Beca awoke the next morning feeling tired and irritated. She wasn't hung over, it was reduced to what she referred to as a "lean over," meaning it was just enough to still make her feel groggy without the nausea of a regular hangover. Sitting up, she narrowed her eyes to her Iphone on her nightstand and glanced at the time. It was 10 minutes of nine.
'Bella's practice, shit!' She remembered as she lunged out of bed and quickly and ran over to her closet and grabbed a pair of dark skinny jeans and a v-neck donning the name of one of her favorite bands. She hurriedly threw them on, grabbed her bag, and walked briskly out the door and made her way to the auditorium where Aubrey was already ranting about Bella's business, mainly not straying from tradition, and all that business. Beca took her seat in the back, hoping not to draw any attention, but of course, Aubrey wasn't going to let that happen.
"SO nice of you to join us Beca." She hissed. "You know that 10 minutes late means 10 minutes of cardio, hit the steps!"
Beca sighed and rubbed her temples, opening her mouth to speak but she was cut off before she could get a sound out.
"Bree, let her be. She's been sick." Chloe said, coming to her defense and shooting her a defensive look.
"Chloe, nobody gets special treatment. This is serious business. If she doesn't want to do it, she can leave. Right now." Aubrey replied sternly.
Chloe was about to speak again, getting even more defensive.
"It's fine. I'll do it." Beca chimed in through clenched teeth. If there was one person she'd love to hit without any consequences, it would most definitely be Aubrey. After her last incident of punching someone didn't end well, she decided she'd let karma dish out the consequences in the future.
After Beca finished her bull shit cardio, she joined Cynthia Rose, Fat Amy, and Stacie to work on better perfecting the choreography. As she joined them, she felt a soft touch on her shoulder and whipped around.
"How are you feeling?" Chloe asked, semi-concerned, as well as smug.
"I've felt worse." Beca replied dryly, earning a sigh from Chloe.
"I don't want there to be any animosity between us Becs, you're one of my closest friends and as much as I want you to talk to me about stuff, I know you're not so open and I'm not gonna hold it against you." Chloe told her, her voice laced with a sympathy that Beca didn't want, nor deserve.
Chloe grabbed her hand and pulled her aside to where her stuff was and pulled out a bottle of water and some Tylenol, holding it out to Beca. As much as Beca wanted to refuse, it was super hard to be rude to Chloe, especially without any liquor in her system.
"Thanks.." She said hastily as she popped the pills and took a big gulp of water. She had to admit; the water felt amazing on her dry throat and brought an instant relief. She knew the Tylenol would be greatly appreciated in about 30 minutes as well.
They quickly rejoined the group amidst receiving a harsh glare from Aubrey, though both of them didn't care. The rest of Bella's practice went smoothly since Beca was simply too tired to fight Aubrey about the boring set list, choreography, and the other topics she usually was quick to sarcastically comment on. After three hours of grotesque dancing, vocal techniques, and running through Aubrey's annoying white board of success, the co-captains had finally called for practice to come to an end and Beca felt a wave of relief wash over her. She couldn't wait to get a coffee, go back to her dorm, and sleep and mix for the rest of her day off.
"Becs, wait up!" She heard Chloe call after her. Beca had naturally been the first one out of the auditorium and stood to the side to wait for the redhead as the other girls made their way out.
"What's up?" She asked Chloe as approached her.
"Do you want to grab a coffee? You look like you're in serious need of a caffeine buzz right now." She said with her usual bubbly smile. As much as Beca wanted to say no, she had felt guilty about trying to be mean to the older girl in order to push her away and not deal with her feelings for her, so she decided to just give in.
"That sounds decent. Just don't say buzz anymore." Beca replied, wincing at the thought of alcohol or anything related.
"Dope!" Chloe said with a chuckle as she latched onto Beca's arm.
The duo made their way across campus, headed to their usual coffee cart as they made small talk (Chloe more than Beca) trying to catch up since it had been almost a week since they had talked or hung out.
"Sorry Aubrey's such a bitch to you sometimes." Chloe said as her and Beca casually walked across the quad.
"Sometimes? Sorry, I must've missed the times where she's been anything but." Beca said with a smirk.
Chloe rolled her eyes and grinned. "There's the Beca I know! Welcome back, bitch." She teased. "I know Aubrey is super harsh on you, but I've got your back. She's fuckin' nuts sometimes but if you knew her better, you'd understand. Her dad isn't exactly easy on her, I'm sure you can relate." She added.
"I totally get that. But I don't rip everyone's head off just because I don't get along with my dad."
Chloe stopped and raised an eyebrow at her.
"Whatever, it's different when I do it!" Beca replied in defence
"Uh huh, whatever you say Becs."
"For what it's worth though, I like that you have my back." Beca said sincerely, looking away and then back over to Chloe.
"Well, for what it's worth, you're welcome." She said nudging Beca's arm.
As they approached the coffee cart, arm in arm, they were greeted by the usual eager barista.
"There's my favorite couple! I haven't seen you guys in days." He said
Beca bit her lip and looked over to Chloe with an amused grin on her face, Chloe's smile as bright as ever as she pulled Beca closer to her, much to Beca's surprise.
"Well we had a fight, but we just made up this morning. You wouldn't believe how stubborn this one can be." Chloe said with a wink as Beca rolled her eyes
"Oh I think I can believe it." The kid said with a smile while making their coffees.
'Asshole.' Beca thought
He handed over their coffees, adding that it was on the house and that Beca better be nice to the ginger because girls like her don't come along often.
"I hate him, and I hate you too." Beca said matter of factly once they were out of earshot
"Hey, he said you have to be NICE to me! I'm a catch! And I don't know about you, but I love free coffee, so play your part, dear." Chloe told her with an emphasis on the last word.
They found a huge tree and sprawled out beneath it, Beca pulling out her laptop and putting on music as they drank their coffee and talked about classes, Bella's, and the songs that came on Beca's itunes.
"Can I hear what you've been working on lately?" Chloe asked, referring to Beca's mixes.
Beca hesitated. Her mixes had been kind of dark lately, the ones she could finish anyways.
"I mean, you don't have to if you don't want to…" Chloe added, obviously disappointed. She didn't want Chloe to think she didn't trust her to listen to them or anything like that, she just knew that they different from the club ready ones she had shown Chloe before and wasn't quite sure what kind of reaction Chloe would have. She pulled her laptop up and after a few clicks, her mix of Everything But The Girl's "Missing" and Paramore's "All I Wanted" began to play.
I step off the train, I'm wandering down your street again
(Think of me when you're out, when you're out there)
Past your door
(I'll beg you nice from my knees)
But you don't live there anymore
You've disappeared somewhere
(And when the world treats you way too fairly)
(It's a shame I'm a dream)
And I miss you, yeah,
(All I wanted was you)
Like the desert's miss the rain
And I miss you, yeah
(All I wanted was you)
Like the desert's miss the rain
Chloe listened eagerly. She looked like she was anyways. It even looked like she could tell the words were for her.
"It's beautiful Becs." She said softly
"Super depressing, but beautiful."
"Yeah…I've been kind of off lately." Beca said simply, not adding anymore.
"You don't have to tell me anything, but I'm always here for you, you know that but I'm going to keep telling you that." Chloe told her, putting her hand on Beca's back. An act that drove Beca crazy.
"I-I know. Believe me. If I ever want to talk, I'll hunt you down." Beca told her
"Do you talk to Jesse?" Chloe asked
"What..what do you mean?" Beca asked looking at Chloe with a quizzical look
"Well, do you tell him what's going on in that anxiety ridden brain?" Chloe pressed
"What makes you think I have anxiety?" Beca asked
"Deflecting my question with defensiveness is what makes me know that you have anxiety." Chloe told her
"Just cause you're a psych major doesn't mean you have to psycho-analyze me. My father employs a highly paid therapist to do that shit."
"It was just a simple question, Becs." Chloe reminds her.
"Well then, yes, I talk to Jesse. Sometimes." Beca told her
"But you won't talk to me?"
"About what!?"
"About anything! Something!" Chloe pleaded
"I don't understand why this is such an issue with you. What exactly do you want to know?" Beca asked her, trying not to let her anger get the best of her.
"You've been so distant. More so then when I first met you. I understand having walls, Beca, I get it. But I don't understand why you'll talk to Jesse, whom you're close with, over me, whom you're also close with."
"It's complicated."
"How so?"
"Geez, Chloe, should I write you a check for this session or something?"
"Seriously Beca, it's weird that you'll talk to Jesse but not me! I just want to be your friend!"
'That's exactly what I needed to hear, except not.' Beca thought
"Why do you care so much? What difference does it make to you?" Beca asked, maybe a little too sharply.
"Cause I care about you! And I know I told you I don't want to pry but it's offensive that you'll talk to Jesse, but not to me."
"I never asked you to care." Beca replied. Knowing that all she really wanted was for Chloe to care even half as much as she did. And here she was, telling Beca just that, yet Beca still couldn't open up to her.
"That's not even the point, Becs."
"I've gotta go." Beca said, standing up and grabbing her laptop and putting it in her bag.
"Wow, seriously?" Chloe asked, quite offended.
"Look Chloe, I'm sorry I can't give you what you want. Maybe you should be friends with someone who reads like an open book, like Aubrey or Fat Amy. I'm not like that." Beca told her as she turned to leave.
Beca rushed back to her dorm. She wanted to get away from the scene of her crimes as fast as possible.
'You want to know why I can't talk to you like how I talk to Jesse? Because I'm fucking in love with you' she mentally responded to Chloe's persistent question.
Crashing onto her bed, Beca immediately drifted off to sleep. She loved sleeping because it meant that she didn't have to deal with anything real.
A few hours later, she woke to a loud knocking on her door. She heard Kimmy Jin answer the door and let whoever it was in.
"Get up, loser. We're going to a party!"
Beca heard Jesse's excited voice and groaned.
"I really don't feel like it, Jess." She told him, rolling over and opening her eyes.
"I really don't care how you feel because you're coming." He responded, pulling her comforter off of her.
"You're an ass." She said simply
"I don't care! It's an aca-party and you're like practically required to go." He told her
"I don't want to see any aca-people." She responded
"You mean you don't want to see Chloe. You guys still haven't made up?" Jesse asked, sitting on the edge of her bed.
"Uh, well we did. But then she got mad at me because I told her that I talk to you about stuff, when I haven't really talked about anything interesting with her I guess, even though she's my best friend." Beca said
"You're a dick, why would you tell her you talk to me and not her?" He asked
"Uh, dude, I was being honest. For once. And look what good it did." She said
"Your logic was all wrong on that one. Now get your ass up, we're going to this party, even if I have to drag you." He said
As much as she didn't want to, she knew she should go at least to make things better with Chloe. It would be awkward to have to do all of the Bella's stuff on bad terms with Chloe. Aubrey was already a bitch to her, she didn't need someone else to make her aca-life miserable, she just wanted to get that shit over with so she could get to LA in one piece.
They arrived at the BTM house and she quickly looked around for Chloe, sighing in defeat as she didn't see her. Stacie and Fat Amy grabbed her and pulled her into the kitchen, making her a drink while talking about practice and how much of a bitch Aubrey was to her today. Of course they found it hilarious.
"Have you guys seen Chloe here?" She asked
"Yeah, she's here somewhere." Fat Amy replied
"What happened now? You look like you just killed her dog." Stacie said
"We just had a disagreement of sorts, the only reason I'm even here is because I want to make things right and leave." Beca told them.
"That's a stupid reason to be at a party." Fat Amy said
"Operation get shawshank wasted is now ON!"
"Shots!" Stacie squealed, as she grabbed a bottle of whiskey and some shot glasses and quickly poured three before Beca could even protest. She wasn't sure what Stacie's major was, but if it failed she could definitely be a bartender.
After they roped her into 3 rounds of shots, she decided she should probably find Chloe to apologize, something that she felt she was doing far too often.
"One more round!" Fat Amy declared. Beca shook her head violently.
"No guys, I really need to find Chloe." She told them
"Why so you can declare your love to her?" Stacie said, only half teasing.
"WHAT!? No, I told you, I just want to make sure we're cool." Beca said
"Yeah right half-pint. We know you're not boinking Jesse, and the only other person you hang out with is Chloe, you must like one of them." Fat Amy said
"That's dumb reasoning." She informed them
"And I found your blog and there's way too much Tegan and Sara on that shit for me to believe you're straight." Stacie added
'Fuck you Stacie'
Beca felt her cheeks get hot. She wasn't ashamed of being gay, she just never made it an issue to talk about it…and nobody had ever really confronted her about it this way.
"One more round." She told them.
"Chloe! Hey!" Chloe whipped around at the sound of a male calling her name. She turned to see Jesse waving and walking up to her.
"What are you doing out here?" He asked
"Just getting some air." She replied. She was slightly jealous of him. He probably knew all there was to know about Beca while she hardly knew the basics. She downed the rest of her drink and turned to him.
"Can I ask you a question?" Chloe asked
"Beca's inside." He stated, taking a sip of his beer.
"That wasn't even my question…but since we are on the topic of her. Why is she so closed off from me?" She asked
"She's closed off from everyone." He answered, desperately not wanting to have this conversation.
"Don't bullshit me Jesse, she blatantly told me she talks to you but not to me. Did I do something wrong?" She asked
"No, Chloe, you didn't. She's just…I don't know. I can't get into it with you." He told her
"Aha! So there is something! C'mon Jesse, give me something. You know I care about her just as much, if not more than you!" Chloe argued
"It's not that. And it's not for me to talk to you about. I'm sorry Chloe. But you need to know that Beca really cares about you. A lot. The only reason she came here is because she wanted to find you and clear the air." Jesse said.
Just then, a buzzed Beca stumbled onto the porch, looking around for Chloe or Jesse. Luckily, she had found them both and made her way over.
"Heyy guys." She greeted
Jesse stifled his laugh. "What's up Becs, repeating yesterday a bit?" He asked
"Nowhere near that point. Fat Amy and Stacie practically forced the booze down my throat." She told them. Chloe hadn't said anything, she was just standing there, obviously annoyed.
"Jesse, can I talk to Chloe in private real quick?" Beca asked. Jesse nodded and went to make his way inside.
"Chloe look I know you're pissed at me but I don't want to fight with you, can't we just continue as we were before? Like, just hanging out and listening to music and stuff?"
Chloe was about to reply when she heard a commotion near the door. Stacie and Fat Amy had made their way onto the porch, drunk and obnoxiously loud.
"JESSE!" Stacie exclaimed, grabbing him
"Did you know Beca's gay!?"
Beca's ears suddenly felt like they were on fire as she turned and glared at the three of them. Jesse shot her a sympathetic look as she turned back to Chloe.
"Um.." She started as Chloe turned to leave
"Chloe! It's not that big of a deal!" She pleaded
"Seriously, Beca!? Stacie and Fat Amy knew that pretty significant detail about your life before I did? We're supposed to be best friends, you know I have no problem with gay people, why the hell did you tell everyone but me?!" Chloe yelled before turning and going down the stairs.
Beca knew she probably shouldn't go after her, for fear of being way too honest since she was drunk. But she did.
"Chloe wait!" Beca cried
"You're all tall and shit, your legs are longer and you're going a mile a minute!" She yelled trying to keep up with the older girl, realizing they were half way across campus already.
"Beca I'm so pissed at you, I can't even stop to hear your bull shit!" Chloe said
"Well at least you're still talking to me?" Beca reasoned, only a few feet behind Chloe.
"That's about to stop, right now." Chloe responded.
"Okay..well just hear me out then!" Beca said, jogging so she was in front of Chloe and stopping the ginger in her tracks.
"What!? What else do you want to tell me that you've clued everyone else in on but me? I've told you like every detail of my life and you couldn't even tell me one thing, yet you had no problem telling a few of the other Bella's who you don't even hang out with!" Chloe said furiously.
"Listen Chloe, it's complicated…" She began
"Oh my God, I don't want to hear this again. It's complicated. I get it. I'm done." Chloe said, pushing past her and walking.
Beca wasn't sure what over took her. It was probably the alcohol because under any other circumstances, she probably wouldn't do this. She reached out and grabbed Chloe, turning the red head so she was facing her.
"Chloe, I didn't tell you I was gay BECAUSE you are my best friend, who's a girl anyways, and I didn't want shit to get weird! The other Bella's all probably think I secretly like them now just for the simple fact that I am a lesbian. Do you know how annoying that is? Straight girls always think gay girls like them just cause they're gay, it's frustrating." Beca said
"So..you didn't tell me cause you thought it would make things weird?" Chloe asked
"Duh, that's what I just said. Keep up Beale." She said with a smirk. Chloe smiled and pulled Beca into a hug, her arms wrapping around the tiny brunette so tight that the younger girl thought she was going to suffocate.
"I'm sorry I didn't tell you, I mean, I was going to. And a ton of other stuff, but the reason I keep myself so closed off is because I can never say shit the right way. And Jesse is like my wingman, my brother, he doesn't even count as talking to someone because he's just there and he's a dork. Please don't get offended.." Beca told her, pulling away but still keeping a firm grip on the older girl, as if she was going to run again.
"I'm really sorry I got so mad at you Becs. It's really not like me, I'm usually so easy going. And I don't know why I got mad about you being close to Jesse..I mean he's your friend. I guess…I guess I just thought…"
"Thought what?" Beca asked, not too sure where this was going.
Chloe hesitated.
"I got upset because I thought he was getting you to open up to him and well, I want to know certain sides of you Beca. I-I.. I want to know more about you. Everything I possibly can. I can't explain it. I just want to be close to you." Chloe confessed, biting her lip and shrugging. Beca smiled at her and tilted her head.
"Yeah?" She asked. Chloe nodded and Beca laughed.
"I know I've said it before, but, I don't even understand how we're friends." She told the red head.
"You're so dense, Beca. You're an amazing person…I don't understand how you can't see it." Chloe told her.
They continued to walk around campus and returned to their playful, light banter as before. It was a relief to the two of them that the tension was gone, though, there was still something between them, but Beca wasn't the only one feeling it now.