Thanks to lipamo, LilMisfit5290 and karivalentina for your reviews.

Thanks for the alerts and favorites.

And thanks to Terzima for her fantastic job which is amazing! She advised me to separate this chapter into two parts because it was very long to translate.

We are now back with Brody.

I know my fic is not realistic for several reasons but I need to have them together and give them some happiness even if it's something basically impossible.

Enjoy your reading.

A New Life

Part 10-1

BRODY

I was stunned by what I'd just heard, in a state of shock actually.

I remained there in front of Saul, speechless, shattered at the idea of Carrie being far away.

"Here's for you."

He handed me a CD case.

"It's the ultrasound."

I stared at the case, certainly looking like an idiot. Since I was not moving, Saul slipped the CD into his pocket and took a bag from the trunk, then walked around me up to the house. I followed him and regained my speech.

"Why so far? Is it to punish me for beating you up?"

"Everything doesn't revolve around you, Sergeant Brody, it was best for her."

"When will I see her?"

"I don't know."

He was inside already, I stayed on the front steps a couple of minutes, hesitating between fighting again and smoothing things out. I finally chose self-control. I got in after him, he wasn't in the room, he came back when I started to look for him.

"It won't work," I growled involuntarily.

"I advise you not to touch me again."

I got the threat, clutched my fists, he put his stuff away without paying attention to me and I watched him, powerless. There was not as much anger, more fear: he was the only one who could take me to her. He finally placed himself in front of me, as icy as an iceberg, he was waiting for something.

And I knew what: apologies. But he could wait, the bruises on his face made me feel great.

"I want to see Carrie."

His face hardened even more.

"She'll be better off without you, finally."

No, no more violence, hold back.

"I've always known that, I want to see her, Saul."

The prospect of being separated from her was horrendous, and knowing she was alone to deal with all that was happening – and that I was responsible for it – was even worse.

After a night of bad dreams, I had woken up under stress, and finding Saul in my living-room had only reminded me of my nightmares and kindled my resentment. Carrie fell because I was unable to control myself, because I was a public danger. And if anything happened to them –

Dread was now in each and every fiber of my body.

"All right," he suddenly gave in.

Saul scrutinized me, still icy but more accommodating.

"I'll come back for you in a week and we'll leave for Paris."

"A week! Why so long?"

"There's been a few changes. Take it or leave it."

I didn't protest.

After he was gone, I remained seated on the couch, it was going to be a long week…

I'd gone running, I'd cut wood, built fire, cooked, but my heart wasn't in it, she was not there; our house was small, had lost its raison-d'être, and I felt unsecure to an indescribable degree.

Now that I was ready to be with her, to get involved in our family as best as I could, everything was going up in smoke and my doubts were rushing back. Was this separation a sign that I had to let her start over without my interfering? No, no, that was the worst idea, I was too weak to leave her.

Or maybe it was because I simply loved her too much, I realized with a vague and cautious joy.

Her absence disclosed the obvious but it didn't help me, quite the opposite: I suffered and I resented it.

I held my hands together then started my dinner, it was night. I felt oppressed and lonely. Yet I should have rejoiced that she was in good hands but knowing her I guessed she didn't like it. She hated everything related to a hospital and I wasn't with her for support.

"Wish I were there, you know," I whispered.

One week.

I sighed, did the washing-up and went and lay down on the couch by the fire. I thought of our discussion the day before and how we had talked about our daughter's name, her choice had upset me because it was too close to my own name, I didn't want that child to look anything like me. Now I didn't care anymore, as long as they were OK, Carrie could give her the name she wanted.

I remembered the CD and regretted not taking it. I fell asleep, unhappy and alone.

The little blond girl showed up in my dream again, accused me of abandoning her and her mother. However hard I tried to explain, she didn't want me to take her in her arms, to reassure her; she pointed her finger to Carrie, who was strapped on a bed where she thrashed about, screaming my name in despair. I was in agony because I couldn't reach her. I was useless.

I woke up, my eyes drawn to the fire that had died and reflected my state of mind.

On my way to have a shower, I stopped by the bedroom; on the chest were the CD and a laptop with a DVD player. My heart skipped a beat, when did he – ? I inserted the CD and delicately took the laptop and sat down on the bed. I waited before pressing "play", my finger in the air.

The video was only two minutes long.

Two minutes when I broke up into billions of cells and slowly reassembled. There was no word, no, there was no word to express how much love I already felt for this little being. It was brutal, suffocating, terrifying. Yet life was seeping back everywhere in my body, in a painful reality. I wondered how I had suppressed so many emotions for so long. In the corners of my eyes formed beads of tears that I barely held back.

I lightly touched the screen where the last image was frozen, mesmerized by the upcoming happiness that was reaching out for me.

Eventually I decided to go and have my shower then went back in the bed – on Carrie's side – to view the video again and as many times as necessary.

OoooO

Two days later, when I stepped out of the shower, I decided to go to the lake; on the front steps, I found a bag of groceries. I scanned the horizon and didn't see anything. I took the bag to put the groceries away. At the bottom, I found an envelope, I weighed it up, turned it, it was a simple brown A4 envelope with nothing written on it. After thinking hard for a minute, I chose to open it, inside there were a disposable cellphone and a note by Saul:

"One call to this number, 5 minutes maximum."

I looked at the number, bewildered. Why do me this favor? Unless it was Carrie's works? I was already entering the number, taking a few deep breaths, anxious, happy. She picked up.

"Hello?" I said.

Silence.

"Carrie?"

Silence.

"Carrie, love, answer me."

Silence, yet I could hear a breathing sound at the other end of the line.

"I'm sorry, I feel bad, I'm responsible for your fall and your going through this by yourself. I'd like so much to be with you."

There was a beep, she had hung up.

"No, no, no! Carrie! Why?"

I tried to call back in vain, the line was dead. In a rage I smashed the phone on the ground.

I didn't understand. Was she mad at me for some reason? Had something bad happened? I shook my head to get rid of those grim images that made no sense. I stared at the pieces on the ground and decided to pick them up. I put everything back into the envelope, noticed there was a file inside. It was the ultrasound report, there was no name, only the pictures and the observations that I started reading at once. Despite the medical jargon, it was easy to understand that everything was fine, and that the baby was really a girl. It was written in black and white. I would have liked to see her reaction, and boast because I'd been right, and then she'd have sent me packing with swearwords. This simple thought brought a smile back on my face.

I went to the lake anyway. A huge mistake since I missed her cruelly.

At night, I set about packing her things in the sports bag, she might need them. I incidentally let myself become intoxicated by her scent, cracking my heart even more.

The days went by painfully, I brooded, walked around in circles, went into deep introspections, restless. I felt like a prisoner so I went running often, I also returned to the lake – as painful as it was.

I also decided to clean the cabin from top to bottom, to read Carrie's pregnancy book again, to read some books that were in the bedroom, to wash some clothes even if it wasn't adapted.

And I played the ultrasound video again and again.

On the last day, I counted the minutes, the seconds. I had cut my hair, shaved, I wanted to look presentable. I tidied the house once again, opened wide the windows to ventilate. I emptied the fireplace and put a sweater on to protect myself against the cold air. It was already midnight when I sat down to eat a sandwich. There wasn't much left in the fridge anyway – I had cleaned and unplugged it. It was a good thing that Saul was coming for me tomorrow.

OoooO

In his car, I told him the phone incident right away, he frowned but didn't speak.

"Right, Saul, thanks for your help."

"Spare me your sarcasm."

It was impossible to get anything out of him, so I gave up.

"How can you handle everything since you're not in the Agency anymore?"

"Who said I'm not?"

I looked at him, puzzled.

"Well, at least you're not in charge anymore."

"Not officially."

"What do you mean?"

But he didn't answer, as usual.

"Where are we going?"

"To take a plane."

OoooO

Three more days went by before I was able to visit her.

We had settled in a house in a village near Fontainebleau. It wasn't big, it was isolated, it was depressing. I missed the cabin and putting up with Saul day to day was hell except the day before because I hadn't seen him much. On the same night, I dreamed I strangled him with a lunatic laugh, I woke up in a sweat and couldn't get it out of my head. Sitting at breakfast, I couldn't help telling him.

"I get urges to kill you."

He slowly lifted his head, out his cup down, took his glasses off and cleaned them.

"Me too, Sergeant Brody. And they're strong."

I was surprised by the confession and the honesty that went with it.

"Why?"

He watched me for a few seconds and then leaned toward me.

"I mainly remember that day when I saw my friend undergoing electric shocks – for nothing – "

The blow hit me hard, I didn't expect it.

" – not mentioning that kid you saddled her with."

I pushed my breakfast on the table, placed my forehead in my hands.

"That's what it looks like to be everyone's poison, to destroy everything you lay a hand on. When I think this little girl will come to this world with the heavy burden of having you as a father –"

"Enough!"

I slammed my fist on the table. He didn't bat an eye.

"You stole the best element of the Agency from us, and I'll never forgive you. Get ready, we're leaving in an hour."

"Why did you arrange our reunion if you despise me so much?"

"Because Carrie loves you and she begged me to save you whatever the cost."

"You could have said no."

"I could have, yes – and I should have."

He finished his coffee and resumed reading his newspaper.

OoooO

We drove to the clinic in heavy silence. After a one hour-drive, he dropped me at the inconspicuous entrance of a clinic, I got out of the car. When I saw he didn't follow, I walked back to the car.

"I'll wait for you here," he decided.

He parked on the side, took out a newspaper, I crossed the street to question him.

"You're not going to see her?"

"I saw her yesterday."

I almost suffocated with shock and anger.

"You're a real son of a –"
"Go now, you have an hour," he interrupted me casually.

I swallowed my rage and passed the gate and the reception without being asked any question, as if I was expected, still bitter, then walked towards the park he had told me about. There was various vegetation, trees, benches; it was a very calming place and I felt its effect. The buildings were spaced out and only two floors high. I sat on one of the benches, near the fountain as agreed with Saul. The air was cool, the sky was grey but it didn't rain, at least. The trees denuded themselves, the leaves were getting brown and fell on the ground, reminding me how fragile life could be.

I saw some movement in my peripheral vision, a man was approaching slowly, certainly one of the clinic residents. I didn't pay attention to him, disappointed it wasn't Carrie.

When he stopped in front of me, I gave a vague look at him and jumped on my feet, in shock.

"Yes, I'm here."

Quinn

The second part soon.