Chapter 5

Deafening Determination

The next few days passed quickly for Harry as he read through his book and began organizing his mind. Even after suffering through years of his Potions instructions, he was shocked at how bad Snape's Occlumency lessons truly were. Contrary to what the greasy git had taught him, it turns out Occlumency was much more involved than simply 'clearing your mind'. Through his reading and Tonks' explanations, he learned that any loose thoughts would be easy for a Legilimens to pick up, so the first step in Occlumency was to learn how to organize his mind and hide his important memories, while leaving a cloud of stray thoughts to distract and slow down any attacker, after which he would learn how to construct barriers. It was slow going but, thanks to Tonks, Harry felt he was making progress. Along with their morning runs, she had been helping him every night after she returned from work, answering any questions he had and giving him pointers.

Harry glanced over at the fireplace as he waited for Tonks to return home. After spending most of the past week reading and meditating, only leaving the flat to go jogging, her promise to go out for dinner and a movie had him almost twitching in excitement. He was embarrassed to admit he was developing a bit of a crush on her, one that was certainly helped along by her constant teasing. He could hardly go longer than an hour with her without his face seeming to catch fire, not that he really minded. What sort of teenage boy would he be if he didn't enjoy having a beautiful woman flirt with him, even if she was only teasing him.

Green flames sprung up suddenly in the fireplace, quickly followed by Tonks as she tumbled out of the fireplace, the same way she did every day. Knowing her general entry routine, Harry was already on his feet and moving to help her up. "Hey Tonks, how was your day?" he asked, pulling her to her feet and helping to dust the soot from her.

She thanked him, before pulling out her wand and removing the rest of the soot from her clothes, "Work was pretty awful, but I got news from Dumbledore right before I left. He said headquarters is prepared. I can take you over there as soon as you're ready"

Harry looked at her somewhat disappointed. While he knew it wasn't safe for him to stay with Tonks long term, he had hoped that he would have at least had the chance to stay the weekend with her. But now it seemed like movie night was canceled and instead he had been sentenced to spend the rest of the summer in Grimmauld Prison. Tonks noticed his look and smacked his shoulder to gain his attention.

"What's the matter Harry, you're not going to miss little old me are you?" she asked with a big grin on her face.

"Well maybe a little," he replied, "Who else is going to come running with me?"

"You mean whose ass are you going to stare at while you go running?"

Harry forced himself to keep looking her in the eyes and tried to stop the color he felt rising in his cheeks, knowing she was just trying to embarrass him again. Besides, it wasn't like he did it on purpose, she was just in much better shape than he was and he usually fell a little bit behind. Deciding it was time for him to pay her back a little he replied, "Well I wouldn't want you to have to arrest me. It looks so good in those shorts, it would be a crime not to stare."

Tonks didn't even blink at his attempt to embarrass her, "Well maybe if you're good I'll give you a closer look," she said seductively.

'Merlin, is she serious?' he thought to himself, 'I mean she does flirt with me a lot, would it be so inconceivable that she-,' he stopped himself as he caught her grin, 'Bloody hell, she did it again.' He sighed softly to himself and decided to quit while he was ahead, gathering his things to take to Grimmauld Place. It didn't take long, most of the clothes he had bought were still in their shopping bags and he didn't have a whole lot else anymore, so he was ready to go in minutes. He turned around to tell Tonks and found that she was no longer behind him. Looking around he walked into her room to find her throwing clothes over her shoulder into her trunk, "What are you doing?" he asked.

"You didn't think we were going to let you live on your own, did you Harry?" she asked, absentmindedly throwing more clothes into her trunk.

"I don't know, I hadn't thought about it. I guess I just sort of assumed the Weasley's would be staying with me."

"No, Bill upgraded the wards at the Burrow. Molly tried to get Dumbledore to let you stay with them, but he wouldn't have it. He said if you were staying there it would make them more of a target than they already are." Harry nodded at that. He definitely didn't want anyone to be in danger because of him, especially not the Weasley's. "Instead Remus and I are going to be moving in to 'keep an eye on you'," she said, making air quotes at the last few words, causing Harry to brighten up. All of a sudden this summer didn't sound like it would be so bad.

Tonks took on a more serious look, "Speaking of Remus, I was hoping you could help me cheer him up. He's been taking Sirius' death pretty hard and distancing himself from everyone. It's why I suggested to Dumbledore that he stay at Grimmauld Place to help look out for you. I figure between the two of us, maybe we can break him out of his shell."

Harry felt the guilt of Sirius' death start to sweep over him. 'It wasn't my fault,' he thought to himself, trying to push it away. He still felt a small pit of sadness in his stomach, but it was at least manageable, "Of course I'll help," he replied.

She flashed him a grin before closing her trunk and sending it towards the fireplace with a wave of her wand. "Alright, let's go, Dumbledore is waiting." She led him to the fireplace before jumping in with her trunk and disappearing. Harry followed after her, exiting the fireplace only to trip over Tonks as she picked herself off the ground, knocking her back down and landing on top of her.

"Just a bit of advice Harry, but generally you should buy a girl dinner before you attempt to jump her," Tonks said grinning at him once more before pushing him off of her and picking herself up again. Meanwhile, Harry flushed red, noticing Dumbledore standing a few feet to the side, smiling with the ever-present twinkle in his eye.

"Maybe I should go first from now on. I'm sure you wouldn't faceplant every time you Floo if there were someone to catch you on the other end," he retorted, causing her to scowl and stick her tongue out at him in return.

Dumbledore strode over to help Harry up and used his wand to remove most of the soot from his journey through the fireplace, "I am sorry Harry, but I am rather in a hurry and we have much to discuss, so perhaps you could finish your discussion later," he said turning and leading them to the sitting room. They followed quickly behind and when the three of them had seated themselves he continued, "We have much to discuss Harry, the most important of which is the issue you brought up when you gave permission for us to continue using Grimmauld Place as headquarters. I cannot, in good conscience, allow you to become a member of the Order until you have graduated," he held up as hand to stall Harry as he opened his mouth to protest, "even if you were to revoke the use of your house for the Order, I will not change my decision. However, I believe we can reach a compromise. I will allow you to attend meetings over the summer if you continue to allow us the use your home."

Harry looked at him in surprise. He had never expected the headmaster to give in even that much to his demands. "Would I be able to speak at these meetings?" he asked, trying to gauge exactly how much the headmaster was offering him.

"Of course Harry, everyone that attends is welcome to add their opinion. You will, however, not be allowed to participate in any missions for the Order."

Harry thought for a moment. He hadn't expected to be allowed to participate in missions and wouldn't be able to for most of the year anyways as he would be at school. "What about any training?"

Dumbledore shook his head, "I'm sorry Harry, but while the Ministry was able to accept your use of magic during the attack on your house, the restriction on underage magic still applies. Any use of your wand in a situation that isn't life threatening will result in charges."

Harry grimaced, he had hoped he would be allowed to use magic over the summer so that he could learn to protect himself better. The DA had certainly helped, but his experience at the Ministry had shown him he still had a long way to go. He frowned after a second, catching something in the headmaster's wording, "Any use of my wand? Does that mean the Ministry won't be able to trace any magic I do without my wand?" he asked, to which the headmaster nodded. Harry smiled, 'At least I'll be able to practice something,' he thought to himself. The only problem was finding out what kinds of magic didn't use a wand. Not knowing he asked the headmaster.

"There are many areas of magic that do not require a wand, my boy. One of the them that you are already familiar with is Occlumency," Harry nodded at that, that one was obvious to him as he had already been practicing, "In fact I hope you will continue to practice Occlumency over the summer to protect your mind from Voldemort. It may be wise for you to learn how to Apparate as well. Voldemort's followers would not expect you to have such an ability, so it would give you an unexpected escape route. Perhaps Ms. Tonks or Mr. Lupin will have time over the summer to teach you," he said, looking over at Tonks. She merely nodded in response. "I will ask that you use this ability only when absolutely necessary and not to go off on your own under any circumstances. I understand that most of your belongings were destroyed, I do however," he reached into a pocket in his robes, pulling out Harry's shrunken broom. He tapped it with his wand, allowing it to regrow to it's normal size, "believe this belongs to you. Your Quidditch ban has been repealed, along with the rest of the educational decrees passed in the last year." Harry grinned widely as he took his broom from the headmaster. He couldn't wait to get back in the air. "It will take a while to arrange a guard to accompany you to Diagon Alley to replace the rest of your belongings, but I'm sure we will manage to arrange something before school begins."

Harry nodded, careful not to look directly into the headmaster's eyes, "Alright Professor, I suppose if there is anything I really need, I can always order it by owl or ask an Order member to pick it up for me," he lied. He had no intention of running off to Diagon Alley by himself, but he did plan on convincing Tonks to take him, in disguise of course.

Dumbledore smiled at him, rising from his seat, "If neither of you have any questions, I must be going." When neither of them spoke up, he turned and left through the fireplace.

Harry grabbed his things and carried them upstairs to the room he had shared with Ron, dropping them on the bed. He looked up at the sounds of flapping wings and raised his arm just in time for Hedwig to land on it. He smiled and reached up to pet her, "Hey girl, I've missed you," he said as he ruffled the feathers under her neck. She nipped his finger affectionately as he turned towards the door, "Come on, I don't have any owl treats for you right now, but I'm sure we can find something in the kitchen," he said, leaving his room to find a treat for his faithful familiar.

OoOoO

A few days later Harry was woken up early, the same way he had been every day since he had started his training, by Tonks jumping on his bed. "Up you get sleepyhead," he groaned and looked up at her, fixing her with a glare, "you didn't think that just because it's Sunday that you would get out of your exercise, did you?"

"No, but do we really need to start this early?" Harry groaned as he tried to burrow into his pillow.

"Oh no you don't," Tonks said, grabbing and pulling on his arm trying to force him from his bed, "we're starting something new today, so we're getting an early start." He managed to shake her off just as she went for a large tug, sending her sprawling onto the ground with a yelp and a thud, causing Harry to bolt upright to check on her.

"Tonks are you okay?" he asked, peering at her over the edge of the bed.

She sat up and dusted herself off, giving him a dirty look, "I'm fine Potter, I'd be more worried about myself if I were you."

Harry gulped audibly and quickly jumped out of bed, grabbing his workout clothes and heading for the bathroom before she could retaliate. He exited the bathroom a few minutes later and followed an unusually silent Tonks outside to begin their morning run. He quickly fell behind as she set a grueling pace, pushing himself as she taunted him to keep up. She took him on a much longer route than they normally took leaving him exhausted by the time they returned home.

He entered the house and headed straight for the shower, intending to cool off, but was stopped before he could make it to the bathroom door, "And where do you think you're going?" she asked, crossing her arms at him. He sighed, apparently she wasn't done torturing him yet for knocking her off his bed.

He pointed to the bathroom, "I was going to go take a shower," he said, knowing it was the wrong answer.

"You didn't think I was done with you yet, did you?" she asked, smiling at him in a way that left him uneasy. He wasn't sure how to respond, so he remained silent. "Come on, I've decided it's time to start on the next part of your training," she motioned for him to follow and led him to an empty room, closing the door behind them. "You said you wanted to learn anything that might help you protect yourself, so here we are. I'm going to teach you hand to hand combat."

Harry eyes widened in surprise. He had always wanted to take karate as a kid, mostly to stop Dudley from picking on him. "That's great, I always wanted to learn how to fight," he said enthusiastically.

OoOoO

Half an hour later, Harry wasn't quite so enthusiastic. He was laying on his back for what must have been the fifteenth time, trying to catch his breath. His teacher on the other hand had hardly broken a sweat. She stood over him and reached down to help him up. He let her as she explained what he had done wrong this time. He attempted to listen, but the groaning in his muscles took up most of his concentration. So far he had yet to hit her with anything more than a glancing blow as she threw him on his back, down on his face or just twisted one of his limbs until he was forced to submit. As she finished speaking he nodded and she motioned for him to come at her again. He did so slowly, wary of her using his own force against him. He was still uncomfortable with trying to hit her, so he focused on trying to grapple with her. Seeing his strategy, she switched things up and took the offensive, throwing punches at him that he managed to block or dodge. His quick reflexes gained from a childhood of being his cousins' punching bag, along with his seeker training allowed him to avoid all but glancing blows. He kept it up until she overreached, grabbing her wrist and pulling her close to him to grab the other. He raised his knee, blocking a kick aimed at him and pushed, forcing her down to the ground. 'I finally got her,' he thought to himself, only to find himself soaring through the air as she flipped him over her head to land on his back, before continuing her roll to end up on top of him pinning his hands above his head. He tried to roll away from her, but she held him down.

"What's the matter Harry, girl on top not your thing?" she taunted.

He stopped struggling and looked at her, seeing his chance, "Actually, now that you mention it, I do kind of enjoy it," he said, pushing a lecherous grin onto his face. A look of surprise crossed Tonks' face that doubled when he used her distraction to flip her off him and pin her to the ground in a manner similar to which she had held him a moment before. "Ha, I got you," he said, smiling as he taunted her.

She struggled against him trying to break away, but he held on, not allowing her to regain the advantage. She looked at him, both panting in exertion for a moment before speaking. "Good job Harry," she said, looking up at him, "I definitely can't break out of that."

"So I finally win one?" he asked still smiling.

"I don't know, it sure doesn't feel like I lost. Maybe I'll have to let you win more often," she said winking up at him. He felt his grip loosen for a moment and instantly knew he had made a mistake. In the blink of an eye she had reversed their positions yet again, only this time his arm was bent uncomfortably behind his back. Wearing a big grin she looked down at him, "Then again, it's much more fun if I make you earn it."

Harry winced as he was forced to submit again. He had had her right where he wanted her and she had gotten the better of him yet again.

OoOoO

Harry stepped out of the shower feeling refreshed, but sore. Tonks hadn't let up on him, knocking him on his ass for nearly an hour before she was finished with him and in all that time he had hardly landed a single decent blow. No matter what he tried she always seemed to know what he was doing, it was infuriating. He dressed quickly and walked down to the kitchen to make breakfast, only to find Remus sitting on a stool drinking some tea and reading the paper. He looked older than the last time Harry had seen him, despite the fact that it had only been a few weeks.

"Moony," Harry exclaimed, rushing over to see him, "are you okay? You don't look so good."

A small smile crossed Remus' face as he looked up at Harry, "Hey pup, the full moon you know, I'm still a little bit under the weather."

Harry frowned as he grabbed a pan and began to cook breakfast for them, "I thought the full moon was four days ago."

"It was, I just had a rough go of it this time," Remus said tiredly.

"How come? Did that greasy git stop making your Wolfsbane?" Harry asked angrily. 'If that snarky git has stopped making Remus his potion...' Harry thought to himself as he crushed an egg in his hand.

Remus sighed, "No Harry, Severus made my potion for me, the same way he does every month."

Harry looked at him confused, "Then why was this full moon so.." he cut himself off, realizing why this time must have been so bad for Remus. He couldn't believe he hadn't thought of it, Sirius must have been using his Animagus form to keep him company during the full moon. "I'm sorry Remus," he said quietly, feeling guilty once again for his godfathers death.

"It isn't your fault pup, Sirius knew the risks when he went in, the same way we all did. Even if he knew the outcome, I'm sure he would have done it again. He loved you Harry, like the son he never had. He would have done anything to protect you."

Harry was quiet, he didn't know what to say. Tonks had spent days convincing him that Sirius' death wasn't his fault, but part of him couldn't help but think that if he'd hadn't gone to the Ministry that day, Sirius would be sitting across from him right now. He continued making breakfast in silence until Tonks came down.

"Wotcher Remus," she called out as she walked in, tripping in her hurry to greet him and ran into him, causing his tea to spill over the table, "Oh sorry, here let me get that for you," she said as she flushed scarlet. Harry looked at her curiously, he had never seen her embarrassed by her clumsiness before. She pulled out her wand to clean up the spilled tea, only to drop it underneath the table. Her face flushed a shade of red Harry wasn't sure would be possible for anyone other than a metamorphmagus, as she dropped to the floor to pick up her wand.

"It's good to see you Tonks," Remus said with a slight smile, pulling out his own wand. He cast a quick scourgify at the table, vanishing the spilled tea, seemingly unaware that Tonks' face currently resembled a sunset. She stood up quickly, giving Harry a warning glare as he looked questioningly at her. Unsure what to make of her actions Harry ignored her and began to separate the food onto three plates. They ate in relative silence, with Harry and Remus both caught up in their own depressions, while Tonks seemed to be too embarrassed to look at either of them for the moment.

The silence continued until they finished eating, when Tonks announced their plans for the rest of the day, "I think that we should spend the rest of the morning going over Apparation Harry. We'll give you your first lesson and with any luck you'll be able to do it by the end of the week."

Remus just nodded, obviously having been filled in Dumbledore before he had arrived and led the way out of the kitchen and into the sitting room to begin the lesson. "Now Harry," he said, entering professor mode and conjuring a pair of hoops that he placed at each end of the room, "the key to apparation is determination. The first step is to fix your mind upon your destination," Harry looked at the hoop standing on the opposite side of the room, trying to take in ever detail. After waiting a minute for Harry to get a good picture of where he would be apparating to, Remus continued, "Now, while keeping the picture of your destination, envision yourself standing there," he waited, allowing Harry time to alter the picture in his mind, "and now, holding that picture in your mind, you spin on the spot, focusing on your desire to occupy your destination."

Harry took a deep breath, holding the picture of him standing across the room in his mind. He closed his eyes and spun quickly on the spot, only to lose his balance and fall into the chair beside him.

OoOoO

Two days later Harry was standing in the sitting room again, having lost count of the times he had spun on the spot, trying to fade from his current position and end up in the hoop on the other side of the room.

Tonks walked into the room brushing the soot of her shoulders, having just returned from Auror headquarters "Hey boys, any luck yet?" she asked.

Remus looked up at her from a nearby chair, "Nothing yet," he looked over at Harry, taking in his expression, "Calm down pup, you won't get anywhere if you don't focus. Frustration will only get in the way."

Harry leaned his head back, thinking over the last couple of days. He had spent an hour each day trying to apparate across the room and had yet to succeed. Remus assured him this was normal and it usually took four or five lessons before even the quick learners managed an apparation at Hogwarts. He closed his eyes and tried to calm down, focusing on the hoop across the room and visualized himself standing inside of it. He felt his magic straining to be released, a sensation that had been growing ever since he had fled Privet Drive. He allowed the magic to build up, trying to meld it with his desire to be standing on the other side of the room and with a last deep breath he spun on the spot, feeling himself being sucked through a tube. The sensation only lasted a moment before he found himself standing on the opposite site of the room, facing the wall. He smiled enthusiastically and spun to face Remus and Tonks to find them both laying on the ground with their hands over their ears and shocked looks across their faces.

"What the hell was that," Tonks half shouted, as if she couldn't hear herself properly.

Remus shook his head as he tried to gain his bearing, picking himself off the ground and righting his chair before replying in a similar voice, "I think Harry just managed his first Apparation."

Harry hurried over to help Tonks off the ground, "I'm so sorry, I don't know what happened," he said sheepishly.

"It's alright Harry," Remus said, almost yelling, "most people are quite loud when they first learn to Apparate."

Tonks scowled at him, "Well I've never heard of anyone making a noise like THAT!" she said, pointing at one of the windows, which now had a long crack running down the length of it.

Remus quickly pulled out his wand and fixed the damage before turning back to Harry and patting him on the shoulder, "It's alright pup, you'll just have to learn control. Now that you've managed to Apparate, you should try focusing on arriving slower. It will take practice, but with a little work you should be able to manage it without deafening everybody with a hundred meter radius," he said, smiling to show Harry he was joking. "You did good, most people take weeks of practice to manage their first apparition."

Harry blushed, "Well I just did what you said, I calmed myself down and focused."

Tonks bounded over and wrapped him up in a hug, apparently having already forgiven him for nearly bursting her eardrums, "I'm proud of you Harry. Now are you ready to try again?"

Harry nodded enthusiastically at that, taking his original spot. He closed his eyes to focus again before Tonks stopped him, and quickly conjured two sets of pink earmuffs, placing one on Remus before donning the other herself. "Remember, try to arrive slower this time," she said before motioning for him to continue.

With the added confidence of his success, Harry closed his eyes and calmed himself, this time focusing on both his magic and the speed of his arrival. He felt the now familiar sensation of being pulled through a tube as the world blurred around him before coming into focus facing the wall again. He turned around as Remus used his wand to repair a slightly smaller crack in the window and Tonks rushed over to congratulate him again.