Self-Induced Nightmare for Lightning and Thunder

I chuckled as I approached the kitchen. Bella had plastered sticky-notes all over the place. Thankfully, I knew where to start because I noticed that they were arrow-shaped again and they were all pointing to the right before I could work myself into a panic. One by one I bent and began to pick them up.

JASPER,

DO YOU REMEMBER THE DAY WE MET?

I DO.

I REMBER BEING SO SCARED…

I HAD HAD THIS GNAWING FEELING,

SOMETHING KEPT TELLING ME TO LOOK AT THE HORIZON

AND THEN I HEARD IT, YOUR VOICE

IT CALLED OUT TO ME

LIKE A WHISPER IN MY EAR

AND THAT WAS WHEN I SAW YOU

I SWAM TO YOU, THE WATER BITING COLD

SO COLD THAT MY LUNGS FELT FROZEN

THEY HURT, STILL, I SWAM ON

CHOKING ON WATER

YOUR SKIN WAS GREY WHEN I REACHED YOU

AND YOU WERE SO COLD TO THE TOUCH

I THOUGHT FOR SURE YOU WERE DEAD

STILL, I COULDN'T BRING MYSELF

TO JUST LET YOU GO.

I JUST COULDN'T.

And I was grateful every single day that she hadn't given up on me. I remembered, I wanted to tell her, but she wasn't here for me to let her know that the memory of that day had seen me through my fear today when she wasn't. I had driven my fear away with my oldest fear. That was something for the books.

I had just reached the first destination the arrows had been leading me to, the microwave.

WARM ME UP

1-2 MINUTES WILL DO

Pressing one minute and a half I continued on route.

I'M GLAD I DIDN'T TOO

I CAN'T THINK OF A WORLD WITHOUT YOU

JASPER,

A DAY WITHOUT YOU IS INSUFFERABLE

DID YOU KNOW?

I CAN'T BARE THE THOUGHT…

I couldn't bear the thought of a world without her in it either. Where would I be without her in my life? That's right, dead. I only wish I could protect her from such dark thoughts. Of course, I couldn't. I couldn't even protect myself from my own; therefore, I had no right wishing to protect her from her own. I had reached the fridge now.

OPEN ME.

I did, finding several items labeled with a 'TAKE ME OUT AND PLACE ME ON THE TABLE' note. Following orders, I took out a glass of orange juice with my name, milk, homemade whipped cream, syrup, and butter. I placed them on the kitchen table, alongside my favorite Honey Bunches of Oats cereal, already placed there, where there was another note telling me to fetch my food from the microwave.

"Kudos, Bella," I murmured in a toast of sorts as I took in the delicious sight of all the assorted goods Bella had placed on my plate. Most of my plate was dominated by what we had christened "the V for Vendetta Toasts", only with a twist, since Bella had experimented with turning them into French toasts with the Sunnyside up eggs in the middle. The combination of the saltiness from the eggs and the sweetness of the added syrup made for an appetizing combination, though, at first glance, you wouldn't think so.

Next, my mouth watered, as I took in the sight and the aroma of bacon, sausage, and hash brown. Bella made some mean hash brown's. Second best, only to her homemade whipped cream. Yup, just like Bella had promised, these were all my favorite. Though, admittedly, anything Bella could cook me up would easily become my favorite food, as long as she made it herself.

Pulling a chair back, so that I could sit down and enjoy this delicacy made especially for me, I spied another letter, this one in an envelope, with Bella's scrawny scribbles all over it. Picking the letter up, I pried it open, and sat myself. Pouring myself some syrup over my French toasts and a dollop of Bella's homemade whipped cream, for good measure, I began to dig in.

"Hmm," I hummed in appreciation, eyes closed as the explosion of flavors danced across my tongue and drove my tastes buds into sensory overdrive. It was that delicious. After a great deal of almost physically harming consideration, I decided to set my plate aside and grab another so I could start with my cereal and end with the delicacy. Trust me, it was harder than it sounds, prying my taste buds from finishing what I had started after giving them such a teasing taste. Somehow, I managed.

As I ate my cereal, my eyes were drawn once again to the letter I now held open in my hands and I began to read.

Jasper,

Now that you are 21 and can legally drink, don't forget the little people after burning those precious braincells.

[I snorted at the thought. Isabella Swan is and will always be unforgettable.]

No, to more serious things, Jasper, along the lines of what I was saying before… You know that I care deeply for you, right?

[I found myself nodding vigorously, heart pounding with longing. I knew she cared, just not the way I wished she did. Still, I could hold out hope.]

The reason I've had you doing all these crazy things today and bombarded your home with so many post-it's, ripping a hole in my pocket in the process, is because I want you to remember us as we are. And because it's your birthday and you deserve it. I only wish I had more to offer.

you've reached that age that everyone has warned me about, the one where you'll begin to pull away from me and find new people to kick off your turning point moment in life.

Stop making that face Jasper and let me explain myself properly before you go off making wild assumptions.

[She knew me so well, I was making a face. I frowned at that. I was feeling a little put out and if I'm being frank with myself, a little hurt. Bella had given me, in the trajectory of our friendship, more than I could have ever asked from her. Not that I had a right to ask her for anything. Still, she continued to give me things I would have never dreamed of asking without any reservations or asking for anything in return. I love that about her.]

Just so you know, I've never grouped you up with the rest of the male population and I'm not gonna start now. You stand too high above the norm for me to entertain that notion at all. You are one in a billion, Jasper, and I have had the honor of seeing you transform into the man you are today and I just hope I can continue to spy that at your side. This is why it has never crossed my mind that you'll pick up and leave me behind with all our memories to find your own pursuit of happiness. What has crossed my mind, however, is the possibility that you might begin to shut me out.

"I would never do that!" I argued out loud, forgetting that I was reading a letter and that she wasn't here to hear any of it in my outrage. "I swear. I will never do that, not to you. We've been through too much, seen and shared too much together." I had to say this for my peace of mind as I went back to the letter.

Right now, I'm telling you this and making it clear, Jasper Callias Whitlock, if you ever try to shut me out, I will not stand for it. If I ever suspect that you are doing as much, I shall be handing you your balls in a silver platter. And that's a sure promise you can count on.

[Gulping, I believed her. I could just picture it too, her telling me this with that winning, dangerous smile of hers. Unconsciously, my hand went to make sure that said threatened balls were where they ought to be, last time I checked. They were.]

Now that that's out of the way, can I steal you for myself today? What? You didn't think I did all this without expecting anything in return, now did you? You should know by now that where my hand goes and gets involved, when it comes to you, especially, there will most certainly be an underlying ulterior motive waiting to sprout its eager head. Even if you think so, I'm no Saint, you know?

[Honestly, I didn't know why I was even surprised. In other words, I was surprised that I was surprised. That being said, I would go commit suicide with Bella this afternoon if that was what she had in mind, which I'm sure it wasn't, as long as I was with her. She didn't have to ask. I ought to let Carlisle know that I'll need a raincheck on that birthday dinner… I'll call him later.]

I thought I'd ask out of courtesy, really. Do call Carlisle, he wanted to celebrate with you. Tell him that I'm sorry for being selfish this year and robbing him of his time with you, just not enough to hand you over.

I'll see you later, Love,

Your Isabella

I stared at Bella's name long after I had read it and reread her signature. She never addressed herself as 'Isabella', she hated it. I was one of the few that got away, just barely, with calling her by her given name and survive the aftermath. So you will understand where my puzzlement was coming from as I stared at her simple yet elegant signature and failed to come up with any answers as to what had driven her to close this letter so formally.

I mean, I get that she was pouring her heart out to me, but I had a stash of many other similar letters, in nature, that I had acquired over the years that were all signed, simply, 'Bella'. Yes, I was a sentimental fool who had something that resembled a scrapbook of sorts filled with every single memory of my years with Bella Swan.

In it, it held birthday cards, letters, napkins of restaurants and clubs we had been to, along with train and plain tickets from our visits to her mother, and then there were the occasional trinkets. Such as clamshells, the cork from our first Champaign and wine, soda caps, sand, and then some others that I can't name because they are too plentiful, but you get the idea. It had everything that might remind me of those stolen treasured moments that Bella and I always share when together and this letter was going to be added to that immense, overflowing pile of them.

Once I had cleaned up after myself and gotten every surface of my home sticky-note free, I decided to relax and admire my gifts to distract myself while I waited on Bella to come home. I didn't know what time it was and I wasn't about to go find out, it would only add to my impatience. I wanted to see her so much that I ached. I knew that once she got here I could finally label this day as 'Perfect', because any day spent in her presence always turned out that way, even when we fought, and especially now since it was my birthday. I couldn't have asked for a more perfect twenty-first birthday, I concluded with the goofiest of grins as I sat myself and admired the drawn silhouette that reminded me so much of Bella's. I was content beyond words and there was promise of more to come, I couldn't wait.

"Jasper!"

My head whipped up at the sound of my name, heart hammering in my chest, and startling me out of sleep in a panic. I hadn't even realized I had fallen asleep in the first place. I frowned.

"Bella?" I called, but there was no reply. I tried again, "Bella!" Standing, however, I noted that everything seemed a little too dark and I knew it was too early for the sun to be anywhere near setting. I couldn't have been asleep for too long, at least, I didn't think so.

Curiosity got the better of me and I went to get a better view of the world outside my window. I wish I hadn't. It looked like a big storm was brewing. No, a storm is brewing. A quick glance at the clock told me it was two thirty-six in the afternoon.

"Shit, shit, shit…" I mumbled as the first flash of lighting split the sky and the rumble of thunder roared in its wake. No sooner did the first drops of rain began to sweep the street, and I began moving. Like a whirlwind, I was set into motion as I tried to remember the last place I had seen the spare key to Bella's car. After searching every available surface of my home and skewing my usually orderly home in the process, I was about to give up when I finally found it by the table near the entrance. I pocketed the key with trembling fingers, my panting breathes leaving my chest with an equally quivering cadence. I had to close my eyes to concentrate on clearing my head and slow my breathing so I could think rationally.

I was staring at the door with my hand rattling over the doorknob and trying to talk myself into turning it, when another flash of lightning and the rumble of thunder shook me out of my reservations, setting me into motion once again. Bella needs me, I told myself to get me to wrench the door open and out the threshold and onto the street. Cursing myself, I hesitated as my own soul rattled within the confinements of my shivering body. I had to get out there and face the rain, my phobia once again, for Bella, knowing she would do it for me.

Cursing like only a sailor knew how and wrenching the door open, I stepped over the threshold and ran into the pouring rain, where thoughts of my paralyzing fear gnawed at me but my will to find Bella helped me focus on putting one foot in front of the other. My breathing grew labored once again and I felt my whole body shake as the shock of what was going on around me settled in.

It was so cruel. Subtle, seductive, and everything that death was. Cold. Seeping through my clothes, I felt its path, slithering from my head and making its way down. I felt its sure, lazy conduit cover every inch of my tremor induced skin raise with goosebumps at its touch and then it was as if my tremolos heart became the focus at its crescendo. So cold, it held onto my heart and my heart stilled, my lungs froze, and I couldn't breath any more as it choke me with lazy threads of water the kept on winding around all of me. I needed to get out of the rain. I needed out. If only I could move! Water, water… I can't, I was hyperventilating, I couldn't think and I was breathing in a lungful of water with every hesitant breath. I can't do this. I wanted to scream! My knees felt so weak, almost giving under when I heard it-

"Jasper!" I heard a voice cry with such terror that it's tremor vibrated to my very core. My head whipped around, searching for the source of the scream that still rang, echoing in my ears, but there was no one else on the street except the roar of the rain and me. Not even a passing car.

Bella.

The thought of her had me running again. She was the one crying my name, I knew, though I didn't understand it. All my reservations didn't matter right now, weather or not I could put my own fear aside long enough to make it to where Bella was did. I just had to get to her. My will alone to be there for her allowed me to keep on running and ignore the claws of the rain snagging at my neck, feet, and clothing, trying to finish what they couldn't eleven years ago as it chase me, always one drop ahead of me.

Terrified I ran towards Bella, for Bella. The rain could steal my life, but I wouldn't allow it to steal me from Bella. Bella won't be stolen from me, I vowed to the rain.

"Hold out for me, Bella, please, hold out for me, I'm coming," I prayed, hoping I could reach her in time and keeping a steady stream of Bella's name, like a mantra, to help me cut through the downpour.

OoO

A/N:So, what's the thought so far? Drop me a review and let me know, please?