2 years ago, before the surgery

"Excuse me, nurse."

"Yeah?"

"I am here to see Dr. Mark Anderson."

"What for?"

"I have an appointment with him."

"He is getting ready for a surgery."

"I know. For Kensi Blye, right?"

"Yeah"

"I am the donor. Just tell him my name. I am Marty Deeks."

"I thought that you were a friend of hers."

"I am a friend of hers."

"She didn't tell anything about you being the donor."

"That's because she doesn't know."

"Oh…"

"Yeah. But it's a secret."

"She is lucky to have you. You are a great friend Mr. Deeks."

"Thanks. Now could you please call the doctor, nurse…?"

"Natasha. My name is Natasha."

Mark brought Natasha home after the morning shift and stopped the car just close enough to hear Deeks yelling.

"Who is he talking to?"

"Shhh…Let me listen…"

"Is he talking alone?"

"I told you not to talk. I can't hear a thing," she said and moved her body close to the window. "Anyways I have to go," she said and pecked him on the lips. Soon she approached the backyard where his voice came from and watched him pacing back and forth.

"How could you do this to me?" she yelled exiting the house and setting herself on the backyard's bench.

"Kens…"

"Don't Kens me!"

"Oh come on… what's wrong with me this time?"

"This time?"

"I am never enough for you Kensi"

"That's not true."

"Then why on earth are you yelling at me again?"

"You know why…"

"You should at least say thank you Deeks or something like that," he laughed bitterly. "But I forgot. Kensi Blye would never thank me. Even if I had given you my head or my heart. You would have brought me back from the dead just to yell at me," he fought back.

"Thank you? You want me to thank you?"

"That would be nice."

"And why am I supposed to say thank you? I didn't ask you for your kidney. You just had to do it. To be the hero."

"You don't ask for these things, Kensi. What have you thought?"

"We had talked about this, Deeks. I was telling you every damn day that I didn't need your help. I didn't need anyone's help. But no Mr. Hero had to go and do the most stupid thing."

"The most stupid thing? You are not serious right now. I did it for you Kensi. For you. I wanted you to be ok. I needed you to be ok."

"Oh yeah," she laughed sarcastically. "That wasn't for me. That was for you. To feel better with yourself. To be the fucking selfless hero. You wanted me to have inside me something from you."

"You are ridiculous."

"You wanted me to wear your fucking kidney."

"I loved you. What have you thought? That I would let you die?"

"Oh but I died. Maybe it was your kidney that made me die."

"You shouldn't have said that," he said. Her words stung, but what hurt more than her words was the fact that he knew she didn't mean these things. She was just stubborn again. He turned to leave when he saw Natasha staring at him with wide eyes.

"Natasha, you are here."

"What's wrong with you?"

"Nothing is going on here. Nothing. Absolutely nothing. I am here alone talking to myself. Yeah. That's all."

"You were yelling that's why I am asking."

"I am ok. Absolutely ok."

"I am bringing a pill," she said and got into the house.

"I want you to take your kidney back."

"Just wait. She is bringing the pills. You will get rid of me and my annoying presence."

"You are threatening me now?"

"No I am not."

"Ok. Take it. I don't care."

"You don't care?" he softened his voice and a smile formed on his face.

"I don't care," she faked tears. "I am just going to disappear. You will soon get rid of me."

"Oh come on, Kens," he approached her. "I didn't mean any of these things. I am sorry," he whispered. But Natasha heard everything. And when she saw him spitting the pill after she left the backyard, she knew that Kensi was still there. She was still part of his life. And at that moment, she decided that she will get rid of her. She would find another way to make Marty forget her.

2 years ago, after the surgery

He was just waking up on a hospital bed when he saw Nurse Natasha checking his vitals.

"She is dead, isn't she?" he asked.

"I am sorry Mr. Deeks."

"What about the funeral?"

"Yesterday. It was yesterday."

"Was she beautiful?" he asked as hot tears ran down his cheeks.

"Yeah. Very."

"You will be released in two days. You will need someone to take care of you. Have you got someone?"

"No"

"No one was here to see you…"

"No one knew I was here."

"What about your parents? Where are they?"

"With Kensi… they are dead."

"I am sorry…"

"Don't be…"

"Look, my vacation days are starting in three days. If you want…"

"Thanks…We will see." He said and drifted back to sleep. He dreamed of her. He dreamed of her smile and her laugh. He dreamed of her holding his hand when he got shot and woke up in the same hospital. He dreamed of her hopeful eyes before the surgery. Of his tears when she told him about the diabetes. Of her happiness as she announced that they found a donor. His dreams were full of her. But when he woke up he was alone. And he didn't cry. He couldn't.