Lips like Blood

by EditionsOfYou

After Ayaka's engagement with Eiri is broken off, Ayaka goes on a journey of personal development and rediscovers love and her sense of self-worth from an unexpected source. Ayaka/Mika

5. Chapter 5

jyotimeena10 - Thank you so much for your kind review. Yes, it is an unusual pairing and a challenge to write but that it what drew me to write it in the first place. This fic started as a most of my stories do, as a thought experiment that continued to develop, and I decided to post it, hoping someone out there might be interested to read it . I hope you've enjoyed anything of it you've read so far, or at least I've provided a somewhat interesting look into these characters. Once thank you for your support and I hope you enjoy this chapter, if you're still following!

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For a moment, Ayaka is blinded.

It is because Mika's face has crossed and met hers like a darkening cameo, and blocked out her vision like the path of an eclipse.

Ayaka's hands tremble at her sides .

She realizes: Mika Seguichi is kissing her.

Even more shocking, Mika has collected her by one arm, securing her there, to better kiss her. Her lips are moving slowly,but fluently, exquisitely and lavishly upon her mouth . Mika kisses her upper and lower lip, as if meaning to caress her mouth further open with her consuming but subtle tremors of her breath and lips. It is not an invasive motion but it cannot be interpreted as a chaste affectionate peck of a mother or a sister or of playful friend. It is a deliberate, expressive and sustained kiss , like one Ayaka has seen men and women do in movies or comic books. It is like how she would have imagined a boy might kiss her- but no boy has kissed Ayaka in this way. (There were a few vague and childish kisses for Ayaka and awkward attempts to ' neck'during middle school with a boy or two for a dare but none since, none worth recollecting without innocent embarrassment or nostalgic laughter ) However this kiss and feeling is so strange, unprecedented and unexpected, therefore the sensation of it is magnified, so much so ,Ayaka cannot describe it or even comprehend that its actually happening.

Ayaka's eyes are wide open.

Mika's eyes are closed. Her lips tastes tartly of wine, her breath deliciously warm and bitter and tinged with cigarette smoke, and the celebratory champagne they just drank and like rosewater,cassis, black cherries and hurt- like Ayaka is sampling hues of the older woman's pain and experience. Her arms encircle to draw Ayaka nearer to her still as she shifts her angle to press her lips more fervently. Her fingers of her other hand trickle upwards from her chin and cheek to entangle themselves in Ayaka's hair. Mika's nearest leg is no longer just grazing her leg but resting fully on hers.

Collecting some sobering semblance of sense, Ayaka tears back and chokes ." Mrs. Seguichi- What are you doing?!"

Mika eyes flutter open.

Her hands tremor away from Ayaka's hair and drop down .

There is an eternity of terrifying silence between them.

"...Ayaka." Mika pants. Every breath affects her like a buckling and inner- collapse. She still staring at Ayaka's mouth, burningly flushed, even through her painted complexion - Ayaka realizes, either with desire or with humiliation .She tilts forward, expression dismantled and pained , as if she wants to kiss her again but she doesn't .

Instead Mika shudders disbelievingly. "Didn't you…? I thought… you understood …. my intentions -"

"What intentions?!" Ayaka 's lipstick is all over her mouth, and has intermingled with her own. Because of their sudden contact, the tingling sensation from that lipstick has been rekindled. Like the tingling glimmering and crackling throughout her entire body.

" I mean- " Mika ejaculates in stunned bursts. "I -Nothing- Nothing"

The older woman looks rattled, struck, panicked. She stands up, wavering on her bare feet.

"...Mrs. Seguichi?!" Ayaka stands up with her.

Mika twists her head away with a fist over her mouth, to withhold her expression from the younger woman. She is perfectly still, her back facing Ayaka, as if by remaining still, she could camouflage herself into the night's darkness. Or that stillness and her silence can be construed as an reply, an answer to a question Ayaka has not dared to ask yet, a confession more telling than the most profuse rupture of words.

Ayaka steps forward to forward to block Mika's path and to peer into her concealed face.

She finds she must ask." ... What just... happened? Why ...did you just ..do that?"

As if in dread, little by little, Mika lowers her fist and gradually raises her head. Her expression darkened. Bare. Unrecognizable. Or is it that after this event, Mika has become unrecognizable to Ayaka, suddenly transformed through a kiss like a fairytale into some other object? A new threatening and even more mysterious being, to be reassessed and apprehended with her difference now set clearly between them ? And yet, the thread of intimacy between them had not been severed - it has been only , reinforced, the private atmosphere they had tenuously created moments ago still remained, but suffocating, and pitiless. Not so much an atmosphere anymore -but a descent, a valley. Now confronted with this, Ayaka felt truly alone with Mika. She felt lost again.

Mika takes a deep breath.

"...We ... were just flirting Ayaka. I thought you said you were ... similarly inclined and you've been.. sneaking glances at me all evening ... you said I had ...appealed to your sense of... romanticism. " Mika hisses, with a hand on her banister to steady herself. "I even asked you beforehand if you liked to be.. girlfriends…and be intimate... and you said yes."

Ayaka stammers. "...We were?! I did ?!"

Mika's expression is quivering, near vibrating with dismay, and horrified shock. Which mirrors her own.

Ayaka realizes to her astonishment Mika is afraid of her.

The girl gawks. " But... I ... I didn't mean romantic like a ... boy and girl way. I meant romantic like a nice idea like destiny is romantic , or a ... painting or a nice story or even a pretty garden is romantic! And I ... mean, I thought you meant girls who are friends and intimate like each other's very best friends… not like…eachother's... girlfriends!"

Ayaka thinks back: Is that what Mika meant by 'knowing Misaki' well ? And all those strange sounding things she said earlier?

" Oh ...no. " Ayaka's jaw and stomach drops simultaneously in realization. "...I didn't know... you were that way…"

"Yes I am, as you eloquently put it, that way." Mika puts a hand over her face and groans , her pallor flushed as her gnarled lipsticked mouth. "Oh my God. I assume there will be questions now."

"But how can this be?!" Ayaka cries. " You're ... a married woman!"

"Don't be so parochial Ayaka. You should know by now that being married does not necessarily mean anything. " Mika snaps.

"It doesn't?! Then what is it for?" Ayaka's pitch grows even higher.

"Whats it for!? You know perfectly well what its for for reasons others than romance, like fulfilling certain pragmatic or familial expectations, or strengthing one's fiscal security and ensuring one's social position, amongst other things or need I go on ?!" Mika sucks in her air through her clenched teeth." I know... it may seem ... complicated.. but it isn't. it's very simple. Tohma and I …have an... understanding. "

"You …don't ...love your husband?!" The girl squawks.

"What does it matter if I love him or not. " Mika snarls. "Tohma and I have a good marriage."

"How can you have a good marriage without... love?!" Ayaka gesticulates before her wildly.

"It is very possible." Mika continues, her long fingered hand continually brushing over her contorted face. "There's no reason to be concerned. Tohma and I are…amicable, like... friends... who occasionally appear in public together. "

"So you're just ...friends? " Ayaka stammered. Although from what she could recall of their interaction, they didn't even seem friendly at all , or not even like acquaintances. "So Mr. Seguichi is… that way too?!"

"No. Tohma is not as you keep putting it 'that way'. I am not his beard. If anything he is mine." Mika heaves in frustration.

"So… he is … "

"No. Tohma is not attracted to women either." The other woman purses her mouth. "If you must know , my husband cares for me, his band mates, everyone else he does care for, platonically. I assume the technical term for what he would be classified as is... asexual ."

"What?!" Ayaka snorts, thinking of Tohma -she had always found him disconcerting on the rare occasions their paths crossed. Was it that what she had been sensing all this time? " So.. he is... not… attracted to anybody? Is… that normal?! Shouldn't he go see a doctor ?! "

"Its who Tohma is, and I respect it. It doesn't hurt anybody and no, it is not a medical problem . So why should he be forced to be something he isn't? He doesn't expect that of me. " Mika shoots back then struggles, almost flinching and disgusted at her own defensiveness. " Physical intimacy doesn't interest my husband, and I knew that... when I married him, which weren't for ... romantic reasons. He knew of my proclivities as well. It's ... not as if we haven't tried over to be a... more conventional couple in the past ,but it simply... doesn't work for either of us... which is fine. We have our... separate interests and we have our common ones that involve us staying together as married partners. Furthermore it suits me and him, and Tohma doesn't care what I do, as long as I'm discrete about it, as I would be completely comfortable with him doing whatever he wants and having physical relationships with other people if he were so inclined, but he's isn't."

"Oh… Mika." Ayaka gapes. "Thats not ... fine at all. That is so... strange ... and sad!"

" How so? We both benefit from this arrangement. I better serve his image and assist his business interests, look presentable , and in return I get fiscal security , a comfortable lifestyle and he offers his resources to my family and anyone else I require as need be. That way I can ensure we all remain prosperous, and well connected and that everyone is always taken care of and has the greatest leeway for opportunities. That's alot better than what a lot of other women get ." The married woman reports with crossed arms and a bitter and aggrieved expression. " So you can save your pity. "

"But I just don't understand. " Ayaka says dumbfounded, "So you... never... ? Then how... how will you and your husband... have children together?"

"That's none of your business, now is it!" Mika immediately counters with cold deadly anger.

"I- I-" Ayaka stumbles back and immediately fumbles and flails for words. " I'm sorry. I don't mean to pry... I'm... I'm ... just so awfully...confused by all this . And I don't ... want you to think that I ...pity you , because ... sympathy is different than ... pity. Maybe to some people it isn't ... but when I hear that, I... can't help but feel sad... because nonetheless I think it must be so lonely and ... hard to live that way and to marry someone who... doesn't care for you like how a husband should- or I mean, someone y-you...! I mean not to have a... any love ...romantically- "

Mika looks even more incensed.

"And I don't mean to be... p-parochial " Ayaka stammers and tries to articulate frantically, but she doesn't know what that word means. " I can't help, but think this is all very…bewildering- that both you and Eiri are …both different in the same way. And ... you're from a ... well known family aren't you- so why do you ...need to -"

"No its not confusing at all . And no one would think twice that if we were both straight, although I don't see the grounds to make the comparison or allot us together as my brother and I are... still very different. Likewise, you make the assumption that merely because a family supposedly has wealth doesn't mean the wealth is accessible to everyone in it , or if a family has the appearance of prosperity, and prestige doesn't mean that the family actually has the accompanying wealth others imagine they have . Nor does it mean that one doesn't have to perform to certain filial expectations in order to acquire or maintain it." Mika says tautly as she surveys her balcony view again.

Ayaka watches as Mika takes her glass and takes a long unenjoyable swallow of her champagne, as she herself balks at these troubling insinuations about the Uesugi's family politics

From what Mika is saying : Does it mean that the Uesugi family only have title and a legacy, but not much wealth to substantiate it anymore? Prominent families did have their rise and falls. Is that why Mika married a powerful man like Tohma, or Eiri is being pushed to marry her (and ,create heirs and carry on their name), despite being already independently wealthy himself , so he could strengthen them as a clan ?Then is all she was to them, an foray into her family's resources? Or could it mean that someone , their father , being the Uesugi's patriarch, controls all the wealth and only dispenses it to Mika , Eiri and Tatsuha, if they perform their familial duties to his liking - but how unpaternal and unkind that seems, like using the money as a weapon to hold his own children hostage or treating them like investments, as his own employee- representatives. That conduct seems even more shocking coming from an monk. But probably their father doesn't approve or support Eiri, given his 'immoral' reputation and lifestyle ...or perhaps their father thinking Eiri a shame to him and the family, wants to overcompensate by marrying someone... spotless and respectable?

Mika probably won't answer if Ayaka asks her these vulgar factual questions and in some ways, Ayaka does not want to know. The truth of it could be so... base, grueling and craven. Brutally unromantic. The idea that a family are ultimately motivated and tied to one another, not by care, love or affection or even grand familial pride but merely out by desperate material needs , not even by the explicable fact of one's concrete poverty but just through sheer miserliness as circumscribed by one family's member's egotism, or by the terror of public shame that might further disenfranchise them. Upon hearing it, Ayaka's first inclination would to be to deny it. Not because it couldn't be true (as it was most likely , was ), but because Ayaka's need for consolation and to believe in the ultimate goodness and loving-kindness of people would instinctively anull it and could not allow her to accept it. Ayaka simply had to believe mothers and fathers loved their children, that siblings loved one another , as boys and girls would and did love another when they got married, that love in some form ,was the source and the purpose, the cause and effect of these relationships- and possibly all human relations. Or what other alternative was there?

But Ayaka knew too of the dictates of survival and material concerns, how they and greed could rend and corrode families from the inside, or meld and bind completely unsuitable people together. There was not only the gilded cage but the cage of poverty which (she did not know from personal experience, but she could only imagine) was far worse and terrifying, reducing people to incomprehensible conditions of suffering and states of mind. Like everyone, Ayaka was cognizant of disastrous marriages, traumatic childhoods, scandalous petty lifetime feuds, children suing parents, parents suing children, resentful sibling-rivalries, casual betrayals and life-destroying abandonments or even worse incident, the evidence of human cruelty and selfish vindictiveness conflicted with and was a shocking rebuttal to Ayaka's natural romanticism and desire to love and be kind to everything. It had deeply horrified the girl that people could be debased to that level, could be so incapable of decency to those they should care for most, or that one could be endowed with hurtful ruinous company and mired in a hellish existence simply for having no other choice but to do so. For those poor unfortunates, love and the possibility of love was a laughable notion, simply irrelevant, or had never have that possibility And that hurt and disturbed Ayaka so profoundly , that some people would lead lives never knowing love or loving anybody, not even being able to comprehend that poverty of spirit. So much so, she could not bear to think of it. It was unendurable to her delicate and sensitive sensibilities to include and encompass this terrible truth in her romantic glittering world view- to Ayaka, a thinker and a dreamer, where all people were stars and she saw their love between them as eternal wrought constellations. Where women shone like jewels and men like swords, and their sentiments were delicate as lace, chiffon , charmeuse and silk, their lives captivating, a charming journey full of secret smiles taken with every step and courtly finery that would move mysteriously like the ruffle of skirts, into forgotten meadows and wishing wells filled with riches like porcelain, cobalt stones and garnet , long precious nights composed of gold . Moments and burgeonings of love was every where , waiting to be discovered , with its symbols, like lipstick, sweets in the shape of rabbits and sakuras, marmalade, mint, macrons, crème brulee, roses given over soft spoken and sighing endearments all made and given and bejeweled in poetic splendor and an deep abiding enchantment that would only increase with time. Although Ayaka knew it was increasingly rare and unfashionable to be so flowery, 'Pollyanna-ish' and 'naïve' and easily affected as she was, Ayaka could not help it. The thought of the Uesugi children growing up without a mother and a uncaring father made her want to break down and weep where she stood. As the girl wept over books- and those weren't even real. In real life, how much more painful were these tragedies were unimaginable to her, the magnitude of their effects might crush her, preying above her huge and terrible. Even the intimation of it led her to the helpless melancholic urge to simply retreat back to her childhood bedroom , get under the covers surrounded by her adorable childhood comforts where it was warm and safe and she could read her love stories. (Was that why her parents had been so over protective, knowing of this inability to cope with such realities ? ) But she cannot flee in this moment. Ayaka thinks: she already angered Mika by asking about how she might have children with her husband - or maybe Mika or her husband do not want them or physically cannot have them ? She cannot ask those questions either .

Instead she ask what immediately next comes to mind.

"Does Eiri know.. about you ?" Ayaka asks timidly, realizing this question is no better. " Who you are... privately? And the rest of your family ..."

"What does it matter if Eiri knows or doesn't know ' who I am ' or who you presume I am or what I do ?! But ofcourse he doesn't! Frankly it's none of his business and I doubt that he would care to know. I'm his older sister and he's my kid brother - I raised him since he was a small child, and we don't discuss our ... private doings with each other. It's not appropriate or necessary for us to do that ... And ofcourse the rest of the family doesn't know, I don't wish them to know and furthermore, they cannot know. I don't even know why I'm telling you any of this. Its none of your concern ethier, and it makes no difference. I never intended this to happen and I don't know why it did ! " Mika huffs.

As if launched, like a rocket, Mika rips open the balcony door with a violent frightening crash and storms into the apartment. " I'll make a reservation for you at a hotel or I'll call you a taxi and get Tatusha to pick you up. Whatever you'd like , but I'd appreciate it if you would keep this incident discrete- so know that I am willing to accommodate you to a certain extent -"

" No! Wait!" Ayaka rushes after her. "Please! Why do I have to go now?! What do you mean - I don't understand-"

"Please. There no need to act in this oblivious manner or prolong this conversation, but there are some things we must get clear . " Mika twists to her, with a fanning of her own sleek dark hair. "You may feel wronged and upset or offended at this moment. I understand that. But it's not only your feelings we must think of and consider now. It's Eiri's . "

"E-Eiri?" In this present turmoil, Ayaka realized she had forgotten for a moment Eiri had existed.

"Yes , such a revelation I ...attempted such a thing with you would...greatly disturb his well-being. " Mika speaks slowly as she regards the girl with grave caution."To hear of his own fiancée being... approached...in such a way would upset him and ... his sense of propriety, and erode his ...sense of confidence. It would take him a long time to recover from it, if Eiri could ever... recover from it at all. And we both agreed before that we both want what is best for my brother's happiness, do we not?"

Ayaka stares back blankly. She tries to imagine Eiri caring about anything that might happen to her in any way.

That is so blatantly untrue she cannot even respond.

"So ...if you imagine that you can change tactics by being willing to disrupt Eiri's and our family's welfare , or that would be somehow... advantageous to you in securing a marriage with him, it will not. Far from it. In fact that would eliminate that outcome entirely. So why don't we settle this ... between ourselves and ensure this incident remains private between us, shall we? Other than being your advocate and ensuring this engagement goes forward, is there any other way I can be of assistance of you so we can reach an understanding ? " Mika continues resolutely.

Ayaka says nothing, agape.

"No no Mika! There's no need for an... that kind of understanding . Please. Don't even suggest it -" When she realizes the full implication of what Mika is saying, Ayaka bursts out.

"Then I've so offended you -" The older woman swallows. " There isn't anything I can do?"

"No! I mean you don't have to, you don't have to worry - not in the slightest. I have nothing against anyone who is… different ." Ayaka clamors. " Truthfully! It doesn't change anything between us and I would never tell anybody about what happened! Why would I ?! Like with Eiri and ... how he is with Shuichi Shindou. I won't tell anyone at home about them either, I would never do anything to damage your reputation, or discredit your family in anyone eyes. I 've just never known a girl like you but I'm... fine with it ! And I do not want anything from you. "

"Everyone wants something Ayaka." Mika says grimly. "So tell me. What is it you want."

" What I want? You... just said we could be each other's... friend and trust one another like a refuge and... we can still have that." Ayaka trembles. "I Just don't want to harm your marriage but... I want to remain your friend. Your very best friend. "

"...You... want to be my... friend?" Mika tilts her head and stares at her disbelievingly.

"Yes." Ayaka pleads and nods. "That's all."

"No." Mika scoffs and shakes her head . "No Ayaka- That simply won't do..."

"Why not?" Ayaka asks in a tiny voice. " I thought we already formed a friendship. So why can't it continue as it was? "

"You're asking why not?! The situation already has changed. " Mika says harshly. "I made my feelings known, and clearly they are not reciprocated. There was irrevocable misunderstanding between us , one that eliminates any kind of 'friendship' between us as a remote possibility ."

Ayaka proclaims. "But you said I could still be friends with Hiro - even if he liked me and I didn't feel the same towards him ! Therefore we two can still be friends! "

"Yes, but as you're well-aware, I'm not Hiro and this circumstance is in no way alike to that one! So no ...a friendship or any... continued ... close correspondence is not feasible anymore. We just have to leave it as it is. I merely got the wrong impression about you and I'm sorry. It was inappropriate for me to behave so to begin with, just as it is inappropriate to continue this discussion. Yes, I'm a married woman and you're my brother's fiancée. To say this current situation was dysfunctional would be putting it mildly!" Mika retorts.

"But I don't understand…how am I still Eiri's fiancée ?" Ayaka cries. "Eiri said flat-out no to me and he's in love with somebody else! With a boy no less ! "

The older woman squares her shoulders and declares . " Eiri could be in love with the full moon, it doesn't matter! Your engagement was arranged between our families- by that I mean your parents and my father, and I was set as the eldest to be the fixer to make sure this exchange went smoothly , as at least it was better than going through some outside matchmaker and Eiri wasn't even being cooperative with that, so I was the best chance in haranguing him into everyone 's biding. Eiri's input wasn't required in the formation of this agreement, so its not required in its fulfillment ethier, as Eiri foremost belongs to his family as you do to yours, and family always comes first. Until the parties I represent say otherwise, my obligation is to facilitate their chosen arrangement and the interests of the common good trumphs Eiri's own ... whims... Furthermore , whether he admits it or not, it's for his own good. Eiri isn't 'in love'. My brother happens to collects sexual partners for sport and discards them as easily as napkins . By being with that... boy, he's just trying to avoid the inevitable or skirt his duty or he, being the chronic womanzer is swept up in the . ..perverse novelty of being with a man, or going through some ... rebellious episode or bizarre identity crisis, which if he's not careful ,will derail the rest of his life. And there not only his standing to think of. There's my youngest brother as well. And ' love 'in a marriage is irrelevant ,or doesn't guarantee a good match or a stable commitment or adequate support which is what my brother needs most of all, as his current out-of control course he's heading on is one that will lead to his... unravelling. Eiri has never know what's best for himself or been capable of making sound choices. So the deal still stands."

Ayaka exclaims. " But I would never want to force Eiri to marry me! I would never want to marry someone who didn't even like me or was forced to be someone he wasn't his whole life! Eiri would be miserable and I know he really cares for Shuichi , as Shuichi does for him. Its not just some... bizarre whim or for fun! I can see Eiri ... is very serious about this and Shuichi was his choice, and Shuichi really is ... a kind person who makes Eiri happy,so Eiri is capable of making good decisions for himself. And I wouldn't be happy... breaking them apart ethier because I couldn't. How they reacted to me coming here proves it! And him being with a boy... is not... perverse -or bad, it's just... how Eiri is! He can't help it and how he feels , and I think he shouldn't... have to help it ! So how does he being with someone he cares about... ruin his life or hurt Tatsuha ? And Eiri isn't just property to be exchanged , but now you're telling me you were forced to arrange this 'deal' ?! That you didn't want to?! Do you not want us to get married? You don't think its the best thing for us?"

"What does it matter what I want or was forced or not forced to do?! That's just the way these affairs work! My disagreeing with it won't change the way things are and have always been, for generations before us . And its not as simple as Eiri 'being with someone he cares about', so lets not be so naïve and oversimplify this, Eiri and that Shindou boy hardly know each other- " Mika begins adamantly.

"But Eiri and I don't know eachother either! Shuichi Shindou knows him much better than I do ! " Ayaka argues.

"And I know Eiri far better than the both of you ! For God sake , I raised the kid and I have the benefit of my age and being the only one here without any questionable motives- and I know what's best for Eiri! And you can't compare their unseemly ill-advised fling to a proper, ordered and vetted upon arrangement with a clear purpose and set upon terms ! And I have no obligation to that kid, my duty to ensure your and Eiri's marriage, not only to my own family but yours too! If it doesn't work, it's all on my head and I don't want to deal with the fall out, or be blamed for the loss of face for you! And I can't allow the matter to fall into someone else's hands! I don't care what my brother has deluded himself into thinking about that pink-haired simpleton, Eiri doesn't realize how reckless and irresponsible he's being and how terribly he's going to get damaged. He's going to put his entire future and his career in jeopardy which is reliant on his... mainstream image, and he won't be able to handle the scrutiny or the control the damage to what he's struggled so hard to create for himself. Not to mention how my father will react and yes, Tatsuha being closest in proximity to him will suffer as a result ... as will I, and how everyone else will respond to us as a family and to him now too, with all the discord and upheaval it will cause himself and to everyone. Contrary to what it may seem and how Eiri acts , under any pressurized conditions ,he'll... fall apart, and lets see this Shuichi kid try to stay with him though that or be able to bear with who he actually is! Lets see Eiri try and cope on his own- Eiri will fall apart without me ! Its dire enough that you know- and that you might tell- and I can't let Eiri be damaged again- , I have to protect him from himself, and you being with Eiri is the only way I can keep him somewhat contained and stay in control of this suitation to some degree - with what little control I have, and ensure he'll have real additional support and some tie to normalcy which he needs , and that things can remain peaceful, and nobody will get hurt again," Mika rants as if to herself."Although its already too late for that- it's already started - everything is such a mess ! "

Ayaka moans. " But I don't understand Mika! Is that all you really want- just to keep tabs on Eiri and make sure he's doesn't damage his career ?! And what do you mean he'll be... hurt again or fall apart and that its too late?! And what suitation are you talking about?! And what do you mean, that your father will punish Tatsuha to get Eiri to do what he wants ?! Why would your father do that?! What is it that you feel about Eiri and I ?! And you didn't explain- what impression were you getting from me before ?!"

"Please… can we just stop these questions! These discussions are worth having when one's feelings are mutual and if there's any possible resolution to this, but when there isn't, they're just unwarranted and painful." Mika groans, her face falling in her hands. "And I prefer that I be left alone right now!"

"No Mika " Ayaka exclaims . " I don't want to leave you alone , not with all these troubles! I want to help you because I can tell you need somebody you can talk to! So I want to be that person, like you were for me, because I'm here , and I can talk about this with you . Infact you and I need to talk about this ! "

"You are a very cruel young lady ." Mika growls. "Do you know that?!"

"No Mika -I'm not! The last thing I would wish is to be cruel to anyone! Especially you! Why are you saying that?! " Ayaka begs her. "I only want to understand- what's actually happening - and where I come into this- and how I can help -"

" Don't bother because you can't, and I won't let you come into anything more, not now. I can't speak to you or anyone about these matters ." Mika accuses at Ayaka hoarsely with anger. "Even you must know that you're not trustworthy or mature enough to understand or retain anything I might have to say to you ! So why do you persist in this?! Malicious curiosity? Or are you just twistedly pleased that you know my secret, so now you finally have the upper-hand , and you can feed on the excitement of a new experience like a glutton? Or maybe you can get me to do whatever you wish and air out more of my family's dirty laundry so you can gloat about it like a child with a new toy? "

"Upper-hand ? Dirty laundry ? No! I 'd never think that way Mika- and this isn't ... about a new experience, gloating , or a game to me-and if I'm curious, it's only because I want to talk to you because I do need to talk to someone just as much, and I can't talk to anybody else - so I want you to do the same with me ! You said before you wanted to understand who I am- and you said relationships are reciprocal and once you trust someone, anything is possible ! And I just talked about my family with you and admitted many things that if I told someone else, they'd think I was wrong or was ... disrespectful for saying ! So it might be possible that I can listen to you too and give you... what you need! I want to be able to reciprocate you , because I know I am... mature enough. Yes, I want to show that I do care for you- and not because of Eiri, or for what our families say , but just for you and me! I want you to respect me as a equal , and have us... clear the air , so we can both breathe freely together ... in a place where the both of us can be ourselves . Because... I don't have anyone else I can do that with. In fact you're the only person I know whom I can speak to honestly or who even cares to know how I feel ! Even my girlfriends wouldn't understand- what I'm going through- and they can't help me because they haven't crossed the threshold of marriage, and... they can't see how hard it's been for me , they're too involved with themselves or their boyfriends, or they're just jealous that I'm getting Eiri. And certain things I can't even talk to my own mother about - because like you said they are too private or intimate... and it would upset or shame her. "Ayaka pleads to Mika, near babbling . " I've been feeling so very confused about myself and about everything lately! I was thinking about Hiro- and I don't think I feel the same way he does about me - and about Eiri, I'm questioning myself too- and the fact that he's with Shuichi . It was so unexpected , and not who he presents himself to be, which made me think about what myself and what I ... wanted, or what I thought I wanted-"

Mika points in Ayaka's face. " You listen to me Ayaka. I don't care about your childish infatuations with Hiro. Yes, I will remain cordial with you and pretend this night never happened but I'm not willing to play confidant to your inane teenage problems and placate your girlish vanity , not after I've been humiliated and exposed like this! So if you want to pine over my brother, feel free to do, in fact I encourage it ! Or if you want to be with that guitarist boy on the rebound, then go ahead and be with him. Or don't! Do whatever you want. I won't serve as any impediment to you. Go have your one-sided love affair with Eiri or Hiro or some other individual but either way, don't tell me about it -"

Ayaka grabs her wrist. "No!"

"What are you doing now?!" The older woman tries to snatch her wrist back.

"Apologizing. Or trying to. I'm ... sorry!" Ayaka squeezes Mika's wrist tighter and tugs it back . " I didn't mean to bring that up or be insensitive , I'm just so surprised. I didn't expect what you did earlier. I didn't mean that I wanted to be with Hiro or that I was comparing you to Eiri .Please don't push me away-"

The younger woman lets go of Mika's wrist with a shuddering sigh. "I didn't mean to mislead you. I just didn't know. I'm ..sorry."

Mika takes her wrist back .

"Ofcourse ...you didn't know Ayaka. I didn't mean to mislead you either. And why do you keep saying that you're sorry? You... did nothing wrong . You needn't apologize. I didn't mean to frighten you... or put you in this uncomfortable position. You should know... none of this has anything to do with you- and you aren't to blame for it, at all. You're… just so innocent and vulnerable, especially after everything that's happened to you lately. You didn't know any better, and the fault was wholly mine." Mika says unhappily. " I misinterpreted... our conversation ... and it was an terrible and dishonest thing to do to approach you with any kind of ...unbecoming and immoral motive. But I didn't - mean to , and I didn't mean ...to conduct myself in that grotesque and dishonorable way towards you. Such ... revolting ...and abnormal behavior is inexcusable. All I can say : It wasn't ... pointed towards anything , it just was an ...momentary lapse brought about by... my own... carelessness and the stress of this predicament , and once again it had nothing to do with you .I see that now. I'm sorry and it won't ever happen again."

"No, no. Don't- say that, I mean- don't feel ... so bad... about it. I know... you didn't mean to make me uncomfortable or... scare me." Ayaka blurts out distressedly. "Everything... has been so stressful for everyone recently. We all have been acting... most peculiarly. I know I haven't ... been behaving like myself lately either. And it ... is because of me- I mean I came here... without anyone wanting me to- when no one.. was ready for me, and I made a whirl of things and created so much confusion. For Eiri... for you- and for myself- and you don't need to apologize for... what happened- I mean... I'm not offended or... mad... that you... approached me...it wasn't grotesque. Or revolting.I wouldn't.. condemn anyone for having... such... feelings. Not at all. In a pecuilar way, I'm just.. shocked . Not only that you're... married and you're ...happen to be like that, but that someone like you would... be even interested in someone like me,when I'm sure you could have any person that you liked..."

"Anyone?" Mika's eyes narrow. " So you assume that I'm indiscriminately making advances left and right ?"

"No. But you could!. I'm sure anyone you would ... accept , should you ask them..." Ayaka mumbles.

Mika glares at her, still incredulous.

"I'm sorry. " Ayaka blurts out again. "I...I didn't mean to ...assume anything. "

" You may not believe it Ayaka, but I don't normally behave like this... I ...honestly never have. Like I said there's no need to apply any deep meaning or real interest to it, it didn't have anything to do with you." Mika states.

" I never been like this either or… even, had a conversation like this. Or kissed a woman before." Ayaka shakes her head. "Or rather, have one kiss me. I've never... thought about it as a ... possibility. I don't know… what it means-"

Mika interupts her. "It doesn't mean anything Ayaka ."

" I'm… not that way-" Ayaka starts.

"Of course not. And you don't have to explain." Mika interupts her again, looking even more miserable and distracted . "...I never meant to pressure... or confuse you ."

There is a long silence between them.

"But I must be honest." Ayaka says, near inaudibly. " ...I.. don't know how to define ... what I feel towards you…"

Mika 's jaw drops. "...What."

" I can hardly believe it myself ...but I think I may… feel something for you but- I don't know what it is yet. I know its not ...sisterly. I feel a certain way when I'm around you ,that I don't feel around anyone else. And I find that I want to look at you...You were right about me sneaking glances at you all evening although I didn't know why. And I... like it when you… touch me and c-call me… endearing names… when I do, I feel something… different. Not like with my other friends... that are girls. I mean of course like any girl with their friends, I've hugged them or been close, or even changed clothes around them- but I didn't feel anything. Or even how I feel with... boys , I mean I've... don't have much experience in that area because I was engaged...and I was always saving myself for marriage, so I never bothered to ..pursue anything else as I thought I had Eiri, I didn't want anybody to ...think I didn't take my commitment seriously . But... maybe... on some level... you did … sense something about me… but as I said, I don't know what that is." Ayaka shrinks back, near whispering. "And you kissing me right now… I was so unprepared…I ...couldn't tell how I felt about it."

"...Ayaka." Mika croaks, her eyes growing huge. "...What are you saying to me."

"I'm saying…" Ayaka ventures, eyes also enormous. "I may... want ..to try something.."

"...Try something?"

"Yes." Ayaka says with a minute nod. " I don't know... what it is. I just want to .. see what I feel."

"...Ayaka." Mika says in a low warning tone and steps away.

Ayaka remains where she stands.

Mika merely raises her hands as if to ward her back. "You're ... too young to be approaching me and making these kinds of insane…statements…"

"But yet I'm old enough to be engaged to and marry your brother ? And you just kissed me before!" Ayaka counters . "So that makes no sense!"

"This makes no sense ethier!" Mika exclaims. "This is the stupidest idea I've ever heard!"

" But you kissed me first!" Ayaka shouts.

"You kissed me first ?! " Mika barks . " What kind of juvenile argument is that ?!"

"Then tell me !" Ayaka demands."Why did you do that before?! You keep saying over and over it had nothing to do with me but then, tell me, why did it happen ?! "

Mika erupts . " Why?! Why. If you must know why, it was because, for an instant, I thought you were someone else Ayaka! - someone who was capable of reciprocating me in that way ! But I was mistaken about you- in every which way there is to be mistaken! Just as I once thought you would be a good wife to my brother , someone who would anchor him and provide him stability , protect his reputation, and be deferent to me ! But apparently you can't even do that, so I ask you, what Is it that you can do?! Nothing it seems ! Actually, all you've shown yourself to be is some flighty twit , mawkish as you are immature and just...utterly useless ! "

Ayaka shouts, baffled. " Just a moment ago you said... I was perfect and special and that you wanted to be my friend -just for me!"

"Then I lied! I don't need another friend, and I even if I did,you would be my last choice! Good God! What do we have in common Ayaka ?!" Mika suddenly laughs caustically. " Nothing at all! And you're nothing exceptional but yet you feel entitled to everyone's attention and adoration like you're royalty ?! You think you can just waltz in and knock on someone's door and bat your long eyelashes and expect them to fall in love with you? For the love of God, the world is full of inconsequential girls like you, without anything to offer anybody , waiting for someone else- anyone else to lead them by the hand and define them! You're like... a kind of parasite , with a parasitic mentality and self-worth! When you can't get one man to flatter you or validate your existence , you'll attach yourself to the next and nearest man, like a worm needing a host, to the first man who expresses any interest in you, to take the last man's place . You're the kind of foolish girl who will' fall in love ' every week with a thousand different boys before she 'finds' the right one, or whoever you delude yourself into thinking is the right one until you find another one to hopelessly obsess over! It seems because without 'being in love 'or without having some meaningless boy like you or being seen as 'pretty' , you're incapable of focusing on or entertaining any other goal or desire in your empty attractive little head! Girls like you are a dime a dozen Ayaka, just like your moronic and barely literate friends who squeal over my brother and his paperbacks without knowing him at all, or having experiencing any concept of reality yet ."

Stunned, Ayaka jolts, arms around herself , speechless, jaw dropped .

Mika carries on, her laughter evaporating into something far austere and mean. "The only differences are yes, you're got a lovelier and more memorable face , you're luckier as you're an spoiled heiress ,and you were taught the right cowed demeanor and tricks to procure a man and impress your elders, like a performing seal. You've been primped all your life for marriage, to be served up like a slab of meat on a butcher counter, and you've never known or considered anything else. I'm surprised you don't come with a best in show ribbon. But I don't blame you, it isn't your fault. It was decided before you were born, that you'd be chattel, a obedient kept woman made to order and to please, easily spooked and pressured into submission... a servile ornamental dolly prop to be dressed up and positioned as needed! Just like I was and my mother was before me! Although my mother was contented in that position, I wasn't . I detested it with all my being...and tried to fight it every step of the way! I did the best with the cards I was dealt with. Maybe I lost, but at least at one point, I wanted more! I considered something else for myself and my life ! But I already had to become a mother when my mother died to placate my father and tend to my siblings as they had no one else - and then a wife, I was later carted off into a arranged marriage , regardless of my wishes. Yes, I may have cooperated and gotten married young just to get out of Kyoto and ensure a better and freer life for myself but it wasn't only about me - I was thinking of my brothers and their welfare too!Eiri in particular! Being so sensitive and unique , I knew the bucolic temple life wouldn't suit him and that he needed to get out as soon as possible before it destroyed him- I knew Eiri wasn't as strong as I was, so I did what I did, so I could to give him a chance to express himself, one that I never had , so he could do that and realize his artistic dreams. All my efforts ...and my trying, just that just so he could end up... like he is...now. This... shell of a person, a smoking borderline-alcoholic zombie , a lizard-king, reconciling himself to sleaze and mediocrity, sleeping with rancid girls who see he's so susceptible and has such low self-esteem, disgustingly crawl all over him and into his bed like cockroaches... and now this unhealthy sexual obsession with some... hysterical needy brainless boy who is no doubt reveal himself to be a user and will only drain him even more , as he wastes his intelligence and potential by writing his numbingly formulaic romance books for deluded women like you! But you're his key demographic- his ideal audience , you're so dense and manipulated , you'd worship him regardless and you can't even conceive of what it means to want something different than what's prescribed to you, or anything outside your dream world! So that's why you were sought out, that's why I thought you were the perfect mark- "

Ayaka gawks in horrified despair. " So ...thats all I am to you? ...Just some... idiot?! A prop ? Like ...an animal or a product ... An.. image with the right credentials? The... perfect mark ? "

"I wish, but you're not even that, since you're too impulsive and impressionable to be reliable! And you're reacting to this news, like you didn't know that already?! Even you can't be that much of an ditz as you pretend to be , or maybe you are! If so, you're as a dense as box of rocks! No wonder Eiri didn't want anything to do with you , why did I even entertain the thought ?! I'm must be more stupid than you are! So... If you're looking for a shepard, don't look towards me darling ." Mika snarls with a cruel red lipped sneer." ...Just look at my life Ayaka. Yes, I'm a gay woman , a dyke , caught in a loveless lie of marriage, with no credit to myself except the selfish dysfunctional men around me, with a closet full of empty bags and clothes with the tags still on them."

With a brusque gesture, Mika throws herself down on the leather sofa. She grabs a cigarette from a drawer of her side table and lights it, and flecks a hand towards Ayaka as if to coldly cast her off . " So go find someone else to herd you around for a change as I'm done with it and done with you Ayaka, but I was done with you from the start of the evening since you were having conniptions and emotional and physical spills all over my furniture. Or why don't you call that Hiro boy and go have a young and inconsequential fling with him to rebuild your self esteem , you pathetic waif. Or else you can go home, run back to Kyoto crying to your mommy and daddy like a good little girl as I'm done nannying you and I have too many messy obnoxious children around me to clean up after already."

Ayaka is floored by this treatment.

Silent, shaking in disbelief, she turns away and clamps a hand over her mouth.

There's something so familiar about Mika's manner. Her throwaway cruelty. Her uncaring cynicism. The lighting of the cigarette.

At that moment, Ayaka realizes with astonishment : It reminds her so much of Eiri.

And that infuriates her.

The young woman wipes Mika's lipstick roughly off her mouth smearing it all over the back of her hand .

She twists around with a stomp.

"... FINE! ...Then I'll... GO! You don't need to tell me again MIKA!" Ayaka explodes, lipstick now a coppery tarnish across her cheek and goes on (although she still feels her rage is based in a shaky scaffold of childish edifices) " And... you're not DONE with me! Why- I'm the one who's ... DONE with you! I don't want to spend another moment around you EVER AGAIN! And I would have gone home.. much earlier, but you were the one who SAID you wanted my company tonight, but had I known who you really are- I would have never allowed you to pick me from the concert! I would rather stand out there ALL alone in the cold all night, then be here with you here now! Like I said, I wanted to go home but I only spent time with you because you insisted and I thought you were special , someone smart and beautiful and marvelous! Someone that could help me, and I could look up to! But I was wrong about you- as you were about me , because you're not! Instead you're... just mean and sad and UNSLIGHTLY inside! In fact... I... I HATE you and what you've shown yourself to be ! And that's not even about being... a girl who like girls ,regardless of that fact, you're the...most awful UGLY person I ever met! You're even more of a cold BULLY than your brother , as at least he never lied to me or told me that he cared for me! Actually you don't even care about Eiri, and he's your family, your own little brother! You call Eiri dysfunctional and selfish, and accuse him of using people for sport?! Why, you should... BE QUIET and look at yourself!"

Mika dashes her cigarette out in the nearby ashtray. She grabs the armrest and speaks deeply, sultrily, enraged. " What on earth are you thinking... How dare you talk that way to me- in my own apartment- you are ...completely out of line Ayaka! Regardless of what you think, I am still your host and your elder-"

"But I thought a moment ago, we were informal friends and that I should call you MIKA! And what , do you mean you're my host, like the parasite I am! And so you think, but I do dare to because someone should, and where we are doesn't matter! If it weren't for the arranged engagement I wouldn't EVEN be here! " Ayaka shouts , bolder and yet more afraid than before. Yet she is finding her fear spurring her boldness into a what feels like a suicidally reckless courage. The same courage that propelled her to take a train at midnight to Tokyo ready for adventure, to see Eiri and find her true love. " And you're a ... a ..liar too! You don't care a thing for Eiri! None of you care about Eiri or respect him at all , do you?! For if you did, you'd want him to be at peace with himself and you wouldn't look down on him , but you don't! You want him to be SAD and scared ! You want Eiri to HATE himself so he'll buckle down and do what you say! That way Eiri has to always rely on you and your so-called love forever which is really your CRUEL COLD greedy bossiness! It's almost like you want Eiri's relationship with Shindou to fail and wreck it , so he'll never anything of his own , outside of you, and he'll never be happy! So I don't believe you or a single word you say! You only care for yourself Mika and no one else! Just as you only want Eiri to get married so you won't get in trouble with your family or you won't be embarrassed, or lose power over him . But that's not for your brother! That's ALL for you- and even as 'ditzy' as you say I am, I care more for Eiri than you do, and I hardly know him ! Poor Eiri! I feel sorry for him, having you as his sister! No wonder he's so ... cold and strange and dishonest - even to himself , and I see why he cares for Shuichi so much- because Shuichi is the only person who really cares about him! Now I understand why Eiri used me, why he's so hard and uncaring and treats people like they're disposable ! Its because you're so cold to him, and you lie to him, and you treat him like what he feels inside doesn't matter! Like he's just a object and tool with no feelings! Or maybe you're... just jealous of him so you want to intimidate him back into obedience because he's being brave enough to be honest with himself and live how he wants and you aren't ! So if there's a problem with Eiri, its your fault! You made Eiri who is today- by acting as ruthlessly and selfishly as you do, so he's so... damaged that he can't trust and even care for anybody! So if Eiri acts poorly or rebelliously, it's because he's... mad at you and for good reason, or he's just follows your example! He's learned how to be who he is today from you ! "

"...You should be quiet now Ayaka ," Mika says dangerously, but she appears shaken , pale, shocked as Ayaka was moments before. The woman rises to her feet and off the sofa. "You ...don't have any idea what you're talking about... or what we've been though as family... I won't be spoken to like this by anybody, but especially not you- not by some .. ignorant child- a brat and pampered fool who doesn't know anything about the world- when I have done everything humanly possible, everything that I could to protect my younger brother - and I love him more than anything and everything in my life, I have sacrificed everything for him, everything I do is for him, and to keep and hold this family together"

" No you're lying ! You don't love Eiri! You don't LOVE anyone! Not even your husband! And I see past your words ! You do anything for Eiri but let him live his own life and be himself ! You'd sacrifice anything for Eiri, except your control over him ! And I won't be quiet!And I'm not a brat or a CHILD! And I wasn't too childish for you to kiss me before-And maybe I don't know much about the world, but it doesn't mean my life isn't reality too- and I'm not STUPID! Even you know that I'm not -so stop lying to me ! And I will speak to you like this, because someone has to, because now I see you too Mika!" Ayaka points at Mika, with an imperious toss of her head, and puffs her chest out. She feels a wild and near swooning satisfaction to having affected Mika to the point of standing up. "I see the minute you don't think you can manipulate somebody or mold them into whatever you want- you can just discard them or hurt them , like you're doing to me right now! When just minutes ago you were being so wonderful, and awoke all these feelings within me that I've never had before ,just to take it back and throw me away when I didn't do what you wanted ! Then you even insultingly tried to bribe me about keeping your secret , like I'd be so conniving and cheap to take it ?! And you accuse me of playing games, when you've done nothing but toy with everyone you meet including your brother and your husband ?! You're right, you're anything but kind! And without being kind, you don't know how to love, you can't know! And you may say I depend on ...boys and romantic dreams and on the others around me , to tell me who I am and to feel like somebody , well- at least I don't try to be somebody by trying to trick others or being cruel to them! I don't try to be somebody by showing off to...these... shallow other show off strangers and throwing money around on wasteful things and food that I don't even like, and driving too fast in my flashy car and forcing private jazz clubs to open - and by making people who have no choice like waiters or bartenders kiss up to me because I pay them and then being all snobby and snide to people who can't fight back or don't deserve it- like Hiro and trying to stomp on anybody I can! I'm not so pathetic that I need to break someone I don't know that well down at every opportunity, I don't need to laugh at and belittle them, or tell them how to dress like they're a baby, or show off my big walk-in closest full of ... weird painful shoes and ... scary clothes! I don't need to embarrass them by buying them things without asking or making big false claims as if I control everything in the world , just to make them feel little or dependent on me, so I can feel cool and tough and powerful! Just so you know: that doesn't impress me ! I come from wealth too , but I don't constantly name drop and I don't show people my closet - because it's a tacky and unnecessary thing to do ! And why is a bad or stupid thing to want to be loved and needing other people or liking to have crushes or romantic dreams ?! How does that make me dumb or a parasite?"

Ayaka interrupts Mika when she is about to open her mouth. " So I don't want to be all alone like you, driving around by myself, having to make appointments to see my own husband, and staring out at this giant city without anyone to share the view with , pretending it's about being slick, cool and free but really - it's to distract myself because no one wants to be with me or I can't find anyone to be with because I'm too mean and paranoid to be in someone's company without trying to oppress them or suspecting them of trying to pull one over on me, or making them into some...thing to play with, like you do ! But after seeing how you act, I can see why you have to be separated by yourself ! The minute you get close to someone you play with them and hurt them and try and 'fix ' and remake them ,but end up breaking them, even more like that child's sewing machine you had! And you're such a hypocrite! You call what Eiri is unhealthy and perverse because of his... preferences, when you're exactly the same way! You get involved and are a busy body in his personal affairs but you don't share yours with him ! And even though you insist that I call you Mika and pretend to be all independent, you're just as defined by who you married to and you throw your husband name around all the time when it suits you , and you were defined by your family name before, so you're a ... as much of a parasite as I am! And yet you act like you're above it all and so modern and sophisticated, but then you make all these... old-fashioned statements and boorish assumptions about me , saying all I do is tricks to impress boys or my family just because I'm a young girl , not even considering maybe the things I do is because I like and enjoy them or find meaning in them myself - like reading books and learning to arrange flowers or wearing more bright ornate materials to indicate I'm unmarried , because its a beautiful and meaningful thing to do and has cultural significance to who I am and where I come from. Just because I wasn't given any choice and was raised with it ,doesn't mean it was forced upon me or unnatural to who I am , or that I don't like them ! But because you just assume everything I am and do is about being 'some young dumb girl who's boy crazy' , you've show yourself that... a... you're a small-minded backwards and prejudiced dummy! Then you decry me for following traditions and not thinking for myself , because you rejected that and don't see the value in those traditions - yet you still adhere to them- like with Eiri's arranged marriage , and you treat me like marriage property too , so you contradict yourself! So in what you do and say, you proven yourself far more ignorant and untrustworthy and flighty than me! And you never bothered to try to listen to me before tonight but yet you think you know everything there is about me?! Like you dismiss Eiri's books but you don't even bother to read them! And you should ,because if you did you'd know ,Eiri was anything but a zombie ! Then you have the nerve to sneer at Mr. Seguichi music and disrespect his name, while you get the benefit of his fame and his money , and you don't even listen to his songs ! While millions of people around the world love your brother's books and your husband's music, and it makes them happy and they' ll remember their names forever, but since you'll never accomplish anything that incredible, creative or great , you act all haughty, and put it down, like it doesn't matter ! That's how arrogant and embittered and stupid you are! And yes, you call me lost- but you're the one you're lost , driving around at night too fast with nowhere to go! You say Eiri isn't strong and will fall apart without you but it's you whose much weaker, and will fall apart without him! You may call Eiri a lizard king and a zombie, but yes, you're a queen just like I said earlier - but I was wrong about what kind as you're a lizard queen, you're the one who's ungenerous, rotten and dead inside ! "

Mika's eyes grow huge, her mouth crooked.

Ayaka screeches , clutching at her own racing heart, even more outraged as she considers their present circumstance. She realizes too; she has never yelled at any one in such a vicious and aggressive way. It is such a heightened state of emotion, she feel like she might cry or faint at any moment." So ...how DARE you talk to me that way! Calling me... chattel or nothing but a dolly or... meat - how can you even THINK so disgustingly! I would never even think that way, or feel it was my right to say something that coarse and barbaric to someone! But you even... call yourself a ... bad word t-too, a d-dyke, even... slurring yourself ?! That's just ...AWFUL! I'd would never call someone something as derogatory as that or think that way about someone! It only shows you may act like a classy sophisticated lady with an... eloquent wit and charm but, deep down you're no better than a tactless brute! A lady with any self respect or respect for others would never talk about others or themselves that way! But if you are so demeaning against who you are, no wonder you don't accept Eiri, because you don't accept yourself either! And you don't know who I am within and how I feel Mika! The only thing you were right about is ... yes, I'm ..scared and I may be inexperienced , but I'm not a coward or a shrinking violet! And I may be misguided, but I never mean to hurt anyone intentionally ! And I admit I don't understand you no matter how hard I try and I never will! And I think that's a good thing! How can you or anyone be so vicious when all I did was trust you with my secrets after you asked me all these personal questions like you really cared about me ? When all I did was thought for a moment that somebody was interested for me and who I was and how I felt, as a real person, not just some... pretty marriageable object ! And how could you kiss me- if you really do believe I'm still your brother's fiancee, and in your own's husband apartment ?! What...is wrong with you?! Or what, did you think just because I couldn't be of use to Eiri anymore then I could be for your use, right after he rejected me , and my heart was broken by it?! And you accuse Eiri of being a womanizer, after you were so ... wolfish,underhanded and devious ?! Or did you think by saying all those nice things, and comforting me and impressing me with your car and champagne and a nice view would make it easier for you to... 'make some kind of ...move' on me?! If so, you're beyond the pale! But its like you set it up for me to be mortified ,rejected and hurt, all along! I bet you always knew Eiri liked boys but you sought after me anyways as a cover up, because you, even as a girl yourself, like to use girls and lie to girls for your own selfish purposes - just like how you lie and use everybody, your brother and your husband and you lie to your father and my family, and knowing it would hurt me and it'd make Eiri sadder too ! How heartless and calculating you are! Just how callous can you be?! How can you treat me- or any person like that- and still act as so judgmental and superior ?! How can you have such contempt and little respect and regard for everyone and the men in your own family ?!"

For a moment, Mika can't seem to respond to what was said.

Then without a word, she marches over towards Ayaka.

She walks her backwards until Ayaka's back hits the closest wall.

For a moment Ayaka stares up at her. Wide eyed and trembling.

Mika towers above her, even on her bare feet.

After a moment's silence, Mika booms back in a low frightening voice, fists clenched by her sides." ...You... stupid horrid gauche little girl. This is my goddamned penthouse and I earned this place. I don't owe you an explanation . Tohma and I don't even live together and like I said , he doesn't ask questions unless its business-related and he doesn't give a shit about what I do. We rightly compensate one another in our lack of interest in each other's lives . And who are you to comment on what constitutes a marriage or what love is or isn't ?! You don't know what Tohma and I have been through or what that commitment means to us or what its parameters are ! All you know about relationships comes from your romance books and your teeny-bopper fantasizing! Nor do I need to feel powerful by running off and intruding unwontedly into people's lives, throwing crying and temper fits and inflicting my mecurial and imaginary feelings onto others, and smacking people in the face, so I don't think you and I are so different in terms of strong arming, being brutish or hypocrisy, are we?! Or considering how you've behaved, to preach to me about a lack of one's self-respect and being beyond the pale is laughable. And why should I have respect for any one of men in the family, when they don't care for or respect me?! When all I'm considered is a show piece servant or convenient scapegoat to them, thats when they're not avoiding me like the plague! So why should I feel indebted to them and let them use me as a doormat and then have to bow and scape and thank them for it , after their success was due to my sacrifices and support,and my allowing them to take the mainstage?! And it's not my husband money, it's mine too, I helped him earn it and grow it as much as he did, through my own personal wealth and doing my part and maintaining his appearance and being part of his success. Yes that includes spending money , showing off, entertaining showy shallow assholes and their wives that I can't stand, and going to dull places and exerting my influence as that's all part and package of being the so called trophy wife , being Mrs. Seguichi , not that I give a damn about it. I was just generously giving you a preview of things to come. But its not who I am. It doesn't define me, it's all a means to an end and for my family's sake, so I can take care of myself and my own . I understood that as part of my and my husband arrangement and that I and my family deserve to be justly compensated , and if it's a relationship of use between my husband and I, it's a mutual one, so I don't have to defend or justify my lifestyle to you or anyone . I'm not any kind of self-sacrificing fool or punching bag - I don't have to grovel in awe and roll around in the dust to these men like they're my benefactors, and just because they're famous and sell product in the guise of art' to millions of gullible teenagers with too much pocket money, doesn't mean they have more intrinsic value or are better or smarter people, or more worthy of remembrance than I am! Just because I'm obliged to support them as a family member , doesn't mean I have to enjoy or buy into who they purport themselves to be and what they do. It was duty and circumstance that got me here, not my own choices! And why should I be indebted to people that I'm involuntarily tied to and have no interest in knowing who I am, so that even with them , I'm by myself. Except through my duties or functions to them - and yes I've...failed in that. Yes, I know everything is my fault - including how Eiri is today- and inspite of what you think, I have to lie and pressure him, to protect him- even if it might hurt him . And I don't like it anymore than he does. But it has to be done . Because I care, I have to be the voice of reason, because no one else will be, even if I'm hated for it. Not that it matters. I know it's my fault how this engagement played out although it was constructed by your family just as much as mine , and done supposedly with your welfare as its intent- but once again, I was the one burdened by it to foresee that it would happen. Nor can I just get up and drive away- and run off from everybody like you can no matter how much I want to do that! I have to live with my responsibilities and my mistakes and incapacitaties ...and what its done to everyone- "

Besides herself, Mika backs away from her, hand on her forehead.

" And you have some gall... when you... a little ingrate and spoiled brat are preaching at me about respecting your family and what allows you to live like a princess, when you just up and left your pampered life, and had your entire family worried sick and caused chaos for my family, all because you were swept away by reading some ludicrous romance book and wanted to feel ' all grown up' in some ...adolescent bid for freedom ?! Then you have the audacity to smack somebody in a petulant rage- someone who saved and prevented you from being harmed in a city you knew nothing about? And how heartbroken are you really Ayaka, if after your invasive intrusion into my brother's life, you're so shocked that suddenly your engagement to my brother 'somehow' didn't work out, and then you've seemingly just accepted it and moved on like some intinerant dreamer, off with the pixies, already thinking about Hiro Nakano ,enough to brag to me about it?! Or do you even care about any of these boys or is this more of your vanity exhibiting itself and more thrilling teenage drama for you?! Yet another chance at an escapade, as you skip from one mood to another at a whim?! Or did you come here unexpectedly' and acted like an unstable lunatic , smacking people and running around town and putting yourself at risk, in order to passive aggressively set this engagement to fail, so you could sabotage it?!"

" Why would I ever do that?! Why would ...I destroy my own future! " Ayaka cries, pressing herself with her palms flat against the wall. "That doesn't even make any sense!"

" I don't know Ayaka!" Mika roars in return. " Maybe you should be asking yourself that question! I think given your behavior, you should be asking yourself a lot of things right now! And yes, let us agree that you are very intelligent girl, and much cleverer than you present yourself to be, so I doubt you can't provide a credible answer!"

"There isn't one - except I only came to see your brother because I wanted to be with him!" Ayaka yells.

" Oh really ?! Alright, how was that going to happen, may I ask? Would you meet without forewarning and run off to Paris and elope with him over the weekend?! What a well-thought out plan! If so, and given your recent behavior ,you're uniquely ill-equipped to level any sort of judgment and make any kind of assessment on anyone's motives if you can't even understand or explain your own with any kind of clarity ! But let me give you the benefit of my few years of experience and tell you what I have observed: You say I ' set you up 'with my brother as a cover up ... but didn't you ever consider this engagement may have possibly provided a cover for you?" Mika booms back at her, hands on her hips. "So lets think it, shall we? Lets girl talk, lets have a heart to heart, woman to woman : Have you really been saving yourself for your engagement and that's what kept you from taking any interest or pursuing any men all these years , to only suddenly burst out onto the scene so strongly and without precedent like a mad woman, suddenly wild to associate with boys to everyone's shock and surprise ? Or did your family shut you in for that reason ? Or what was really being repressed here? Or did you feel the need to demonstrate something to your family and girlfriends, trying to overcompensate for that long deficit of interest perhaps ? Were you afraid they might start to suspect something about you? Or were you starting to suspect something in yourself , that spurred you to come to Tokyo, on a search , but for what were you looking for? And why did you faint at Eiri 's door? Were you so delirious with happiness and overwhelmed at how handsome he was, or were you afraid to realize that he was in fact real and you were expected now to fall in love with him ? Just consider that your infatuation with my brother who just happens to be attracted to men, and that threatened you to the point of violence! Did it so upset you and your pride to discover Eiri was not attracted to you- or it bring about some uncomfortable notion in yourself that disrupted your sense of safety? And why if you were so distressed about it, did you you go to concert and further expose yourself to them, as if you wanted to push them in each others arms , and how quickly you 'gave Eiri up ' and now 'accept' his relationship with Shindou . Very well, you had a sudden change of heart, now you talk of this Hiro being your 'friend'- as if your family would approve of some mangy long-haired guitarist you just met a day or so ago, who happens to be the friend and bandmate of your fiancee's lover which makes this relationship even more dubious and unbelievable. Or thinking that Hiro likes you will make you think he's easier to manipulate into being your new cover if the engagement breaks off, while you get the added benefit of discomfiting your family again by choosing someone whose wholly unsuitable ?! ' However whether that's the case or not, from this pattern , your type of man that you're 'attracted' to always seem to be curiously ' long-distance' , and therefore or for some other reason unknowable or unattainable . One can't help but think how strangely convenient for you Ayaka! How flimsy and superficial your interest in these men seem to be - its almost as if you're trying to create a distraction and erect barriers, if only to keep yourself or others from arriving to some uncomfortable truth!"

Ayaka's mouth falls open.

There are moments in every person's life where one attains new level of self awareness, whether they wish to or not. Ayaka felt she had arrived at this achievement ,based in the total accumulated experiences that she had been exposed to, in the last days, and the rest of limited life-span , which had been determinedly travelling to this moment. The last few years, she had felt on the precipice of something enormous, the culmination of all her seeking and that increasing strain and urgency within her , at frist imperceptible and then growing and growing until it could no longer be ignored or held within her- that feeling that she was always alone, mystified, set apart and not included somehow, even when surrounded by others and praised and celebrated by them. Prior to this, Ayaka had constructed her world and her perspective through romantic books and gorgeous items , on exquisite ceremony and disciplined schooling, on pre-existing arrangements, and on the predictable conduct and response of those around her, those components of her life crafted skillfully block by block, interwoven like tightly bound threads, reality easily woven through and inseparable with her dreams. And once one block had been removed or was under question- the promised engagement to Eiri which everyone had been talking about, giving her his books- and why hadn't it happened yet, the entire structure was starting to wobble, the string starting to pull, the tapestry coming undone . That had caused fear and panic. Ayaka had reacted, floundered. Which explained this eccentricity, this self-importance, brought about by the toppling and sullying of what was a previously solid and safe life . Her life was starting to crumble and feel strange to her, clothing that no longer fit . Ayaka had hoped these fissures in her construction had been trivial, but she found that light was peering through them and she had tried valiantly to leap and avoid them , like a childhood side walk game, least it gave way entirely. She had been trying to kick at her boundaries or what she callled 'learning' , to find new strongholds, wanting to grow up, get married (get out). She had even ran away, drank champagne, sang karaoke with a guitarist she just met , dancing in clubs, behaving in a manner completely unlike her previous self- a self that presently felt prehistoric, obsolete. But it was no use. It had been like trying to rebuild the snow castle that was melting, reform a sand castle that the tide relentlessly washing away. Ayaka had been trying to stop, this doomed collapse of her fragile self-representation, trying to stave and off-set the irreparable imbalances like the tiny ballerina in childhood music box had begun to sway, its wound up music beginning to stutter and warp .

Ayaka had been furiously angry at Mika, and she felt betrayed and lied to by her. But was Mika Seguichi any worse than every other person around her in her life ? (Ayaka thought of their smiling expectant faces surrounding her. Waiting for her at home.)

Was Ayaka through this 'engagement', being sold to ...strangers, by those she loved most, like an exchange of goods? Was she being passed like a insensate baton by all those who claimed to care and to know whats best for her?

Were they only trying to dress her up ? Live through her vicariously? Have her reflect well upon them? Use her?

Did Ayaka's mother and father and family and friends really love her ?

Did they even know who she was? Did Ayaka's know who they were?

Did they only love her on a false premise? Loved her as an idea? Like she had 'loved' Eiri through his romance books?

Did Ayaka 'love' them only because she had no choice but to love them?

But was that love?

And the realization.

It was like her world had been overturned. Like the little cracks before her had caved into an sinkhole opening at her feet. The ground giving way.

She remembered, seeing Eiri's face watch Shindou at the concert, hearing Shindou's scream in his revelation.

With her own revelation, Ayaka wants to scream herself. Scream like she's falling.

Instead she utters, barely audible. "...W-What are you saying to me."

"I don't need to say anything. Some things are better left unsaid , but I think we can both connect the dots here." Mika's eyes narrow. " Or should we just drive around in circles for the rest of the night? "

"I'm ... I don't know what you're talking about! - and...and ... the fact that I was... drawn to Eiri and Hiro, doesn't mean that its not ... real-it's a coincidence! You can't imply anything about me from it! -" The girl chatters. She is shaking, her body covered with chills. " You can't. After what you've done... That's so low of you to say that-"

"I'm not implying anything . I don't have to. Like I said, I'm too forthright for that. You said before what you felt for Eiri was all a dream. You just said you felt something... for me tonight , didn't you. Was that a dream too ? And how is it low ,when you said you have nothing against people who are different? Do you consider what I am lower, than you are? How changeable and versatile you revealed yourself to be, again. Or have you never considered any other possibility , the other forgone conclusion ?" Mika asks her intensely.

" No no. Ofcourse not. There... isn't any other conclusion! There can't be. I don't know - what I felt for you before was all... muddled, and it was before ...you told me all the wonderful things you said to me were a lie ,so those feeling were false too... I... I have nothing to hide or cover up- please , please stop confusing me. I'm just a normal girl- like any other girl...who likes ... boys and wants a normal life , and to get married and have a family , just like what every girl wants- " Akaya whimpers torturedly, her eyes oozing with tears.

" Are you? Lest you forget, you just wanted to test and try something with me, as if I should leap at the chance to be your trivial adolescent experiment, , your little sensual guinea pig, like one of your pretty pink lipsticks that you try once and then throw away! Do you have no concept how insulting that is, and that how hypocritical you are? You do seem just as willing as I am to use people without consequence to their feelings or respect to the integrity of their identities and relationships ? You preach to me about respecting Eiri , but what seems a little midnight party game to you ,a spicy diverting 'de-tour is my existence ! And so much for the scantiny of marriage- or does it only apply to your own make-believe engagement? And no I don't mean to confuse you, I didn't create this maelstrom of chaos that seems to perpetuate itself around you " Mika snarls. "You brought it with you, to us and right to me and to my door. If only you could take it with you, out the door too , but I was right when I said you truly have profound affect on everything. Through your dramatic act, now my brother is at a point of no return , he's gone ! He's convinced he belongs to that damned boy , which he's never said about anyone - he doesn't even think he belongs to us- his family , due to you ! Or is that what you wanted ?!"

Ayaka sobs silently into her cupped hands, her fingers and the back of her hand streaked with lipstick.

Mika covers her eyes with a gesture of exasperation. "But as you said, I can't presume to understand how you think or what you want except to make a giant irrevocable mess - but you can stop and listen to me , you're not in a romance fantasy land , we're not unreal characters- like in Eiri's books, who exist to titilate your sense of adventure or to bend over backwards to make you feel special or to cater to your wishes moment by moment ! Life doesn't work that way- and I've known that a lot longer than you have! Unlike you, I didn't have the luxury of sitting around, and being some blithe girl who could day dream about being a princess or about 'romance' with cute boys and being recused and happy endings all day - because in my world, two women don't live happily ever after - or even fit to be seen together or even mentioned or contemplated as a possibility . I didn't have anyone to save me, or guide me through that 'confusion ' and how alone I felt. Nobody bothered about me except as to be an obstacle to what I wanted for myself , or an aesthetic item, or a object of convenience for their goals. And unlike you, I was too busy taking care of everyone else and performing my duties and when I wasn't, I was making sure I could hide myself and wouldn't give myself away to who I was. Not because I wanted to, but so I had to. I had to put myself in a position to always take care of everybody because there wasn't anyone else to do it! I've been saddled with responsibilities ever since before I knew what to do with them and I 've had to struggle alone- with the things I've had to do , the things that have happened, even if it frustrates me and nearly drives me up the wall ! I have to hold it together and deny myself from what I want, and hide who I am and how I feel every day! I know I don't deserve a reprieve , but yes, maybe- for a second, you overwhelmed me... And you were there, so suddenly, almost unreal and ... close, and disarming. And beautiful and innocent and seemingly... sympathetic , without this ... awful guile that I'm accustomed to..., I... I thought ...I felt something for you... and I... couldn't ... resist, I slipped and wanted to pretend everything could be different ... and that I could be myself ... and just run from it all with you and... perhaps, have some kind of... ridiculous...escapist moment of romance of my own ."

All the evening comes back to Ayaka.

The candle-lit dinner, the art show, paying for her things, the jazz bar for just the two of them- Mika not wanting anyone to see them together. She had been wearing Mika's dress. Mika had chosen, picked out for her, liking her in green, which she had been happy to wear for her. Their champagne on the balcony, concluding in a kiss.

Mika snaps again . " Although I have no idea why- how could I be so irresponsible , and with the most moronic irritant I've ever encountered! Why would I... put myself at your mercy, place my life in the hands of some...idiotic girl who knows nothing?! Its like playing with fire. You're the worst possible choice - and if it were to be found out, that you and I were lovers - your possible sister in law ... And me with my brothers fiancee , it'd ...it'd be a disaster and cause irreparable harm - for you and for me and ... for our families and everyone ..."

Ayaka freezes.

She stops crying.

And the word 'lovers' echoes in her mind.

Lovers.

Mika stands there, suddenly silent, seemingly inarticulate.

"So no, I never met a girl-as unattractively spacey, short-sighted, selfish and destructive as you are Ayaka!" Mika than abruptly shoots out. " Infact what the hell is wrong with you?! I don't even care to know. But even if I give you the benefit of the doubt, whether you consciously intend it or not, you're not harmless or unhazardous by any means, and if you won't assist me in my goals, I don't see any reason for us to spend any more time together or see eachother again! Infact it'd be better if we didn't. And so what if I'm callous and heartless? You finally figured it out. Its better that you know it now, then later on! You said you wanted my confidence, now you got it! So what are you going to do?! Are you going to lash out? Smack me like the little primadonna you are and march off dramatically as you are wont to do, so everything in this farce continues to be about you? Is that how you'll show me and take back your wounded pride?"

In that moment Ayaka feels she sees Mika.

She may feel her girlhood beautiful dreams may have been shattered by reality, but Mika whose circumstances were so mercilessly unfair from the beginning, she had been deprived of the possibility of even having those dreams, of envisioning a life of happiness or wholeness, honesty for herself.

After a long pause, Ayaka finally speaks.

"No... I would never do that to you Mika... My pride is so wounded today. " Ayaka can barely breathe. "...Like you said... I just... don't have anything ...left to lose. It doesn't matter. I'm not... angry at you. Or at anybody. That's whats scary. I do feel like I've grown up tonight, that I've ... lost... something. Something so ... important . So vital. Bu that's why I can leave now without any regrets . I'm glad we both showed our true colors to eachother."

Ayaks rushes past Mika .

"Oh, so now you feel superior to me because you didn't take the bait?!" Mika follows after her.

Ayaka turns around.

"No... I don't." Ayaka says. Her voice sounds strange. Subdued. Faint. Unlike herself. She feels emptied out. Without tears anymore. " Because I listened to what you said earlier, that we were destined to learn and share something from one another. And we did. I have learned something from you tonight Mika. Something I had to learn sooner or later. Or maybe you just called me out."

Ayaka nods in admission . " If I'm honest you're ...absolutely right about me . I know I'm...spoiled, and selfish, I'm not very special. I'm just a girl with not much purpose except to do what others people tell her to do, because maybe I can manage to follow someone's instructions but I'm not smart enough to think for myself. The fact that I like to do some of those things are coincidental. Or like you said, or could see in me, maybe I'm too scared and insecure to do that. I don't have anything of my own to offer anybody except the fact that I can be married, and what I may inherit, and everyone else knows it too. That was the one thing I had to hold onto, that defined me as someone of importance and worth, the one thing that might give me some meaning in my life, and when it was taken away, I behaved with such petty anger and fear because I knew there was nothing left for me. So I didn't want to let it go, as its always easier to live in a.. self-centered dream then to see the truth, isn't it...And I have been self-centered. I doubt I can realize how much. I don't know what its like to be in your shoes, to deal with ..loss, and to have your responsibilities or take care of anyone. I've always been the one being taken care of. I don't know how I would behave if I was in your place, and how I would think about it, or even if I could handle it. I don't think I could. Infact I know I couldn't. So yes, I do not have any right to... judge you after how I behaved. I realize too, I don't know ...anything about .. really loving anybody ethier. I only know love... like a make-believe book . I thought romance was just putting on a pretty dress, kissing your one true love, and then you... get married. It sounds even more.. naive when I say it aloud. But I wanted to believe it. I thought or wanted to believe that everyone involved with my marriage with Eiri knew best for me, and had the best of intentions- including myself. But I have to admit I'm not sure of anything anymore. Maybe the point of this visit was to make me question everything I thought I knew and to understand that I don't know anything truly. So in a way,I'm even more glad I came or I would have never ... found out ... how wrong I am about myself and how wrongly I treat others, and how wrong all my assumptions are. I know I will change from this, but how I can't say. Thank you for being honest with me. I wish someone had been that way with me sooner, or I might have behaved much differently . Maybe you're right too... about the engagment. I could have... dreamed up some romantic fantasy just to feel better about a suitation I had no control in and I was so frightened about- even though everyone tells me how wonderful it will be, I'm still terrified. And I liked Eiri's books, because I ... recognized something of myself in them, so I thought he might understand me- I had convinced myself I wanted this marriage too, as what other choice did I have... to disobey and struggle against everyone? To run away and try to live on my own ? I'm... not that kind of girl. I don't have the skills or the strength or the will to do that. I'm too scared to even tie back my hair on a hot day because people might dislike how it looks . So maybe running away to see Eiri was a secret gesture of anger... And rebellion ...'fine this is what you want from me , then this is what I'll do.' Unconsciously I may have acted as... awfully and disobediently as I have and put myself in a position to fail, because I... I don't feel worthy of your family, or deserving of happiness or success .And maybe... inspite of what other people say and tell me about myself, and what I may look like on the outside... to other people, deep down, I feel... so ugly and strange. I admit, deep down... I... I... really don't like myself ...and possibly, by acting like this... unlikeable fool, I wanted to give myself more reasons not to like myself. Maybe, I ...think... there is something... wrong with me, that I'm not... who people think I am , so I... deserve to be hurt. Or worse. Or maybe... I don't want to be where I am anymore, but at the same time, I'm so... afraid of the future. And I don't want to be a child anymore, but I don't want to be a adult ethier. I don't know what I want and how I feel , and because of that, I created this... havoc in everyone's life, because thats what's been inside me . I've been... ... lost for a long time. But I don't want to hurt anybody else or cause anymore harm. Especially not to you, when you already have been .. hurt ... before. All I want to say now is I'm sorry. I'm sorry I ruined your plans and if I caused... any tension and problems between you and Eiri or in the family. I understand why... you want to hold onto him. He is your brother. You want to... protect him. I'm flattered that for a time that you thought I could help you do that. But I'm not suited for such a honor. This is not about Eiri. Or Hiro. Or you. This is about myself. So I... have to end this engagement on the basis I'm not worthy of this important task and I cannot accept it as I cannot fulfill these essential duties."

Mika stares back at her.

Ayaka swallows." I'm sorry about my failings and my... incapacity, although they are already very clear... that I am ... unfit for this purpose. If there's any... problem, I'll... take the blame for it or will try to do so to the best of my ability as I should. I know there be a reaction, but it will be directed at me and I am sure everyone will of course... understand. I'm so sorry about what happened and what I did. I'm sorry I said all those disrespectful things to you. Please forget it all. It was just a way of ... taking back my pride... my ... fake non-existent pride - afterall I did come unannounced to your brother's door without any dignity, begging him to like me.. It was like my hitting Shindou , but like that, it just as pointless and undeserved and only made me look worse, but maybe thats why I did it in the first place . It doesn't matter though. I'm sorry I wasn't who you thought I was- and I wish more than anything, that I could have been what you wanted. I wish I could have... been your refuge- like how you made me feel when you being so kind to me, like I was entirely safe but completely free at the same time. I wish everything was better for you. And I'm... so sorry that they aren't."

Mika looks startled.

"Thats... what... you have to say to me?" The older woman finally says.

"Yes. I know its... not a worthy apology, so I won't say anything more . As the engagement has ended, there isn't a need for me to do that, or to stay a moment longer. " Ayaka wipes away the last traces of lipstick off on the back of her hand. " I should go now. Please give me a moment to collect my things."

Mika says nothing.

Ayaka goes to get her purse. (Her original one she came with, not the one Mika gave her.) She dumps her things in and rams her clothing inside, not caring if they're crumpled and washes off her hands, wipes her face hurriedly in the bathroom. She decides she won't bother to retrieve and take the gifts she bought with her. She won't, not after Mika paid for them.

Mika asks her as she comes out. "... How will you get back."

"I'll call Hiro. Or my own family or call a taxi myself. I'll find my own way." Ayaka says softly . " You needn't concern yourself with me."

"Its not a trouble. I'll ... can call Tatsuha." Mika starts.

" No I insist. I'll clean and send for your dress. I won't bother you again. I don't want to ... cause any more problems. Thank you. " Ayaka says expressionlessly.

Mika says in an assent. "Its fine... Don't ... send for the dress. "

Ayaka bows to her. "Goodbye Mrs. Seguichi"

Mika follows her to the door.

"The door's open. " Mika says.

To emphasize her point, the older woman swings the door open, hand gripped tightly on the knob.

Ayaka stands there at the threshold.

Mika looks away. "Then what... are you waiting for. Go on. Get out ."

Instead, Ayaka places her hand on Mika's, on the knob.

They stare at eachother.

She closes the distance and kisses Mika.