Perception-Part 8
If Jane was surprised at Maura's spontaneous utterance, she hid it well behind an expressionless mask. Things needed to be said but the silence was like a vacuum sucking up her words. The warm breeze lifted the ends of Maura's hair. She hooked a few errant strands and tucked them behind her ear. Clear of the rooftops, the sun was now a light yellow orb against a pale blue backdrop. Jane's features looked austere without the softening effect of a sunrise. Frost loomed closer, a stubborn presence that came into sharp focus.
"Jane, there are a few witnesses we need to talk to."
His interruption didn't faze the other detective but Maura's eyes skittered toward him. Frost looked down then shoved his hands in his pockets and walked away. Jane moved and Maura's attention swiveled.
"Now? You want to talk now?" she whispered, the words like ice pellets in Maura's ears. Jane moved closer. She inclined her head but remained resolutely staring straight ahead. "I'm pretty sure we've said everything last night. You made it pretty clear what you thought." Maura swallowed painfully, uncertain how to respond. Jane toed the dirt with the tip of her shoe as she crossed her arms and straightened.
The scene of Jane leaving after they had sex replayed in Maura's mind. The shimmering tears and devastated countenance hounded Maura's memory. At the time she hadn't considered the consequences, at least not entirely. It was only later, once a relative calm was restored, Maura was plagued with remorse. She couldn't help but wonder how differently things would have been had she not flung Jane's words back at her, had not panicked, had not acted on the primal instinct to retaliate. Some wrongs took more effort to right than if they had never been committed in the first place. Maura shouldered past the massive boulder of pride in her way and decided the effort was entirely worth it, even if Jane didn't forgive her.
"I was wrong…to act like that…last night. I'm sorry."
There was a minute of complete silence as Jane's evaluative gaze rested on Maura. "Tell me why."
Anger colored Maura's words. "You don't get to demand, Jane. You played a part in it as well."
"And ambushing me at work makes it better?"
Glancing about, suddenly self-conscious of the public venue, Maura didn't respond. Her eyes darted around, trying to find an excuse to latch onto, something to derail Jane's intense scrutiny but nothing sacrificed itself to the cause. Dark eyes indurated by Maura's procrastination did not soften. The air grew stagnant between them, a trace of the putridity to come if she didn't find a way to answer Jane.
"Can I…explain later? Tonight?" Maura asked, fighting to remain neutral. It would be so easy to start another fight.
Brows drawn tightly down, Jane uttered, "Don't think for one second everything's going to be alright, Maura."
"Neither should you." Maura rejoined heatedly and watched as Jane turned away, her long, confident strides taking her across the littered quadrangle.
She watched, unmoving, as the tall brunette cleaved through the throngs of people accompanied by Frost. Thoughts of the conversation with Camille roved through her mind, attractive miniature presents just begging to be ripped open. She shoved them aside and mechanically finished up with the decedent, providing last minute instructions to the coroner. The tightness in her chest weakened, only to be progressively supplanted by a new anxiety about the evening to come.
§
Outwardly, she appeared serene, no telltale signs of subterfuge poking out like price tags on a piece of new apparel. Neither hurrying nor lagging, Maura exited the car and walked up the brick lined path to the front door. The neighborhood was doused with a descending sun squinting through the leaves of red maple and elm trees, some of which lined the street to form a frondescent canopy. It was an idyllic scene, resembling other Northeastern towns that showcased white church steeples and quiet streets strewn with autumn leaves. Normally the picturesque neighborhood filled Maura with a strong sense of serenity.
At first, the colonial had been an investment but it quickly, thoroughly charmed her. The two fireplaces, sunroom, and master suite with a balcony had been the deciding factors in convincing her to make the purchase. But what made her fall in love was the private backyard. Its explosion of perennial and annual flowers and creeping vines appealed to her penchant for vibrant colors. She glanced at her watch, knowing there wasn't enough time but wishing otherwise. Thoughts of lounging away on the freestanding hammock, drink in hand as her eyelids drooped in lazy appreciation, scattered.
Time was advancing, far more rapidly than Maura wanted. She felt sadly confused, not knowing what she wanted to say or even how she really felt. Weariness caused her eyelids to grate against her dry eyes. The lack of sleep was a bittersweet reminder. Above it all, the appetence for Jane's nearness was a temptation Maura knew she wouldn't forego. The words may be absent but the feelings never left and there was a measure of comfort derived from the insight. Maura unlocked the front door, dumped her laptop and purse on the hallway table, then preceded to the kitchen. First, food, then a shower and, maybe to fortify her resolve, a shot of tequila.
§
The evening was damp, a misty fog suspended feet above the ground which generated all types of traffic mishaps. Luckily Maura circumnavigated each one albeit not without adding to the travel time. Nerves twisted and bunched in her stomach like a thorny briar patch, piercing from within. She was twelve minutes late, loitering outside Jane's apartment. Indecisive, Maura flexed her fingers, popping joints. A flurry of apprehension resided in her chest. Before she overthought it, she rapped her knuckles against the front door.
Jane answered and stepped aside, allowing Maura to enter. One stolen glance at her face gave Maura little sign of the brunette's disposition.
The smooth notes of a piano being played greeted Maura and something inside of her quieted. She recognized the contemporary piece from a CD she had bought Jane years ago. Her eyes tracked Jane's movements across the room as she picked up a remote. Gradually the piano faded away.
"The fog's pretty thick." It was a lame observation, meant to gauge the mood rather than begin an awkward exchange.
"I've seen the weather report on tv." Jane murmured as she disappeared into the kitchen.
Maura heard the refrigerator open and close seconds later. Jane reappeared, beer casually held in one hand while the other gestured toward Maura to have a seat on the couch.
"There's beer in the fridge."
"I had something before I came over." Maura licked her lips. Gingerly, she perched on the sofa's edge, too keyed up to meet those unblinking dark eyes. She should have known Jane wouldn't salvage the conversation.
Jane tipped the bottle, her neck muscles contracting as she swallowed a long pull. When she was finished, she used the back of hand to wipe at her chin. Maura's gaze plunged to the floor but not before she caught a glimpse of satiny skin and remembered how it felt against her open mouth. The memory felt like treachery, resurrecting its existence some sort of personal failure given the current state of affairs.
Before embarking upon the enigmatic conversation, Maura rubbed her palms down the length of her thighs, silently counting. "I wanted to hurt you…last night."
"I got that much." Jane took another swig from the beer bottle. "Still don't know why."
Red stained Maura's face, stealing across her neck and chest. She gritted her teeth. Emotion boiled beneath the surface. Afraid to let it out and even more so to keep it in, Maura tried to divorce herself from it. The bald truth was long overdue. Any emotional outbursts at this point would only serve to impair the progress Maura so deeply craved.
"Because of how you treated me the first time. I wanted you to…experience…to see it from my point of view."
Jane sprung up from the sofa, anger contorting her face into a granitelike veneer. She didn't seem to know what to do until her eyes alit on the bottle. Emphatically she snatched up the drink then guzzled what was left which wasn't very much. Without a word, she went back into the kitchen. Maura fidgeted on the couch, not knowing whether to lean back and get comfortable or continue to primly sit. She twisted slightly around, noticing the brief appearance of light then the subsequent shadow that swallowed it up. The hiss and pop of a bottle cap being removed carried across the room then Jane plopped down on the couch.
Silence reigned. Helplessly Maura regarded Jane, wondering if the conversation was going to resume. Doubt skulked into Maura's sentience and mercilessly undermined her confidence in how everything should uncoil. She peeked over at Jane, green eyes taking in every detail. To her credit, Jane didn't give much away. Unable to refrain, Maura shifted once again and released a drawn out sigh.
"I'm…sorry I did that. To you."
The apology was nothing but surprising. Maura's heartbeat jumped. "Me too."
"I realized something last night." Jane's voice was low, intense. She rested her elbows on her knees as she slouched forward, beer bottle loosely held in her hands.
Maura's breath hitched. The next few minutes assumed an indelible quality where a disclosure could be a launchpad or a sinkhole.
Jane looked down at her hands, seeming to extract a measure of fortitude from the action. When she looked up and met Maura's gaze, she said, "I wanted to spend the morning with you."
For a perilous second Maura felt as if Life simply stopped. She couldn't speak and her chest was inert, vital signs that should have recorded activity. Existing in a strange bubble, her emotions took control. She wanted to laugh and cry and scoff and kneel down in gratitude. Too afraid to trust, unwilling to believe, Maura steadied her nerves and pushed back the onslaught but she couldn't think. Her heart began racing madly, spreading heat all over her body.
"I thought we could, you know, make breakfast…maybe even call in?" Jane glanced away and began peeling off the bottle's label. Frowning, she looked back up and blushed. "Stupid huh?" The question held overtones of bitterness yet before Maura could address it, Jane continued, "But it didn't happen that way and maybe that's for the best."
The sinkhole began to suck the ground from underneath Maura. Before it could consume her, she said, "It can still happen that way, Jane."
Carefully she set the bottle down on the coffee table then reclined on the couch, arms defensively crossed over her breasts. "Too much stuff has happened, hard stuff, things that kill a relationship."
Unable to help herself, Maura reached across the space between them and, with gentle fingers, grasped Jane's knee. Maura scooted over. Inhaling deeply, she caught and held the dark eyes. "I'm not going to throw myself at you. You. Me. It's a risk."
Dark eyes fixed in appraisal as Maura's hand lightly massaged the top of Jane's thigh.
"You must know there's no going back." Maura declared in low tones. Something dilated Jane's eyes, an emotion she couldn't immediately decipher.
Jane's voice was husky. "I…agree. Last night was…obvious."
"We can't keep having these volatile confrontations either."
Each woman had the grace to look askance. At the mere mention of it, Maura's blood sped up in her veins. A tiny trigger of arousal had just been pulled. The memories rushed in, disjointed and erotic. Maura glanced at Jane then quickly looked away, biting her lip. Black eyes had glittered back at her, transparent in their desire.
"I loved doing that to you."
Suddenly, the room felt warm, a little stuffy. The shadows and muted lighting spun a delicate web of seduction. Maura's fingers clung to the firm muscle of Jane's thigh. The raw honesty delivered in such a husky voice shot to Maura's core and before fully realizing it, she had moved closer.
Maura's hand crept farther until fingertips nudged between Jane's legs. "You don't need permission to do it again."
"If you keep…" Jane's eyes closed, swallowing. When her eyes finally reopened, they locked on cool green ones. Voice thick and languorous, legs widening apart, Jane whispered, "If you keep…touching me… we won't…talk."
Maura angled in, hand now cupping and massaging as her other one ensnared the black curls at the base of Jane's head. "Tell me what you want." Maura sighed as she rubbed her forehead against Jane's, lips almost touching.
Jane's fingers dug into the couch cushions as her head snapped back, hips upraised. No longer buttressed against the brunette's, Maura's forehead slid down the skin of Jane's taut neck. Her teeth nipped at a clavicle, tongue wetly soothing the red mark. Jane moaned, her hand moving to the back of Maura's head to hold her closer as Maura kissed a trail downward. Through the thin material of her shirt, Maura's teeth scraped against Jane's hard nipple then her mouth closed over it.
"Jesus…don't stop."
Rhythmic, Maura's caresses steadily stoked the excitement. She kept Jane tightly on the edge, anticipating and wanting. It was fierce, the primordial instinct to dominate pressing upon her. The intensity of her hunger was swiftly approaching the point of no return. She could hear Jane's harsh breathing, feel the hot dampness between her legs and nothing else mattered. It scared her, the overwhelming need. Although she may have become the dominant one, through Jane's generously impassioned response, Maura was the one owned. And now, she was the one addicted, forever changed and ruined for anyone else.
Jane turned then slid down, dragging Maura on top of her. Their mouths met as breasts, stomach and hips pressed against the other's, the weight at once achingly satisfying and not enough. Jane's legs wrapped around Maura as her pelvis heaved upward. Sucking on Maura's tongue, her hands roved downward, finding the softness of Maura's ass.
"I want to come in your mouth."
Every cell in Maura's body went nuclear. A sharp gasp escaped, feeling as if her skin was molting. The sudden salvo of excitement soaking her pants and the thick throb of her clitoris was so insistent, so wickedly sensitive, it was all Maura could do not to topple over and take what she wanted.
Jane's hands pushed against Maura's shoulders, creating a space between them where their eyes could meet. When Maura, trembling, braced herself with locked elbows, her lower half intimately wedged more tightly against Jane. Careful fingers cradled the sides of Maura's face. Her dark eyes compelled Maura, pulling her in.
The frantic, nearly wild look on Jane's face forced Maura's stomach to painfully convulse. "I'm so hard…and swollen.." Jane's lips were feather light across Maura's jaw. "…please…." She undulated her hips, the sturdy fabric of her jeans creating an oxygen-deprived friction against Maura.
A rough growl emitted past Maura's clenched teeth. She squeezed her eyes shut, silently begging for control, as she lowered herself, lips seeking any piece of Jane. Their tongues glided against one other, impatient. She shook with the effort to hold back. Jane's vulnerability tempered Maura's reckless fondling. While her body screamed for fast and dirty, a whisper in her head urged for something deeper. Maura embraced both. The temptation to weep with joy was so close to the surface, her throat ached and chest hurt. Against her back, Maura's sweat laden shirt haphazardly clung to her skin. Everything tantalized her, kept her arousal keenly painful. Coiled tight with need and struggling not to give in but to explore the depths of their connection, Maura groaned, softly kissing Jane's neck.
Gradually her touch demanded less but inspired more. Instead of frenetic chaos there was a deliberate clarity. Maura's mouth worshipped every exposed inch of skin, lavishing and relentless. Jane protested, jostling her body and using her nails but Maura didn't waver, murmuring dulcetly, holding Jane down by the wrists.
"Please, Maura."
With sure and gentle hands Maura quieted Jane, lulling her into a mindless buoyancy. Their kisses turned into slow, thorough explorations, every detail memorized. Maura learned the rich texture of Jane's hair, endlessly running her fingers through it. The contour of her mouth, the impression of her tongue, the sapor of her skin were emblazoned upon Maura's consciousness. She savored each discovery like a worshipful devotee, completely undone.
"Let's go to the bedroom." She murmured against Jane's mouth.
§
Where Jane would have shucked her clothes and dove in, Maura treaded delicately but confidently. Frowning, Jane nevertheless allowed Maura to methodically undress her, occasionally twitching with barely concealed impatience. Each article of clothing removed revealed sharp angles, taut lines and fascinating curves. Maura longed, acutely, to delve into every bend, crevice, and plane. Her fingertips nimbly trailed down the length of Jane's arms leaving goose bumps in their wake. When the brunette expelled a shuddering hiss, green eyes fastened upon full breasts. Without thought, her hands gently cupped the undersides, thumbs lightly brushing against the hardening nipples. The dichotomy between satiny and rigid skin, how left untouched, it remained elastic, was an endless source of interest to Maura. Then her thumbs less gently chafed Jane's nipples and they instantly tightened into small points. An invitation, a brazen dare…whatever those rigid peaks suggested, Maura was lost and captivated. Her head lowered, hands sliding around Jane's waist, fingers curling as nails lightly raked against the skin. Jane's hand threaded through Maura's hair, drawing her closer to her breast.
"…jesus.." Maura moaned when her tongue circled, mouth widening to suck in the hard tip.
Jane arched her back then released a pent up sigh. "I love your mouth."
Reflexively, Maura's mouth pulled strongly. Jane gasped, fingers gripping honey tendrils. One of Maura's palms followed the spine's path until they slid over the smooth expanse of Jane's ass, fingers gliding across the dewy cleft. Softly she cried out against Jane's breast and clutched her tighter, head spinning with the consequences of Jane's prolific arousal.
"You're wearing too many clothes." Jane hissed as Maura fought for a measure of calmness.
Wet and rapacious , Maura's sex ached so exquisitely, she was half-afraid she wouldn't stop climaxing once she started. Shudders overtook her body as she tried to pull back. Jane's hands hastily clamped down on Maura's shoulders.
"Let me." Jane whispered, fingers already curling around the shirt's hem, nails lightly drawing against bare skin as they lifted it up.
Although not as meticulous as Maura's, Jane's undressing was no less evocative. The outer layer had been unceremoniously dumped, strewn across the floor. Before Jane, in her blue thong and matching bra, Maura looked poised, perhaps a little dazed. Her vision went out of focus when Jane's fingers crooked around the flimsy string encasing her hips and sharply tugged. Maura felt the material flutter to the carpet, ruined. She couldn't muster even the tiniest bit of concern. Distracted by piercing black eyes, Maura's breath stalled when Jane flicked open the bra and swiped it away.
"You're so damn beautiful, Maura." Jane's reverential tone conjured up images that hinted at the future, their future together and hope blossomed in Maura's chest.
She leaned into Jane and kissed her, promising without words.
The experience of their bodies pressed close, of touching tongues and damp skin reduced Maura to a quivering mass. The hunger threatened to pillage her caution and resolve, greed and generosity intertwined so intimately, distinguishing between the two was impossible. She vaguely recollected the intention to go slowly, to appreciate. As if recognizing Maura's inner turmoil, Jane's hands tenderly soothed.
"Touch me like you love me." Jane huskily whispered, already bringing Maura's hands to her hips and tilting her head as she canted forward.
When their lips touched, Maura growled, tongue seeking. She made love to Jane's mouth, penetrating and discovering and swallowing. A wave of emotion flooded her, so softly brutal, all Maura could do was hold on. Nothing had ever felt like this.
Awash in the moment, too far gone to notice, they lowered themselves to the bed, mouths never parting. Jane raised a knee, soliciting Maura's touch. Automatically Maura's thigh slipped between Jane's splayed ones. The sheer heat and humidity that greeted her forced a guttural groan from Maura's depths. Uncontrollable spasms riddled her back and legs making her jerk forward in an attempt to alleviate the tension. It didn't. Not even a little. Instead, the contact served to exacerbate her ardor. Muscles bunched, respiration labored and Maura felt as if her body could no longer contain what she was feeling. The scent of Jane infiltrated and teased and conquered.
"God, I fucking love the way you smell." Maura groaned.
The violence of their previous intimacies, when welts were raised and marks were left, when depths were plundered until true bottom was found couldn't prepare them for the difference of this night. Maura licked the salty perspiration from the underside of Jane's jaw as her hand trailed down, skimming over the indentation of her waist to the concave of Jane's pelvis. Jane's long fingers stroked between Maura's shoulder blades, effortlessly gliding across slick skin.
Unable to resist any longer, Maura's fingers slid past springy curls and into molten silk. Jane's legs parted wide, beseeching as she panted, nails digging into compact flesh. So thoroughly unhinged by distended lips and saturated folds, she didn't feel the sting of fingernails upon her skin. Jane shifted her leg then flexed and Maura moaned, gyrating against the slender thigh. Fingertips encased Jane's stiff clit, little by little lengthening the caress but never entering. Their bodies tightly entwined, rocking and pressing. Not altogether lust, the feeling was a complex entity, a patchwork of their past and present. Maura sought refuge in Jane's throaty invocations as they rolled over her like distant thunder.
And there was only one answer going through Maura's head.
I love you. I love you. I…love…you.