Chapter 61------Loveless
"Mai, please open the door?"
I cared, I cared so much.
"Mai?" Hilary knocked on the bathroom door, "You have to come out and eat something?"
In the end I was fooling myself.
"Mai, please!"
Everyone was just toying with me.
Mai gripped the bunch of keys.
You're all LIARS.
Outside, Hilary let out a frustrated sigh. Mai had been like this for two days. Ever since that eventful night, she had locked herself in the bathroom. She refused to eat and talk and nobody knew what she was doing inside. Hell, she could be dead for all they knew!
"Argh! She's never coming out!" Tyson threw his hands up in the air. Hilary glanced wistfully at the door, 'Mai…' "How long can one stay depressed?"
"Knowing Mai," Rei crossed his arms, "forever."
The leaky faucet dripped like the ticking of a clock. Neither day nor night existed where she lay huddled up in the bathtub. They kept the light on 24/7. Even if the crickets chirped, even if the vehicles zoomed by, she couldn't hear them. Only two things were clear to her: Riya's departure and the discoloured spot on the surface of the bathtub.
Levian: Mai…You can't stay like this forever.
The girl couldn't think. But she could feel. Inside her, there were so many emotions swirling about longing to be expressed, but she held them in. She didn't want to feel. She didn't NEED to feel. So why, of all senses, had she retained her sense of touch? The cracking feeling whenever her tear-stained face twitched, the coolness of the keys, the contractions of her stomach, the heavy feeling buried in her chest... This life, she realised, was nothing more than to resurrect Eden; she was merely a tool.
She had always been…
Someone, help me…
At that moment, a warm sensation filled her pocket and a pale blue light blanketed her. Levian nudged his head against her cheek and whimpered softly. He curled up beside her and laid his head on her lap. Mai felt the warmth of his fur caress her skin, making her arm tingle. Slowly, she lifted a heavy hand and slipped her fingers through his white coat.
Levian: You're human, that's why you feel. If you're scared, then I'll hide you from the world so no one will see you this way. So it's okay, no one will ever know, because I'm here. I'll always be here.
And for some reason, the tears began to fall. Harder and harder she cried, as though emptying herself of all her problems. Droplets turned into brooks. Brooks turned into streams; till she could only manage a fit of snivelling in the end. She wanted to look back on the past and lament about what should or shouldn't have happened, what she could and couldn't have done…Usually people tend forget about such horrible things but she couldn't run from them. They replayed in her head over and over again, forcing her to relive every painful moment. The few happy memories she had seemed to fade into the depths of her dreary mind, consumed by the black pool of negative emotions residing within her.
She wanted to forget so badly, to start anew! If only she could turn back the hands of time, she'd rewrite history, a history in which Eden had no place in. But even in her wasted state, common sense still managed to kick in and told her that it was impossible. Time waits for no man. Even if she were to die here, the world would still go on living without her. In the end, people move on…
'People move on…' Mai thought to herself. 'People move on.'
Her head cocked lazily to the side and she caught sight of her herself in the mirror: listless, like an over-used puppet slumped in a corner. Her hair, long and unkempt, cascaded over her shoulders in thick messy locks while the skin below her eyes seemed to cast a shadow of its own. And that's when she picked herself up and opened the bathroom cabinet. She couldn't go on living like this.
-Fast forward-
Slowly, her hand grasped the door knob and turned it. She knew very well what was waiting behind the bathroom door—the guys would kill her. The door creaked open and the next thing Mai knew, someone had forcefully swung open the door and grabbed hold of her arm.
"YOU—!" But all that rage fizzled out as Kai took notice of the person standing before him.
She had short hair, and he wasn't talking girl-short here, it was GUY-short!
He furrowed his brow, what the hell had she done?
"Is she ou—WHAT HAPPENED TO YOUR HAIR?" Max pointed a shaky finger at her head as though something extraterrestrial was growing out of it.
So what if the boys didn't like the new change? What's done is done. Mai moved her arm and when Kai refused to let go, she shot a menacing glare at him and pulled her hand out of his grip. The girl headed downstairs without saying a word.
"HEY! SO YOU JUST WALK OUT HERE AND START SHOWING EVERYONE THAT CRAP ATTITUDE OF YOURS?" Kai was fuming. The nerve that girl had! Everyone had been so worried and that ungrateful—! That ungrateful little-pathetic-excuse-of-a-team-mate just strolls out of the bathroom thinking the world owes her a damn living?
Mai stopped at the staircase landing. Her short hair at present made it impossible to project a cold demeanour when she couldn't so she just stood there breathing while the others' gaze fell upon her. Her fingers played with the hem of her shirt and her eyes scanned the polished wooden floor, anything to take her mind off the person whom she knew must loathe her now as much as he loathed losing. 'Just say it!' She chewed her lip. 'SAY IT!'
"TAKUYA MAI!"
"Okay," Mai thought aloud, "sorry. I'm just not in the mood right now…Sorry." With that, she took the hardest step of walking away from that uncomfortable zone and into the kitchen. She didn't mean to be rude but… they should just leave her alone for now.
Kai took a step forward but Grampa G caught hold of him, "Right, show's over. You dudes better get some shut-eye." He patted hard on the boy's shoulder.
"But!"
"I'll take care of it," the old man winked and shooed the rest of them away.
Mai sat alone at the dining table, drowning herself in milk and plain rice. She had already finished one carton and proceeded to raid the fridge for more. Someone told her she could get drunk on milk. Well, she was going to find out today. "Want some pickles?" The girl spun around to see Grampa G standing in the kitchen doorway. "Rice alone ain't gonna fill that stomach of yours, you know." Mai looked away. She was hungry, but it was embarrassing to be shown such kindness after she had just displayed such foul behaviour at all of them a few moments ago. Her stubbornness and pride were childish…and she was nearly 17!
The man set a bowl of pickles in front of her. Mai shyly picked up a few pieces with her chopsticks and placed them on top of her rice. Two whole days without food had left her famished but she couldn't abandon her social graces altogether and gobble down the food in front of Grampa G.
Kai spied on her from the stairs. Nothing apart from her physical appearance had changed. Then it struck him! Mai always that said she would change but she never did; and she never will. It was sickening! Oh so sickening to hear her say it so many times and not act upon her words. She was still the same person they had met in the hospital. They had manage to put up with her for almost a year now but sometimes, sometimes Kai just wished he could slap some sense into that thick skull of hers! She was so—! So—!
He let out a sigh and knocked his head gently on the railing. 'Do I like her? But she's so—!' Kai breathed out deeply and knocked his head a few more times. This had to stop. These little feelings he had for her had to go away and he'd MAKE them go away. He HAD to. He MUST.
Kai took a look at his shoulder. His body had gone through every kind of bashing since the day they had befriended Mai. He needed a rest. He was going to bed. He took one last look and the pair seated at the table and proceeded upstairs.
"Goin' to school tomorrow?"
Mai looked up. After a brief moment, she nodded her head.
The poor girl looked tired. Going through another bad notch in her life was one thing but that attitude of hers didn't exactly make things any better for her and everyone else. The old man sat thinking, "You know, a pickle's only sweet if you bite into it." Mai stopped chewing and stared at him blankly. "Which means to say," Grampa G got up, "something good always comes out of a bad situation. It'll all work out in the end." He plucked a pickle from her bowl and ate it before walking away. "Don't stay up too late, got school tomorrow."
She bit the sour pickle in her mouth and ran her tongue over it. True enough, it tasted sweet.
-Next day-
Spotting short hair on a girl was considered unbecoming of a lady in Japan. Everyone else had shiny straight black hair that fell to their backs or tied up in a ponytail or two so today Mai stuck out like a sore thumb; perhaps even worse, the fly in your soup or the stubborn red stain on your white cotton dress.
-whisper whisper-
"Oh my god, what did she do to her hair?"
-murmur murmur-
"It's so short."
-snicker-
"Hey, check it out! It's the new guy!"
Mai clutched her bag even tighter. It reminded her of her first day in Shiroyama High. The staring, the whispering, the cold looks, it was déjà vu all over again. She gulped and continued walking, she promised herself she'd start all over again. 'Just keep walking, keep walking, keep—'
-thud-
"Sorry! I'm so sorry!"
The two scrambled to pick up the fallen books.
"No, it's my fault. I wasn't— Takuya-san?" Yuta peered at her face closely, something was different. "You…cut your hair?" Mai nodded quickly and hurried with the books. She couldn't look at him, those emerald eyes would make any girl's cheek flush red. She picked up the last book and handed it to him. "I'll be off then," she gave a slight bow and quickly walked away.
"Hey Takuya-san!"
But the girl sped down the hallway.
-Geography class…-
"Right, work in pairs everyone! I don't have enough topographical maps to go around." Mr Tojo handed out the maps.
Mai sighed. She hated pair work. The class had an odd number of people and guess who the 'odd' number was? She took a map and began working on the questions.
"You're working alone?" Yuta stopped by her desk, the map in one hand.
"Yeah." 'I usually do…'
"Okay." He walked away. Few seconds later, Mai heard a chair pull up in front of her. "Yo Takuya, don't mind right?" Hiroshi pulled up a seat next to her. Mai gave a feeble reply. She looked from Hiroshi to Yuta, what was going on? "Relax Takuya, we're doing you a favour. You've got two of the best-looking guys in the class working with you." Mai rolled her eyes while Yuta just grinned.
"You three! Get to work! I want it in by the end of the day."
"Jeez, is there a male version of menopause because Tojo could be the first." Mai held back a laugh. "C'mon Hiro, get to work," Yuta unfolded the map.
Just then, Mai felt something vibrate in her pocket. Placing it near the edge of her seat so Mr Tojo couldn't see, she flipped open her mobile.
Hilary: Hey, r u feeling better? Why'd u cut yr hair? It's so short! See u at lunch
Mai: Yeah okay…
Mai pressed 'send'. The screen returned to the wallpaper and Mai's thumb paused. It was the picture of them at the harbour, the whole gang, including Riya. Her mind raced back to the memory of that night…
-flashback-
A dark shadow draped over his eyes, revealing only the pallid complexion of the lower part of his face. He spoke through thin lips, "He's gone. Don't ever look for him again."
-End of flashback-
He just left her standing in the rain like that… No goodbye, not even looking back while walking away. It was only now that Mai started to wonder why. Why had he left her for no apparent reason? He didn't even look sad that night. Was it something she had done?
Frown lines appeared on her forehead. HOW COULD HE LEAVE HER HANGING LIKE THIS?
"Takuya-san?"
"Hai?" Mai snapped the phone shut and shoved it into her pocket. "Sorry, what question are we at now?"
As soon as she had completed her sentence, the bell rang. "Damn. You know I'd really like to help you guys but I've got basketball practice after school," Hiroshi rocked on his heels waiting for a reply.
"That's okay. Takuya-san and I can do the rest."
Mai shot a bewildered look at Yuta, "WE? Do the rest?" 'TOGETHER?' She imagined a little cartoon Mai shooting herself, resurrecting and shooting herself again.
"Unless, you're not free after—"
"No, it's fine! 3.30 at the courtyard then." 'What the hell are you doing? You're supposed to meet Tyson and the rest for training today!' Mai shoved the little voice in her head to the farthest depths of her mind. Training could wait; work was more important, definitely more important.
-Fast forward-
The bell chimed. "LET'S GO BEYBLADE!" Tyson stretched his arms; it had been a long day.
"You guys go on ahead, I'll meet you there." Mai was throwing her books and pencil box into her bag.
"But Kai's rule—"
"Screw it!" The girl grabbed her bag and ran out of class. She made her way to the courtyard to find Yuta already waiting by a nearby table. "Sorry I'm late!" She plopped her bag on the table and caught her breathe. Yuta was not one to dilly-dally. He got to work right away, spreading the map on the table while absent-mindedly digging through his bag for his pencil case. "We left off at question 12."
"Oh," Mai took the worksheet and scanned through the questions. "How about I do the even-numbered questions and you do the odd? It's faster." She jiggled her mechanical pencil and began analysing the map.
The pair worked quietly, a far cry from what Mai had hoped the situation would be like. Although she was disappointed, a part of her still wanted to get the work done as fast as possible and she could tell that Yuta felt the same way too. She never caught him looking at her; it was always the map… Mai felt somewhat stupid at that moment. 'I guess it's kind of foolish to think that…'
"Done!" Yuta exclaimed triumphantly. Mai found that she still had 4 more questions to go and the sound of Yuta packing his things was breaking her concentration. Or rather, it was the thought of him leaving. She shook her head to erase the thought and focused on the gradient question.
"Need help?"
"No, it's okay." 'Just go…' Mai busied herself with the questions and acted as though she didn't mind him leaving first.
"Hey, it's Hiroshi." Mai lifted her head to see Hiroshi walking out of school with a few other students. "It looks like he's going somewhere."
The girl scoffed, "Lazy pig," and got back to work. Yuta snorted a laugh. "Hey, I never got to ask why you cut your hair."
The question made Mai's head go blank for a few seconds but she gave a hasty reply, "It was too long."
Somehow Yuta didn't buy this. "Moshikashite…kareshi no se (Can it be…a guy problem)?" Her head shot up. "Yappari ne (I thought so)," he nodded to himself.
"Naze—?"
The boy avoided her eyes, "I had a girlfriend," the pit in Mai's stomach sank deeper at those words, "she cut her hair too." He looked at her.
"Sou ka…" Mai didn't know what to say. If Yuta was looking for an out-pouring session then sorry, this girl wasn't in for it. Her love-life, well currently non-existent, was private and so was Yuta's. Unless he was willing to share, she had no right to probe. "It's just a coincidence."
"Tabun ne… (probably)"
…….
It was no use, Mai couldn't continue with her work. This whole conversation, no, the whole topic just obliterated any form of concentration she had. "She must've liked you a lot," she broke the uncomfortable silence lingering between them.
He gave a half-hearted smile, "Omae mou ne (I can say the same for you)."
The words sank in and soon she felt tears well up in her eyes. 'No, don't do this!' She took deep breaths and shut her mouth tightly. He had no right! Yuta had no right! Mai grabbed her things and got up.
"Takuya-san?"
"Sorry, I have to go." She hurried away quickly, weeping her tears on the sleeve of her blazer. She heard Yuta call out to her and she broke into a run, he couldn't see her like this. Nobody was allowed to see her like this! She ran out of school and down the road, the hem of her skirt swishing just above her knee. She didn't care where her legs took her, she just wanted to get away. At length, she found herself running down a quiet neighbourhood.
For the first time in her life, she felt alone. She WAS alone! The only family or tribe she had left—everything! Riya was gone! Copellia and the rest had gone off with him! There wasn't even a proper goodbye! The guys didn't understand! Nobody did! And Yuta had to—Yuta had to—! The tears squeezed out of her eyes and she blinked them away quickly. The Zeelan leant her back against the wall at a road junction, forcing back the tears by facing skyward.
Of course she loved him, any idiot could see that! She loved him enough to try to forget him. That's why she cut her hair, because she didn't want to see the memory of her old self whenever she glanced into the mirror. She was nothing like Yuta's girlfriend! No one could ever come close!
Mai sniffed hard and swallowed her salty saliva. She had to stop crying before anyone came by and asked her what was wrong. Riya had hurt her but she couldn't be crying buckets every time the memory of his departure drifted into her mind.
It was already too late to meet the guys so she began walking in the direction of home. As she walked, she thought and as she thought, something came to mind. Kai wasn't going to be pleased about her missing practice today but she'd have something to show for it in the end and she was confident that she would.
-Later-
"You missed practice."
"Honto ni gomenasai." Mai tried to put as much sincerity as she could into that apology but she guessed it didn't quite come out right because Kai glowered even more. "Honto da…" Kai raised his head and walked away, wasting a single breath on this girl wasn't worth it. Just as he past her, Mai flicked her eyes at him, "I'll get stronger."
Kai started walking up the steps.
"You'll see." Mai said this more to herself than to him. She knew he couldn't be bothered with her. She had to prove her worth so until then, she couldn't and wouldn't expect much from him.
It was time to get serious.