5: Scene Four

As disorientating as it was to come back to his office the first time, the second was even more so. The pain hadn't lessened either, nor the headache or the fog that accompanied it. The Chinese take out was still sitting in it's place to his right, his computer screen still showing the same data he was reviewing. It was a little earlier in the day, but that was it. Not that it really mattered. He had all the time in the world – what was he going to do with more time?

It was a thought he hadn't really dared to flesh out sitting alone in the lab each night, typing up the same code he'd typed out three times now for the fourth time. Instead he distracted himself with questions about why Pepper didn't visit him in the basement in subsequent timelines the way she had in the first, how he might avoid having to reprogram this whole thing from scratch, if it were possible to go back in time far enough to leave bits of the code laying around in his computer before the day Tony died or if that was just admitting defeat before he had even tried.

But now he stared at the screen, no more enlightened than he had been before. What was he going to do? Was there anything he could say that would convince Tony to stay away?

Already he felt like crying as he buried his head in his hands. This was stupid. How many times could he return to the past just to watch Tony die over and over again? Replaying the scene in his head it seemed inconceivable that there was anything he could do or say to get Tony to listen. He felt invincible in his suit and what Bruce had to say was unbelievable and –

Oh. Damn.

Bruce ran his hands down his cheeks as he lifted his head.

Tony's suit.

It was risky, sure, and Tony was going to be pissed. It would be a violation of a part of Tony that Bruce desperately wished to see and he would wreck any chance of ever getting to. Tony wouldn't understand and he likely never would but maybe one day he would forgive him – if it worked and Bruce rendered his suits unable to be used before SHIELD contacted them. Or maybe forgiveness was too much to hope for. But at least Tony would be alive to have that choice.

He didn't remember exactly how long he had before Tony was going to walk in and so, hands trembling with anxiety, he stood and made his way from the lab to the basement.

Now, Tony had security, sure. And frankly he probably had at least one more suit than what he kept in his private lab in the basement and Bruce could only hope it wouldn't be at his disposal right now. But Bruce had access to everywhere in the tower except Tony's private suite, so great was his trust in him. To violate that trust...

Fuck. This was going to suck. Bruce took a deep breath. Running never bothered him, but now that he was part of a team, part of a – a family, so to speak... That was going to be difficult to give up. He would be lonely again. But the alternative made his throat constrict and his limbs weak and honestly, without Tony, what was left? The team had fractured completely in his initial reality, no one stayed at the tower any more, he was equally as alone as he would be when Tony discovered his betrayal.

Although not the most comforting thought it did strengthen his resolve as he walked into the private lab, taking in the mechanical equipment and prototypes laying across tables and workbenches as well as the five suits against the back wall. At least even other countries seemed to love Tony and he would still be able to catch a glimpse of him on magazine covers and newscasts from time to time. That would have to be enough.

While he often came down to play partner in Tony's hijinks while testing new suits, he'd never actually went so far as to touch any of the completed ones. It would be like... Well. There was no real comparison but he understood them to be an intensely private experience. Who Tony was in that suit was the same as who Bruce was as the Hulk. And Bruce felt extremely uncomfortable as his fingers brushed the cool metal, the sanctity of these suits and this room about to be completely destroyed by his hand.

It took him a moment to figure out the best way of disabling the suits but he got to tampering with the locking mechanism for the arc reactor and that seemed like the quickest way to go. He didn't like it – it felt altogether too similar to how Tony died – but a failure for his suit to engage around the reactor was a far cry better than the whole mechanism fusing together so that it couldn't be removed.

He was just disabling the last piece when Tony walked in, his face already set in anger, likely having been informed by JARVIS exactly what was happening in his lab before he'd arrived. And despite knowing that this was going to happen, that this was the only reasonable conclusion to this breach of trust, Bruce had to employ every ounce of his self-control to keep his blood-pressure from skyrocketing.

"What the fuck?"

Tony was clearly beyond pissed and Bruce couldn't even look at him, could only stare mournfully into the metal casing of the last suit, wishing he'd had a few more minutes to finish his tampering. This wouldn't be enough.

"I just – I want to believe I'm not seeing what I think I'm seeing," Tony continued after a full ninety seconds of silence that was more unbearable than nearly any he had experienced since his childhood.

"You aren't," Bruce answered, voice wavering. God, fuck. What was he supposed to say?

"Then what is this?"

Bruce hated the hint of desperation in Tony's voice, like he wanted so badly to believe Bruce wasn't sabotaging him. Bruce hated that his explanation sounded so pathetic. Bruce hated this whole fucking thing, hated that Tony had to die, hated that he was put in the impossible position of trying to save him but –

But he didn't have a choice. He couldn't just let him die. Despite his frustration and hopelessness, ultimately he always came to the same conclusion – there wasn't a world in which he would ever be okay with that option.

"You're going to die if you take a suit out today."

The words hung heavy in the space between them as Tony grappled with a reply, crossing his arms and shifting in that way he did as he attempted to accept some new piece of information into his reality. And Bruce watched on, defeated, unsure what else he was supposed to say, what else he was supposed to do...

"Okay." It came out all weird and sour from Tony's mouth, as if he didn't really believe he was saying it.

"There's a mutant who will draw all the power from your arc reactor and use it against you, fusing the casing shut so it can't be changed," Bruce added, visibly wincing, not really wanting to go down the same path of Tony not believing him but unsure what else he was supposed to do but try to explain himself.

Tony just frowned and fuck it all – Bruce was okay with that, just watching those lips draw downwards as they faced him, eyes hard and skeptical but... Sometimes when he sat all alone in the basement re-coding a machine that ripped him through time only to watch Tony die again a little beast inside him would prod at his brain and whisper "is it worth it?" And every time he came back all his suffering was reaffirmed when he saw Tony again. It was worth it. Maybe one day, a hundred thousand iterations from now it wouldn't be, maybe he would come to terms with Tony's death and move on, but now, right now – this was exactly where he wanted to be.

"And you're sure about this?"

Bruce nodded as Tony processed what he was saying, deciding that he'd done better than last time without bringing up the time machine and that maybe he shouldn't offer explanations that only made him less credible.

"I wouldn't have done this unless I was desperate," he added instead, dropping his eyes back to the suit, feeling every inch of the betrayal he had perpetrated against his best friend.

"You could've just told me," Tony sighed and Bruce could hear his hands hit the table behind him as he leaned back against it but Bruce didn't dare to look up at him, unable to believe what Tony was saying.

"Don't understand why everyone thinks I'm so damned unreasonable," he muttered and then Bruce couldn't help but grin a little, the corners of his lips tugging up despite himself.

"Couldn't have anything to do with all this?" Bruce asked, finally glancing up at him over the rim of his glasses, eyes darting around to indicate the vainglorious secret laboratory dedicated to his superhero suits.

"Look, you and Steve are the only one's here right now," Tony said after a quick eye roll instead of continuing a conversation he knew he would eventually lose. "If you think you'll be alright..."

"We will. His power has nothing against either of us," Bruce replied, trying not to let his anxiety bleed through into his voice. "You're the only one he can really hurt."

"Then I'll stay. If it would make you feel better."

Bruce released a huge sigh and let out an unfettered, genuine smile, his heart thudding in his chest, feeling optimistic for the first time in what had to amount to nearly a year since he'd started these trips back through time.

"Yeah," he grinned, "it would. It really, really would."

Tony frowned but there was a hint of a tease to it as well that Bruce easily picked up on knowing his friend so well. "Have to undo all the damage you did to my suits anyway."

Bruce laughed a little and motioned Tony over to look inside the casing. "It's really not that difficult to fix," he explained, showing Tony how to undo it as he admitted he couldn't possibly bring himself to do anything truly damaging to the suits.

Miraculously, Tony didn't ask many questions. And although he was clearly irritated by Bruce's "irrationality," he did stay back. And despite himself, despite everything Bruce knew about life and how badly it had dicked him over, he'd started to hope that this was it, he'd finally succeeded. Tony was miles away at the tower, in the basement, where he'd be safe.

And when he and Steve went to meet Mister Electric on the rooftop, the Hulk rushed to Cooper Price's defense, snatching him out of mid-air. It was flawless. The thunderclap of electricity still shook through Hulk's body but he'd rescued the man he was meant to rescue, he'd succeeded, and the swelling of Bruce's pride and elation in the back of the Hulk's existence validated him and he grinned at Steve when he came down to meet him and Steve grinned too and patted his giant arm and told him he did good.

He did good.

And he did, didn't he? Bruce wondered at that as they waited for a minute, waited for him to retake his human form in a corral of SHIELD vehicles, dressing and sliding into the seat beside Steve with his self-satisfied little smirk.

"What?" Steve asked, drawing his attention from the window and the indistinct radio chatter that framed his thoughts.

"Huh?" Bruce replied, blinking, as he turned to face Steve.

"It's just – this is the happiest I think I've ever seen you," he admitted with a bit of a sideways grin like he was embarrassed to be saying it but then, Bruce knew it was probably the truth. He didn't frequently smile, not like this.

"It's just nice when something works out, you know?" Bruce offered and Steve laughed, reining it in quickly when Bruce blinked at him, puzzled.

It seemed silly, he was sure, it was a simple mission, there really wasn't anywhere for there to be a complication – at least as far as Steve saw it. And that was how it should be. Bruce cautiously let himself revel in that good feeling until they made it back to the tower.

Immediately it was apparent that something was wrong. The parking lot was swamped with emergency vehicles and a feeling of dread took residence in Bruce's gut. The vehicle had hardly stopped moving before he was unlocking the doors and practically falling out of the seat on numb feet, barely registering that Steve was talking to him.

Emergency personnel were moving in and out of the building with grim faces and Bruce stumbled forward despite the looks he was receiving, everything around him seeming muted and dim. This shouldn't be happening – right? He'd – he'd succeeded. Tony wasn't there; what could've possibly happened...?

He assessed the situation quickly and found the largest number of vehicles to be towards the back end of the lot, along the secondary entrance, and he pushed his way through, hearing the arguments but then these people must've known who he was because not a single one laid a hand on him. And when he reached the epicenter, crowded around one singular ambulance, Pepper was there and she looked at him – tears streaking down her face, eyes and nose red, a look of absolute hopelessness haunting her – and he knew. He didn't know how, but he knew.

His mouth opened but he was sure no sound came out as he moved wordlessly forward. She held out her hand, keeping the EMS personnel at bay. Reaching for it he stepped up to her as if he were standing before the gates on judgement day, knowing with absolute certainty that his sins would be laid out before him and he would not be able to atone.

But what she said, lips trembling, was nothing he had ever expected – and everything he feared.

"I'm so sorry," she whispered, eyes locked to his in a desperate bid to find some kind of footing, "I know you loved him too."

Of all the horrible things Bruce had experienced in his life – his mother's death, the accident that turned him into the freak that he was, the general ultimately removing Betty from his life forever – the soul-crushing hopelessness of this experience nearly brought him to his knees. This was something he should be able to fix. He was older now, he knew more, he was more capable, less depressed, he wasn't hiding, he was actively working towards a solution and he just – he just couldn't fucking fix it.

His eyes darted to the ambulance, to the team of people inside, to the bottoms of the black high-top Converse Tony loved so much and frequently wore even with suits, and he felt like he was going to be sick. He felt like the whole world was falling apart and that the ground was rushing up to meet him and even Pepper's hand fell from his as he desperately tried to get a grip on the flood of emotions ripping through him. He swallowed and swallowed and swallowed, trying not to be sick, and he stumbled forward a little more, having to make sure, having to be really fucking positive and –

When he saw the way the team was looking at Tony's chest, packing up their equipment, equipment that wouldn't normally be used in an ambulance but then this was a special SHIELD vehicle, he knew. He knew.

Finally a sob escaped him, more like a simultaneous outcry of every ounce of his mortal coil screaming in anguish, and he felt the Hulk rising, raging against Bruce, wanting to protect him from the pain. And he felt Pepper's fingers in his hair and on his back and pulling him away and he clung to her, wailing into her chest but he couldn't even hear it, couldn't hear anything but the pounding inside his own head, his alter ego pounding pounding pounding to get out and fix this.

But he didn't understand. Bruce couldn't fix this. Hulk couldn't fix this. Time travel couldn't fix this. Nothing – nothing could fix it.

Bruce's fingers released Pepper, emotional exhaustion overwhelming him, and he pushed away, desperate to get out of here, away from the ambulance and the medical team and Pepper and the – the body. He couldn't contain the Hulk anymore, he couldn't do it, he was too weak, too broken, and for the first time in a long, long time – probably for the first time since he'd met Tony – he relished in the thought that he would be able to sink down into the deep dark hole that was his home in Hulk's mind and let it go, give himself over to that rage, that pain.

It felt like the only thing that he could do to do Tony any justice.