Self-Induced Nightmare for Lightning and Thunder

By

Amaterasu Kinesi

Chapter Five:

Reality

Both trembling and with the rain still cascading in sleets, Bella and I finally reach my place. Though we are ten steps away from reaching the refuge of home, neither of seems capable of braving the elements again to escape this nightmare. Instead, each trembling in our respective dampened down seats, we are holding hands and watching our tremulous breaths appear and disappear.

"We-we need to get inside, Jasper," Bella tells me, breaking the silence and we nearly jump out of our skins at the sound of her frantic voice. "We ne-need" –her teeth are chattering from the cold, from fear– "to get out of these wet clothes and find dry ones."

Chuckling at our jumpiness I agree, but neither of us makes a move towards achieving this propositioned goal. Ten steps feel like an eternity of torment, when I consider I have to weather the rain… As for Bella, well, she knows why I'm hesitant to step outside but she also wants out of our tin prison—even if that means exposing herself to the elements before reaching the refuge of home.

Knowing that Bella, trembling as she is beside me, hasn't gone inside mainly because of me is what stirs me into action. I ran in the rain. All the way to that fucking school. I can manage ten steps for Bella, I persuade my scared and scattered self. Nodding, I tug at Bella's hand to get her attention. Turning to me, her brown doe eyes are wide and fearful, pleading. She wants out of this torment as much as I do.

"L-let's g-get o-out of he-here," I tell her through my own chattering teeth. "L-Let's g-get y-you in-inside and w-warmed up."

"I'll s-settle f-for d-dry." She nods, grips my hand tighter and whispers, "Let's d-do this."

I don't point out that for that to happen she needs to let go. Instead, my own hand tightens on hers and we both chuckle at the absurdity of it all without any finding any real humor in our predicament. My own mind feels like it is being pelted by the rain and I know, from experience, that I will stop functioning in a moment. My PTSD will take a hold of me and Bella, nor will the rain, will not be able to reach me once that happens.

Still clutching Bella's hand in mine I throw the passenger door open and with a shudder watch as the rain completely drenches it. Looking at Bella, I can see my pleading reflection on the depths of her doe eyes and feel a stirring of loathing at my own weakness.

"Hey," Bella says, catching the shift. Cupping my cheek with her left hand, Bella momentarily calms my turmoil and the sounds of the rain fade to nothing. I can only hear the roar of my blood boiling in my veins at her touch. "Look at me. Just look at me, Jasper." I do as she instructs. "We can weather this."

Just as I'm starting to believe her words the moment dissipates in a flash of lightning that flares too close to Bella's truck and side of the car. Instantly, she seems to shrink in her seat, trying to become less of a target...

"Together," I persuade, trying to help Bella escape from her memories—flashing like a film across her dilated pupils. Placing my shoes on the asphalt and not overthinking it, I practically launch myself out of Bella's truck and tug her along with me. With a little squeal, Bella scampers over to the passenger side without an ounce of grace and jumps out of her truck in a mad dash.

By now, my feet have turn to concrete and I am incapable of placing one foot in front of the other until Bella, now leading me into action, forces me to follow her. Still, the rain seems to whisper menacing things along my skin, mocking me. Bella tugs and pulls at my arm, her hand a vice grip on mine, but my every step is leaden with terror and I can no longer see past the rain.

"Jasper, we have to move!" Bella sobs as a flash of lightning illuminates the sky, lighting up all of our fears. Her tremor runs up my arm and I look down at Bella. Seeing her sodden expression, I notice that she is trembling so much that her lines seem to be blurring and her lips are practically blue. Still, she is trying to get me to move.

The realization that Bella is still at my side, though she could have left me to fend for myself and gone for the safety of home, gets me to move my feet again. The relief in Bella's eyes is evident as she tugs me along behind her… Another three steps to go. Keys rattling in her hands, Bella lets go of my hand with a loud yelp as thunder rumbles overhead and rattles the windows in favor of unlocking the door.

With a steadying hand I stop her attempts and she jumps, dropping the keys with a hissed 'shit' escaping her chattering mouth. Before she can bend to retrieve the fallen keys I stop her again and twist the doorknob of my front door, throwing it open and kicking the keys inside. As the keys scrape the wooden floor and come to a rattling halt against a wall or table, Bella pulls me with her through the threshold and shuts the door tightly behind us.

With my back now facing the door, I blindly feel behind me for the lock to latch and it into place for added solace. Successful in my venture and still drenched and shell-shocked, I press my back to the door for support as I suddenly feel my legs give under me. Sliding along its length to the floor in a heap, I collapse and take Bella with me.

Now a trembling mess with a puddle quickly forming under me and my tongue too numb to speak, I feel myself reach the scope of an imminent panic attack. Gulping for air, I reach for Bella's hand. Once she places it in mine, I grip tighter but her hand seems to bleed into water as I do, only to escape between the gaps of my fingers just as the solid ground beneath me gives way… and I find that I am drowning.

Engulfed by four walls of slimy water, I stop breathing and claw at my throat in my desperation to breathe again and fail. Bella's gone…. We've drowned. A violent tremor runs through me and panic roars though my veins, clutching at my frantic heart. Bella's gone!

…...

Snapping out of her shell-shocked state, Bella instantly becomes aware of Jasper's disappear and the fact that he's nearly convulsing beside her. Watching as his fears consume him in a prison of his own making, Bella reaches for him without hesitation and pushes aside her own fear before it can seize a hold of her frantic heart. Taking his face between her trembling hands, Bella stares into his panicked eyes, unseeing and far away, probably trapped in the horror of the tragedy that brought him to her.

On her knees, Bella maneuvers herself around him with concise movements and coaxes Jasper into laying down to rest his head on her lap in an attempt to help him breathe again. Hoping it will be enough, Bella tilts Jasper's head, lifting his chin and placing a soothing hand over his heart, feeling it beat too fast. With thoughts of calming him rampant in her mind, Bella forces her own breathing to steady and her dry mouth to work.

Gazing down at him, Bella sees raindrops clinging to his eyelashes as he stares wide-eyed and unseeing. Casting them aside, Bella silently curses the raindrops that drip from her hair onto Jasper's face. Still, she can't do anything about the puddle forming beneath either of them. Therefore, she focuses on what she can do.

"Breathe, Jasper. You're safe," she whispers, desperately trying to snap him out of his panic attack. Despite her efforts, Jasper thrashes against an unseen force and shakes his head in denial, her voice not reaching him. "We're safe, Jasper. Please," Bella tries again, trying to swallow the sob rising up her throat. "We made it out of the rain."

"I'm drowning," Jasper chokes out and almost cries. She's reached him!

"We are safe," she assures him once again, relieved that he has enough breath to speak. Coxing Jasper into a sitting position once again, Bella tries to stand and attempts to take him with her but her efforts barely shift him. "Come, let's get you into dry clothes and–"

"Bella... I'm drowning." Desperate and needing to assure himself that Bella is real, Jasper crushes her body to his, and trembling with relief at how solid she feels and with left over fear, proceeds to bury his pale face against her constricted chest.

"It's not real," she tells him, voice trembling and in tears. Tears that fall hot and quick down her cheeks without her consent.

"They're dead... dead. Drowning..."

"Jasper, that's–" A sob leaves her throat and Bella has to gulp for her next breath, trying to stifle her tears. "You're here," she reminds him firmly. "With me. It's not happening again. Look" –she takes his hand, bringing it close to her face and allowing him to cup her cheek with it– "I'm here. I'm real."

"You're... real?" Uncertain, Jasper tries to focus his eyes on Bella and the feel of his hand on her warm, wet skin serves as an anchor of sorts. Following the length of his arm to his hand, Jasper meets Bella's eyes and takes a shuddering breath.

"This is what's happening now." Bella nods and takes his other hand, placing it firmly over her beating heart. "This is what's real," she whispers, nearly intoxicated by the warmth of his hand seeping beneath her flimsy, sodden shirt and igniting her.

"It's beating..." he murmurs in wonderment.

"So is yours," Bella says, pressing her palm over Jasper's stuttering heart. "You're alive."

Pain crosses over Jasper's face at her words and he flinches away from her, attempting to get way from Bella and her words, throwing her off balance. Only when his back hits solid wood does Jasper realize that he is already against his front door and has nowhere to escape. "You're not real..." he denies, feeling trapped. "I'm dead, I'm dead, dead..." –he remembers– "Drowning, I drowned. God, I drowned. Bella's gone… gone."

Aching for him, Bella throws caution to the wind and advances on him. Straddling his lap, she ignores her fear of rejection as she takes Jasper's face between her prune-like trembling hands and presses his ear to her chest. Growing still, Jasper stops fighting to get away. Stops breathing and allows Bella to puppeteer his will.

"Listen to my heartbeat, Jasper," she pleads and her words are loud in Jasper's ears. "This is real." He goes rigid, listening. Trembling, Bella caresses her fingers through his dripping hair and places her other hand on his chest again. "We are safe," she says more forcefully.

"Is this real?" Jasper whispers, brings his trembling hands to her hips. "Truly?"

"It is," Bella whispers, trembling at his touch.

"I'm terrified," he whispers against the wet skin of her collarbone. Shifting slightly and dripping raindrops onto the wooden floor, Jasper seals a kiss over Bella's hammering heartbeat. Momentarily, Bella's breathing hitches and she feels the muscles below her navel tighten. "I can't breathe..." He argues, "That's real."

"No," Bella breathes, her voice a rasp.

"What?" Pushing Jasper away, Bella grabs his confused face between her hands and, smoothing the confusion from his face, leans into Jasper under his watchful gaze and brings her lips to his, kissing him.

"This is real," she breathes, leaning her forehead against Jasper's and gulping for air. Despite her sudden lack of oxygen, Bella kisses him again. Slowly, uncertain Jasper reciprocates and Bella's heart catapults into a thundering gallop. "The feel of my lips on yours, Jasper, now this is real."

She places his hand on her cheek.

"The warmth of my skin is real." Takes his other hand and places it over her frantic heart. "The thudding of my heart is real..." She places one of her hands over his heart and the other cups his face, smiling tenderly up at Jasper's awed features. "The sledgehammering of yours, Jasper, is also, very real."

…...

Coming to, my hand squeezes Bella's hips through the fabric of her wet shirt and I unconsciously savor the warmth of her skin beneath my fingertips. That's also around the same time that I realize that she's practically seating on my lap. Not to mention, her face is so close to mine that I can make out the individual strokes of chocolate and caramel that make up Bella's brown irises and even feel her quick bursts of breath against my lips. With this latest realization comes another…

"You kissed me," I manage to breathe through my befuddlement and the words sound more like an accusation. Touching my fingers to my tingling lips, I conceal a half-smile.

"Are you going to do something about it?" Bella challenges, smiling and flushed. Oh, I want to... Slamming the back of my head forcefully against the front door, I stifle a groan of pain and stare at Bella in amazement, half expecting her to vanish with my next breath. Except she doesn't, she only jumps slightly at the hollow thud of my head hitting wood. "I–"

Accepting her challenge, I interrupt Bella's next words with a hungry kiss of my own. Blinking once, twice, I shake my head and frown, still trembling with residual fear and shame. However, some of my shame melts away the moment I realize that Bella's lips are moving against mine.

"I love you, Isabella Swan," I breathe against her lips, eyes closed, and wait for Bella to vanish. Instead, I think I hear her reciprocate my confession. "I don't care anymore if this isn't real..." I hesitate and open my eyes. Still, Bella remains a solid weight on my lap and stares at me, breathing as heavily as I am. "I'll deal with that when morning comes."

"Good thinking," Bella manages to mumble before I'm kissing her again. Placing both hands at her hips, I caress Bella's hipbones with my thumbs and grip her tighter to me. Needing her closer, I scoot Bella up my lap until I feel the press of her wet, pliable chest make contact with my unyielding one.

A little moan escapes Bella's lips, granting me access to her mouth. Stroking her tongue with mine, I marvel at the sweetness of her mouth. She tastes like rain and Bella—all honeysuckle and a dash of saltiness. I've always been a big fan of the sweet and salty candies. Trailing my trembling hands to the small of Bella's wet back, I shudder with need and press her chest to mine. More. I need more, I find myself thinking as her soft breasts mold to the firmness of my chest. More.

"More," I say aloud. The word now a chant in my mind, I peel the wet fabric of Bella's shirt out of the way of my venturing hands and make skin to skin contact with her skin. "So soft," I moan with appreciation and Bella trembles.

"Oh, God," I hear her sigh. "Jasper…"

Caressing her skin, I skim my palms up the side of Bella's ribcage, taking her sodden shirt in the process. Breaking our kiss, I stare down and admire the silver of skin I've unveiled as I continue her unraveling. Understanding my thinking, Bella lifts her hands and I deliberately take my time peeling her shirt off her pale skin, prolonging the skin to skin contact. Lingering at the curve of her breasts, I thumb the fabric of her bra with a firm but gentle caress and watch as her nipples harden within their confinement.

Swallowing, I force my eyes away from the rise and fall of Bella's chest to look up at her, dreading that I might have taken this too far. That my touch might be uninvited. Instead, in her doe eyes, I find a hunger and need that probably matches my own. But more importantly, I find love and acquiescence.

"It's okay," she urges and with her consent now voiced, I peel her shirt the rest of the way off and discarding it. "Now you."

Lifting my arms, I allow Bella to peel my shirt off my skin. The warm touch of her hands on my skin is sweet torture and I stop breathing until her hands are off me, the shirt discarded. In a flash of lightning that makes Bella tremble anew, I admire the flawless paleness of her skin in the momentary blaze of illumination and reach out to touch her again.

"You're more perfect than I've imagined," I tell her, I trailing a finger over her navel. Sucking in a breath, Bella's hand comes to a rest over my chest. Seeking permission once again, I stare into Bella's dark eyes and find it. "I've been wanting you like this–"

"A long time?" Bella finishes for me, breathless.

"Yes," I practically hiss.

"Me too," she confesses, hands venturing and exploring. Sucking in a breath of my own, I hold my breath and splay a hand over Bella's navel, taking my exploration upward. As my thumb skims the cup of Bella's bra, she makes to take off the offending garment but I stop her.

"Allow me," I whisper. However, before I can, headlights illuminate us and I am reminded that we're still at the entrance.

"What's wrong?" Bella whispers, voice confused and worried.

"Stand up," I tell her gently. "I can't have you here."

Understanding, Bella hurries to her feet and pulls me along with her in her enthusiasm. Chuckling, I embrace her and the moment my naked torso makes contact with hers, I forget all about moving us into the bedroom. Spinning us around, I press Bella to the door and swallow her gasp of surprise as I steal a kiss. Eager and complying, she returns the kiss with fervor, enfolding her legs around my hips.

Supporting her weight, I press closer to her, placing a hand at her waist and the other at her rear, squeezing. This particular action earns me a breathy moan from Bella and I smile as I abandon her lips to trail kisses down her neck. Pushing her hair aside, Bella tilts her head to the side in silent invitation.

Searing kiss after searing kiss, I feel my hunger growing along with a painful erection. As my lips ghost over the expanse of Bella's heaving breasts, I stop myself from going further, afraid that I might take more than she is willing to give to me.

Skimming my nose over Bella's collarbones, I fight to regain control and find that my unraveling would be easier. Especially when the feel of Bella's fingertips, caressing my scalp, seems to be egging me on. Breathing hard against her skin, I still and so does Bella's hand. Waiting. But then, a clap of thunder breaks us apart.

"Come," Bella urges, chuckling nervously and taking my hand. "Before your surprise attack, you hinted at moving things to the bedroom…"

Nodding numbly, I follow Bella's lead quietly. On our way to the bedroom, my sense of insecurity increased. What if Bella didn't really want this?

"Bella?" I rasp out, tugging on her hand and binging us to a halt just outside my bedroom door. If we stepped beyond that threshold and I saw Bella in my bedroom in her current state of undress, I didn't think I could stop myself from being less than gentlemanly with her if what I wanted wasn't in par with what she wanted.

"What's wrong?" Bella asked, turning to face me.

"We don't have to–"

"I want you, Jasper," she interrupted and my heart summersaulted. Could I believe her words? Looking into her eyes, I saw nothing but honesty. Yet, I hesitated. "I want you. Your touch," she went on, "and your love. I want you to make love to me, Jasper."

"But–" Shut up, Jasper! Don't you want the same thing? Yes! Then why are you arguing? Cause I love her…

"I love you," Bella told me and the conviction in her eyes was undeniable, breaking down all arguments in my mind.

"Well, shit," I whisper, nearly coughing at the words.

"Really, Jasper?" Bella giggled. "That's a tiny bit anticlimactic, given my grand revelation."

"Did I say that out loud?" I ask, chagrined. Rolling her eyes at me, Bella smiled mischievously.

"So…" she trailed off. "All I needed to do to get you to talk dirty to me was tell you how much I love you?"

"Not funny, Bella." Groaning, I buried my face into the nook of her neck. I never cursed in front of Bella. "But, if we're going to get technical here…" I trailed off, nuzzling her neck and causing Bella to squirm. "You didn't really tell me just how much you love me."

"You caught that, didn't you?" Bella was smiling, I could tell from her voice. "I'm under the impression that showing you might actually be more efficient," she whispers suggestively, her breath tickling my neck and making me shudder. "What do you think?"

"I think you are a big tease!" I whisper, distancing myself from Bella and placing a hand over my eyes. "This has got to be a wet dream…"

"You still have wet dreams?" Bella snorts. All the time, all about you. Shaking my head, I grin and keep my mouth shut. "Smart man," she compliments and I roll my eyes at her, even though she can't see. "Regardless, I think we already went over this, love." She steps toward me and I feel the warmth of her nearness with a bone deep ache. "Me Bella. You Jasper."

A bark of laughter left my mouth as I gaze at Bella from between my fingers, my face feeling hot. Lowering my hand from my face, I reach for Bella and caress her face with a tentative touch. The feather-light touch makes her hum with appreciation, drawing me like a moth to a flame.

"I want you too," I confess, heart thundering against my chest. "More than my next breath."

"Then take me," she challenges, rising on tiptoes and crashing her lips to mine. "I'm right here," she tells me between kisses, her words a promise. "This is real."

"I'm not drowning," I acknowledge, unclasping her bra at last. Gasping, I take a step back and stare. Admiring the vision Bella portrays as she allows her bra fall off her shoulder and then cascade to the floor outside my bedroom door with a whispered rustle, leaving her naked from the waist up.

Gripping blindly behind her, Bella twists my doorknob and backtracks into the dimness of my room and I watch hypnotically as her breasts quiver with her every move, every breath. She is breathtaking. Without conscious thought of doing so, I move. Before I know it, I am standing before Bella and kissing her. Whispering praises across her skin as my palms cover her breasts. Each a bit more than a handful, I squeeze experimentally…

Breaking away from the kiss, Bella whimpers. Alarmed, I take my hand away and look down at Bella to find that her eyes are still closed.

"Did I hurt you," I ask, nervous.

"No. I just…" She blushes, peeking up at me from between her lashes. "It was unexpected."

"Did it hurt," I press.

"No," she smiles, "it felt good." Taking a hold of my hand, Bella places it over her chest again. "That tickles," she whispers as I instinctively caress her.

"My hands are wrinkled from the rain," I explain and shudder as a raindrop slides down the length of my back.

"So are mine," she chuckles and licks at a raindrop that had been making its way from my neck to my collarbone.

"I'm still afraid," I admit. Sobering up, Bella puts some distance between us and looks up at me with a sad smile as she hugs her torso.

"Me too," she admits quietly. "But I'm willing to be your distraction if you're mine…"

"Distract me," I plead. Unashamed of my desperate tone, I open my arms in an invitation and Bella immediately rushes into my arms as another flash of lightning hangs in the sky outside our safe haven. Holding her close, I shield her from the sight of the white sky outside.

"With pleasure."

"Is that a promise, Bella?"

...

A/N: No, this isn't the end. There's more. I just wanted to upload what I already had. Thank you for reading!

Amaterasu Kinesi