A Cruce Salus:
Chapter 12
I never finish phrases I misspell / An open arm's a prison cell / When I said, "I hate what I've become" / I lied, I hated who I was / So when you start to wonder / About the pain in my throat / Then don't you ever / No never / Ever / Speak for someone
You / Don't / Know.
(( Dog Problems by The Format ))
Aries watched the students file in stoically from his perch on Samara's desk - which, he supposed, was now his as well. When he'd first arrived in this era, he had scoffed at the offer of a teaching position. However, once Samara had explained her plan to him, the idea had become gradually more and more appealing. For the past month, he'd been away enacting the first few stages of her plan - and tweaking some of the weaker aspects of them. He had to hand it to her, it was a decent course of action to come up with, but the outline was a bit rough around the edges. Samara had always been the one who enacted things; who provided the reckless bravado to jump into missions rather than planning them. Aries had no doubt that if he hadn't show up she would've gotten the job done without any - or, at least, many - problems, but all the same, well.. she was lucky he'd appeared when he did.
A mane of shaggy black hair accompanied by elegant tresses of red caught his eye, which flicked to the three others striding alongside the pair for an unnoticeable fraction of a second. A few years ago, this uncanny sight would have shaken him to his very core, but the horrors of the past years were such that Aries could not have brought himself to dredge up more than brief recognition even if he had cared to try.
They, among others already seated, were staring with a bit more than innocent curiosity at the unmoving figure poised in the center of the room. He could not blame them, for even if he did not constantly exude ruthlessness and raw power down to his very posture, there was the small matter of him showing up in their classroom with an appearance that could only be described as half-dead naught but a few weeks ago. The looks on their faces would have told him that they had not forgotten or accepted the explanations Samara had attempted to provide if their blaring thoughts had not beaten them to it.
Breaking his statuesque expression for the first time to scowl in annoyance, he began to block out the rather rude thoughts that were broadcasting from all directions. Occlumency had taken some time to master, but the imperative nature of the war didn't leave him any options. And once the art of sealing his mind had been mastered, the art of peering into others' did not take long to follow. He was an extremely accomplished Legillimens - too accomplished, in his opinion. He opened others' minds with such ease that it actually took more effort not to. He often wondered if it was like this for anyone other than him, but Dumbledore had been murdered before he'd needed to ask him, and such pleasant conversation had never quite come up during the numerous times he'd met with the so-called "Lord" Voldemort. As it was, he was forced to consider this yet another anomaly that contributed to the enigma that was Aries Despero.
A particularly loud thought on the status of his romantic life broke through his carefully concentrated efforts to keep the others like it out. Giving up on holding the silent chatter at bay and deciding to instead use it to his advantage, Aries cleared his throat in an effort to secure their attention. Every mouth went silent; every mind did not.
"Right then," he began, "by the looks on your faces I'm going to go out on a limb and guess that Samara hadn't yet informed you that I'd be helping her with the lessons every so often."
Three people raised their hands.
"Rule number one," he said sternly, "Don't ask me how I got here."
Three people lowered their hands.
Using a charismatic voice that sounded comforting while still evoking attention, he continued. "I suppose the somewhat mundane first order of business would be to take attendance, and as you're not seated alphabetically.."
Aries held up a hand to the girl in the first seat of the front row whose thoughts informed him that she planned on providing him with her name.
"Wait," he said, "Let's make this less mundane, shall we? What I want every one of you to do is to think your name as loudly as you can - no, not now! - when I point to you." And with that, he pointed to the girl from the front row and nodded.
Despite her confused face, the girl thought her name loud and clearly.
"Annemarie Jenkins," he said, putting a check next to her name on the attendance list, "Here."
"Liam Fisher," he remarked as the second student whispered the name into his brain. It continued this way until almost everyone in the room had been marked off the list, their astounded faces displaying the obvious conclusion that they had never before heard about, much less been exposed to, the awesome powers of Legillimency.
Eventually, he reached the last row, where the Marauders were rather predictably seated.
"James Potter," entered a tendril of thought into his mind.
"Nice try, Sirius Black," Aries deadpanned triumphantly. He looked up to find a dumbstruck teenage version of his godfather who had seconds previously been smirking at his mind's emanation of his best friend's moniker. James's characteristic grin had also dissipated, indicating the seventh year had probably planned on similar elementary trickery.
"You didn't really believe Samara wouldn't have warned me about the two of you and your subsequent cronies, did you?" he inquired mockingly.
"Didn't actually realize we were that famous," Sirius answered him, that cocky smirk making a reappearance.
"Not famous, Mr. Black, just a nuisance," came a voice from the doorway, which Samara happened to be leaning against. "And you!" she exclaimed, pointing at Aries with her free hand, "I leave you alone for five minutes to get a cup of coffee and you're already showing off!"
"I was not!" retorted Aries in mock defensiveness, "It was a lead-in to a very beneficial speech concerning the importance of guarding your mind!"
Samara raised on eyebrow skeptically.
"Alright, I may have been showing off," he admitted grudgingly.
"Naturally. Now that, class, was an example of Legillimency, which is..? No one? Not even you, Lily?"
The extraordinarily intelligent redhead looked somewhat abashed as she replied, "The name sounds familiar, but I have no idea what it is."
"Legillimency is the art of opening your mind to another's thoughts, as I just demonstrated," interjected Aries.
"Wait a second," burst Sirius, "So if I were to learn this Legillimency, I would know what anyone was thinking?" He looked around the room and grinned wickedly at his classmates, particularly the females.
"Yes, which is exactly why we will not be learning it, Mr. Black," replied Samara sternly.
"Oh, come on!" James argued for him, "It could be bloody useful for defense!"
Fortunately, Samara and Aries were more than equipped to handle two difficult school boys.
"Actually, Legillimency is more of an offense when it comes to the Dark Arts," explained Aries, "but its counterpart, Occlumency, is the defense which would guard your mind to intrusions less harmless than the ones I performed earlier. Surely we'll teach them this, Samara?"
"Perhaps, Aries, but I seem to recall even you having trouble with it," she teased. "Now get out your books and turn to page 452, we're going to continue our lesson on Dark Creatures.."
Samara watched the last student file out, a clumsy Hufflepuff named Ian, before turning to her companion and releasing a long sigh. "Weird, isn't it?"
"I guess," conceded Aries as they retreated to their quarters. "I thought it would be much worse, though."
"What do you mean?" she inquired, handing him a bottle of Firsker's Finest Firewhiskey and uncorking her own.
"Well, now that I've gotten through the first lesson, it just seems like.. weirder things have happened," he admitted.
Samara threw her head back and laughed. "Only you would get thrown into decades past, be asked to help teach a class that included teenage versions of your parents, and comment that weirder things have happened."
He laughed along with her, the first time he had done so in many weeks. "I missed this," he told her.
"Missed what?" she asked curiously.
"Not discussing strategies, or tactics, or which Order members are possible spies, just.. being with you. And I was thinking, now that--"
"Harry," she said warningly.
"Just hear me out, Ginny. The only reason we aren't together is because of our enemies, but all of them are undereducated teeangers here!"
"No," she countered angrily, "That was your reason. Not mine."
"Look, I know I didn't come through for you a couple months ago.. when it happened. But I swear, Ginny, I will never let that happen again."
Samara stared at him in disbelief, before Ginny's emotions got the best of her and she exploded in a torrent of rage. "Okay, let's get one thing straight here. I do NOT need your protection, Harry. I didn't need it then, and I do NOT need it now. And even if I did, you can't even fucking say it! I was raped, Harry."
He winced as if she'd slapped him.
"I could never be with you because you could never be able to deal with that. It scares you, doesn't it? You're always so good at fixing things, but I'm not some battle you can jump in to and save the day, alright? You can't save me. And you know it."
"Ginny," he pleaded, "I love you."
Samara gazed at him with pity. "I don't love you," she said honestly, "There isn't enough of me left to."
Samara leaned into the turn, pushing her legs to go faster, as fast as they could go, until the wind in her hair and the burn in her thighs would cancel out the ache in her mind...
Aries had horrible timing, of that much she was sure. Why couldn't he have come around years ago, when she would have welcomed him with open arms? It infuriated her that he thought he had to protect her, like she was some fragile piece of art. In case he hadn't noticed, she was already broken in every way, shape or form it was possible to be broken. There was no fixing. There was no saving. And by Merlin, even if there was, she didn't need him to do it.
And besides that, there was no way she would ever be worthy of him. Aries was so.. good, the unflinching light of the cause. He stayed true to his morals, no matter what the situation, whereas Samara had lost any semblance of a moral compass long ago. Aries fought for his beliefs, despite having friends and honorary family targeted again and again; Samara fought for revenge. To be honest, she had long since abandoned the hope that fighting for the greater good required. Aries avoided killing unless absolutely necessary; Samara sought after it with a vengeance.
Samara wasn't sure why she was so surprised by Aries' proposal; she'd anticipated it from the start. Perhaps it was actually hearing it out loud, perhaps she'd been denying how irate it made her, but whatever the reason, she was now running the manic thoughts out of her head on the Quidditch field.
And now other thoughts were very near to breaking through the imaginary, yet very real, barrier she had set up in her mind, and she must not let them, she must go faster...
She was closing in on the next turn, she must work harder, she must go faster...
And then she was catapulting to the ground, her ankle twisted at an odd angle, and the pain was everywhere, and she did not know how long she sat there, drinking it in, relishing in a physical expression of her pain...
"Samara?"
And the spell was broken; she cursed the two curious boys silently as they ran down to meet her, broomsticks in hand.
"James, Sirius," she nodded curtly, blocking out their gasp as they took in the crazed expression on her face and the angle at which her ankle was laying, twisting grotesquely beneath her leg.
She grimaced as they helped her up; she did not need their help, who did they think they were? "I'm fine," she spat, and limped over to the stands, placing more and more pressure on her injured appendage with every step, until finally she reached the nearest bench on the stands with her mind swimming and all previous thoughts banished.
The boys - because, oh yes, they were just boys, just innocent little boys, what did they know of pain? - were right behind Samara, and sat down on either side of her. They watched, seeming to sense that she didn't want them to speak, as she somewhat reluctantly pulled out her wand and whispered "Vigoratus." She watched stoically as it bent itself back into a proper shape, and would've been almost sad to feel the ache leave her body if her mind had been permitting emotions. Inspecting it carefully, she determined that while appearing to be completely healed, it would probably necessitate an additional visit to Madam Pomfrey when she found the time. The spell had been a new invention during the Second Rise for quick healing on the battlefield, but did not have the advantage of years dedicated to its testing and tweaking. It had also been made under the assumption that its use would be for one of two types of people: those who would either be killed in the very near future, therefore only needing to be healed for a short amount of time, or those who would make use of its properties just long enough to continue fighting until they could make it back to a headquarters, where fitting medical attention could be supplied. She was still pondering the properties of the spell, because it was best to think of anything but what had just occurred, when she was pulled rudely from her mental seclusion by the boy sitting next to her.
"Are you alright?" Sirius Black asked, looking sincerely worried.
"I said I was fine," she spat.
"He wasn't asking about your ankle," supplied James.
The edge in her eyes softened ever so slightly as she replied, "I guess I seem kind of insane right now, huh?"
"Not insane," corrected Sirius, "just upset."
She looked between the two for a moment, before deciding it mattered very little if she vented to them about trivial matters such as her love life. "He's been here one full day, and he's already annoying the hell out of me," she admitted.
"Who?" asked James, "Oh, Aries? I thought you two were friends."
Samara rolled her eyes. "We are, but that just means he knows how to get on my nerves better than most people."
"What did he do?" inquired Sirius, but after noticing the deranged look in her eyes again, added, "I mean, if you don't mind telling me."
Samara laughed humorlessly. "I don't mind. He.. wants to get back together with me."
"Wait, so you two were.. together?" asked Sirius. Samara nodded emotionlessly in response.
"And you don't want to be?" said James.
"Not anymore," she deadpanned, "he missed his chance."
"So what were you doing out here?" continued Sirius, whose expression had lightened considerably.
Samara sighed and ran her hands through her jet-black hair. "Blowing off steam, I guess. I would've been flying, but I didn't have a broom, and the school ones are pathetic."
James laughed. "That's true, but probably good. You would've gotten much worse than a sprained ankle if you'd been on a broom."
She glared at him, but her uncontrollable grin gave her away. "Well, I'm better now," she lied, "what do you say I steal one of your brooms and we have a little one-on-one?"
"You're on," agreed James wickedly, "Take Sirius's first. You are so going down."
Samara laughed in disbelief. "You think you can take me?"
"No," he replied decidedly, "I know I can."
"Give me your broom, Sirius," she demanded, "We'll just have to see about that."
Author's Note:
Wow, I think that's the longest I've ever gone without an update. I won't bore you with the excuses, but trust me - if your life was anything like mine in the past year, updating would've been the last thing on your mind. I'm in therapy now, though, and things are getting better, so hopefully you won't have to wait thing long again. But hey! No cliffhanger!
Anyway, due to the overwhelming response of "Don't have Ginny with anyone", she's going to stay single for a while. Probably for the whole story. This chapter was getting that whole spiel out the way.
Review?