So I'm not sure what made me take a prompt that said "smile" and turn it into this angst filled thing, but I just couldn't get the idea out of my head when it popped up.

I always wondered how awful it would be to have Neji alive in the Tsukiyomi and then wake up to reality of his death. I figured it would hit her pretty hard.

Anyway, I wrote this on my iPad instead of my laptop so I apologize for any errors. I'll probably look through and edit tomorrow to see if there's anything funky.

Day Four: Smile

The guilt was crushing.

After Neji's death she'd had to be strong. She saw Naruto faltering and she pushed her own sorrows aside and pulled him back from the brink of giving up.

The enemies who were left had been strong, unbelievably strong, and she had known at the time that all she could afford to focus on was surviving and making sure that Naruto did the same.

Her time in the Infinite Tsukiyomi had been sweet torture. It was like living her life and watching a show of it at the same time. It felt wrong, but also so good and it was hard not to surrender her mind completely when everything she had ever dreamed was coming true.

She was with Naruto and he had actually returned her feelings. Neji had been just as overprotective as she had always imagined he would be when she started dating. He was determined to look out for her and would often follow them on their dates (sometimes accompanied by Hanabi) in order to make sure Naruto was treating her right.

He and TenTen had started dating and together Hinata, Neji, and Hanabi were working to abolish the curse seal. They wanted to pave a better way for their future children and were going to accomplish just that.

She had been overjoyed in the illusion and so had her friends and family. As Neji and TenTen's relationship had progressed, he had smiled more than she ever remembered seeing. It was beautiful.

Then, when the justsu was released and the illusion broke, she was left feeling empty and exhausted. Seeing Naruto alive and once again hailed as a hero brought a surge of relief and joy into her system, but as she began to look around, seeing bodies both live and dead littering the ground she was brought crashing down.

The adrenaline had worn off, survival mode had been shut down, and she was left with the knowledge that one of her most precious people wasn't coming home.

'But you just saw him!' her mind shouted in denial. 'He was with TenTen and they were happy and oh, how he was smiling!'

She knew, however, that it had been an illusion and her studies under Kurenai had taught her that it was important to ground yourself before succumbing to whatever you had seen. Otherwise you may never fully recover.

Unfortunately, that meant admitting to herself that her Nii-san was dead. He had died instead of her and his final act of protection ensured that they would never again see each other, never again talk or laugh or walk quietly through the garden and drink tea.

Neji was gone.

She watched as people began to collect the bodies, sorting through them to see if there were any who could be saved.

And it was just too much. She had to get away.

Hinata turned and ran. Everyone was busy either working or celebrating and it was easy to slip away unnoticed.

She ran until she could no longer hear anyone and looked around. She situated herself into a niche in the rock and dropped to her knees.

Her sobs were loud, loud and violent and she couldn't stop even though they hurt her and she was having trouble breathing.

Neji was gone.

Hinata was shaking. Her head was in her hands and she couldn't stop shaking. She was utterly devastated and the fact that she had just seen him was taunting her because he had been so happy and all she could think of was how it would never come true.

And it was her fault. He had sacrificed himself for her because she hadn't been strong enough to do anything more than use her own body as a shield. His death was her fault and the guilt was overwhelming.

Suddenly she felt warm arms envelop her and she was pulled into someone's chest.

"Hinata, what do you need?" He asked, and she immediately recognized the voice.

"Naruto," she half whispered, half choked because her throat was raw from crying.

He had never seen her like this. He had seen her bloody, beaten, he had seen her a red, stuttering mess, but he had never seen her as broken as this and he was afraid. He knew he had to be there for her right now, be strong for her like she had been for him.

"I'm sorry, I'm so sorry. Please tell me what you need," he said, desperation creeping into his voice.

She looked up, and he could see the defeat in her eyes. He absently wondered if his own had looked the same back when she had had to snap him out of it.

"He-he was so happy. And I took it away," she said.

Naruto was confused, but wasn't sure how to ask her how to elaborate. Luckily, she continued.

"I saw him. He was in the dream I had during the Tsukiyomi and he was so happy! And when I woke up I realized that it will never come true. He will never have that and it's my fault!"

"Shh, it's not your fault," he said as he continued to hold her close.

Unfortunately, that was not the right thing to say and Hinata violently shook her head.

"No!" she screamed, "it was my fault! If I had been stronger or if I had thought of something else or if he hadn't felt like he needed to protect me then this wouldn't have happened! I couldn't do anything except stand in front of you and because of that he's dead! It should have been me, but he's dead!"

She was starting to sound hysterical, but Naruto just sat there listening, no matter how much what she was saying hurt. He knew he had to let her get it out.

"And now I can't even picture what he looked like when he died. All I can see is that stupid, stupid jutsu. I can't get his smiling face out of my mind. It's like my mind has replaced his death with images of him smiling and dating TenTen and helping me abolish the curse seal and it's torture because I will never see that. It will never be real life and he will never smile like that and it's all my fault!"

Hinata broke into sobs again and Naruto held her for a few more minutes, trying to formulate what he was going to say.

When she had calmed down again, he moved back a few inches and said her name.

"Hinata."

She wouldn't make eye contact, too distraught and too embarrassed and ashamed.

"Hinata," he said again, more forcefully this time and it sounded like the voice of a future Hokage.

She finally looked up and saw Naruto smiling softly at her, albeit with a few tears running down his face.

"It's true you won't see those things. And it's true you won't see him smile because of those things, but that's okay.

"He died protecting people he loved, not because he felt like he had to, but because it's what he chose to do. Do you see? Neji had always felt trapped and cheated by Fate, but at the very end he chose his own death. He spit in the eye of the force he'd hated his whole life and died by his own choice.

"You're not weak, it's not your fault, and I don't ever want you to think that it should have been you instead. He died happy and he died free. He died to give us our own chance to live and be happy. Don't you think we owe it to him to do that?"

Hinata sat there and thought about what he said. He was right, he was absolutely right, and she needed to stop whatever this was and start honoring her cousin's sacrifice, just as she had told him to do. It would be hard, and she would miss him dearly, but she felt like now she could grieve and eventually move forward. She needed to move forward for him, for herself, and even for Naruto.

When she nodded her understanding, Naruto felt a huge wave of relief wash over him. She was still sad, but he could see the strength and determination creeping back into place in her eyes.

"Good," he said.

Hinata knew it would take some time to get over Neji's death, and she knew that she would need to be strong for Naruto and her family and Neji's teammates and everyone else who cared about her cousin.

She looked into Naruto's blue eyes and gave him a smile. It was small, and a little forced, but it was a start.