Thanks to Terzima who spent a lot of time on my fic so I could share it with you. She did a remarkable job, so precise, that I still wanted to congratulate her*.

Thanks to kz4valentina and lipamo and Guest for your review. I love them. They make me happy*.

Here comes the end of the fic.

We're staying with Brody.

Enjoy your reading.

*(my own translation)

A New Life

EPILOGUE

We were in the middle of August.

Carrie had left twice in the meantime. The separations were still painful, yet I was more relaxed, I was getting used to them.

It was nice and warm, I had set a slide in the garden, as well as a little swing and a paddling pool. Frannie liked spending time in the garden, at the park and in her walker. There, she was the walking baby, she became bold and adventurous, I was often on the verge of having a heart attack.

I still met Nadège at the park. It was a way to escape from loneliness. One month before, I had met her husband and he had invited me for dinner at their place. I wasn't sure it was a good idea, I didn't want to answer questions on my past, with the risk of a blunder or a slip of the tongue, but eventually, everything went fine. When Carrie was there, we would go out more often, she didn't like staying confined in the house.

I did my best to keep myself entertained while Frannie slept or played in her playpen. I read, listened to music, gardened, watched TV, trimmed the hedge, did some minor renovations.

I also thought of the future, something impossible to do one year earlier.

Frannie, settled in her playpen, made a hell of a racket with all her toys. I often changed her bib because she drooled like a fountain, yet, there was no teething on the horizon. She now tried to stand up each time she could hold on something; I could sense her gazing at me when I watched the news on TV, chirping some bas, tas, das…

"All right, coming, little devil," I pretended to protest while turning off the TV.

I took her out of her playpen and we went on the outdoor deck, she pointed at the garden. I had laid a quilt on the grass, we sat there and she started to crawl away, delighted to head off on an adventure. I followed her like her shadow, preventing her from chewing grass or flowers. I helped her take turns on the slide and on the swing, she loved it, laughed out loud. She was a happy baby and her happiness was contagious.

"Sounds like a lot of fun when I'm not here!"

I stood up, Frannie in my arms. Carrie liked to do that: arrive without notice. Frannie reached out for her mother who ran to her.

"Hi honey."

She cradled her in the crook of her arm, her gestures tried to be maternal, she really tried and I encouraged her.

"Has your hair grown a bit?" Carrie asked her, stroking her hair.

"I don't know how to do her hair, it's all spiked up," I complained.

"Still no teeth?"

"Not one in sight," I sighed. "We'd think so though looking at the way she tortures poor Sophie."

Carrie put Frannie down and hugged me. She was tired, little bags under her eyes, yet she had a mischievous expression that was intriguing. She tried to kiss me, I dodged all her attempts playfully.

"Hey!" she laughed.

She achieved her ends because I cooperated, but she started laughing again:

"Frannie, let go of my leg!"

I bent down and saw our daughter hanging onto her mother's pants, swaying dangerously on her legs, staring at us with her eyes blue as the sky. She wanted to be part of the reunion. She fell on her bottom and started to cry. Carrie sat down to take her on her knees, she bounced her gently and her daughter loved it.

I sat down by their side, she kept on playing with Frannie. She shot me a few glances.

"You look tired, how about some vacations?"

"Where?"

"By the sea?"

"If you want."

She turned to me, disappointed:

"We don't have to, if you'd rather stay here –"

"No!" I reassured her, "it's just that it's terribly appealing but we're a long way from leaving, we haven't booked anything."

"What, d'you think I'm a blonde? We have one hour to pack and then, on our way to the Gare de Lyon station."

OoooO

Sitting in first class on the TGV heading to Barcelona, Frannie was sleeping – covered up because of the air-conditioning – in the carrier of the baby carriage on the seat near Carrie. She was opposite me, scanning the landscape, her mind somewhere else.

"What are you thinking?"

"I was able to monitor my family a bit, my dad's tired, it's hard for my sister to deal with it on top of her job and kids."

"And there's nothing you can do for them."

"Right, nothing I can do. I wanted so much to be with them, you have no idea, to erase that sadness from their faces."

At least, they suffered from her demise, which was not the case of my own family. My eyes also went wandering away.

"Don't think it's not hard for your family too," she said suddenly.

"I –"

She was watching me, her head slightly bent sideways, I didn't know what to answer. Hoping they were sad was selfish, I wanted my children to be happy with or without me.

OoooO

Sitting on a large bath towel, protected by a giant beach umbrella, I watched Frannie who was playing near me with her shovel, bucket and watering can. As soon as she felt like swallowing sand, I intervened. It was no easy ride and yet, I felt good, relaxed, not stressed at all by the crowd.

I had smeared sunscreen all over her and put a hat on her head, she was adorable in her red polka dot swimsuit. My eyes searched for Carrie, she had gone for an ice-cream. She was coming back with her trophy that she savored with great pleasure, and let herself slump down by my side.

"Want some?"

I tried to guess the flavor.

"Chocolate mint," she helped.

"Yuck."

She didn't care and pressed her ice-cream on my mouth; I pulled back, annoyed, she laughed before kissing me in a provocative manner, licking each millimeter of my mouth. I was suddenly in a trance.

"You shouldn't do that," I scolded her when she finally drew back.

"I know."

Now, I was very hot, I wanted to take my t-shirt off but I didn't want to expose myself and be the object of inquisitive stares. She offered some to Frannie who screwed her face up and spat it out on her bib.

"See, it's yucky."

She laughed even more. Since she'd been back, she was expansive, excessive, exuberant; I guessed she was in a high phase but I avoided to reflect on the low phase that might follow.

When she was done with her cone, she stood up and untied her pareo, revealing her yellow bikini that was ridiculously small. She ran up to the water, dove into it. I would have liked to join her in order to rein in the interest of some onlookers. Instead, I offered a bottle of water to Frannie who managed to drink it by herself like a big girl. This need I had to mark my territory, to claim that this woman was mine was disturbing.

I lay down for a minute with a book in hand. Frannie showed up near my face, on all fours, I put down my book to take care of her, she bent down and bit my nose.

"Frannie!"

I had almost drowned in a pool of drool. I lifted her up easily to put her back in a sitting position and searched our beach bag for a clean towel. I heard a little laugh nearby, a woman was gently making fun of me. Frannie returned to battle, climbed on my thighs, clutched my arms then my shoulders to pull herself up and stood upright in front of me. It was the ideal moment for a daddy-daughter discussion:

"Daddy's not happy," I chided her.

"Da-ddy."

I froze, wide-eyed, and it made her laugh.

"Da-ddy," she said again.

Was it syllables one after the other or was she really calling me "Daddy"?

Impossible to tell, a bunch of young guys that were passing by whistled at Carrie who was coming out of the water, wet, sexy as hell with a hip sway worthy of a Hollywood star; she didn't pay attention, focused on me, I forgot where I was. She beckoned us to join her:

"The water's excellent, come on!"

Frannie seemed enthusiastic at the idea of joining her mother. She jumped around, Carrie saw it, smiled and came nearer to take her in her arms. I liked seeing her closer to her daughter. I followed them, arm floats and a towel in hand; they sat down at the water's edge, and Frannie let out a scream when the water touched her, it came and went over her feet.

"It's a bit cold," I worried.

"Wait," Carrie insisted.

Frannie started to wiggle, her feet running an endless race while Carrie held her up. Each tiny wave was a surprise and made her laugh out loud.

Back at the hotel, Frannie, in her mother's arms, reached out for me, rubbing her eyes.

"Daddy."

The effect was more direct since I knew she was calling me, that it was not pure chance. We stopped, Carrie and I both deeply elated. She watched us in turn, rubbed her eyes again, started to cry. I was loaded down like a pack mule, I couldn't satisfy her request. Carrie rocked her, she calmed down and eventually fell asleep.

"She's quite heavy," she complained for form's sake, resuming our walk. "Right, Daddy? That's the result of stuffing her with food."

I didn't react, still in shock. We were near the hotel, I punched in the entrance code, then Carrie walked up to the elevator.

"I'll take the stairs."

I didn't give her time to answer. I paused on the second floor, taking deep breaths, but no matter how hard I tried, I could barely hold back my tears.

OoooO

Two weeks had gone by, we had come back the previous day. The landline phone rang twice, stopped then rang again. Carrie rushed down the stairs, I was already on my way to pick up. Puzzlement showed on her face, frowned eyebrows and a deep furrow in the middle of her forehead.

"I'll get it."

"Why isn't Saul calling on your cell?"

"The cell's for work. If he calls on the landline, it means it's personal."

It didn't reassure me. She picked up, listened, fell apart.

OoooO

The death of her father had made her sink into deep depression, she had instinctively sought comfort in me, fought not to let herself drown.

She got up at dawn, went into the bathroom. I went back to sleep.

When I opened my eyes again, she was packing.

"What are you doing?"

"Going back to work."

I jumped out of bed, suddenly stressed-out. I stopped her in her packing.

"Don't do that, Carrie. Don't flee."

She resisted, pushed me away.

"I've got to go!"

She closed her suitcase and rushed out of the room like fury. The shock left me motionless, when I heard the door slam, I regained control of myself. The time for me to run down the stairs and open the front door, she was already in a cab. Stunned, I sat on the front steps, hoping she would change her mind and come back.

Frannie was calling me.

As soon as I walked inside her room, she smiled at me, already standing, holding onto the crib bars. I kneeled down, watching her through the bars. It hurt, it hurt so much, I bowed my head not to break down.

"Daddy?"

I closed my eyes, distressed, gathering the strength to break the news to her. She slipped her arm through the bars, her hand landed on my cheek. This mark of affection encouraged me:

"Mom has left, sweetheart. She wanted to say goodbye but she didn't have the time."

OoooO

After a month without any news from her, she had eventually come back, her arms full of presents for Frannie. She gave her a phenomenal welcome that lessened my anger. If she was happy to see her mother, there was no reason to spoil such a precious moment.

Carrie walked with her all around the house, as if she were a shield between us.

"Don't think it will exempt you from a discussion," I warned her.

I went upstairs to find some peace; slumped on the rocking-chair, I looked at the family photo frame on the wall. I often showed it to Frannie, she always examined all the pictures carefully. Each time, it was a unique moment, filled with emotion. I heard them laughing downstairs, the tension vanished. My family was back together, I had to enjoy it, explanations would come later.

Carrie watched me anxiously as I walked towards her. Her cheeks were sunken, she had dark circles under her eyes, her face was drawn with sadness. I sat down on the carpet, among the open boxes, and joined Frannie in her pleasure of discovering her new toys. Little by little, Carrie moved on the carpet to get closer to me. She leaned her head on my shoulder, took my arm between both of hers. I shared her pain, I couldn't hold it against her, blame her, at least not this time. I put my hand on hers.

"Do you feel better?"

"I do now."

"I so wished I could have helped you."

She squeezed my arm tighter.

Frannie moved about and laughed, breaking the heaviness of the moment. My eyes set on her, the pain faded and gave way to serenity.

OoooO

A little while before her birthday, Frannie took her first steps, I was alone to enjoy the event and it made me sad. I was also tired, I'd had sleepless nights because she was teething, the first tooth had showed up the week before. She chewed on everything and anything, it was distressing. She was more open toward baby jars and the veggies I prepared for her. She was a little foodie, loved petits-suisses, cookies and many other things.

She could drive me crazy because she was stubborn, sometimes threw major tantrums. She dealt well with her mother's absence, I talked about her, showed her picture, insisting on "mommy" and one day, she finally said it. I got all excited, unable to reach Carrie, I complained as soon as she called me two days later.

"Imagine something serious happens, I can't reach you."

So she had found a way to give me numbers where I could get through to her in case of emergency.

Then as Frannie just took her first steps, I couldn't help but call her mom. She called me back within minutes and got all excited too.

"I can't wait to see that, I'll be back before Christmas, in no more than a week."

She arrived a few days earlier, had her share of amazement when Frannie used "mommy" for everything and nothing. She had a hard time getting used to it, it was as if Frannie called somebody else.

She participated in Christmas shopping: she wanted a big tree, and many more presents for Frannie, who was enthusiastic, settled in the cart.

"Maybe it's too many presents," I hesitated.

"I know, but she's alone so I compensate with presents."

"It's not a solution and she's not alone."

"I mean, there're no kids around her, she has cousins and doesn't know them."

What could I answer? Maybe –

Something crossed my mind.

"And what if she… if… you think a brother or a sister…"

I stopped speaking when I saw her staring at me wide-eyed.

"I thought I was the crazy one," she said eventually.

I was hurt, swallowed my offer. She put her hands on my chest, grabbed the collar of my shirt.

"It's unreasonable, I don't have the strength to live without my treatment again, to be afraid of having a child who might suffer from the same condition again – and to impose another burden on you."

Yes, it was unreasonable, and also unimaginable to embark on such a dangerous venture, I still didn't allow myself to be happy sometimes, and yet, I was asking for more. I wanted to multiply this happiness, I knew it was a very selfish need.

"You're no burden, Frannie isn't either."

She looked down, hiding her tears.

"That's what you're saying now."

I didn't answer, only time would prove I wasn't going to desert her. Instead, I held her against with one arm, using my other arm to feed Frannie a snack.

OoooO

On Christmas Eve, we stayed home, had a simple dinner consisting in a deli takeout, the atmosphere was strangely melancholic. We both felt something was missing and it wasn't easy to suppress the feeling. Settled on the sofa near the fireplace, our stomachs full, we enjoyed the quiet around: Frannie had fallen asleep in her mother's arms – as an exception, I hadn't put her to bed. Carrie was exhausted but she insisted on our waiting for midnight at the foot of the tree where presents were piled up.

"Make a wish," I told her when the time came.

She closed her eyes, concentrated, and when she opened her eyes, asked me to make one too. It wasn't hard to find, I realized I had several actually. So I cheated a little and made two.

OoooO

On the day of my fortieth birthday, she came home at night without warning – she had been gone only two weeks and I didn't expect her. The attention touched me deeply.

"40 years old is a good reason to celebrate! We're dining out tonight!"

Frannie finished her meal and we quickly prepared ourselves for the evening. While we had dinner in a restaurant in a town nearby, she helped herself to a few glasses of Champagne, and I allowed myself only one glass of wine that Frannie tried to drink, but I was used to her trying to set her hand on everything and wasn't caught off-guard. Carrie's present was momentous: we were finally going home. Unable to finish what was on my plate, I received the news with caution, I was afraid to rejoice, to be disappointed.

"I know how to relieve your stress."

She paid the check and ushered us to the car. I was strapping the baby when she pulled me back, jammed me against the front door and showed me clearly how much she wanted an intimate encounter. She was so forward it was hard to resist and not make a spectacle of ourselves. I drove and tried not to think about what was to come, I needed to remain clear-headed. She went up to the bathroom to freshen up while I put our little treasure in her crib.

I was undressing when she appeared at the door, my senses flared up at the sight of her second present she was wearing. That night was particularly torrid…

The following morning, I got up late, she was gone already. Frannie was quietly playing in her pen.

OoooO

One more month went by before our planned departure, she arrived with Saul the day before. I had packed some things already but there was still work to do. Carrie was so excited, she jumped here and there like a bunny, her restlessness was exhausting. Frannie ran behind us as much as she could and it slowed us down a lot.

The night seemed like it would never end.

When the time had come to leave, it was very hard to say goodbye to that house which had become my home.

On the plane, I was preoccupied, feverish, nervous. Saul was chatting with Frannie under my excessive scrutiny, but I didn't trust him. Carrie was in the bathroom, and it had been too long, I realized. I went and knocked at the door.

"Honey, are you sick?"

She came out, a little pale.

"Is something wrong sweetheart?"

She handed me something and returned to her seat. My heart stuttered when I saw I had a pregnancy test in my hand.

And it was positive.

I remained still and erect like an electric pole, my brain boiling with millions of emotions, between disbelief, joy, fear…

"Brody," she called, "come and sit down, we'll be landing soon."

She had taken our daughter back and looked at her intently. Frannie offered her musical book to her:

"Take."

She had started saying other short and simple words, I watched her progress with wonderment.

I slipped the test in the pocket of my jacket and joined them, as expressionless as I could but it wasn't easy. I sat on my seat, I wanted to talk to her but I was annoyed by Saul's presence. So when he stood up to go back to the cockpit, I turned to her but she remained focused on Frannie.

"Saul mustn't know for now, he's gonna be pissed," she warned.

She didn't seem much stressed. I took the test out of my pocket.

"Are you sure?"

"I'm two weeks late."

"No, I mean, are you sure? Or did I force your hand? Is it what you want? Or is it an accident?"

"I thought about it for a month, stopped the pill, and there we are."

"Are you afraid?"

"Hell yeah. Stop my medication again, it'll bring complications, but it won't be the first time."

"What made you change your mind?"

"Frannie, she'll need a sister, it's important, a sister."

"Maybe it'll be a boy."

She brushed her belly lightly.

"He'd better not."

She was quite serious, I didn't mind, and I slipped my hand inside hers in irrepressible need; Frannie straightened up to put her hand on hers too. Looking at her, I knew it couldn't be that selfish a decision.

"Are you happy?"

The fear in her voice was perceptible.

"Yes."

I kissed her, Frannie pushed my face away from her mom's. Carrie burst out laughing, I did too, it was liberating. There was room left in my heart, no more poison circulated in there, I was receptive to life, to love. An immoderate love for this woman who had pieced myself back together, who had given me back what I had lost.

Carrie took us in her arms and clasped us against her.

"We're going home, the four of us."

The hope for this new life was a promise of happiness.

It's hard to leave a fic you like, particularly when there is so much more to tell, however, I loved writing it and thanks for reading me and supporting me all along.

See you soon.

Clarisse.