Thanks to Terzima.

Thanks to kz4valentina for the review.

Lipamo : glad you like my way of understanding Brody. I also love that last sentence, said simply but with so intense emotion.I understand your grudge against Saul, I have it too. Thank you again for your support!^^

We're still with Carrie.

Enjoy your reading !

A New Life

Part 12

One month later

I walked up and down the room, ready to go, my suitcase at the foot of the bed. I was eager to leave that place, eager to be with Brody. I hadn't seen him in a week, he was busy according to Saul. I didn't know what he was busy at but it made me skeptical and irritated. Since I had decided to go back to work, he wasn't around as much.

The only good thing was that I hadn't seen Quinn again, Saul told me he had urgent matters to attend to in the US.

"Good riddance," I had grumbled.

I still resented him for upsetting me, for hastening the inevitable. It wasn't fair but so much for that. I was unforgiving anyway.

The whole month had been dedicated to "painless childbirth" classes, a real waste of time in my opinion. I jumped out of bed when Saul entered the room.

"Are you ready?"

"You bet!"

Sitting on the passenger side, I fidgeted, Saul was completing some paperwork. The seatbelt pressed on me, I had gained in weight and size, which annoyed me a lot, and apparently the worst was still to come. At least, I wasn't sore anymore, my blood pressure was ok, and I wasn't as tired, everything was back into place.

When Saul came back, he adjusted my seatbelt with a sort of clip and I felt more comfortable. On the road I didn't see the landscape, my mind was focused on my reunion with my man. He had openly told me he loved me, and had said it every time he came. That's why I didn't understand why he didn't come as often. I had tried to know more but to no avail, he was calm but not very talkative.

It was high time I had my baby, I needed to reach another stage in my life. Form a family was hard to imagine but it was the beginning of that new life.

"How long?"

"We're almost there, be patient Carrie."

Fifteen minutes later, he turned into a side road, then into a lane. I thought I'd see him on the front steps but all there was to see was an old house that I found totally unappealing.

"Fuck Saul! What's this?"

"It's your house."

"What? You're kidding me, right?"

He burst out laughing and took my suitcase in the trunk of the car, it increased my annoyance.

"You're not supposed to get irritated for no reason," he reminded me.

I followed him inside, it wasn't big, the interior design was minimalist and rather modern, the garden was huge with a weeping willow in the middle and a pretty terrace.

"Brody!" I called out several times, going back to the entrance door.

I heard him running down the stairs, he gently took me in his arms, swaying in amazed happiness.

"You're here!"

"Saul didn't tell you?"

"No."

I wanted to shoot him an angry glance but he had left the hallway.

"So you do feel better?"

He straightened up to look at me, I looked at him too and noticed bags under his eyes.

"Yes, I'm better now that I'm here with you."

He helped me remove my coat and hung it on the peg near a shoe cabinet.

"Why didn't you come and visit me last week?"

I didn't want to sound resentful but it was hard.

"I was busy."

He had a gentle and mysterious little smile. He came back to me and slightly bent down:

"I guess you want to know why?"

"Well, yeah!"

"So come with me."

He offered his arm so I could lean on it and guided me to the staircase. As we climbed up the stairs, I felt a bit apprehensive. When we reached the second floor, he asked me to close my eyes, I did it reluctantly, I was not a big fan of surprises.

"All right, open your eyes!"

It was a small baby bedroom. He led me inside and watched me intently, expecting a reaction I didn't have. To regain countenance, I slowly circled the room, alone, and brushed the white clouds on the pale yellow wallpaper, the border strip featured sleeping sheep and the rest of the paper looked like a meadow. It was soothing, delicate, adapted to a young child I supposed. The curtains were white, the yellow of the flooring in faux wood mirrored that of the paper. There was a rocking chair, a closet and a strange-looking dresser that my eyes kept returning to.

"It's a baby-changing table, it's incorporated in the dresser."

Suddenly suffocating, I opened one of the drawers, but it was empty.

"I wanted to wait for you to be here so that you can buy the clothes you like."

He could have done it, I wasn't a big shopper, but the idea of that piece of furniture full of clothes just petrified me, it was the confirmation that my life was about to change for good. He took me by the shoulder and walked me to the middle of the room, right where I didn't want to go at the beginning. There was a baby crib, it was also white, with a colorful mobile hanging from it. It reminded me of Ruby's crib; when Ruby was born, Maggie was so happy that she almost lost her mind.

"So?"

I didn't know what to say. He looked at me with a worried look.

"You don't like it? Maybe I should have waited for you but when Saul offered me the opportunity, I took it."

Saul? I didn't understand anything.

"I was finishing the toy chest when you got here."

There were actually tools spread on the floor near a flat-pack chest half-assembled.

"You've done this by yourself?"

He smiled proudly and nodded.

"It's really pretty."

"Come see the bathroom."

There was a tiny bathtub with little ducks inside, there was also a baby-changing table and lots of various products. My head was starting to steam. A baby required so much stuff!

"I tried to make something practical so that I can handle things when you're away."

He was still smiling but I noticed some kind of sadness. I was unable to ask him how he felt about my upcoming departure. I already felt miserable enough.

"Everything's perfect, Brody."

He nodded, reassured, and guided me through the other rooms. Our bedroom was simple, all in blue tones, and sparsely furnished.

"I did nothing here, left it the way it was, I just added the baby phone."

The phone was proudly sitting on one of the bedside tables, apparently on his side.

"That's where you slept?"

"Yes, but without you, I don't sleep well."

It had come out naturally, like an established fact, a simple observation. It warmed my heart.

"I brought what you left at the cabin back here. But you'll have to get new clothes if you go back to work."

He was already leaving without waiting for an answer, he knew it was a topic better left aside at the moment. We went downstairs into the kitchen, it was plain and basic; he offered me to sit down and set himself to prepare a quick lunch. The smell was appetizing, the clinic was only a bad memory. The future was here, in front of me, making progress with confidence. He opened the French windows and a cool gust of wind caressed my face.

"Where did Saul go?" he asked me, scanning the driveway from the opposite window.

"I don't know and I don't care, I hope he'll leave us alone for a while."

He came back to me and offered to have lunch on the terrace – the sun was grey but whatever. We ate peacefully, talked about this and that, but it all looked unreal to me, strange, too good.

"When you're done, you'll get some rest," he announced.

"I'm fine, I won't remain cloistered and do nothing."

"We'll see."

"What do you mean?"

He didn't answer. When lunch was over, I felt tired.

Shit!

I suppressed a yawn and stood up to stretch. He found himself behind me and put his arms around me.

"If I took a little nap with you, would that make you more receptive?"

Bye bye tiredness, all my senses were awakened.

"We'll see," I teased.

"Go upstairs, I'll be right there."

He cleared the table while I sluggishly went to the bedroom, I was a whale! Those stairs would kill me eventually. I took off my pants and crashed down onto the bed.

"Hurry up!" I commanded.

While the seconds then the minutes elapsed, I felt the weight of sleep carrying me away. I woke up alone two hours later.

"What a – !"

I suppressed an insult, he had duped me!

OooO

A week went by.

We were alone, Saul was nowhere to be seen. We ate, slept, walked in the surrounding woods, and talked about the future in total frankness this time. He was afraid to see me leave and not come back but he never criticized my deeply rooted need to work. I wanted to keep that contact with my country so that in the long term we might be able to go back there, the three of us, once things have settled down.

We were watching a DVD after dinner when he suddenly asked me about our daughter's first name.

"She'll be here in a month, it's time to make a decision."

"I've had time to think it over."

"Yes? So tell me!"

"And why wouldn't you choose a name for her?"

I saw on his face it wasn't a good idea. He stared at the TV screen, feigning interest.

"Why do you refuse to get involved in this particular matter?"

"I'm involved in everything, I'll just let you choose the name."

"So Nicholle is fine?"

"Yes, of course."

But I could tell he still didn't like it.

"All right," I sighed, "here's my idea. There're three names I like, you pick one of them, and I'll be happy with it all the same."

"If you want."

"Brody," I grunted.

"All right, go ahead, I'm listening."

"Andy, Bonnie or Frannie."

"You'll notice than they all end with an "ee" sound."

"It's intentional."

"Except she won't be able to bear my name, you realize it, don't you?"

"Why not?"

"It might be prejudicial to her one day, you know that."

I had thought about it.

"There won't be any link between the two of you, don't worry. And you're her father, she has to bear your name. She has to know where she comes from and how courageous her father is."

He turned away, frowning. I turned his face back toward me with a slight pressure on his cheek.

"Yes, you are, courageous and sensitive."

"And a murderer."

"You've acted for our country."

"Carrie –"

"That's all there is to know."

He shook his head, avoiding my gaze.

"Don't do that," I begged, hugging him tightly. "It's all behind us now, the time when I feared your reactions, when I was afraid of you, it's all over now. I know who you are, I know what you've been through, I know what's in your heart and in your soul."

"And what's in my heart?" he whispered as if he really didn't know.

"Your children - all of them." (it included Issa).

He buried his face in my neck.

"Don't worry about her, we'll tell her everything she needs to know when the time has come. And believe me, she'll be proud of you, proud of us."

It was a certainty as well as an essential need. He straightened up, his eyes shining with emotion swept toward my face.

"So?" I insisted to break up the stillness of the moment, "have you made up your mind for the name?"

He recovered his composure and I relaxed.

"Andy sounds like a boy's name and Bonnie, well, sorry but I hate it. So I'm going for Frannie. Ok?"

"Yep!"

He lifted his hand and I gave him a high five. Frannie moved around, it felt like waves; I lifted my shirt with a grimace and saw the shape of a knee and then a foot.

"She seems to like it," he commented happily, brushing the shadow of her little foot.

OoooO

Two days later, I had an appointment for the last ultrasound.

I could hardly take it anymore, I felt like I would burst if my belly were to expand any further. It was too cramped for Frannie who let me know it when she stretched, torturing my stomach, my ribs, I even cried sometimes behind Brody's back. To bear life was a scary, indescribable experience, and in the end not really appealing.

Saul appeared out of thin air to give me a ride.

"We'll need a vehicle for Brody."

"It's on the list."

He asked how I was but I dodged the question, I wanted to be done with the examination and go back home because without Brody it wasn't the same.

When I came back, there was a vehicle in the driveway.

"You're damn quick to react!"

"You should know by now. Call me on D Day, I have to take a short trip home, so wait till I'm back, ok?"

He handed me a credit card.

"Get what you need for the baby. Don't worry, it will be deducted from your future salary."

I didn't even answer. I put the card in my pocket, waved at him and rushed inside the house where Brody had been watching me from the whole time.

Half-an hour later, sitting on the sofa, we watched the 3D images and his happiness radiated all over me like a sun. We remained there a long time, in each other's arms, savoring long, tender kisses, before finally deciding to go to bed.

OoooO

The following day, we drove to Fontainebleau to do some shopping, I let Brody take what was needed but as I saw him filling baskets, carts and the trunk, I felt icy sweat flooding my back. He tried to get me interested in specific purchases but I was reluctant. The only moment I livened up was when I thought I recognized the little ginger-colored dress I saw in Freiburg. But it wasn't, it was more simple. Still, I took it, turned it around every which way. It was so tiny! Next it was in his basket, and he kept on with his shopping as if nothing had happened. Seeing him strolling peacefully around with shining eyes and a smile on his face was my true idea of happiness. He was happy and it was thanks to me, thanks to what I offered him, and I was filled with love for him in that blessed moment when nothing seemed to be able to spoil our felicity. He had accepted me, had granted me the right to love him and I was indefinitely grateful to him.

Back home, he removed everything from the car while I slowly awoke, I had slept all the way back. I made the effort to prepare dinner while he put all the things away. When I didn't see him come back, I climbed upstairs as quietly as possible – which was not easy – and I surprised him before the dresser with the ginger-colored dress in hand, he seemed elsewhere. Then he resumed folding the clothes without noticing me – at least, that's what I thought.

"You'll need to start packing."

My heart skipped a beat.

"I'll do it tomorrow. I promise."

He flashed a smile, not fooled.

"I can do it if you want?"

I was tempted to accept his offer but that might be going too far.

After dinner, he went upstairs and had a shower.

"I'm exhausted, it was a tiring day."

I followed him to go to bed but sleeping was last on my list. I joined him in the shower – and for someone supposedly exhausted, he showed some energy because making love in such a small place required a lot of acrobatic feats.

Then during the night, I was roused by acute pains, they didn't stop so I had to wake him up. He was quick to react and efficient, I wasn't. I panicked, distraught by how much it hurt, by the imminent arrival of the baby. He asked me to calm down, threw some clothing in a bag, slipped into a pair of jeans and helped me climb down the stairs, put on my coat and my shoes.

"So this is it," he said nervously.

Yes, this was it.

The road to the clinic was long, I was in agony when we got there; I was quickly taken care of and that was the beginning of the utmost misery that lasted more than ten hours.

OoooO

Drained, I lay comatose in bed, the baby was close in the small transparent receptacle that was her crib. She was relatively calm and silent and it was a boon. My eyes instinctively flicked open when I sensed Brody coming. He knocked three times, and showed his head in the opening of the door. I reached out for him, anxious to see his reaction because mine had been disconcerting. I had found myself helpless when faced with the foreign, wrinkled red face whose red hair had been the only element that elicited a smile from me.

He cautiously came closer, caught my hand.

"Are you all right?"

His concerned eyes were drawn to the baby, I didn't try to hamper his desire to see her.

"Can you give her to me?"

I tried to sit up while he skirted the bed with a nod. I felt sweaty, my breasts weighed a thousand pounds, I wasn't fresh, and the stitches hurt, but it was worth it if only to contemplate what showed up on his face when he saw his daughter. I was unable to describe it since it expressed many things, but wonderment was the main one. He was happy.

It was the most important in the end.

He lifted her with care but confidence, he was born to be a dad. I had not been mistaken. He kept her against him for a while, forgetting the rest of the world. He didn't talk to her, he just looked at her, and she did too apparently. They understood each other silently, in a form of communication only known by them. I could have been jealous but I wasn't, I was transported with joy. Two red heads in harmony…

The tears that should have fallen at the moment of delivery finally ran down my face: it was a desperately magnificent sight that sealed my heart forever with an infinite love for these two beings.

More to come when I can. It will be from Brody's point of view. Two more chapters and an epilogue.