AN: First and foremost, this is a one-shot. Some people tend to not understand that, even when it's listed directly in the description. That aside, thanks for checking this little story out! It ended up a lot longer than I'd anticipated, haha, but the hard work was worth it in the end. And, as obligations go, I'll point out that I do not own any Vocaloid characters or anything related to them, nor the lyrics or rights to Skinny Love.
The Dissonance of Aspirations
Raindrops softly pattered against the windows on my far left. The late spring storms had just begun and no one was prepared for the unexpected assault. From the looks of the darker clouds slowly inching their way toward the school, the downpour was only going to worsen. I picked up on the noise of soft, exasperated sighs as multiple students realized that they hadn't brought an umbrella. The weather was already heating up so their coats had been shed and abandoned weeks ago.
I pulled the ends of my sweater closer together, already dreading the wet walk home after classes. The only student who wasn't visibly shuddering was Teto, a girl with vibrant pink hair swaying back and forth as she hummed along with the music. As per usual, the volume for her headphones were turned up much louder than necessary, and the entire class could hear the light tune of PONPONPON thrumming from her desk. Thankfully she wasn't squirming around in her seat in an attempt to dance, at least not this time.
Outside the open door of the classroom was a group of chattering third-years. They passed by in an impenetrable hoard of strong opinions and unwavering popularity. Their leader, Hatsune, flipped her hair and turned back to mutter something into Megurine's ear. Megurine was rather quiet compared to the rest of them, so she mustered a mere smirk at her companion's comment.
Trailing behind the two were the Kagamine twins and Kamui. Rin Kagamine was looking up at the tall, purple-haired student with bright eyes. She always carried herself in such an energetic and dazzling manner; the epitome of a perfect schoolgirl. Her brother kept a steady pace at her side, focused on a handheld game. There was a blur of red as someone shuffled past the group.
Our teacher walked in about that moment, heels clacking against the floor. There was a slight unsteadiness to her step, convincing me that she might've had a drink or two during her lunch break. Sakine-sensei was a woman in her thirties, but she thoroughly believed that as long as she repeated it aloud, she was twenty-six. Everyone suspected that she was an alcoholic, probably the faculty as well. Despite this piece of information that may as well have been fact, no one ever mentioned it. It was actually rather entertaining when she started on one of her hungover tirades about boyfriends, taxes, the color blue, or cats (Sensei was known for her deep hatred of cats, though no one quite knew where her distaste for them arose in the first place.)
"Kasane!" Sakine barked, landing a hand on her large desk in attempt to ease the swaying. "The bell rang over a minute ago. Put the headphones away."
Teto gave her a wide-grinned salute, haphazardly shoving the chords into a pocket of her bag that contained multiple colors of crayons. Sensei tapped her foot impatiently as her eyes scanned the classroom. Her short hair was in slight disarray and clothes a bit damp. She must've been out on the roof when it began to rain.
"Megpoid" she rasped, and my eyes slowly inched back upwards to her face that was set in an expression of disdain. "Were you checking me out?"
My mouth hung open for a moment, gaping like some sort of fish out of water. "N-no, Sensei. I would nev-"
"Even a kid like you would be better than the men I manage to pick up" she interrupted, crossing her arms over her chest. There was a sudden sniffling noise and the mass of students stared in horror as tears pricked at corners of her eyes.
Teto suddenly shot out of her seat in a flurry of pink, gently grasping Meiko's shoulders and sitting her down behind her desk. "While Sensei takes a few moments to calm down, how about we have a small show-and-tell session?" Teto chimed, already rushing over to sift through her bag. She pulled out a sheet of paper with crayon scribblings all over it.
As Sensei loudly blew her nose, I couldn't help but think that my second year of high school was going to be a complete and thorough shit show.
Twenty minutes before the final bell rang, I asked to go to see the nurse for a raging headache, rubbing my temples on the way out. As I shut the classroom door behind me, I sighed with relief at finally getting out of the hectic space. Of course, there wasn't actually anything wrong with me, but I'd reached my limit with the constant shouting and everyone trying to one-up each other in volume.
It was nearly impossible to make it out of the school gates early without a teacher spotting me, so I figured I'd hide out in an empty classroom for a half hour or so.
The end of the hallway was silent and the last few lights weren't lit, casting a dim shadow over the small area of the building. One of the rooms at the very end was labeled "Music Room." It appeared to be abandoned, probably declining into its state of nonuse not long after the Music Club's funds had been cut and the group disbanded.
Twisting the handle, I found that the door was unlocked, surprisingly enough. I pulled it open cautiously, glancing around for any occupants. The only things in the room were a few stacked desks collecting a sheen of dust, an old guitar with two broken strings, and a piano with a white sheet over it.
I made my way over to the piano immediately with slow, hesitant steps. I reached out and slid the sheet off, the only sound emanating throughout the room being the soft rustling of fabric as it reached the floorboards. The instrument was beautiful and appeared to have been well taken care of.
I ran my fingers against the surface of the wood, and then along its smooth keys. The feeling was nostalgic and I felt a pang in my chest at the memories rising up that I'd rather suppress. Inching my way in front of it, I placed pressure on one of the keys, the touch anything but foreign on my fingertips.
There was sudden noise of shuffling and scattered papers across the room. A low tone mumbled a string of nonsense while pushing back a chair. A blonde head of hair, with multiple strands sticking in every other direction, rose from between a cluster of dusty desks.
They reached down to collect the papers that had fallen, muttering a sullen "ow" as they hit their head on one of the hard surfaces. When the student rose, my gaze was met with wide blue eyes framed by locks of blonde.
"Ah" she said, just now noting my existence. "So you… Woke me up." Kagamine blinked and subconsciously reached up to adjust her hair and the white bow that always sat atop her wonderfully composed head.
"Y-you" I stuttered out, thoroughly shocked that someone from Hatsune's clique would be skipping class to nap in an old music room. "I'm so sorry, Kagamine-san" I rushed out, my hand having already shot away from the piano and back to my side. "I didn't think anyone was in here and-"
"Do you play?" She asked with a light blue binder in hand, weaving gracefully between the stacks of desks and in my direction.
"Eh?" Was my intelligent response.
"The piano," she enunciated with a small tilt of her head, "do you play?"
"A-ah, right" I began, wringing my hands nervously. "It was just a hobby more than anything else. But that was a while ago. As of now, no, I don't play."
She was expressionless for a moment, batting her long lashes at me meanwhile. "That's too bad" she lightly replied. "My brother used to when we were younger. He doesn't anymore, of course. Determined to have nothing to do with music. He says he wants to go into game design." She sighed and glanced out the room's single window. "I figured it'd be nice to hear someone play it after so long."
The bell rang and the cacophonous sound of students rushing out into the hallway engulfed our tiny room. Kagamine shot me a smile and readjusted the binder cradled in her grasp. "Well, I told Miku I'd go see a movie with her this afternoon. It was nice meeting you, er…?"
"Gumi" I quickly informed. "Gumi Megpoid."
"Right" she affirmed with a nod, hand already placed on the knob of the door. "I guess I'll see you around, Gumi."
As soon as she left I could feel the heat rising to my cheeks at the simple fact that she'd called me by my first name. Shaking my head, I reached down to replace the sheet over the piano.
My fingers hovered over the doorknob as I checked the hall around once more. The area had been absent of both students and teachers for a matter of minutes, plus by this point I shouldn't be so wary about being found out. It was only a piano, after all. One I had been playing over the expanse of the past few weeks. The old music room was never occupied. The only encounter I'd had with someone else being the day I walked in on an upperclassman sleeping against one of the desks.
I quietly entered the room and immediately removed the sheet over the large instrument out of habit. I took a seat on the long stool in front of the piano with my hands already grazing the keys. I'd brought sheet music this time, having simply played from memory every occasion before this.
I only did it after classes were out, too terrified of being caught skipping. I wasn't as confident in my abilities to conjure up an excuse as Kagamine seemed to have been. Despite the relaxed composure she had presented in front of me weeks ago, she hadn't returned to the room since. At least, not anytime during or after the last period of the day.
Yet oddly enough, there she was, standing in the center of the doorway with a pack of gum in hand. She grinned mid-chew, making it look more a toothy smirk. "I figured you'd come back" she stated, leaning against the frame. "Want one?" she asked, holding out her handful of gum sticks.
I slowly shook my head, having completely halted any attempts at playing. She shrugged at my subtle decline and pushed her lithe form off of the doorframe and further into the room.
"You stopped playing" Kagamine noted as she strode closer. "Don't be shy. There's no one around." The blonde third-year leaned against the back of the piano, looking me in the eye with a practiced sense of ease.
I watched wide-eyed as she motioned for me to continue. My fingers shook a little as I started with something light and slow. As the calm tune filled the dim classroom, Kagamine's deep blue gaze began to flutter shut. She looked very tired in that moment, I thought. Like carrying the weight of the school's expectancies had aged her.
I couldn't recall exactly what I was playing. At some points they were snippets of various songs that faded into each other, creating one endless melody.
The sun drifted a bit lower as time passed, and it became easier for me continue. Kagamine was silent the entire time, only opening her eyes every few minutes. It was during those briefs moments that she would grace me with a smile, and my heart would skip a beat. After an undetermined expanse of time, I almost felt… Comfortable around the infamous third-year.
"Rin" spoke a cold voice from just outside the door. I abruptly stopped and stared at the nearly identical form at the entrance. Len Kagamine didn't appear to harbor any particular emotion at that point in time, but his tone held it all, and his sister caught on to the hint of impatience.
"Ah, sorry. I was a bit distracted" she quickly explained, standing straight and walking towards her brother.
"Thank you, Gumi" Rin suddenly said while turning back to give me a small nod. "Maybe next time I'll sing for you." She smiled, then slipped away with the evening sun.
"You never explained why you stopped playing years ago" Rin said suddenly as she was digging through her bag.
"What?" I asked stupidly while folding a piece of sheet music to put away. We had been meeting up in the music room for the past two months. We would spend an hour or two together maybe two or three days of the school week. I would play the old piano and occasionally Rin would sing along. We'd also study together when one of our workloads got thick. I was taking a lot of classes that were a grade level above me, so the dynamic worked pretty well.
The blonde tucked a lock of hair behind her ear as she stood back up. "During the first week of school, you said you had played in the past but stopped. Why? Did you just grow bored of it?"
I raised my arms and stretched, my back arched as I released a small yawn. I glanced out the window while reliving the not so fond memory. "When my mom and I moved before my first year of high school, she had to sell a lot of our stuff. We were in some pretty huge debt and that was one of the major reasons we had to move in the first place.
"But we had this beautiful piano that my mother had bought for her first husband when they got married. When he left, the piano stayed with her. Then when I was old enough I took a liking to music and taught myself the keys. She sold it though, and I couldn't bring myself to play anything else once it was gone."
Rin looked me up and down for a few seconds, then said "that sucks. My brother tore up my favorite stuffed animal when I told him that going into graphic design was a waste of his voice. But that doesn't quite compare, does it?" She looked away, eyes half-lidded and expression unusually solemn.
I remained quiet as the lighting in the room visibly shifted to a darker shade. Rin inhaled deeply, then turned back to my stoic form. "Sorry to hear about that. I suppose some people will never understand just how much we value that which had embedded itself into our hearts."
This reminded me of how poetic she could be at times, and it made me all the more excited for when she would actually write her own music. Rin Kagamine wanted to be a musician. He parents never took her seriously. But I told her that one day, she would make it. And with a sad sort of grin she replied that her first song would be dedicated to me. I had no reason to not believe her.
October was drawing near and the temperature outside had already decreased dramatically. Virtually every student was donning their autumn sweaters, and others even went to the extent of carrying coats around.
Rin walked in on a cold Tuesday afternoon, her expression rather somber and slightly frustrated. She immediately took a seat at one of the desks, placing her cheek against an up-turned palm. After a couple of silent moments, she bent down and rifled through her bag. Pulling out a thick book, she threw it against the back wall.
"What was that for?" I exclaimed, staring in surprise at her blank expression.
"It was a book on college options and how to apply. They can't seem to take no for an answer" she replied blandly. Rin was standing at this point, staring out across the courtyard. It was steadily raining and the tops of multiple umbrellas bobbed along below.
She was breathing evenly, much to my surprise, and she hadn't seemed to have lost much of her composure. Then, for the first time, she requested that I play something specifically.
"Do you know Birdy's version of Skinny Love?" she asked, not looking away from the window.
"Yes" I replied uneasily, slowly taking a seat behind the piano.
"Do you think you could-"
"Yes" I said quietly, fingers already positioned. I began slowly, the tune light yet full of a certain sorrow. As I played the opening of the song, Rin gradually made her way back over to me, and when the right moment came around, she sang. It was soft, flawless, and heartbreaking.
Come on, skinny love, just last the year.
Pour a little salt. We were never here.
Transfixed by her display of utter emotion and vulnerability, I couldn't help but think that this was where she belonged. Singing to her heart's content and letting the world hear her voice, because there were times when I felt as if she had so much to say.
Staring at the sink of blood and crushed veneer.
I tell my love to wreck it all.
Cut out all the ropes and let me fall.
… Right in the moment, this order's tall.
And I told you to be patient,
And I told you to be fine.
And I told you to be balanced,
And I told you to be kind.
And in the morning I'll be with you,
But it'll be a different kind.
'Cause I'll be holding all the tickets,
And you'll be owning all the fines.
She continued like this, with such heart-wrenching ardor that I felt my skills wouldn't ever be able to compare. But if this single moment in time could help her through it, I'd do whatever she asked. And so we continued, until the music faded and the room grew still.
Winter break was creeping up upon us quicker than I had realized, and before I knew it we were standing across from each other on the last day. A much deserved break had technically already begun, and yet two students remained in a dusty old music room at the end of the hall after hours.
Rin and I were having more fun than I had anticipated while singing well-known Christmas jingles. Yes, she had even convinced me to sing along with her instead of simply sitting behind the piano keys. My voice was quieter than hers to a great degree, so Rin would laugh and exclaim "sing it, Gumi!" mid-verse.
Despite the heavy snowfall outside the window, the scenery was bright. It further illuminated Rin's boisterous form as she pulled me up off of my seat and began spinning us around the room in some sort of uncoordinated dance. Her cheeks were aglow and her short blonde hair caught the light as we twirled. She was so beautiful that it just about took my breath away.
Once we slowed to a stop, Rin giggling uncontrollably at this point, I pushed stray green strands away from my eyes. "You're happier than usual today" I stated, still catching my breath.
"Of course" she announced, reaching up to adjust the bow tied to the top of her head. "Luka pulled some strings and got some last minute tickets for a holiday music event. This thing is going to have a ton of different bands and singers. It's amazing, and we'll be in Tokyo for three days to see it."
I felt the air in my lungs slowly deflate. "Ah, that's amazing, Rin" I replied, trying my hardest to share her excitement. While she spent the holidays with her friends, I'd probably end up alone once again watching whatever shoujo anime happened to be on. Mother was working overtime again, but it couldn't be helped I supposed.
"It really is, isn't it? It really gets me fired up for the future. One day I'll be the one up on that stage with shows selling out faster than you can blink" she replied with a dream-like daze in her eyes. "I'll bring you back a souvenir. How does that sound?"
I bit the inside of my cheek and smiled. "That'd be very nice of you, Rin."
The winter break dragged by and without much thought towards what was happening around me, New Year's arrived. To my great surprise, I received a text only an hour before midnight on the eve of the New Year. My heart skipped a beat at the listed contact. Rin wanted me to meet her at a nearby shrine.
After weeks of idling around the quiet and eerily empty house, I was relieved at the idea of actually talking to someone. My mother didn't seem to have much time for conversation, and the random looks shot my way every once in a while spoke volumes. She must have been sifting through my room again and found something displeasing, though I'd try to avoid the oncoming storm for as long as possible.
Throwing on the nearest jacket and scarf, I rushed out of my bedroom and down the hallway. I was out of the house in less than a minute, moving my way past snow piles and patches of ice. Wrapping myself deeper within my bundle of clothes, I felt a sort of nervous excitement rise within my chest. She wants to see me, I thought, suppressing a childish smile.
The shrine was nearer than I had remembered, so I was a bit dumbstruck while standing at the entrance. The area wasn't very big, making the mass of people look larger than it actually was. Wandering aimlessly throughout the crowds, my eyes scanned the multitude of faces for the one most familiar.
"Gumi" shouted a voice from behind. When I turned around, Rin was already jogging over, face flushed from the cold and smile set wide. "Luckily you're not too hard to pick out of a hoard" she said with a small laugh, grabbing my arm and leading us back to her group of friends.
Most of them were lost in conversation, but Hatsune and Len stood alone. The former leaned heavily against the latter; she looked rather unsteady on her feet. Noticing my line of sight, Rin quietly said "Miku-chan had a few drinks before we got here. She's a bit out of it, so Len's helping her out for now."
"You're not…" I implied, turning back to the blonde.
She snorted in amusement. "Nah, that'd be too hard to hide when I know my parents are waiting up for me."
"Oh" I responded simply. I didn't question Rin as she led us past the group of third years and toward a patch of trees. The area was darker than the surrounding shrine grounds, and the sky peeking throw the leaves was a blank white.
"It should be quieter over here" she informed, settling against a trunk. She pulled me down next to her and released a deep sigh, the breath billowing around us in a small cloud. "It's supposed to snow again, around midnight I think. I doubt there'll be any fireworks in this region."
I glanced over, meeting her clear blue eyes. "Fireworks are overrated anyway" I said softly.
The corners of her lips twitched up slightly, and it appeared as if she was going to reply, when sudden remembrance lit her features. "Right! I got you this in Tokyo" Rin announced, reaching down to pull something out of her coat pocket.
She raised a snow globe to my line of sigh, face visibly glowing with excitement. Inside the globe was the Tokyo Tower, standing tall with lit buildings surrounding it. It was winter in the miniature city, and when she handed the object to me, I held it gingerly in fear I might break it.
"You've been carrying this all night for me" I whispered, entranced by the gift. I'd never been given anything this nice before, and I already treasured it more than I had that old piano.
"It's not that heavy" she replied with a light chuckle. She was surprised when I abruptly leaned over and hugged her, my head against her shoulder.
"Thank you" I said, though the statement was muffled by her coat.
Rin leaned her head against mine and ran a hand through my bright green hair, making me very relieved that my intense blush was currently hidden. "Of course" she replied, showing no signs of moving away any time soon.
I was fine with that, the silence and warmth. That moment, so heartfelt and rare, was foreign to me, and I wondered if it was unusual for Rin as well. Despite our completely different family backgrounds, I think we felt the same in many different aspects. We were pressured and isolated for reasons that others couldn't understand, and we took comfort in the unexpected sameness of each other.
It did snow that night; ten minutes before midnight. By then, Rin and I had stood up and begun wandering around the shrine's ground. We ended up alone again when the snowfall started. She had frozen flakes glimmering on her lashes, and I couldn't help the grin that spread itself onto my lips.
For the first time in my life, I felt the urge to kiss someone. To kiss her. But as the bell tolled and the crowd in the distance cheered, she turned away and looked toward the sky. This year would change our lives forever.
I found myself to be more than just a little anxious when Valentine's Day rolled around. After picking up on my true feelings toward the blonde third-year, everything mentally shifted. I was conscious of my every move, word, and thought involving her. I also became hyper aware of the looming probability that she would never be able to return my feelings.
"Give chocolates to anyone today?" Rin asked casually as she lounged against a stack of desks. I paused my action of organizing sheet music.
"Umm… No, I didn't." I bit my lip and said hesitantly, "did you?"
She swung her head back and glanced up at the one functioning light, then reached back to adjust her bow. "Nah. I'm kind of over Valentine's Day, you know? I don't quite feel like pining after some semi-attractive guy when I'll be graduating in a few months."
I released a long breath that I hadn't previously noticed I'd been holding. "I see the sense in your reasoning" I replied quietly, sliding the thin sheets of paper into the folder of my binder.
We had finally replaced the batteries in an old clock hung at the front of the room, and the constantly loud ticking sounded odd. It would take a bit of time to get used to the new source of white noise.
"I did receive a love letter in my locker this morning" Rin suddenly announced. My eyes flickered toward her. Her expression was nothing short of playful.
"Aren't the boys supposed to wait for White Day?" I questioned in an attempted tone of nonchalance.
"It wasn't from a boy."
I tucked a stray stand of green hair behind my ear and briefly cleared my throat. "How interesting and… unusual."
"Really? I found it endearing." Rin tilted her head and narrowed her eyes in my direction.
I discreetly slipped my binder back into my bag. The sun hung low in the sky, casting long shadows within the classroom. "I suppose I can't blame her" I muttered, "You are exceptionally attractive." I bit my tongue almost immediately after the words had escaped. The blonde's brows rose, having apparently picked up on my quiet note.
"You think I'm pretty" she stated; it was in no form a question.
Swallowing a sudden and heavy lump in my throat, I wiped my hands against the hem of my uniform skirt. I had been afraid of slipping up, and yet it had happened sooner than I'd anticipated. I wasn't a particularly brave person, so I figured my quiet nature could weasel me out of this one.
But wouldn't coming clean feel so much better? Asked an itch in the back of my brain. It seemed as if Rin already had an idea of what I felt towards her. I'm sure she often experienced the same behavior from other students. Why don't we just end the guessing game here and now?
"I…" My throat felt like sandpaper. "I don't think 'pretty' does you any justice. B-beautiful, maybe, would do." I glanced quickly out the window, cheeks aflame and hands shaking slightly.
There were, oh God, footsteps gradually growing closer until… A soft hand on my shoulder. I sort of expected her to say that we couldn't do this anymore, that she had enough complications in her life without my emotions being one of them. But then she replied with the most unexpected statement; "is it strange that I find you even cuter when you're embarrassed?"
My head whipped around, eyes wide and mouth in a tight line. She was smirking a bit, although her cheeks and ears had gone a bit pink. She wetted her lips and sighed. "Ah, how could I not have noticed? You have a few faint freckles on your nose. It's the most adorable thing."
Now the reasonable side of me was screaming that this was all one big joke. She was teasing me; one final tug at the heartstrings before she dumped me on my ass. Rin Kagamine could have anyone she wanted at this school. Hell, she could have anyone within a hundred mile radius. She was charming, exuberant, and so visibly radiant.
Yet there was another voice, whispering and telling me to look at her eyes. They were gentle, unlike the cocky smirk she still donned. Her blue irises glittered with adoration and so many emotions I'd never witnessed before.
She rose a brow as if challenging me to step outside of my comfort zone. To do something memorable, and possibly even extraordinary. Then, for once, I accepted.
I leaned forward and captured her lips with mine. She shot out a sudden hand, gripping the back of my neck softly like some sort of expert. And with the way she was kissing me, I wouldn't doubt that she truly was.
Rin quickly took the lead, and I was more than willing to hand it over. She lightly nipped at my bottom lip, and I couldn't help releasing a small squeak of surprise. I could feel her smile against my mouth at the sound.
It was becoming difficult to take gasps of breath between kisses, so she let me pull away with a bit of a pant. My eyes were opened wide now, still unable to comprehend what exactly had happened.
Rin chuckled at my flushed appearance, pecking my forehead and turning back to grab her stuff. "Well, Gumi, that definitely wasn't my first. But you were my first girl, and I'd be lying if I said I didn't enjoy it." She swung her bag over her shoulder and winked.
I blinked a couple of times, mentally registering that she was preparing to leave.
"We'll talk about this Monday, alright? Just, don't freak, please." Rin's name was called from down the hall, and she glance up at the clock. "Yosh. See you then, Gumi." She took off out the door, and although my first love had already left, I refused to contain a grin.
We laid on the floor of the abandoned music room on a late February afternoon. The weather was warming up and the school year was ending soon. Rin and I laid parallel, the hands between our two bodies intertwined.
We weren't exactly a couple, but Rin had affirmed that she wouldn't mind giving it a try after she graduated. With finals coming up and her at-home drama, she just didn't have the time for a full on relationship. I was more than satisfied with the situation.
"Do you realize how dirty this floor most likely is?" I finally stated, turning to look at the blonde.
"If you're going to complain, just rest your head on my stomach. Win-win" she lazily replied.
I rolled my eyes, yet still complied, settling myself against her uniform shirt. "How exactly is this a win for you?"
She reached down and buried a hand in my hair, playing with the strands while smiling. "I like touching your hair. And I love your curls."
I snorted, but remained quiet nevertheless. I closed my eyes and slowly sighed, not completely opposed to her fingers running through my hair. It was actually rather soothing. I began to drift off for a bit in the slightly warm room temperature and comforting company. That is, until Rin's abrupt start of a new conversation stirred me from my drowsy state.
"Did I tell you that I'm auditioning for a small spot with a record company this Saturday?"
I cracked one eye open at the news. "You did not. Is it local?"
"Sort of. It's in Nagasaki."
I frowned slightly, but continued. "Saturday? Isn't that kind of really soon?"
"Yeah" she replied, her tone a bit exasperated, "But I think I'm as ready as I'll ever be. I talked to a guy who was signed and he said that they like it more when people sing original songs rather than covers."
"You already have one prepared?"
"I do, actually. Been working on it for a few weeks now. I'll give you a copy of the sheet music when I get back from Nagasaki. You can play and I'll sing along. How does that sound?"
I bit my bottom lip, both anxious and excited for her. "That sounds great. Give it your all, and no one can turn down that charm."
"What charm?" she exclaimed, sitting up and grinning down at me. "Are you teasing?" Rin began tickling my sides and I burst out in uncontrollable laughter. I snorted and fought back the tears forming in the corners of my shut eyes.
"S-s-stop, serio-seriously! I w-wasn't teasing! I s-s-swear!"
Having had her fun, giggling along with my pleas of surrender, Rin stopped her assault. She leaned down and gave me a long, sort of sideways kiss in apology. While her lips were still on mine, I reached up and tugged on a lock of hair in an attempt at revenge.
Her head shot up and she pat the now-sore spot on her head. "At least you didn't mess up the bow" she mumbled, and I released a joyous laugh.
Just as quickly as everything had gone right, it all went wrong.
It was Friday of the same week and I had just arrived home from school, shutting the door softly in case my mother was asleep. "Tadaima" I whispered to myself as I slipped off my shoes.
There were heavy footfalls drawing nearer from the hall and a shiver of sudden dread ran down my spine. No, she couldn't have found anything, I attempted to assure myself, all while knowing that there wasn't anything else in the world that would make her this angry.
Then there she stood, only mere feet away from me, with the same wild green hair. But it lay thin and flat, doing nothing to improve upon her pale, sagging expression and sharp eyes. She was still wearing her work uniform from the night before and would probably wear the same outfit again tonight.
"You" she snarled, and to my slight surprise, she didn't point at me while hunched in a wench-like form. "I went in there today," she motioned down the hall and in the direction of my room, "to clean up a bit. Do something decent. But I found one of your long love letters written in that chicken scrawl of yours. Haven't I told you enough times before?" She was yelling now, and my fingers inched upwards toward comfort, balling into tiny, shaking fists.
"You can't keep feeding these delusions, Gumi! A girl? Are you fucking with me? I raised you better than this, didn't I! I taught you right from wrong! I provided what you needed to make something of yourself! And now you're going to waste all that you are on some disgusting, unnatural lifestyle?"
I bit my lip. I wouldn't cry, that was the promise I made ten months ago. Never again would I show such weakness in front of her.
"You aren't a faggot! So why won't you stop acting like one!" She screamed, wavering on her feet at the sheer volume of the exclamation. She steadied herself against the wall behind her, clutching her head to nurture what was most likely a migraine.
"Three pictures" she stated simply, "you have three pictures of the same girl on your phone. Who is she? Did she convince you that this kind of behavior is fine? That this is what you are? Some freak show homosexual! I hope you haven't been spreading this delirium around."
All of the yelling must have been internally calming her down, because she gradually grew more and more quiet, steady. "We'll figure this out, I guess" she reasoned to herself. "You'll go off and out into the real world and figure out what you really want and need. These things always sort themselves out."
I swallowed my voice and all of the words on the tip of my tongue. I could never comprehend the irony that accompanied living itself. When you're young everyone says to not talk back, keep your mouth shut, mother knows best. But then they also teach you to stand up for yourself, fight to rise above the cruelty that holds you down. Sometimes I think we're taught all of these contradictions so that one day we'll just self-destruct.
Tiny pieces of our hearts and mind go flying out into the atmosphere and we feel no pain or grief. If that's their intention, maybe parents really do know what's best for us.
I pulled my hair back and tied it, then silently slipped past my mother and into my bedroom. I grabbed Rin's snow-globe from under the bed and retraced my steps all the way back to the front door. Slipping my shoes back on, I opened the house to the chill evening air.
Quietly, but comprehensibly, I said "don't lecture me on something that you will never know a single thing about." I shut the door behind me and walked in whatever direction I felt.
I watched the clock Monday afternoon, anxious to learn how Saturday had gone for Rin. She hadn't messaged me, and her little group hadn't even walked by the classroom door that morning. Everything seemed normal, if I didn't look too closely. The students were tired and ready for the school year and finals to be over; the sky was overcast as it had been for the past week.
Looking back, I suppose I should have noticed the anxious way Sensei held herself that day. She was quiet and jumped every time the phone on her desk rang. It looked like she was anticipating terrible news, but wasn't sure exactly when it would arrive.
Fifteen minutes before the final bell, her class phone rang, and her hand hovered over the receiver for a moment longer than usual. Then she picked up.
"Sakine" she solemnly answered.
The mass of students fell silent, having forgotten their anticipation to go home after hearing our teacher's usually perky tone so low and dread-filled.
"Ah, I see, so this information can go public. Yes, a terrible loss indeed. Yes, thank you."
She turned to the class with glassy eyes and a stiff posture. "It is, with much regret, that I inform you all that one of our students… Passed only a few days ago. Some of you may have known her personally, and if not, I'm sure you've at least seen her around."
It felt as if a stone fell in my gut and I sat paralyzed, hoping to whatever deity that may be out there that she wouldn't say what I knew that she was going to next.
"I've been told that the tragedy occurred Saturday evening. The police were skeptical about the details until recently, and just this morning deemed it a suicide. So, because of this, Rin Kagamine will be greatly missed. I think it best that we offer our condolences to the family, especially her brothe-"
The rest turned to static in my ears, fading out into nothing as I grabbed my things. I staggered out the door and slowly down the hall. I don't really remember that afternoon past that point. I think my brain simply switched to autopilot.
I must have been heading for the music room. As to why, I'm not sure. I could have possibly been seeking comfort, or was desperate to convince myself that my teacher was lying. I imagined walking in and finding her there, sitting behind the piano and reapplying her makeup.
She'd glance over at me, grin, and pull out a stack of new songs she wanted me to try. Then we'd laugh about the misunderstanding, the complete miscommunication on the entire world's part. Rin couldn't die; there was too much she had left to do.
She still had her dream of performing on that huge stage in Tokyo to achieve. Then she would dream even bigger, and go international. Maybe I'd help her write songs, and we'd go off and move to some country where we could legally get married.
But as I imagined all of this, I could feel the future that once was once grasped tightly in my palms turn to dust and float gently away. The scattered pieces drifted so closely in front of me, and yet I'd never again be able to touch them…
I don't think I went home that night. I might've ended up in some late-night café, staring blankly ahead. All I'm certain of is that I cried that night, because she was gone, and there wasn't a single thing I could do to get her back.
Weeks blurred past and Len didn't show his face even once. I'm not positive what I was anticipating, a sympathy fest, maybe? I'd just assumed that he knew what Rin and I were to each other, that he'd at least say something.
But then finals began, and ended. Then graduation for third-years arrived and the school put together a magnificent, tear-jerking testament to their kind, talented, yet horribly lost student. A lot of people sobbed and wept and cursed existence itself, and then they graduated and continued forward. I left halfway through and ended up back at what had been my second home the past year. Then finally, he found me.
Newly out-of-high-school Len Kagamine walked in thoroughly expressionless and handed me a folded up, lined piece of notebook paper.
"… Thanks?" I responded, not sure how to go about the random situation that had befallen upon me.
"They wanted to sign her" he stated. I almost dropped the note and he averted his gaze toward the window. "Imagine my parents' expressions, over a week after their daughter's death, getting an acceptance call from a company that they didn't want her involved with in the first place. I might've laughed if the entire ordeal wasn't so…"
"Painful" I answered for him, knowing that he wouldn't find another word for it. His eyes flickered back momentarily in a sign of acknowledgement.
"I knew she'd make it. But before we drove to Nagasaki, that morning our parents threw a fit, refusing to support her 'delusions of grandeur.' We went anyways, and her performance was great, but she kept freaking out about having gone flat more than once. I think the stress finally got to her and she just snapped. Couldn't stop nit-picking at everything she thought she had done wrong. I tried to calm her down, but I just gave up. So easily. She dropped me off at my graphic design class and that was the last that I saw of my sister."
Len breathed deeply through his nose and dug his fingernails into his palms. "She jumped off of the freeway, right down to the pavement below" he said bluntly. "I heard something about her appearance being unrecognizable from first glance."
I bit the inside of my cheek until I tasted blood, having remembered the feeling of hiccupping until I could no longer breathe, face feeling stiff from of the tears, and eyes bloodshot. I couldn't do this anymore. Not the crying. Not the grief.
He quietly apologized at my apparent distress, regretting having gone so far with the details of her… suicide.
"I really am sorry, Gumi. It's just- it's all happened so quickly, and I could have stopped it. But I didn't notice how she was really feeling. We'd only been growing more steadily apart as we got older, and I hate that I didn't do a single thing to prevent that. And now my sister is gone and-"
His statement was broken by a small hiccup, and he reached up to wipe his eyes. When Len sighed, his shoulders shook. I hadn't witnessed someone fall apart to this extent since my mother. I felt like a helpless child again, trapped beneath the same roof as those awful sobs and whimpers of frustration and grief.
"Len" I said softly, "what's this piece of paper?"
The lanky blonde turned back in my direction. "Her song. You kept her happy for the last few months; it was the least I could do."
I looked down at the frail, folded sheet with a newly acquired reverence. "You never… Had a problem with our relationship?" I asked, sullenly reminded of a popular opinion towards those like us.
He looked sad that I even had to ask that. "My sister was in love; there was no reason for me not to support her."
I allowed a couple stray tears to slide down, the warmth almost comforting. "Thank you" I choked out. He leaned down and hugged me gently. When he pulled back, I said, "You're leaving, aren't you?"
"I can't stay here. I can barely even look at my parents without being reminded of what they did to her, what they drove her to. I'm attending a university in Tokyo later this spring. I think a lot of people need to take this opportunity to start fresh."
The sun peering through the window set his hair a golden hue, and I noticed a newfound hope in his eyes. I couldn't help but feel that he would make it past this, despite losing a part of himself that time could never heal.
I didn't see Len, or any member of the Kagamine family for a long while after that day. Despite that, both siblings were often on my mind, even years after. Len's decision to move forth and do the best that he could for his future led to me to pursue mine, and about a year later, things were finally looking up.
"Ah, Megpoid! You have your career form filled out, right?"
I jogged towards the teacher's desk as students filed out of the classroom that afternoon. "I do this time" I replied, rifling through my bag. I pulled out the sheet and handed it to the middle-aged woman.
Her eyes scanned briefly over the form. "You're planning to study abroad?" she inquired in a surprised tone.
"Yes. I've been thinking about it for months now, and I've already researched my options. This is definitely a possibility that I want to go forward with."
"Well" she stated, "sounds like a solid plan. What will you be studying, if you don't mind answering?"
"Music-"
"You're the president of this year's Music Club, aren't you? Ah, um, pianist! That's right, you helped the drama kids out in November. So you're pursuing a career with your instrumental skills."
I pushed my hair back and nervously smiled, always feeling a bit awkward every time I had to explain. "Well, more like I'll be studying music in general. I'm not sure what I want to do yet. I have experience songwriting, playing, singing, though I don't plan on being a performer. Maybe someone behind the scenes in the music industry."
"Hmm" she replied, setting the page down. "Well, whatever you end up deciding on, I wish you the best. And I'll make sure to get this in. Thank you, Megpoid." She smiled softly, and I nodded back while heading out the door.
Once outside, I grabbed my bike and swung a leg over, riding to the main exit of the school gates.
The sun beat warmly down on my back and a slight breeze rustled through the leaves of the surrounding trees. Sidewalks and yards were dotted with the greens and pinks of spring. I felt a swell of excitement within my chest at the thought of graduation, a mere week away.
In less than a month I'd be out of my home country and free to go out into the world and just… Live. Grasping the locket resting against my chest, I was sure that Rin was squirming in anticipation as well. I carried her picture with me wherever I went, and in the budding flowers, stars at night, and freshly fallen snow, I knew that she was with me in spirit.
There were still some days that were harder than others, and I wished more than anything that she had just held out a little longer. Rin taught me so much about life, joy, and myself. But there was always happiness with the sorrow, knowing that she had pushed both me and her brother in new, and positive directions.
With this in mind, I rode forward, feeling content with both myself how things were. I was in control of my own life, and because of Rin, the future finally looked so bright.
AN: Just a quick note before you go, I really do appreciate reviews. They motivate me to write more, and do it quicker. Anyways, thanks for taking the time to read my work! Sayonara!