Chapter 11

Travis stared at the walls of SG-13's locker room, wondering how he'd gone from an upstart air force cadet to here.

And if he could really stay.

He understood everything the general had told him but…he couldn't help wondering, still, if this was where he really belonged.

It didn't help that he couldn't get Janet out of his mind. He'd cared about her, but now…she would never grow up.

"Mind if we come in?" a female voice asked gently.

"What?" He looked up in surprise, and saw that it was Cassie and Skaara at the door. "No…it's fine. I'm just…sitting here."

"We can see that," Skaara told him, coming in to sit on the bench across from him. "What is on your mind?"

Cassie sat next to her husband, and Travis looked at them bleakly. "That you guys shouldn't get too attached to me. You may have to find somebody else to fill the spot on your team."

"Why is that?" Cassie asked, sitting forward and crossing her arms on her knees.

He shook his head and stared at the floor. "It's hard to explain."

"Samantha told us that you came to her," Skaara began slowly. "She thought that, as your teammates, we could help. We hope we can. We would not wish to see you go."

Travis looked up quickly, but averted his eyes again almost immediately. "I…but…I've only been here a month. Barely. I've been on one mission that turned out to be a disaster. Why would you care if I left?"

"Because you're part of the team now," Cassie told him firmly. "And we've known you--or of you--for a lot longer that that. We know we want you working with us. Maybe things didn't get off to a good start, but that doesn't mean you have to leave." Her expression softened. "We've both known…knew Janet since she was born. We've known her parents a lot longer than that. This is hurting us just as much as you or General O'Neill, or anyone. We understand." Her voice clammed up, and she stopped.

Skaara put an arm around her shoulders, and looked at Travis. "We would miss you if you were to quit now. We want you to stay."

"I want to stay," he sighed. "I want to be able to stay. But I just…I don't know if I can handle this."

Cassie sniffed and swiped at her eyes before leaning forward to put a hand on his arm. "You can. And you don't have to do it alone. We're all going to have to be here for each other." She gave him a small encouraging smile. "That's what team members do."

"She's right."

All three of them turned again to see Colonel Jennifer Hailey step in and cross over to them. "We're a team, and you're a part of it now whether you like it or not, Travis Heinmann. Why do you think we've been looking for you? Teams look out for each other." She smiled a little too. "And we learned that from the best."

It didn't take a genius to know who she was talking about.

Travis swallowed and looked around at his teammates…his friends. Maybe someday, not so far in the future, he would see them as family, too. He couldn't throw away that chance.

Hailey looked around at the three of them and raised an eyebrow. "What are you doing still sitting there? No more moping for this afternoon. My house. All of you. Now. Don't make me make that an order."

Daniel avoided looking at anyone as Jack guided him out of the base. He didn't speak until they were alone in the elevator. "Isn't Sam coming?"

Jack shrugged. "She drives her own car here, remember? I'm not usually around here all the time. She'll come home when she can--all the paperwork associated with being 'The Man' and all…"

He nodded in understanding and focused all of his attention on an obviously very interesting bolt in the floor. Jack sighed.

The ride home was silent. Daniel stared out the window even after the truck had stopped, until Jack nudged him to let him know that they were there. He jerked in surprise, glanced around, and quietly climbed out of the vehicle. Inside, Jack pulled out the leftovers, and Daniel ate enough. Not a lot. But enough, at least. Then he announced softly that he would be in the guest room.

Jack frowned a little. "You sure? We could watch hockey, or something…."

Daniel shook his head and stood from the table. "No thanks. I'm…I'm tired anyway. I'll probably just sleep. I don't want to bother you."

"What kinda nonsense is that? If I'd thought you would bother us, you wouldn't be here," he told him, raising an eyebrow.

Something that would have been a smile if it had made it all the way to his face passed briefly through his eyes. "Thanks," he answered, but then he turned and started down the hallway anyway.

Two hours later, when Sam came home, he had to tell her that he hadn't come out yet; he probably was asleep by now. They waited up a little longer, but he didn't come out, and when Jack knocked on his door once there was no answer. But it was his first night out of the infirmary, and finally they decided it best to leave him alone.

At least for now.

The floor of the prison hut was as cold as ever. Wasn't dirt supposed to be a little warmer? Offer some type of insulation? Maybe something about this planet's ecology made it even harder and colder than normal…

Janet couldn't stop half a chuckle from escaping at that the stupidity of that one, and ended up doubled over in pain from taking in too much air. Not that doubling over moved her much; just curled her up on the floor. Osiris was using that respiratory stuff again tonight…and it didn't help that she was pretty sure she had a couple of broken ribs.

How long had it been? A week? Two? Where were they? They should have been here by now. Why was it taking so long?

Osiris hadn't let up since he had brought her back into the village. Every inch of Janet's body ached for one reason or another. She could never focus on anything she tried to think about--or not think about--as well as she knew she was capable of. She knew she was slipping, but she didn't know what to do about it.

Maybe Osiris had a way to keep them away. But they would get here eventually…right? They wouldn't leave her here. Nobody gets left behind…

Right?

Jack jerked awake and glanced at the clock on the bedside table. It was two in the morning. Why had he woken up…? When he heard the sound of movement elsewhere in the house, he knew why. He sat up slowly and quietly, but Sam was already awake anyway.

"What?" she asked groggily, pushing up on one elbow.

He shushed her, and she listened for a moment. Then she sighed. "Jack, Daniel's here, remember? It's just him. Maybe he got hungry; you said he didn't eat a lot. Go back to sleep."

"That's the wrong direction for it to be coming from the kitchen."

Sam groaned and flopped back against the pillows. "He has to get to the kitchen. Just lay back down."

Jack shook his head and pulled his legs out from under the blankets. "I'm gonna go check, okay? Stay here."

She nodded. "Okay…let me know if you need me or anything…"

He stood. "I will." Either she didn't think there was any reason to answer that, or she was asleep again. Jack crept out of the room and down the hall silently. There was no light coming from anywhere that he could see, but the guest room door was open. So it was just Daniel. He sighed to himself.

No need to find a weapon, then. And Sam could sleep. Walking more normally now, he rounded the corner and glanced into the kitchen.

Not there.

He kept going until he was at the living room entrance, and he could see a dark shape sitting hunched over on the couch, not really doing anything. But he couldn't see much more than that because of the angle of the couch.

Jack reached for the lamp by the entrance, flipped it on and came into the living room. On the couch, Daniel jerked and shoved something in-between the cushions.

"Jack…"

"Yeah…what'd you think? Santa Claus?" He didn't get a laugh from that, but then again he hadn't expected to. But Daniel didn't even smile. Not even a little bit. Then he realized that he hadn't even really looked at him once, and that made him even more suspicious of what he'd been doing--specifically of what he may or may not have shoved into the couch cushions. "Daniel?"

"What?" he asked, too quickly.

Jack looked at him hard. "Why are you in here?"

He shrugged. "I just couldn't sleep…"

"So you decided to come sit on the couch in the dark?"

He just shrugged again. Jack took another step closer to the couch.

That set him off. "Jack, I just wanted to get out of that room for a few minutes, okay? I'm fine. Look, I'll get something to eat, maybe, and go back to sleep, okay? I'm fine," he repeated, emphasizing it a little more this time. He looked up, too, looking at him but not in his eyes. He was suddenly tense, almost pleading in not so many words for him to leave him alone.

It wasn't hard to tell why, either. He didn't want Jack to see what he'd hidden when he walked in.

And Jack had a terrible feeling that he knew what it was.

But he'd give him the chance to tell him himself--to talk about it. Hopefully he'd take it. "Daniel, what are you hiding?" he asked quietly.

"What do you mean?" he asked innocently. But he was still avoiding his eyes.

That was when Jack was sure that, whatever it was, he didn't want to see it. But if he didn't deal with this now, he would regret it later. "Don't lie to me."

"I--" But he couldn't get any farther than that, because he knew he was. "Jack, please…"

He shook his head. "I can't, Daniel. You know that." He stepped forward and reached between the seat cushions, and Daniel didn't stop him. He looked away like a teen caught sneaking out when grounded--one who knew what was coming.

Jack felt around for only a moment before he hit it--the cold metal that he'd wanted more than anything to be absent. His eyes closed in pain, and he could sense Daniel flinching.

"God…" He didn't want to, but he pulled the offensive thing out anyway, and stared at it for a long moment, breathing in and out slowly, deliberately. He was not going to yell at him. That wasn't what he needed. And truthfully, anger wasn't really what he was feeling. Maybe a little…but that wasn't all. Not in the slightest. No, what he was feeling was...was…he didn't really know.

Sadness, though directed at what he wasn't sure. Disappointment, for certain, at both of them. At himself. Was it his fault? Had he not done enough for his friend to prevent this? Jack's hand tightened around the weapon before he took two steps away and set it down again, on the mantle out of reach. Then he turned back to the couch, and suddenly found himself gulping back a lump in his throat.

Daniel stood quickly, looking appropriately ashamed, at least. "J-Jack, I--"

"Don't 'Jack' me. What were you doing?"

"I wasn't going to…."

"Then why did you have it? Where did you get it?"

"It's yours," he answered miserably, staring at his feet, hands clenched.

"I know that! But I keep that cabinet locked!" He'd never forgotten to lock it again.

Daniel winced. "I've known you long enough. I know where you keep the keys by now," he whispered.

Jack swallowed, and fell silent for a long moment. Finally he looked up again. "Why?"

"I don't know…"

"What were you thinking? You have a wife and two sons, Daniel. You can't just-"

"I know!" he said suddenly. "I know…" His eyes closed. "I was going to put it up. I was, I swear...you never would have known if you hadn't walked in."

Jack took a step forward. "That doesn't change the fact that you picked it up, Daniel. I thought you were better than that. I never thought you would ever even consider…" He head shook back and forth slowly in disbelief, not knowing what to make of this, unable to believe he was really having this conversation.

Daniel's shoulders shook, and when he finally picked his head up Jack saw that silent tears were trailing down his cheeks. "I'm sorry," he said quietly. But something told him that he really meant it now. "I just…it wasn't just that. I felt like…like such an idiot. I've ignored them, and you, all of you…I felt horrible. I didn't know what to do. I'm sorry…"

Maybe he'd assumed too much at first. When he looked into his friend's eyes, he could see that, now…he did understand. He wouldn't have done it. He'd figured it out for himself, sitting there. Jack looked at him for another moment, silent.

"I guess I've been right all along…you are better than I am. Or at least how I was then, anyway," he sighed.

Daniel shook his head and choked out a sob. "I'm not. If I was any better I wouldn't have thought about it in the first place."

Jack stepped forward again, so he was standing right in front of him now. "Are you sure about that? No one's perfect, Daniel…and I know you're hurting. But you didn't…if you're telling me the truth you decided for yourself not to. The only thing that stopped me was two men from the Air Force showing up on my doorstep, and then I didn't because they gave me a better wayto do it. And the only thing that stopped me from doing it that way was you."

He sobbed and looked down again, and Jack hugged him. "Don't ever scare me like that again, got it?"

Daniel started to cry in earnest then, but he nodded, and he meant it.

But that didn't mean he wasn't still in pain.

"I just let it happen, Jack," he cried. "I could have stopped it. I should have done something else."

Sam woke up again, much sooner than she'd expected to. She glanced at the clock and saw that it had really only been twenty minutes or so since Jack had left. But he wasn't back. Frowning, she got out of bed, pulled on a robe, and slipped out into the hallway. The soft light of a lamp was coming from the living room, though not really any noise. At the end of the hallway she looked cautiously around the corner, and then realized why Jack hadn't returned yet.

Both he and Daniel were sitting on the couch, and Daniel was crying softly. Jack had an arm around him still, but he wasn't saying anything; it didn't seem to be needed at the moment. A flash of something metallic caught her eye, and she saw the gun abandoned on the mantle. Her heart sped up for a moment, but she didn't want to know what had happened.

Daniel was all right, and he needed them. That was all that mattered right now.

Sam came in quietly, sat down on Daniel's other side, and put her arms around him from there. His head leaned on her shoulder some in thanks, and she exchanged glances with Jack, who seemed grateful too.

It wasn't too much longer before Daniel had calmed down and sat back, and the three of them were just there, sitting. Jack looked up and glanced around at the three of them. "You know," he said, "this is nice, but we're missing something."

"What?" Daniel asked quietly, curious.

"Teal'c," he said matter-of-factly.

Sam gave a small smile. "If he was here we'd have all four of us."

Jack sat up and scooted forward on the cushions. "You know…I think we should call him."

"At three in the morning?" she frowned.

Jack looked at Daniel, who shrugged. "I'm not going back to sleep after that."

"Are you kidding? I wouldn't let you go back to sleep now if you wanted to. You're staying in here where we can keep an eye on you," he said, standing. He smiled, trying to make light of it, to cheer Daniel up.

Sam thought it worked a little. Something in his face brightened a little. For a moment. It was a start. She looked up at her husband. "Well, we wouldn't have to worry about bothering anyone else. Maybe we should."

Jack nodded. "Sure. And he'll come. I'll be right back." With that, he went into the kitchen, leaving Sam with Daniel. She looked at him, but couldn't help seeing the gun, too. Daniel noticed.

"I'm sorry," he told her quietly. "I should never have worried you like that. I wouldn't have, I…For a minute I thought I could, but I couldn't. I feel like a coward. I am a coward." His eyes filled with tears again. "I want to be able to get through this. But Jack's right…I can't do it alone."

Sam swallowed hard and embraced him gently. "It's okay. We're here."

Half an hour later, Teal'c knocked on the door--and brought pizza with him.

"I told him to do that," Jack admitted. "You have to have pizza to talk over," he insisted. "For old times' sake."

The three of them surrounded Daniel protectively without even thinking. Daniel was stuck in the middle of the couch between Sam and Teal'c, and Jack pulled one of the armchairs right up in front of the couch. The pizza was left on the coffee table, and they ate with paper plates. All of them were still in nightclothes--even Teal'c. It wasn't clear whether Jack had told him to do that too, or not.

At first they didn't say much, but slowly they got Daniel to talk more. It wasn't about anything that had happened, but at least he was talking It was almost as if the thirty years that had passed disappeared, just for a little while.

Sam set her empty plate on the floor and looked around. "How long has it been since we've done this?"

"Done what?" Daniel asked.

"Anything. Just the four of us--no more, no less--just the four of us."

They all looked at each other, not sure how to answer that.

"I am not certain," Teal'c said finally.

"Years, at least," Jack answered, shaking his head. "There's been more than just us for so long…we haven't really to be able to do things with just the four of us."

Sam had to smile. "It's nice."

And then Daniel, of all of them, smiled too. "Yeah. It is."

Teal'c looked at him in surpise and smiled then as well. "Indeed it is."

Jack was just smiling, even if all of their smiles were a bit tinged. That couldn't be helped, right now. But the feeling of genuine happiness to be together was still there.

"But that doesn't change the fact that we still have things that need to be dealt with here," he said finally. Daniel winced, and he looked at him. "You know we have to talk about this. You need to talk about it. We don't even know how it happened."

He sighed. "I know…you should know…" He looked away. "Vala should know."

Jack looked at him for a minute. "If she came here, and we stayed with you, would you tell her?"

His head popped up. "Don't bother her now."

"No, not now. Tomorrow."

Daniel glanced around at all of them. "Well...if you were all here too…maybe…"

Sam leaned toward him and put a hand on his knee. "If you'll do that, I'll make sure you don't have to tell it again. I'll put what's relevant in the report that we need, and that'll be that."

He gulped and nodded. "Okay…thank you." He looked at Jack. "You can call her tomorrow then."

Jack shook his head. "Nope. She's your wife, Daniel. You're going to call her and invite her over here yourself."

Daniel mouth opening to protest, but then shut again, and he sighed and nodded.

Vala woke with one little boy snuggled up on either side of her, and she couldn't help but smile a little around the lump that was still in her throat. She got up quietly, not wanting to wake them, and went downstairs to make coffee.

What she didn't expect was for the phone to ring so early. It was barely eight.

The caller I.D. reported that it was O'Neills, but she knew Daniel was there. She scolded herself for being hesitant to pick it up just because of that, and answered slowly.

"Hello?"

"Vala?" came the hesitant voice from the other end of the line.

She almost collapsed in relief. It was Daniel, and it was the first time he'd said a word to her since the day after they'd rescued him from Osiris almost two weeks ago. "Daniel…I'm here. Are you all right?"

"Not really…but I guess I'm getting there. I guess I have to eventually. Thanks."

She nodded at thin air. "You're welcome…Do uhm…do you need something?"

"Yeah…could you come over here? Just you? We need to talk."

Vala swallowed and gripped the phone harder. She knew what he meant. "Well, I'd need to get the boys up and feed them and, and get them over to Carolyn's, or Hank's or something…"

"Okay…just as soon as you can, I guess…"

"R-right. I'll be there." She paused a moment, not sure where to go from there. "I love you," she said quietly.

"I love you, too." His voice broke, but she knew he meant it. She hung up and pulled her robe around her tighter, shivering just a little.

Then the doorbell rang.

Frowning, Vala went to the door. When she opened it, there stood Hank Landry.

"They called me, too," he answered simply. "I'll stay here and watch the boys."

Sam cooked breakfast, and the four of them ate in the kitchen before they all went to get dressed. Then it was waiting in the living room again, for Vala to arrive. They didn't talk much this time.

When the doorbell rang, Daniel was the first on his feet, to the others' surprise. He hurried into the entryway, and they followed him.

He hesitated at the door, but they didn't rush him. They stood back and let him take his time. Finally, he swallowed and slowly opened the door. Vala stepped inside hesitantly, shutting the door behind her. Her eyes were on Daniel alone, and as he looked back at her sheepishly she didn't seem to know what to say.

Neither did the rest of them.

After a long minute or two, Daniel did the only thing he could at the moment.

He pulled his wife into his arms and held on tight. Vala hugged back just as hard