AN/ I feel like this isn't going in the right direction *sigh* I just want to get these two together and they're being difficult.
He meets her in one of those cosy coffee shops not far from his precinct. They used to come here from time to time back when she was still working with him, when she still trusted him.
She's already there. There are papers scattered around the table and a half-eaten pancake on a plate, and it's obvious she's been here for a while now. He's worried she's still spending so much time chasing the past that she'll forget how to live in the present. He wonders if this would ever stop, this constant concern about her well-being, if this is what loving someone makes of you. He wonders if he has the same look on his face as his mother had every time his father would take that badge and that gun (and that heart of hers) and leave the safety of their warm, yellow kitchen to catch actual monsters. One last sip of a morning coffee, a quick kiss and a "see you tonight". And that uncertainty that would dissipate the moment he'd cross the threshold of their home, take off the heavy boots and greet them all with a smile that would never truly reach his eyes. 15 years of the same ritual. Until that one night he didn't come back and they were left with nothing but pictures on the wall and unwanted sympathy of strangers.
He's so lost in that memory he doesn't realise he's still standing at the door blocking the entry until he feels someone push past him with an annoyed "can you move, man". Lindy waves him over and when he joins her there's already a cup of coffee waiting for him.
"I ordered you one," she shrugs and he feels ridiculously thrilled by the fact she still remembers how he takes his coffee.
For a few minutes she doesn't even seem to notice his presence. She's quickly typing on her laptop, eyes glued to the screen and a small scowl on her face. He distractedly checks the breakfast menu not sure what else to do. This is a mistake in the making, him gravitating towards her so effortlessly, but he's weak, oh so weak and...
"Sorry, had to finish this", her voice jolts him back to reality.
He mutters a small "it's ok" and they both fall silent. It's frankly uncomfortable. She finally takes a deep breath and looks him straight in the eye.
"I haven't found her," she confesses.
"I know," he replies softly. "Otherwise you wouldn't be here. Right?"
She doesn't deny and his heart twists a bit at that. He knows it was ridiculous to think she might have simply wanted to see him, that she might have simply missed him but love makes him dumb and too hopeful and he can't help it.
It must be showing on his face because for a second she almost looks guilty. She doesn't comment though. She wordlessly turns her laptop towards him, gives him her headphones and hits play.
He's shocked and mad to say the least. He has no right to this rising anger but he's still furious on Lindy's behalf. Regardless of Sara's good intentions there must have been a better option, one that didn't include traumatising someone and destroying their whole life. (You're the one to talk, you lying asshole.)
"I followed a few leads," she continues. "So many weeks digging out my parents' past and a month long surveillance of a guy that apparently rented out his van to Sara's boyfriend, and I still have nothing."
She's clearly frustrated and tired. He wishes he could take her away from all of this. Somewhere far, so far she'd remember there's more to her life than one loss after another. He has no right to wish that either.
"I could use a friend in high places... High places with better software," she says frankly and he's more surprised by her calling him a friend than by the fact she even asks him for help.
"What do you need?" he doesn't hesitate.
Her astonishment is obvious, she clearly didn't think it'd be this easy.
"It's not exactly legal, Tommy..."
He shrugs because apparently she didn't notice how many times he already bent the rules for her.
"Ok, I need you to check these profiles with your face recognition software and compare them to this list. I'd do it myself but you have a better equipment and... how come I didn't know you have a dog?"
Wait, what? Tommy freezes with a pile of bad quality photos she just shoved in his hand. He didn't expect such sudden change of subject.
"Well, if you must know Boris is more of a roommate that occasionally chews on your shoes and pisses on your floor."
She bursts out laughing and he gets odd satisfaction that he could get her to sound so carefree, so relaxed. He doesn't remember the last time he heard her like that. Did he ever? He has a dangerous thought of other potential sounds he would like to hear from her.
She still expects him to answer and he opts for being honest.
"We didn't exactly hang out much".
She nods pensively.
"True. We should try that some time."
He tries very hard to keep his instantaneous joy less obvious. This is the first step to repair what he so royally screwed up and he won't make the same mistake twice. Thankfully Lindy seems too lost in her thoughts to notice how eagerly he nods to her proposal.
"Do you think I'm wasting my time?" she muses. "Sara was my first priority for so long but... you can't find someone who doesn't want to be found, right?"
He can hear a smudge of fear creeping into her voice. She's terrified she's made all the wrong choices and he knows how that feels. He takes a moment to carefully put his scattered thoughts together.
"Someone once told me that we're all here trying to find something... Someone..." he trails off. "So maybe you're supposed to be looking for her. Regardless if you find her or not".
She seems impressed with his answer and he feels a bit more confident now. He can do this. He can forget his insignificant desires and simply exist next to her.
"So what are you looking for?"
Who is he kidding, he can't do this.
"I'm not looking for anything. Not anymore," he replies with visible discomfort. Lindy's crossing a line he wasn't ready for her to cross this soon. He shifts in his seat and takes a sip of his now cold coffee. Anything to avoid her gaze.
"Well, one thing I definitely need to find is a new job," she jokes. "You disappear for a few months and immediately you're labelled unreliable employee."
She starts gathering her things and he figures their meeting is over. He should be happy with what he got but he can't help but being disappointed she cuts it short. He supposes it was more of a business meeting anyway and he has one more desperate proposal for her.
"You know, if you need a job you could always come back to the CCU," he suggests. (Come back to me.)
She vehemently shakes her head at that. It's amazing how disheartening things can turn to be even when they're not exactly unexpected. He really needs to work on not being so damn hopeful.
"No, that's one chapter of my life that I need to keep closed."
Salt, meet the wound. She grabs her bag already heading out. He slowly gets up, pays their bill and follows her. She's waiting for him outside, zipping her black jacket and absently looking around, probably trying to decide on her next steps. He has nowhere to go without her.
A moment later she seems her old determined self and she leaves him standing there awkwardly, glued to the spot. He doubts she'd want him to follow, quite the contrary, but she does turn around and looks at him once again before disappearing in the crowd.
"Hey, Tommy?" she calls him and his heartbeat immediately speeds up. "In case you still have doubts, we're good."
He doesn't bother to hide his smile.