I could see September clouds in the sky that morning and it made me sad. It was only the beginning of August thus far and the colder months were already warning us of what will lie ahead. I enjoyed autumn but hated the fact that winter would be around the corner. This year, I am looking out at the yard full of children laughing and playing together while I sit here, looking on as I solemnly think about how in one month I will not be able to be here for them anymore. Why were winters so long and summers so short? Why?

"Maria?" Gretl asks, stroking my arm with her little hand.

"Yes, Gretl," I reply. I did not even see her come up to me.

"Are you sad?"

"No, honey, I'm not sad," I say, picking her up and plopping her on my lap. "I was just thinking."

"What are you thinking about?"

"About you," I say, kissing her cheek.

"Why me?" She wonders as she nuzzles her face close to my breast.

"I was thinking about how I would love to see you grow up."

"Well," she says as she repositions herself, leaving herself completlely sprawled out across my lap. "Why can't you?"

"I suppose I could," I reply, surprised. Gretl must be taking lessons from Brigitta. I couldn't go on because something I've never seen happen, happened. Captain snuck up behind both of us and began to tickle Gretl's stomach. She laughed hysterically and it wasn't long before he scooped her up in his arms. All the other kids gathered around, giggling along with Gretl, Captain and I. It was such a sweet moment.

"I'm glad to see you happy again," I piped up. I couldn't help myself.

"I had a rough morning but I'm all right now," he said hugging Gretl closer to him. "I'm sorry, Fraulein."

"It's all right, Captain."

"Brigitta," Captain says, putting Gretl down and stretching his arms out to Brigitta. "Come here."

Brigitta smiled one of the biggest smiles I had ever seen. She ran to her father and hugged him even tighter. There was a pause as they hugged but I could tell he grew uncomfortable and he sent the children on their way again much too soon. It was so sweet to see him with the children like that and I frankly was disappointed in him. Something was the matter with him.

"What was that all about?" I asked as I followed him back into the house.

"What was what, Fraulein?" He asked, getting agitated again. He wouldn't look at me.

"Were you putting on a show?"

"What?" He asked, so flabbergasted he turned around this time.

"Oh come on," I was getting agitated now. "You have seven children and you can only give affection two at a time?"

"Fraulein," he said, trying to calm himself. "I love all my children, thank you very much. I just have had a bad morning like I said."

"Why are you so calm now? Don't want to wake the Baroness?"

That hit a nerve. His face had turned red but then it grew sad. My own anger subsided into concern.

"She's not here, she left."

"Why?"

"Why did you try to leave last night?"

"I didn't want to be in the way."

"That's what she said. That's how she felt. At least she had the decency to tell me she was leaving before she took off. You may think of Baroness Shraeder as not much, but at least she's honest about her intentions."

"You're saying I'm not?"

"The truth shall set you free."

"Don't throw the Bible at me!"

"I should give you a Bible because good luck at the Abbey when this is all over!"

That sentence cut me like a knife and he knew it. The devil in his eyes vanished and they became more human again. I, on the other hand, felt like anything but human. I felt shattered and heartbroken.

"You're going to let me go anyway?" I asked, finally able to speak.

"I don't know," he said as he turned his back from me again. A wave of his hand had signaled a surrender. "Just stay until September; I will know what to do by then."

I just didn't even know what to say anymore. Hot tears spilled onto my cheeks and I had no control over them. How could I possibly stay if this was how he felt about me?