A/N: Hey guys, I've got another chapter for you...I'm trying to stay on top of this as best as I can because I really believe in this story. With that being said, there's a lot of angst to come...remember, you don't ALWAYS get the girl. I'm not saying it's not going to be Bechloe end game but there's going to be a resistance and it's more about Beca changing as a person so I encourage you to read on and keep those reviews coming ; )
It would be a lie for Beca to say she wasn't absolutely devastated and heartbroken over her last conversation with Chloe. For once she had put herself out there and taken a leap of faith, only to have it blow up in her face. Rejection she could deal with, it was the fact that Chloe actually admitted to liking her just as much as she liked Chloe that was really killing her. Why hadn't Chloe said something before she did? Chloe had always been forthright with her feelings and well, everything else there was to be forthright about and it blew her mind that the older girl hadn't in fact hinted to anything…yet maybe she did. Was Beca really that dense? She racked her brain for the rest of the weekend trying to remember all her times with Chloe and tried to see if there was something so obvious that she had missed it. The other thing that she was wrestling with was the blame of the situation. Chloe had seemed disappointed that Beca hadn't come forth sooner with her feelings, but what the fuck, why hadn't Chloe just spelled it out for her first? And then of course Beca was left to dwell on the fact that nothing in her life could ever go right and she was doomed to be alone forever.
As Monday came and went, Beca had chosen to skip her classes and stay barricaded in the safety of her dorm with her music and nothing else. She even shut her phone off because she had absolutely no interest in the outside world at this point. She did, however, venture out for her late night shift at the station. There was no way she could've blown that obligation off, and it was the only one she didn't want to. Music was her only saving grace at this point.
"What's up Shorty?" Luke asked as Beca entered the station and gave him a simple head nod in response. She removed her hoodie and began to set up her stuff as Luke watched her.
"Listen, I know you're a dark, cynical girl who isn't much for words, but are you okay?" Luke asked her as he was preparing to leave for the night.
She sighed in response, not really feeling up to having this conversation with anyone, but Luke and her had become close and she'd rather have it sooner than later.
"I'm fine. The ego's a bit bent, but what's new? Other than that, hey, it happens." She offered, dryly.
"Well, I'm sorry we pushed you to do it…I shouldn't have done that. I feel like I'm the cause of your recent misery." Luke confessed as he put a hand on her shoulder.
"It's fine, really. The cause of this misery is just myself…and overly flirty girls who toy with emotionless girls, only to find that they do indeed have emotions." Beca told him.
"Well, if it's any consolation, I don't think Chloe was toying with you. She did admit to liking you back, remember?"
"I know. I'm just bitter. Let me be bitter." She scolded the British boy.
"Fine. Well if you need anything just hit me up." He said before exiting the station.
She got up and locked the door behind him and settled safely into her sanctuary that had become the booth. Beca readied her first track before flipping the on air switch and introducing her show.
"What's up BU, This is DJ-B getting you through this late night. Whether you're studying for midterms, or partying, I'll be here, doing my damn thing so e-mail those requests and stay tuned to WBUJ…Music for the independent minded. Right now, here's '45' by The Gaslight Anthem."
Have you seen my hands? Just look at 'em shake.
And the song just keeps on repeating, drop the needle again.
And I dance with your ghost. But that ain't the way…
I can't move on and I can't stay the same.
And all my friends say…
"Hey, turn the record over.
Hey, I'll see you on the flip side.
There you go, turn the key and engine over…
Let her go, let somebody else lay at her feet."
The best thing about being a DJ, a musician even was the ability to play songs that convey your emotions without really having to get into the precise details of the situation. Music was therapeutic for Beca in ways that many people in her life just didn't understand. Slowly as her shift progressed, she felt her frustration leave her body as the tracks flowed together and spilled her emotions into the airwaves. It sounds silly, but Beca wasn't really much for words and hearing others sing her exact feelings made her feel a little less alone.
After her shift she headed back to her dorm to crash. Obviously, she was tired but at the same time she found herself in better spirits until it dawned on her that Semi-Finals were that night. Not only would Beca have to be around Chloe and her other friends (whom she assumed had heard everything by now) but she would also have to be performing the most embarrassing routine with them. She wasn't exactly thrilled about facing the tension and she was sure Aubrey was going to have some choice words for her.
'Fuck my life' Beca thought as she sighed heavily and unlocked the door to her dorm room where she spotted her roommate Kimmy Jin getting ready for class.
"You do that a lot." She said voice emotionless and as monotone as ever.
"And what's that exactly?" Beca humored her instead of ignoring her like she usually does.
"You sigh a lot."
"I guess I do." Beca replied nonchalantly with a shoulder shrug.
"Do you wanna talk about it?" Kimmy Jin offered unorthodoxly
"…Are you seriously asking me to share my feelings with you?" Beca asked with a raised eyebrow and a semi-shocked expression. They literally didn't talk, like ever, except to trade insults of course.
"Yeah, you're right. This is weird and I really don't care. I'll see you later." The tiny Asian girl responded.
"That's what I thought." Beca concluded as she put her bag on the floor and crashed face first onto her bed, content with sleeping the day away until she had to skip and salute in her humiliating flight attendant attire later that evening.
Unfortunately, she was awoken just a few hours later by a loud banging on the door. Assuming it was her overly interested not-so-much-of-a father, she kept her eyes closed and didn't even think twice about not getting up to answer it. When the banging persisted and she heard muffled profanities from behind it and she knew it was probably wasn't her father…
She clenched her jaw and rolled out of bed, tripping in slight exhaustion, she opened the door fully prepared to verbally assault whoever it was that was bothering her right now. She hoped it would be Aubrey just so she could finally go off on her and speak her mind since she no longer felt it necessary to be civil in respect to Chloe. And if it happened to be Jesse, well, God bless him.
But no, as she through the door open, she suddenly drew a blank at the sight before her; Chloe.
"Beca! Hi." Chloe said
Beca just stared nonresponsive.
"I just came to let you know The Bellas are meeting at 4 in the auditorium to drive up to the Semi-Finals tonight." The redhead explained.
"Wha-? Why didn't you just text me?" Beca asked in a sleepy voice.
Chloe just rolled her eyes.
'She's getting really good at that' Beca realized
"Your phone has sent me straight to voicemail all weekend." Chloe said, folding her arms and giving the younger girl an irritated look.
"Oh…." Beca hesitated
"Yeah. I think there's something wrong with it."
Once again, Chloe rolled her eyes and let out an unconvinced "riiiight."
She walked past Beca and further into the dorm room.
"How was your shift?" the ginger asked in her hidden agenda voice. Beca closed the door and turned around to face her, only to find the older girl sitting on her bed.
'Okay, why the fuck does she have to do that?' Beca thought, suddenly feeling more awake.
"It ended three hours ago and I'm very tired…and I don't want to do this right now." Beca told her honestly.
"Talk to me? You don't want to talk to me?" Chloe asked obviously hurt.
"Not at the very moment I'm reaching my REM cycle, no." Beca told her
Chloe let out a sigh and stood up, heading for the door.
"You're my best friend Beca. Nothing's gonna change that, as I've told you before." Chloe said.
'She's gotta be kidding.'
"Everything's changed." Becca grumbled
If Chloe had turned around to look at her, Beca wouldn't have known. She had climbed right back into her bed, facing the wall and shutting her eyes as before.
And if Beca could time travel, she would have skipped the aca-akwardly silent bus ride that she found herself on later that afternoon. After tossing and turning and not getting any sleep earlier, she was in no mood to play Bellas today. She sat towards the front of the bus with her headphones on and tried to focus on her current playlist of her own mixes, deciding which ones were radio ready and which ones weren't.
Much to her disapproval she soon heard synchronized singing.
'No…no this is not happening' she thought as she closed her eyes. Could this be any lamer?
"Aaand a Jay-Z song was on!"
She turned in her seat to find The Bellas staring at her, anxiously waiting for her to join in and sing the next line of the popular Miley Cyrus song.
'Oh, Well. What the fuck?' It was actually one of Beca's favorite songs.
She threw her hands up and gave in and started singing with the girls. It was a kooky moment, and all was well, until they ran out of gas.
Beca realized that she wished she really wished she could travel time as the TrebleMakers came to the "rescue" and the Bellas boarded their bus. She sat next to Jesse feeling uncomfortable because she could tell he was anxious to ask her about Chloe and hoped he didn't bring it up now.
3 hours, and many unintelligent insults from Bumper later, the bus pulled up to the venue. Beca soon found herself backstage with the rest of the groups readying themselves for their performances. Herself, Stacie and Fat Amy were cracking jokes and making small talk and it suddenly dawned on Beca that although the entire Bella experience had been mostly miserable she had been making progress as a human being. The old Beca would have blown off the girls and the entire competition and put her personal feelings first; yet here was Beca, putting her obligation to her group of girls first.
'What a difference a year can make' Beca thought to herself as she accidentally let a small smirk appear on her face.
"Excited about our performance?"
Beca was pulled out of her moment by an all too familiar voice as Chloe approached her.
"Not really." She replied dryly
"I was actually kidding. I know this is probably the last place you want to be right now." Chloe explained with a weak smile.
"Good one." Beca said without the least bit of enthusiasm.
"Look, Becs…I'm trying.." Chloe began to explain after letting out a sigh of frustration.
"Well, could you maybe try less? I'd really appreciate it." Beca said
"I can't stop, Beca! This is frustrating for me too you know! I'm sorry about everything, I truly am. I'd never hurt you purposely and I think you know that. I can't stop caring or worrying, no matter how mean you are to me and no matter how angry I get with you. I just, I can't." Chloe confessed.
"There seems to be a lot of things you just CAN'T do, Chloe. But do you want to know what I can't do? I can't pretend that everything's fine, that we're fine, and that this is fine. I can't just forget that I kissed you and you kissed me back and I definitely can't forget that you feel the same way about me as I do you yet you would just like ignore it. You say you can't give us a chance because there's all these logical reasons that back it up but guess what Chloe? It's not because you absolutely can't, it's because you WON'T and honestly, I don't want to be friends or even be associated with someone who is such a hypocrite. You're just like all the other girls I've ever known. " Beca spat back in defense.
Tears began to well up in Chloe's eyes and for a split second Beca almost felt sorry about the way she had just laid into Chloe but the anger remained as Aubrey appeared.
"What's going on here?" She interjected as she saw Chloe hurriedly wipe her eyes.
"Nothing. It's fine. Uh, I'm going to go finish getting ready." Chloe said before quickly running off. Aubrey turned to Beca with a glare of death in her eyes.
"What the fuck did you just do now, Beca?!" Aubrey chastised
"You know what Aubrey? It's absolutely none of your business." Beca told her
"It actually is my business when Chloe is concerned. Against my better advice she has tried to befriend and defend you numerous times but you keep upsetting her and making her life miserable!" Aubrey scolded
"Yeah that's exactly the way it all happened, right? Chloe couldn't possibly be the one inflicting any harm on anyone because she's so motherfucking perfect, right? You've only gotten one side of the story, I'm sure, so quit while you're ahead miss future lawyer because you're going to be a shitty one." Beca said before pushing past Aubrey and going to join the rest of the girls.
"Who is this guy?" She heard Fat Amy say as she looked to the stage and saw an all black group putting on a killer performance.
"We can't possibly beat the TrebleMakers AND The Footnotes!" Stacie exclaimed as they continued watching. The crowd roared in applause once the Footnotes were finished and Beca could hear the judges praising their originality. This wasn't good.
"Alright girls, huddle up!" Aubrey exclaimed as the girls gathered around.
"If we do the routine EXACTLY as planned we will win. Now hands in!"
"Wait it's on 3 or after 3? I keep forgetting…" One of the girls interjected
"Ugh! Screw it, let's just do this." Aubrey said as the girls dispersed and took their places on stage as their name was announced.
As the girls once again performed their bland routine, Beca couldn't help but notice the Footnotes on the side of the stage silently mocking The Bella's. She had let this go on long enough. She was tired of being a joke to all of the other acapella groups when she knew The Bellas had more talent than all of them put together. Suddenly an idea popped into her head and there was nothing to change her mind about it. She had nothing left to lose, right?
"This time baby, I'll be, bulletproooof…" She sang as the Bellas continued singing "I Saw The Sign"
Aubrey shot her a look of shear panic and anger but the tiny brunette kept singing as she noticed the judges finally perking up to their performance.
Beca was the first to leave the stage, pretty satisfied with what she had just done since it probably gained them a decent amount of points in the creativity category.
"What the hell Beca!" She heard Aubrey screech as she turned around
"Were you trying to screw us up!?"
"In case you didn't notice, those judges were practically nodding off during our set…" Beca said, trying to defend herself.
"Newsflash! This isn't the Beca show! You don't get to decide what's best for the group. Why don't you ask how everyone felt about your little performance!"
Beca turned to look at the girls.
"Amy?" She questioned.
"Uh, it was cool…it just took us a little by surprise…" Fat Amy started to say before Aubrey cut her off.
"Try, A LOT, by surprise!"
"Eh, a little…" Fat Amy mumbled
"I knew from day one that you weren't Bella material!" Aubrey screamed
"Aubrey, don't…" Chloe tried to interject, but it was way too late now.
"No, you know what? Save it. You don't have to pretend like you have any say in the group Chloe. You haven't all year." Beca said
"If this is what I get for trying…I'm done."
And just like that Beca found herself back in her old ways, turning her back on anyone who had turned their back on her. She quickly made her way to the lobby, cell phone in hand, hell bent on getting the fuck out of that place.
"Beca! Wait!" She heard. As she whipped around, she saw Jesse running up to her.
"Dude, what are you doing, you're on in like three minutes!" Beca said
"Are you okay? I saw what happened and I had to check on you." Jesse said
"I'm fine. I'm just done with ALL of this. Seriously Jess, go perform. I'll see you back at campus." Beca told him
"How are you getting back?" He asked, confused.
"Don't worry about it, just call me later." She told him.
"Fine. Pick up my call then!" He said as he turned and ran towards the backstage area.
"Becky!" She heard her name called once again and couldn't believe she was this popular today. Thankfully it was Luke, just the person she was looking for. He approached her with a smile on his face but it suddenly changed as he saw she was anything but happy.
"Thank God you're here." She told him
"What's up? Your addition to that performance was killer. I think you guys have a shot, and kudos for using bulletproof that was totally sick!" He told her
"Yeah well I'm afraid you're the only one who enjoyed it. The girls just reamed me out for it, some silently and some not so silently. Can you do a favor and bring me back to campus with you?" Beca asked
"Sure thing, Becs. I told Jesse I'd watch his boy band but I'm sure he'll understand." Luke said as he put his jacket around her and they walked into the cold March air.
The ride back to campus was a long one. Thankfully Luke didn't press her to talk, he just kept the tunes coming and even stopped to get them food. All Beca could think about was how quickly everything had turned to shit and she couldn't be more thankful that she'd be going to LA in a few months and she could put this entire "college experience" behind her. As much as Beca had changed, it had come with a high price and she could feel her walls building back up higher than ever.
'Nothing left to lose.' Beca repeated in her head. She had lost it all already.