She has to say goodbye to the thing she loves most.
It's like she said: Henry can't go out into the world alone.
(And as for the slight chance it's Emma; well, that's taken care of. She even has Henry. She has what her life would be without the fairytale madness descending upon her.)
A wife without a husband is a widow. A child without parents is an orphan.
A mother without her child is nothing.
Charming finds her sobbing and she hastily draws up, stiff backed and flinty-eyed, shaking hands hidden behind her back.
But then he's saying, "I know," and his voice cracks and all is lost.
Snow catches her burying her heart in dirt.
Not in a magically reinforced vault, hidden away. Not protected by a dragon, as hearts have been. There's just a sharp stone and Regina's digging a grave for her heart with it.
Though if anyone can understand not wanting to love someone, Snow can. She talks her into keeping heart.
Subtle, Snow is not. But even if she will never say it, Regina is grateful for every glance at her from the corner of her eyes.
Raising Henry wasn't the easiest thing, but it was absolutely perfect. As long as she didn't think about being a mother, because that brought back memories of her lungs refusing to cooperate. Of angry red welts that should have showed, but only hurt, invisible.
She doesn't know how to be a mother. She just can be one, instinctively.
She's making a stuffed monkey, and handing it over to soothe the child, and suddenly she has a tiny shadow with a toothy grin, which hurts.
Robin has raised a son, without his wife.
His mark is the sign of a lion, and he tells her about his wife who couldn't speak, but was the most joyful storyteller, once he learned her language.
He also tells her she disappeared years ago, but his mark hasn't faded. Which could mean she will come back to him.
Regina doesn't want to, but she is accidentally telling him all about Daniel. And having him 'come back to her'.
It's about sharing, what they have. A shared loss of love, a shared love for a child, a shared enmity against a witch.
(A shared, hidden wish to forget.)
Who's to say it isn't enough?
She has a sister, and her name is Zelena.
Their mother sent her to Oz, so she became the most powerful witch there. (Mother would be proud)
Zelena wishes, more than anything, to be in Regina's place. Regina is almost angry enough to wish the same thing on her.
Roland is a shy boy who doesn't talk much. Until she realizes it's because he's used to talking with his mother. She starts off halting, but soon they're signing back and forth, and Robin just looks at her like he thinks she can't possibly be real.
(Emma is the answer to their problem. None of them think they should go running back to wreak havoc on her life, but they're too relieved at the thought of seeing her again.)
Looking to Emma when they need a Savior.
They're being selfish.
She doesn't speak up, because that will mean going against a plan that will take her to Henry. And Emma.
She's sacrificed the things closest to her heart to undo the curse and save everyone. She wakes up back in her mansion and nothing has changed.
Except Emma and Henry aren't there, so-
She doesn't know what that means
She's getting coffee from the diner as if it's a normal day, when she spots the familiar faces. He's taller, her beautiful boy, he might even be taller than her.
(He looks right through her)
And then Emma's there, with explanations of an inadequate memory potion and a year lost.
Is forgetting an year living without them really a curse?
There are flying monkeys and a Wicked Witch. There's a man who follows her around and a connection she denies. But the worst is being in the same town as a son who does not know her.
(Looking at Henry is like breathing with lungs full of shattered glass. Despite everything, it is what's keeping her alive.)
Even when the town wants to bring out their pitchforks and torches, Emma believes in her. "With you, Regina, I always know." and, this is not how this works. They don't go around making declarations of trust, or looking at each other all doey-eyed or holding hands and she's not sure she remembers what the reason behind that is, anymore.
There's a stakeout and they're talking about Henry's new life, his school, his friends. (But no girlfriend, not yet) She's trying to blink the tears away but one falls and rolls down her cheek and Emma's there. She wipes her tear and kisses her forehead in a move that is so familiar from comforting Henry, they both freeze.
Then they're kissing, gasping, breathing and Emma's hand is at her collar, the other's in her hair and Regina's head hits the window as she skates her fingers over Emma's side when she remembers: the writing.
She pushes her back, hand on her chest and Emma, ever so pliant, goes without a word. (Question in her eyes, but no surprise)
She knows Emma will never ask, will never bring this up. (She happens to notice light flickering in her office just then, so it works out just fine.)
She has a sister, and she doesn't know what she ever did to her.
(If she knew what she'd done, she'd at least have the satisfaction of having done it.)
Henry loves her. He doesn't know her, but their True Love is enough to break the curse, and bring back all memories. And then he calls her Mom and rushes towards her and his voice is breaking, she feels dwarfed in his arms instead of the other way round, and everything is still, for a moment.
The Savior rewrites the past, and brings back Robin's wife.
She'd never imagined such malice.
"Regina, I'm sorry, just let me exp- no wait don't-!"
There's nothing left to say, or do.
There are upwards of fifteen missed calls everyday for a week, which then start to taper off. (They never stop entirely.) She deletes the voice mails and messages unopened without a second thought.
On Thursday when she's at the office, Emma knocks on the door and then sits outside until Regina actually calls security.
At least a month passes until the calls slow to one every night, and pleading messages stop being sent through Henry and Snow.
A snow-monster attacks, (she's not going to think about that one) and she rescues Marian from it, cementing her fate.
If she never talks to Emma Swan again, it'll be too soon.
She gets a dinner invitation to eat with her ex, the woman she almost killed and the boy she could have been a mother to.
She brings apple pie and asks Henry to wear that blue jacket he loves.
She doesn't want to know what Ms Swan is up to, but Henry's there every other week, Robin's got a job at the Sheriff's station, and Snow insists on working at their budding not-enmity. Which means there are always sentences that start, only to awkwardly halt, and hints around Emma's life.
She doesn't want to know of attempts at reconciliation being encouraged: even helped along by these people, but there's nothing she can do to stop it.
She's taken to poofing away when she spots the familiar blonde curls.
Henry's taken to either gripping her hand really hard, or trying to turn her away to prevent it.
Emma's taken to making a beeline for her every time she spots her, and trying to get out as many words as she can before the inevitable disappearance.
"You're gonna have to talk to her sometime." Marian's an unlikely friendship, given the circumstances, but since her other options are Emma's parents, Emma's son, or her own ex-boyfriend- maybe not that unlikely.
"I will have to do nothing of the sort. How's Roland adjusting to school?"
"He's not used to being around so many kids his age. He usually falls asleep right in the car after, but he loves it."
"I'm glad. Henry said to ask if you needed a babysitter."
"That's very sweet. I'll talk to Robin, and he'll give him a call, alright?"
"Sure, I'll tell him. What do you think about the lasagna?" Marian understands redemption, she understands and allows her love for Roland. She's almost perfect.
"It's wonderful. Like always." She even truly enjoys the spicy food Regina makes, and Regina would call her perfect if they didn't reach the regularly scheduled, "You know, you should really give Emma a chance. See what she has to say."
"Why does this matter to you? You barely know her."
"She saved my life."
"So did I," and Marian smiles fondly at her. Theirs is a weird, weird relationship.
"Okay, how about this. You talk to her once. And I'll never say a word about her again." Well this is new.
"No. Now about the playground, outside the city limits. You said Roland thinks there's not enough to climb on?" Marian's used to deflections, she won't push.
Why are all of them convinced hearing Emma apologise would change anything?
(It's three am and she can't sleep and Henry is at Emma's; every step seems to echo through the house like it never did during the curse.)
Before she knows it she's standing outside Emma's- well, Snow and David's- apartment, still in her dressing gown. She fumbles for her phone in her pocket and sends a 'Hey' and it shouldn't please her so much when the reply is almost instantaneous. 'Where are u?'
She's sent, 'Come outside' before she gets a chance to reconsider.
Emma stumbles out of the door panicked and obviously wide-awake, still shoving an arm in a coat, laces on her sneakers undone. She hurries over when she spots Regina, "Is everything okay? What do you need?"
She moves to touch her shoulder, reassure her, as if she's watching the actions of someone else. "It's nothing. I just- wanted to talk to you." It comes out more questioning than she had intended, but the smile that Emma shoots in return is blinding.
"Oh, okay, okay." Emma looks at the ground, and then back up at her, beseeching. "Can I apologise, now?"
"I don't think it's necessary. Not really. Marian's lovely and you did stop me from killing her. I should thank you."
"That's not- No, Regina- I took away what made you happy. You're allowed to be mad. You should be mad."
"You're the Savior. This is what you do. Save people," and speaking this is what seems to make it real, as if she has been thinking this without realizing, and talking to Emma is suddenly bringing everything to the forefront.
Now Emma's gaping at her, "I-"
"Let me say this." There's a loose thread in the left pocket of her gown, and she's pulling at it. It's unravelling faster than she'd expect, with how expensive it was. "You saved Marian from me but you also saved me from myself, from becoming more of a monster. I was holding onto something that I never deserved, with Robin, and this is-"
"Stop, stop, stop. " Emma grabs her wrist to get her attention, but it's still loose enough to shake off. "I thought you were mad at me, and right to be, for what I did. If I'd known this is what you were thinking I'd have kicked in your door the first day. Regina. I'm the Savior," Now tears are running down her face, "which means it's my job to give everyone their happy endings. I'm a shit Savior if I take someone's away, selfishly."
"Selfishly?"
She's wordlessly tugging up the coat, the tank top under it, baring the tattoo. "Yours. See?" Now? She's bringing this up now?
"I know. I know it's something you never wanted."
"Wait, you knew?" She presses her fingers to the bridge of her nose, tightly closes her eyes, "That's what you thought?"
"Why else would you hide it so persistently?" She stops pulling at the thread, crosses her arms against her torso, "I mean I understand why you wouldn't want The Evi-"
"That's not it at all. I asked Henry, and you're not mine, so I never said anything." And now it's Regina's turn to gape.
"You wanted-?"
"More than anything else in the world." And her stomach is getting so light, she could float.
"You idiot. It wouldn't have mattered. I wouldn't- I-" She's welling up as pulls Emma closer by the jacket, and then pauses, and seeing what she's looking for, presses a soft, breathless kiss to her lips.
And then Emma's pulling away, awe in her eyes, and she kisses her just once more before she lets go. "But this is where the selfish comes in. I went back in time."
"I don't understand. What're you-"
"I went back in time and I met you. I called you by your name."
She huffs out a breath, amused, because everything is a hundred times funnier. "Princess Leia. I should have known."
"Oh, ha ha" The sarcasm doesn't make it through how giddy she looks, and Emma pulls her back for another kiss. Then, because she can't be still for long, she pulls back again. Eyes bright, she starts, "So we're really doing this? Telling Henry, double dates with Robin and Marian, family dinners with my parents, the whole of it?" Regina's just staring at her wordlessly, so she backtracks, "Too soon?"
"Marian and Robin know? Does everyone?"
"Marian was there, in the past, when I- you know." She cocks her head. "And Robin's her husband, so no surprise there. Snow told me she supported us before I even said anything, and Henry isn't blind, he actually scolded me once. I think we were the last ones to know? Well, you more than me, really, because-"
Regina leans up and kisses her to shut her up, because she can do that now, and feels her arms tighten around her, feels Emma smile into it.
A/N: Please leave your comments on your way out, cheers. :)
[can I just say: their words are almost unchanged in the finale AU? Emma's is still 'Regina', and Regina's is 'Let me guess, you're his other mother']