motley assortment of creatures, consisting mostly of various birds. They all appeared to be thoroughly soaked and were standing in a haphazard circle around a mouse standing on a crate who was obviously a leader of sorts, who was giving some kind of speech.
As the duo approached the group of birds, Crystal was stumped. Why in the world was there a bunch of birds standing around? Could they speak English? Did they understand English? And what on Earth is that mouse going on about? Shaking her head and realizing that she probably shouldn't question these things, they stood behind the group and listened to the mouse do some type of historical monologue.
"Edwin and Morcar, the earls of Mercia and Northumbria, declared for him: and even Stigand, the patriotic archbishop of Canterbury, found it advisable-"
"Aaaaactually," Lily interrupted, somehow gaining a pair of librarian-like spectacles, although they didn't help her see and she was still blind as ever. "I will have you know a thing here-"
The group of birds gasped in shock at the sudden arrival of the humans, as the mouse spoke over Lily "Don't try to correct me, I know what I'm speaking about here!" He argued.
"No, ye don't." Lily stated, and Crystal shook her head as she knew what was going to happen. Of COURSE, Lily launched into a long and detailed (and apparently factually correct) rant about the topic the mouse was speaking about, all the while doing wild hand movements and walking up and down the beach, eventually leaving an in-grained trail of where she walked.
While she did this, the birds were still looking shocked as ever and stood still, staring at the two with uncertainty. "Don't worry", Crystal said. "This is perfectly normal behavior for her."
The birds slowly nodded with uncertainty, while Lily's voice was growing louder all the while. "And that, is the correct version of the story, not whatever you were going on about." She waved her had dismissively at the mouse, who looked quite offended.
"You have no idea what you're on about!" yelled the mouse. "My version was completely correct, and yours was full of unnecessary and untrue facts!" Lily's face darkened at this.
"Actually, I do know what I'm on about, you're the uneducated walnut here-"
"No I'm not, who are you calling a walnut!?"
The mouse and Lily bantered (Crystal made a mental note to handle all interactions with mice, if these encounters weren't proof enough that Lily couldn't handle them), then a loud and posh voice arose from the crowd of birds.
"Alright, alright, settle down now!" The voice said, as a large dodo emerged from the crowd, looking sternly at the two debaters who had halted their arguing and were looking at the dodo expectantly.
"Now," sighed the dodo. "as we appear to have gained two new sopping comrades to this group," he said, looking sternly at the two girls, who waved enthusiastically. "the best way for all of us to dry, is to have a Caucus-race."
No one said anything for a few tense moments "Whut teh crahp is a Caucus-race?" Asked Crystal, raising an eyebrow questioningly. "Does it have to do with any physical movement associated with sports?"
"Why yes", said the dodo, "it is called a race for a reason." He then went on to explain how this race was done, which had no real starting point and no real finishing point.
"Now, are we all ready to begin?" He asked the group of birds, who gave murmurs of approval. "Are you two rea-" He stopped, seeing that the girls had sat down with their arms crossed, unimpressed looks on their faces.
He looked at them confusedly "Why aren't you two getting ready?" He asked, seemingly perplexed as to why they weren't as ecstatic as the rest of the group.
"It's sports."
"We hate sports."
"Aaany type of sport, we loathe."
"Our worst nemesis."
"Greatly dislike."
"No can do, friend."
"Too much effort."
They both looked very unimpressed.
The dodo raised a non-existent eyebrow at their large disliking at sports, before facing the group and clearing his throat "Riiight, it appears out two new...friends...will not be joining in. Everyone else, get ready."
Lily and Crystal watched in great amusement as the birds started running around in the circle the dodo had drawn out, all of them squawking and flapping their wings as they ran.
"Weeeelll," Lily drawled, still watching the birds and their race. "As it seems we won't be finding any tea or chocolate milk here, can we leave?" Just as she said this, she slumped suddenly, landing heavily on Crystal's shoulder.
"Oof", Crystal exclaimed, the sudden weight almost taking her down. She sighed. "Alright, let us get moving." She quickly got up, almost making Lily face plant into the sand (her glasses wouldn't have been hurt, considering they disappeared a long time ago) and quickly scrambled upwards, jogging after Crystal.
"CRYSTAL I'M STARVING!"
"Oh shut up and walk ya lazy hobbit!"
"SHUT YER BLOODY MOUTH CRYSTAL"
"WELL STOP BEING ANNOYING THEN YOU LETTUCE-BRAIN!"
"Tch."
Crystal rolled her eyes and resisted the urge to slap the idiot standing next to her.
"Where are we even going?"
"It's an adventure baka, we go wherever we end up."
"Goddammit why do I have to get dragged along on your adventure!?"
"It's OURS now stop complaining or else no chocolate milk for ye."
"Yeah yeah..."
After the incident on the beach, the two found themselves walking along a dusty path into the woods. It was surprisingly dark and rather cold. Even Crystal (who is apparently immune to the cold) found herself shivering. Every now and then small rustlings could be heard from bushes on either side of the path. A few birds flitted about the treetops but other than that it was silent. The place gave Lily a strange feeling. It was too..."dark"...In a way she was fascinated but she also found it rather creepy. They both made sure to stick close together and stay on the path.
Lily stopped suddenly. "What," she said, pointing towards her, "is that?"
Crystal looked at her disapprovingly. "That is quite obviously a white rabbit in a waistcoat with a pocket watch and monocle."
"AND YOU DON'T FIND SOMETHING EVEN SLIGHTLY SUSPICIOUS ABOUT THAT?!"
Crystal looked puzzled. "What would I find suspicious about a white rabbit in a waistcoat with a - WAIT-
"WHATTECRAHP IS A RABBIT DOING WITH A FREAKING WAISCOATPOCKETWATCHANDMONOCLE?"
Lily was about to make a sarcastic reply when the rabbit turned to them.
"MARY ANN!" It shouted, pointing at Lily.
The girls jaw dropped anime style.
"IT TALKS?!" They screeched
The White Rabbit rushed over to them angrily. "Mary Ann you wretched girl, go and fetch me my gloves and fan at once!"
Lily was not impressed by this.
"ARE YOU TALKING TO ME? LISTEN UP COTTON-TAIL, I AIN'T YO FREAKING SERVANT AND MY NAME IS NOT MARY ANN NOR IS IT ALICE, ITS FREAKING LILY NOW STAHP ORDERING ME AROUND OR ELSE I'LL-"
The rest of Lily's statement was cut off by the White Rabbit.
"If you do not get me my gloves and fan THIS INSTANT, you will not be receiving your weekly payment of Custard Cream Cookies for the next MONTH!"
Lily's eyes glittered. "C-custard creams?"
The rabbit nodded wisely.
"AYE SIR, FAN AND GLOVES ON THE WAY, LETS GO CRYSTAL!"
She grabbed the other girls hand and raced off, Crystal face palming at her idiotic friend who would do anything for sweets...
As the girls ran (or rather, one ran, one was dragged), Crystal realized that they both had no idea where they should be going. "WAIT YA LETTUCE BRAIN!" She exclaimed, as she pulled back on Lily's arm to stop her from running.
"Uggh, whaaaat?" Lily complained, obviously wanting to get the items as soon as possible so she could gorge herself on cookies.
"We haven't got the slightest idea as to where the crahp this rabbit's house is," Crystal pointed out "We can't go running off or we'll get lost."
Lily pondered this for a minute. Then shrugged. "Eh, we'll see if there's a path, then follow it and hope for the best". She replied, tugging on Crystal's arm to get them moving again.
Crystal rolled her eyes, of course she would do that. "Fine, then lead the way, Mary Ann" She smirked as Lily death glared her before they went running off again.
The girls wandered about for a while, desperately searching for some kind of path that would hopefully lead them to the White Rabbit's house.
"HAH! FOUND ONE!" Lily yelled, as she ran down a dirt path with a disgruntled Crystal in tow. After a few minutes of running they came across a rather small and neat house, with a brass plate that had "W. RABBIT" engraved on it.
"HERE, HERE, HERE!" Lily exclaimed as she barged through the door (and almost ramming Crystal into it as well). Crystal groaned and made Lily release her grip on her arm, before looking around the house.
"I'm not seeing anything here," Crystal muttered, as she inspected the area, while Lilywas off fiddling with something. Crystal straightened up and said "We should check upstairs."
"Okay!" Lily enthusiastically replied, while stumbling out of the kitchen and almost running into the table. Crystal looked at her quizzically. "Please tell me you weren't raiding the Rabbit's food supply." She said with a piqued eyebrow. "Yeah, but he has nothing interesting, and no chocolate milk either which is rather disappointing. Come on, come on!" She urged, racing up the stairs to the upper floor. Crystal had to stop herself from rolling her eyes before following after her.
When they got up there, it looked like there was nothing useful up here either. Before Lily spotted the pair of gloves and fan the White Rabbit was looking for.
"IIIIII FOUND THEM!" She exclaimed as she bounded over to the table, picking them up none-too carefully. "Come on, I wanna get my cookies!" She said as she bounced around in a circle.
"And what will you do if the rabbit figures out that you aren't Mary Ann?" Crystal questioned, becoming rather amused at the mental imagery she was getting of the confrontation that would happen.
"Meh, I'll say that I got them anyway so I deserve a reward". Lily shrugged, before making her way to the door.
As she was about to turn around and leave too, Crystal spotted a small bottle filled with a dark blue liquid, with a tag on it that said 'DRINK ME'. "Wait," she called out to Lily's retreating form. "I found something".
Crystal heard a groan of protest before Lily came stomping in again, with an impatient look on her face. "What naoooow?" She groaned.
Picking up the bottle and spinning around, Crystal showed Lily her discovery. "Whaddaya reckon this is?" She asked, looking at the sloshing liquid inside the vial.
Lily's eyes lit up. "Oooooh, I wonder if it tastes like chocolate milk? Or tea even?" She said, as she tried to grab the bottle from Crystal's grasp. Unfortunately, she did have a bit of a height disadvantage, as Crystal easily towered over her. "Oh please, you don't even know what this is." Nekyan scoffed. "Does look intriguing though." she muttered.
"And that's why I wanna try it!" Lily exclaimed, as she jumped up and grabbed the vial, before running to the other side of the room with a victorious look on her face.
Crystal sighed. "Fine, but if you end up exploding or dying in some horrible way, it's your fault. Understood?" She warned, looking at Lily over her glasses.
"Mmhmm!" Lily nodded vigorously as she uncapped the vial...
Lily gulped the liquid down in one go. It tasted strange at first then it began to taste rather sweet and nice. It gave her a pleasant tingling feeling. She looked down at Crystal to inform her that the liquid was harmless.
Wait.
Down?
"Uh Crystal, when did you get so short?!"
Nekyan looked traumatized, although whether it was from the fact that Lilywas now growing at a rapid pace, and not seeming to be stopping anytime soon, or whether it was the fact that the girl she had taunted for the past 4 years about being a stunted Hobbit was now towering over her...
"WHAT THE HELL DID YOU DRINK?" Crystal screeched
"HOW SHOULD I FREAKING KNOW?!"
Lilybegan cursing loudly as her head hit the ceiling. She crouched down to give herself more space.
Crystal meanwhile was shoved up against the wall and was currently trying to regain the ability to breathe...
"Little help please?" She squeaked
"SORRY!" Lily reached out a hand and picked Crystal up, gently placing her at the top of the staircase. Crystal promptly raced down stairs and tried to figure out a way to solve this problem. Half way down the stairs, she crashed into the White Rabbit who had apparently come to check on them. She shoved him down the stairs and bolted for the door.
"WHATS GOING ON AND WHY IS THERE AN ARM STICKING OUT THE STAIRCASE? AND WHERE IS MARY ANN WITH MY GLOVES AND FAN?"
Crystal briefly stuck her head back in the door, "Mary Ann has encountered a little problem..."
The white rabbit ran outside to question her more about said problem, whilst upstairs Lilywas in a rather uncomfortable position, one arm out the window, one down the staircase, head stuffed into lap and knees tucked up to her face.
"Why does this ALWAYS happen to ME?"
Luckily for Lily, the little magic bottle had now had its full effect, and she grew no larger: still it was very uncomfortable, and, as there seemed to be no sort of chance of her ever getting out of the room again, no wonder she felt unhappy.
"It was much pleasanter at home," thought poor Lily, "when I was really short and wasn't called Alice or Mary Ann and when I wasn't being ordered about by mice and rabbits. I almost wish I hadn't locked myself in the broom cupboard although this is kind of dun in a way. When I used to read fairy tales, I fancied that kind of thing never happened, and now here I am in the middle of one! There ought to be a book written about me, that there ought! And when I grow up, I'll write one-but I'm grown up now," she added in a sorrowful tone; "at least there's no room to grow up any more here."
"But then,' thought Lily, "shall I never get any older than I am now? That'll be a comfort, one way-never to be an old woman- but then-always more math homework to do and I really wouldn't like that..."
"Oh, you idiot Lily!" she answered herself. "How can you do math homework in here? There's hardly room for you, let alone all your math books and laptop!"
And so she went on, taking first one side and then the other, and making quite a conversation of it altogether; but after a few minutes she heard a voice outside, and stopped to listen.
As Crystal ran outside, she became increasingly annoyed at the Rabbit who was hopping behind her, constantly asking what happened in his house. She spun around to look at the Rabbit. "Well," she said, her annoyance showing in her voice. "how about you go find out yourself?" She asked, before looking around trying to figure out what she should do about the giant Lily trapped in the house.
The Rabbit looked at her questioningly, shook his head and started hopping to the entrance of his house, muttering something to himself all the while. Crystal didn't see anything that could help extract or downsize Lily in the front yard, so she decided to wait for the rabbit as he was probably the only one who would know what to do about the situation.
She walked around to the side of the house, and immediately noticed Lily's giant hand sticking out the window. She had to contain her laughter at the absurdity of it, knowing that it probably wouldn't impress Lily if she knew her friend was cackling at her misfortune (even though Crystal always did, and Moon was never impressed with it anyway). She then saw the Rabbit hopping out his door and rushing towards Crystal, a confused look on his face.
"I can't even get up the stairs, I must go through the window." He stated, nodding his head sharply and running to the window, right where Moon's hand was situated. Crystal wondered how he couldn't see the gigantic hand coming out of said window, but nevertheless Lily must have heard him, because the minute he approached the window, Lily's hand suddenly spread and snatched the air above the Rabbit.
The Rabbit shrieked and fell into his glass cucumber-frame, which then made her cackle hysterically.
The White Rabbit glared at her, before calling over his shoulder, "Pat! Pat! Where are you?" Suddenly a lumbering ape came around the corner of the house, startling Crystal as she hadn't spotted the ape around before.
"Sure then I'm here! Digging for apples,yer honor!" He yelled to the Rabbit, as he walked (or crawled, whatever apes do to move around) to the Rabbit, who was sitting unimpressed in his cucumber garden.
"Digging for apples indeed!" said the Rabbit angrily. "Here! Come and help me out of this, as someone wouldn't!" He threw another glare over to Crystal, who smiled sweetly and approached the two animals.
Pat, who seemingly hadn't noticed Crystal yet, helped the Rabbit out of the garden. As he brushed off remaining glass shards, he said to the ape "Now tell me, Pat, what's that in the window?"
Crystal raised an eyebrow, wondering if the Rabbit was legally blind or something, he seemed to be showing many signs of it. "Sure, it's an arrum, yer honour!" (Crystal assumed he meant arm.)
Crystal watched in amusement as the Rabbit was suddenly shaken out of his coat-brushing stupor and was staring at Lily's arm surprised. "An arm, you goose! Who ever saw one that size? Why, it fills the whole window!"
"Sure, it does, yer honour: but it's an arm for all that." Pat replied, looking at the arm nonchalantly, like it was the most normal thing to happen here. "Yet again", Crystal thought, "a lot of strange things must be normal here."
"Well, it's got no business there, at any rate: go and take it away!" The Rabbit replied fussily, shaking his head and muttering some more nonsense.
That was when Crystal sighed, causing both animals to look at her in surprise, completely forgetting she was there. "You can't exactly remove it, it belongs to a very large body, which is inside your house and it will take some rather creative planning to get the person out of there." She said, looking at the two animals expectantly with a raised eyebrow.
The two animals then looked at each other and started conversing to one another in hushed voices, with Pat not liking something and Rabbit calling him a coward, though Crystal wasn't quite sure as she was rudely excluded from the conversation.
Suddenly, Lily's hand snatched at the air again, causing both animals to shriek and fall into more cucumber-frames, while setting Crystal off on another bout of hysterics.
Pat and the White Rabbit shook off the glass, before running off somewhere near the woods. Crystal stared questioningly down the path they just went, before turning to Moon's giant hand and calling out. "It's alright friend, I believe we'll be getting you out soon." Lily flapped her hand in response, most likely saying to get on with it.
Crystal huffed, and then she heard a large rumble of feet approaching. She looked behind her uneasily to find a large crowd of animals running full speed towards the house. Crystal yelped and jumped to the side, just as the animals ran past her.
Some of them had barrows, and there was a huge chatter of voices overlapping each other, something about sending someone up the stairs. Crystal scoffed and thought that they most likely wouldn't get past whatever of Moon's appendages were down the staircase.
After much debating, they finally decided to send a lizard named Bill in, and Crystal watched as he scurried to the front door and went inside. There was a tense moment of waiting, before Bill was shot out of the front door. Crystal watched with wide eyes, then, once again, started cackling. Lily must have booted him out of the house or something like that, Crystal wasn't too sure.
There was a general chorus of "There goes Bill!", before they were all scrambling to catch him. He landed near the hedges, and the animals picked him up, asking what happened.
Bill's squeaking voice then piped up. "Well, I hardly know, but I'm a deal too flustered to tell you. All I know is, something comes at me like a Jack-in-the-box, and out I goes, like a rocket!"
"So you did old fellow!" said the others. "We must burn the house down!" said the Rabbit, and before Crystal could go off at him not to, Lily's voice called out. "If you do, I'll set my guinea pig on you!"
Crystal chuckled, of course she would threaten with that, while the rest of the group was silent. Then they started moving towards the barrows, the Rabbit saying something like "A whole barrow will do, to begin with."
Confused as to what they were doing, Crystal peered inside one of the barrows, and found what looked like pebbles. She turned to the Rabbit. "Hang on, why are you throwing pebbles at the woman? That won't help!" She exclaimed, waving her arms around. The Rabbit sighed and said "These aren't normal pebbles, they will help her." He then turned towards the rest of the animals, as they all gathered handfuls of pebbles, and threw them through the window.
Not many made it, but a few got inside, and must have hit Lily because there was lots of cursing and a shout of "YOU BETTER NOT DO THAT AGAIN YOU LETTUCE-HEADS!" Crystal face-palmed at the insult, and then heard "Oooh, cake." from Lily. Crystal raised her head and yelled "What!? This is no time to think about food ya walnut!"
"No!" exclaimed Lily, "the pebbles have turned into cakes! And I'm gonna eat one..or two..or possibly three.." She muttered. Crystal "Aah"'d and said "Just eat one, to see what happens." She called out.
Then, she waited...
Lily arm slowly began shrinking until it was no longer visible from the window, and Crystal could only assume that the rest of her had shrunk too. She walked around to the front door, expecting Lily to come bounding out at any moment, becoming rather concerned when after 5, 10, 15 minutes, she still did not appear.
"Whatever is she doing now?" Crystal wondered.
Warily she headed inside and up the stairs to check on Lily. The sight that met her was rather odd. The room looked like it had been hit by a tornado and no wonder considering what had happened, but that wasn't the strange part.
"One would think," Crystal began dryly, "that you would be happy to have been rescued from being over 10ft tall, not planking in the middle of the room sobbing..."
Lily looked up at her.
"That," she said tearfully," May have been the only time in my life that I would ever be taller than you, and I didn't get to make a single height joke. NOT. ONE."
She collapsed on the floor again.
"Why must life be so cruel to me...?" She muttered.
All Crystal could do was laugh.