IMPORTANT: Be looking forward to more of this series, which is now officially named "Time After Time", if I haven't mentioned that already. I'm trying to decide what to do next though--skip forward a few years to the next story chronologically in the jackson family and frinds' lives, go back and tell this timeline's story of Daniel and Vala getting together, or skip to the end...if you know what I mean. I have all hree stories in my head already. If you have any thoughts on what you'd like to read next, please let me know. Just don't forget to review the chapter too. ;) Thanks again!Couldn't do any of this without you guys!

Chapter 10

Sam was wondering what she was supposed to do with herself, when there was a knock on her office door. "Come in," she called.

To her surprise, it was Travis who slipped in and shut the door. "G-General…" he swallowed. It wasn't because he was frightened of the rank; he knew her, to some extent. It was more than likely the circumstances more than anything. She didn't particularly like them, either.

Then there was the fact that he hadn't showed his face on the base since returning from the planet. Everyone on those two teams had been given the week off, so that was fine. But the others were still around; he hadn't been, and they'd all been worried.

"Lieutenant," she nodded. "Come in…what's on your mind?" She offered him a seat, but he still stood, fidgeting. Sam knew better than to push. She waited.

"Ma'am, I…" he trailed off and looked like he was quickly thinking through something yet again, before he nodded to himself almost imperceptibly and looked up at her more strongly. "I don't think I can do this," he told her.

"This, meaning…?" She knew what he meant, but he had to say it if he was going to get it past her. Not that she was going to let him do that anyway.

He sighed. "Just this; working here, being a part of an SG team…I don't think I'm cut out for it."

She pierced him with a look that said much. "You wouldn't be here if you weren't cut out for this at all. We pick our personnel carefully. It doesn't matter that you're a personal friend of one man who made all of this possible; if you hadn't had what it takes, you wouldn't have been let into the program."

"Maybe…but it doesn't matter what I do," he answered clumsily. "I can't do this."

"Why?"

His eyes flashed. "It was my first mission, ma'am! And someone--someone died!" he said quickly, before becoming somber again. "Someone I cared about…and I knew that was a risk here, but I didn't understand, I guess. Now I do and…I don't think I can handle that. I'd prefer to be transferred back to a standard Air Force base."

"Those risks still exist here on Earth."

"Not like that."

Sam inclined her head just a bit. "Well…I suppose I have to give you that. It is different out there. But in other ways, no more or less dangerous that staying planet side. We all knew that when we signed on. You said you did too."

"Yes ma'am…but like I said…I can't handle this. I'll never be able to go back out there again…not after--" He stopped, and she could see him desperately trying to keep the tears back. He was already doing an incredible job keeping his voice in check. It was no wonder he was having trouble.

Sam didn't know when she would feel any better, either. Not if Janet was really gone. And according to Jack, there really wasn't much question.

"I understand," she told him, a little quieter, trying to encourage while still maintaining her professionalism while on the job. "You know that I was part of SG-1 once; part of a field team. I was part of a field team that went through a heck of a lot. We lost people. Friends. I understand what you're going through. But I'm still here."

Travis swallowed. "But not like…" He sighed. "I know it may sound crazy, but I…how I feel…felt…about her…it's different."

She looked at him hard, wondering if she was understanding him right. She was pretty sure she was. "I know. And I still understand."

He looked at her, almost in surprise. "I…"

Sam stood and crossed her arms over her chest. "Lieutenant, listen. I don't like this either. I love--I loved Janet too. Besides Cassandra, she and her brothers, and the Mitchell's children…I love them all just as much as if they were my own. So does my husband. This is not easy for us, either. But we're not going anywhere."

She felt a trace of tears in her eyes, too, and blinked them away quickly. "Yes, things can happen out there. Yes, sometimes the worst does happen. We hate it when it does. But that does not change the fact that what we do out there is worth it. Being a part of this is a privilege, not a right--no matter how skilled or not you are. You do have the right to quit, but if you give this up now, you may never get another chance at it. I wouldn't if I were you. You can still make a difference out there. You can still do something; you can get past this. I understand…and I know that you can. Not a single one of us would be here if we all quit whenever we lost someone, or something bad happened. We accepted the possibilities when we opened that 'gate."

She paused, and looked him in the eyes for a long moment. "Do you understand?"

Travis looked back at her an even longer moment, and finally swallowed. He nodded slowly. "Yes, ma'am," he said quietly.

Well, no. Not yet, he didn't. But he would.

Sam nodded at him in release, and he turned quietly and left again. She watched him go and sighed to herself, wondering where the good old days of being on SG-1, of not being in command, had gone.

Jack shifted in the stiff plastic chair again and looked at Daniel, who was staring at the ceiling. As usual.

Finally, he'd had enough of silence.

"Well…the doc says you can get outta here tomorrow, probably. Though in my humble opinion, you'd have been out of here sooner if you hadn't shut up on us. I've heard that there is a bit of a mental component to getting better, and all that. This can't be helping the whole healing thing."

Daniel's eyes closed.

Well, at least he got a reaction.

Jack swallowed. He hadn't been sure what to say before, and that was part of the reason he hadn't tried to initiate conversation on his own until now. He still didn't know, really; who could? But he had to say something. It was too much to just watch his friend do this to himself.

"Daniel…you don't have to do this to yourself. Just…tell us what happened. We're not going to blame you."

Daniel's eyes opened again, and his head turned farther away as he pulled in an unsteady breath. Jack pushed on, hoping he was getting through.

"Please? Come on, buddy. We love you. I know this is hard…it's hard for us too, but we can't help each other if you won't talk to us." He paused, and gulped back a lump in his own throat. "Right now we need you back, Daniel."

His friend's shoulders hunched down even further, and shook. Jack heard the sound of muted tears from the other side of the bed. Gently he reached out and put a hand on his shoulder, applying just a little pressure, enough for him to understand that Jack wanted him to turn over. He rolled to his back, at least, enough that Jack could see that his face was damp. Almost immediately he brought up an arm to swipe at it.

Jack gave his shoulder a squeeze.

"Jack…"he muttered.

O'Neill's eyebrows went up, but he managed to smile a little. "Yeah?"

He let his arm drop from his face, which was dry now; but his eyes were still wet. "How did you do it?"

Jack winced. And it had to be that, didn't it? "I don't know, Daniel."

Daniel finally looked at him, tentatively. "How can you not know? You…you know." He grimaced in apology and looked away. "What am I supposed to do?"

The words of the utterly lost.

He sighed heavily and paused, searching for the right words. He would never find the perfect answer. But he did know he could help. It was just the question of how to tell him that.

"Daniel…listen. Yes, Sara and I lost a child. I know what you're feeling. Mostly. But it was different, too. That was then, and that was me. This is now, and this is you. It's not going to be exactly the same. I can't give you step-by-step instructions on how to get through this. It doesn't work that way. If anything, I don't want you to follow my example; because obviously, I did something wrong, because Sara and I didn't stay together. I don't exactly regret it anymore, because now I have Sam, and I love her a lot. But I know that Sara and I could have worked it out somehow…but it didn't happen.

"But that's not going to happen with you and Vala. Not if I have anything to say about it. You two are going to stay together, and you'll work this out. You'll get through it. I promise."

Daniel looked at him for a long moment. "H-how…can you know?" he asked finally, licking his lips anxiously. How long had it been since he'd done that? What was this really doing to him? Jack almost felt like he was talking to the kid of a Daniel he'd known thirty years ago, when he was hurting over Sha're.

Jack looked at him firmly. "Because you have something we didn't. You still have a family that loves you. You have the rest of us. Sure, we had friends…but not like you guys. Nothing quite that strong. Without Charlie…there was just no reason to stay together. Not according to us then, anyway, I guess…" He trailed off and stared at the floor for a second before looking up again. "We messed up, Daniel. But you'll do better, because I know you can. You're a lot smarter than I was then. You've…You've always been a better man than I am.

"Like I said, I can't tell you what to do, but I can be here. We're all going to be here. For all four of you."

Daniel swallowed hard and took a deep breath. It didn't shake as much this time, but he did look away again. "Thanks."

Jack just nodded, and then there was silence again. He waited it out this time. Daniel finally did speak again, but it was barely audible.

"He poisoned her," he whispered in a pained voice, and Jack grimaced. Of all the…! He had no details yet, and already he wanted to throttle the Gould. From the sound of his friend's voice, it could not have been pretty.

But at least he was talking.

God…Janet…

He gulped and looked up at Daniel again, but he wasn't talking any more. He was laying back against the propped-up pillows, silent again. That was as far as he was going to get today.

"That's all he said about it?" Vala questioned. She was having trouble keeping her fists unballed.

Jack ran a hand through what was left of his white hair. "Yeah…I'm…I'm sorry…"

She blinked back the tears mercilessly. "Why are you apologizing? Nothing is your fault. You're trying to help."

"Not doing much good, am I?"

"You're doing plenty…and…and thank you for just telling me…"

Jack crossed his arms and gave her a mournful look. "You don't deserve to have things hidden from you; not after everything you two have been through."

Vala looked away. "I still want to know the rest; just that still doesn't narrow it down enough. And know the Powers That Be will wanted a lot more details in the official report; they always do, especially when someone--" She couldn't finish that sentence. This wasn't just someone. This was her little girl.

"I know," he nodded wearily. "But you just have to give him time."

She answered with a nod of her own, and then fell silent again. When she didn't say anything else, Jack spoke up again.

"She'll uh, she'll still be listed MIA until we have more details…but…well, you know…as much as I'd want too, we can't really…"

Vala nodded again before he could finish what he was saying, because she knew what he meant. He cared, but he didn't want her to be hurt more later, either. He'd been right before. She needed to know the odds, the probabilities…the truth. She had to press a hand over her mouth to keep from breaking into tears again, and Jack hugged her for a long moment until the wave of agony passed, and she pushed away herself. "Thank you," she whispered.

He nodded. "You gonna be okay here...? Or should I stay and help out with the boys or something…"

Vala looked toward the stairs; the boys were upstairs playing, or something. "I'll be all right. I…I guess have to do something," she told him, swallowing hard.

Jack looked toward the stairs too, seeming to understand what she meant. Then he looked back at her with concern. "You sure you don't want me to stay?"

She shook her head. "No. I need to do this. I know…I know Daniel is hurting right now. Even though I don't know exactly what happened…I guess I can't blame him for not being ready to come home yet. But if he can't be here yet, I need them to know that I can be here. That I will be here."

Jack looked at her for another long moment, and then nodded. "All right. But just remember that you can call Sam and me anytime, whatever you need, okay?"

"And Cassie and Skaara, or Cameron and Carolyn, or Teal'c, or any of you. I know. Thank you."

He nodded once and reached for the door. "Okay…I'll see you later then."

"Right."

Once he was gone, Vala faced the stairs again. It took a few minutes, but finally she started up, wondering how she was supposed to do what she meant to when she got there. The boys were in their room, on the floor playing with their toy cars, and both looked up expectantly when she walked in.

"Who was that?" Charlie asked. "Was it about Janet? Or Daddy?"

"Are they coming home yet?" Adrian asked quietly.

Vala didn't say anything immediately, or she would have cried. Instead, she slowly sat down on the edge of one of the beds. "Come here.." she told them quietly. She must have conveyed the seriousness of what she needed to tell them, because they both climbed up onto the edge of the bed on either side of her and gripped her arms.

"What is it, Mommy?" Charlie asked, frowning.

She had to take a deep breath. "That was Uncle Jack downstairs, and it was about Janet." Both of them looked at her attentively. "Remember how I said she might have had to go somewhere?" They nodded, and she had to pause and gulp back the lump in her throat a few times before she could go on. It still came out strained. "Well…we were…we were right. Janet had to…leave."

Both boys looked upset immediately. "For how long?" Charlie demanded.

"A long time, Charlie. Listen, boys…I need you to be good for me, okay? Because…daddy's still getting better, and it might be a little while before he can come home. But he will be fine, okay?"

Adrian looked up at her with sad, imploring eyes. "Can Janet ever come back?"

Vala pushed his hair out of his face and bit back a sob. "No, sweetie." Why did he have to look so much like Daniel? So much like her?

Adrian's head dipped, and he wrapped his arms tightly around her waist and held on. Charlie jumped up and scowled.

"No. You're lying. She'll be back. She will! Daddy goes sometimes, too, and you do too, but you always come back. She has to!"

Vala looked at him helplessly. A few traitorous tears escaped, and she wiped them away quickly. "I wish I could change it, sweetheart, but I can't. She's gone."

"Yes you can! You're the mom! Make her come back!"

More tears. She tried to wipe them away, but more took their place. "I can't."

"You have to!" Charlie stomped his foot angrily, nearing hysterics. Adrian's arms tightened around her waist as he curled up more. "You have to! You have to! I want Janet! I want Janet!! I want Daddy!"

She was sobbing now, but she couldn't stop herself. "Ch-Charlie, please, calm down..."

"NO! Make Janet and daddy come back!"

Suddenly Adrian let go of her and stood up quickly. "STOP! Stop it! Stop yelling! You're making Mommy cry!" he screamed. In shock, Vala stopped crying immediately.

The outburst was so incredibly rare that Charlie shut up immediately. He stared at his brother for a moment, and then really looked at his mother for the first time since he'd started yelling. When he saw that Adrian was right, he teared up immediately and started to cry himself.

"I-I-I'm sorry," he cried pitifully. "I didn't mean to." Vala pulled him into her arms, and brought Adrian in too. Each of them helped, climbing up onto one of her knees and holding onto her tightly. Adrian started to cry too, softly.

"I m-miss Janet," Charlie said after a moment.

"Me too," Adrian whimpered.

Vala held her sons close. "Me too."

Around noon the next day, Cameron Mitchell sat in the commissary at the SGC, staring at his food. He hadn't touched lunch, and he didn't really think he was going to. He'd been sitting with Daniel that morning, and he'd only left because Jack had shown up, and Carolyn had insisted that he go eat something.

That wasn't working out so great.

He looked up when someone all but dropped an almost empty tray on the table. It was Teal'c; the jaffa sat down right across from him, but didn't look any more interested in eating than he was.

"Not hungry either?"

Teal'c shook his gray head. "I am not."

Cam sighed. "Not anymore I'm not." He pushed his tray off to the side. "So you heard what we've got on…what happened."

"Indeed," the jaffa answered grimly. "I do not like to imagine what that entails. Knowing the Goa'uld, I cannot hope that it was quick."

"You had to say that part out loud," he grimaced.

"I am sorry."

He waved it off. "It's okay…" He shook his head. "After everything those two have been through…why did he have to take her away from them?"

Teal'c raised an eyebrow. "He? Do you refer to Osiris?"

"Not exactly…"

After another moment, he said, "To God, then?"

Mitchell nodded. "Yeah…I guess."

"Do you, in fact, believe in God, Cameron Mitchell?"

He shrugged. "Depends on the day, most of the time. I used to, when I was kid. No question then. Then I wasn't sure at all for a long time…and then I got this job." He smiled a bit. "I don't really know what I believe now, but being out there makes me think there must be a real one out there somewhere, ya know? I mean, it's such a popular topic out there, not to mention how big 'out there' is. There has to be, I guess. It's just when things like this happen that I question more."

Teal'c nodded slowly. "That seems reasonable."

"I guess."

"Hey." Carolyn sat down beside him, and he looked at her in surprise.

"Oh. Hey. How's it going?"

She sighed. "All right, I suppose. I'm letting Daniel go."

"Vala came to pick him up?"

"No. Jack talked to her yesterday after he managed to get Daniel to talk a little more. He's the only person he'll talk to at the moment. He's physically well enough to leave the infirmary--the base even--but he's not ready to go home."

Cam frowned.

Teal'c spoke up. "Then what is Daniel Jackson to do?"

"Well, he's going to stay with the O'Neills for now," she answered, and he gave his wife a confused look. "What? I didn't see a problem with it. It'll get him out of here, give him some space to heal--in other ways, if you know what I mean. And he'll talk to Jack. It was the only logical solution. He would have been miserable at home or staying here. Maybe this will help. Jack and Sam have known him a lot longer we have, Cam."

"As have I," Teal'c added. "And I do believe this course of action to be the most wise, under the circumstances."

Cameron sat up more and grabbed his tray. "If you guys say so. I just hope it works."