Thanks to Terzima for her support and her work of translation.

Thanks to Lipamo, LilMisfit5290 and indigovioletstargazerfor their reviews and encouragements!

Kym : Thanks a lot!^^ Here is the next chapter.

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Enjoy your reading.

A New Life

Part 3

I had dressed, cleaned up my mess, swallowed my tears and now I went downstairs to the dining room. I was a bit uncomfortable in my clothes, I had to think of getting myself a new wardrobe. I was barefoot, my feet didn't want to hear about shoes. The icy contact with the floor tiles of the living room made me freezing cold. Or was it the sight of Brody and his absent-minded look? He was eating actually, which was good news. He was alone: had he dismissed our hostess?

I hoped I had wiped away all traces of my weakness, I didn't want him to see me sad, it was something hard for him to deal with. I forced myself to suppress the pressure on my chest, braced myself and decided to join him. I could feel the smell of his food from where I was, my senses were sharpened: my senses of smell and taste were stronger. When I was near him, I noticed a second set of cutlery. A cloche covered the plate. Had he expected I would join him?

"It's taken you a long time."

I started at the sound of his weary voice. He kept on eating without so much as a glance and I sat quickly, my appetite expressed itself like a separate entity. If I continued like this, I would become obese! Whatever! I was starving!

I ate again greedily, I thought in a corner of my head that I should hire that woman to feed me ad vitam aeternam. At that precise moment, I loved her madly. I smiled at the incongruous thought but I lost my smile when I met Brody's neutral gaze.

"You definitely need to put on weight, you're skinny."

A bit offended, I didn't answer. Yes, I lost a few pounds following him halfway around the world to get him out of the trap we had put him in.

He took a napkin and stood up to dab my mouth and chin. Did I eat that clumsily?

"You eat too fast, it will get stuck in your throat."

I didn't listen to him, I was petrified by his lengthy dabbing. My insistent gaze unsettled him, he stopped and sat down, putting the napkin near his plate. He drank a glass of water and started to clear the table while ordering me to finish my food. There was wine on the table, I looked at the bottle with envy. Damn it, it was going to be hard to abstain from drinking alcohol!

"Don't even think about it!" he said, grabbing the untouched bottle.

I finished my main course, my cheese, my dessert within minutes, he was right, I ate too quickly but I wanted to be with him. He was in the kitchen, busy washing the dishes. I cleared what was left on the table and brought it to him. I leaned on my elbows not far from him, watching him openly. It could have been like we were living together, here, in that room. But we were not even close; actually, I had no clue what it was like to live with someone. I never thought I would want it one day. I was too overactive, too dependent on my independence, and too in love with my work.

Now, it was him that I loved, more than anything else on this earth. I felt again that little rubbing in my lower stomach. Was it to remind me that there was not only Brody? I slid my hand mechanically over my belly. I didn't really know what to make of that baby to come, I didn't know if I would love him or her: maternal instinct was a very unclear concept, particularly since my mother left.

"Are you all right?"

He was done with the dishes and leaned against the sink, watching me, worried. How could I share my fears with him?

"Do you think I'm going to be a good mother?"

I blurted out the words, I was astoundingly candid with him, I couldn't lie. Or rather, I didn't know how to lie any more. He inhaled and exhaled deeply.

"Why did you keep it?"

A bitter taste formed in my mouth when I realized what he was asking me, because I had questioned myself a lot about that in my down moments.

"Because this baby is a part of you."

And if I loved him, I could love "him or her", couldn't I?

He turned around and started to dry the dishes. His habit of keeping me wondering was frustrating, I closed up the distance between us and snatched the towel from his hands.

"Talk to me Brody!"

I forced him to look at me. A dark flicker hardened his irises.

"To say what? That this wasn't the life I wanted for you? You know that already," he sighed.

"It's my choice! My choice!"

"You're stubborn, as usual, but have you thought about it?"

"Yes, I have."

"Really thought about it? About the life you think you'll have? About the life you think you'll give it?"

It was as if he didn't intend to be part of it. I thought back to what happened in the bathroom and I began to run out of air. I couldn't answer, I didn't feel well.

He took the towel back and started wiping the dishes again before my confused eyes. I heard the steps of our hostess who was about to get in, I put on a mask and smiled to her as soon as she stepped in.

"Should have called me," she scolded us, pushing Brody away from the sink.

He complimented her on the dinner, at least that's what I figured out. She thanked him in her mother tongue. I wondered how a girl who seemed so nice could be living by herself. I stared intently at Brody, I wanted our conversation to continue, even if I wasn't good at it. Communicating on personal matters was a challenge for me. He wished her good night, I did the same and I followed him out of the room… except that he veered toward the entrance door. I started to follow him.

"You have no shoes on, Carrie."

He was outside already and turned around the house. I went up in our room to watch him from the window. I grumbled, I was angry. Damn it, Brody, don't reject me! I thought, pained. I knew he needed some fresh air so I sucked it up and decided to wait. I switched the TV on, flipped through the channels, and, after a few minutes, my jaw started dropping as I watched the screen. I was in shock.

After some twenty minutes – the time it took me to digest the news – I returned to my vantage point by the window. He had not moved an inch, my simmering mind calmed down just by looking at him. My adult life had been driven by loyalty, patriotism but also by lies, cruelty and indifference. But lies had prevailed and here, lying could not win, sheer truth was growing inside me, guided me and gave me strength. I contracted my fingers, I had a compulsive need to have him beside me. I slipped into my jacket to go and join him over there.

Stepping on the cold stones didn't bother me, the grass was cool and soft. I slumped by his side, dipping my feet into the water. It was lukewarm, strangely enough. He shook his head, irritated.

"You never give up, do you?"
"You already know the answer."

I lay down, scanning the leaves in the trees, listening to their rustling, the lapping of the rivulet, enjoying the appearance of the first stars. I relaxed, in an abnormal state of euphoria. Hormones, I understood. I was sensitive, too sensitive, even more perceptive than usual.

"What choice do I have?" he finally asked me, his gaze lost on the horizon.
"The choice to live and start it all over again."
"I've already had a family, children and a wife, and now they hate me. Worse still, I'm dead for them."

I knew he was thinking of Dana in particular. An open, gaping wound that would never heal. I knew it. Should I tell him that it was now a fact, that we had been pronounced dead after a bombing during the attempted extraction? A single glance at him told me the answer was no. I took his hand on which he was leaning. He let me do it, and I put it on my stomach underneath my t-shirt.

"But we do love you," I said, determined.

He removed his hand as if he had received an electric shock. I took it back and placed it in its initial position.

"I felt it move," I confessed with emotion.

He looked at me over his shoulder. I held his gaze forcefully. I wanted to share my joy, my confidence with him, but also how insecure I was feeling. I needed him to be able to face such an uncertain future. Needed him to make the happiness that was close at hand become reality. Needed him not to lose my mind.

"We love you Brody, as you are. And you, do you love us?"

To be continued.